So here we are. You are probably dead by now. World crushed you like a worthless piece of crap. Already back then you were not really able to fight for yourself or decided for yourself – it was always someone else who did it. Even when you took decisions, my dear Elijah, it was so easy to change them, and that was not even me who did it.
I was not the guy to control everything back then. All I really wanted was your friendship, you know. You gave me a hand, promised me life different than before, promised acceptance, but at the next moment you took it all away, your bright blue eyes were full fear and judgement. You looked at me like I, not the humanity, were the abomination of the nature. You decided that Ella and Will were more worthy than I ever was. You thought, it is fair. You blamed me. Told me, it was my fault. Told me, I did not know how to compromise. Told me, I only use people for my own games. But I did not. Not yet. I just wanted you to look at me the same way as I did look at you.
But you never did. Even when you considered it, you changed your mind with the slightest whisper. How long it took them to convince you that I was rotten from inside and that my friendship was only a façade? How long it took them to convince you that I was evil, that I was dangerous, murderous even? Day? Two days? Month? When I gave you everything, every piece of my soul, it still was not enough, what did you want me to do, rip out my heart and put it in front of you to prove that I am worth enough? Did you want me to put my ambitions, my true self aside, and become another follower who only praises your talents? If so, congratulations, it worked. I changed myself, from the core to top. I changed who I was, but not for your liking. You changed me, with every bit of poison you drunk and ruined our friendship, but the only one who I praised, at the end, was myself.
You taught me a valuable lesson, that I should never forget, and I am thankful for that – blood is thicker than water. Your friends will let you down, if you will not change for their taste. Because I did not, and you could not live with it. You tried to fight me, the person who I was. And I tried to do everything I could to prove you – I am worthy. I am worth attention and admiration. I won the competition – you told me I changed because of the prize, and yes, I needed the money, my family needed, but you know what, there was thing I wished more than that – for you to say that I did well. I stayed true to my values, I did not bend for what the corporations wanted me to do. Even when everyone else admitted my talents, the worth of my ideas, you did not. Probably, it was too late. For us, to ever be the boys we were when we met, and when you thought – we could be friends.
So I moved on. You did not really give me a chance. We went different roads, and all you took from our friendship were the things you wanted to – whispers others told you about me. But I moved on. I took the fame you wanted. I took the stories you wanted to make as flagships for hope and changed them into cruel mirrors of realty. Invited you to every showing I had. You came once, we did not even say hello to each other. You seemed disappointed that I never used my position to bring people hope.
And here we are – in the world I saw coming. In a different way, of course, but where are your hopes, your dreams you praised so much? You wanted to bring them hope, but you created me. The monster, as your friends called me. You created me. You showed me the way to the hearts of the humanity. And I took it all, and shred it into pieces. I hope you realised – it was all for you. Every role of a traitor – I hope you know, it was you. I hope you understand that I tried to save the world in a different way.
Yes, I probably am a monster now. But I am a monster that can still help my family. I can help those, who I find worthy of help. But you – you probably are dead. And trust me, if you ever, for whatever kind of a miracle, would show up alive in front of those gates, they would never open for you. What vale you could bring, if it is so easy to bend you?
Ye, probably I was not the kindest kid around. Probably I was corrupted. Probably, deep inside, you saw something evil in me. But you never really tried to understand, did you? And look where I brought us both. I am here, in safety. You are, in the best case – somewhere hiding, deep inside a cave or old building, praying for this to end, but know one thing – world has ended. I always told you, it will happen, but you decided not to listen. This might be hell, but I better rule here than die in the field.
Dear Elijah, (I probably should have started with this)
I really hope you are dead.
