#crushson

[gayduation]

shout out to crush and jimson who were apart a week where both barely knew what 2 do with themselves and when they reunited jimson ran into crush’s arms and he spun him around

[gayduation]

once crush was doing hero stuff and a little kid very openly gushed about how cool he was after he was done and he was standing there trying to keep his image but jimson very usefully walked beside crush and ALSO started gushing about how cool ( and handsome ) he was. image ruined by his loving husband again.

[gayduation]

i will by mitski is good for crush and jimson here’s why: 

I will take good care of you I will take good care of you Everything you feel is good If you would only let you I will wash your hair at night And dry it off with care I will see your body bare And still I will live here So stay with me Hold my hand There's no need To be brave

[gayduation]

once while jimson and crush, young and not yet in a relationship but very much both enamored with another were laying on the ground after practice that ran too late, jimson turned on his side to face crush. crush had his eyes closed. there was dirt on his cheek, jimson rubbed it off his scales with a smile reserved sheerly for the Dragonborn. crush’s eye cracks open, slit pupil regarding the human.

“ can i say something odd?” jimson whispered. his voice was always soft, but this time it was intentional. crush turned to face him now and nodded almost instantly. it had to be strange if he didn’t out and say it. his nod was accompanied by a low throated hum.

“ … when in class, they spoke about how sidekicks might die for their hero if something went wrong…” a lump in crush’s throat instantly. he remembered jimson talking about the lecture, so casually at the time but in the human’s dark eyes there was worry. usually it wasn’t a problem, but villains or heroes alike had the tendency to go rogue. people could get hurt. that night after crush had it relayed to him he couldn’t sleep. jimson mentioned a villain had became legitimately, said they were tired of acting and nearly burnt a hero to a crisp. instead, their sidekick ( a gnome? elf? he couldn’t remember. all he saw in his mind’s eye was a human. dark, textured hair, arms open wide to keep as much of the fire away from him. not a good image. )

“ jimson—“ he started, but jimson took a clawed hand into his own. crush’s fingers twitched, feeling his heart pound at the simple gesture. “ i know you don’t like hearing about it. i know, but i wanted you to know. i wanted you to know it’s okay. if it happens, i mean. i’m sure it won’t! i mean, you’re going to be stuck with me as long as the gods will allow—“ a laugh. his laugh, crush thought absentmindedly in the swirl of emotions, was like a strong ring. there was an elegance to it, a warmth. stuck with him. he wanted that. sometimes, when he was alone he fantasized about being stuck with him the rest of his life. he imagined growing old. his family line was famous for dying in blazes of glory. he wanted that once, but now he wanted to die old and content in the arms of jimson. he couldn’t say that though. unprofessional, honestly.

“…but i was afraid of it. it sounded painful. maybe it would be, but crush. it’s okay. because if you’re around to keep helping people, and… maybe if I’m not vaporized or something, ha… not like that would happen! i’m just saying worst case. but it kind of sounds… nice. you being the last thing i see. sorry— that’s weird, isn’t it?” the soft palm in his twitched and began to pull away, but crush kept it in place. the two had always gotten close to intimate. training that got to close, hands lingering when trading sips of a flask, jimson cleaning an injury with too much tenderness. they couldn’t push that envelope, not today, not in words, but the gravity of him keeping his hand steady was shared in silence. crushman’s mouth opened then closed. he couldn’t look at his face, see the light in those eyes and imagine it not being there.

“ … jimson, i don’t want that. i — what’s the fucking point of protecting everyone if i can’t — there’s no other person who’d put up with my hard ass— i don’t want to think about having to—“ all started, all close to something explicitly personal. if i can’t protect you or having to live without you. if jimson could tell he was alluding to that, he didn’t show it. he just smiled, warm and too caring. thumb ran across his scaled hand.

“… jimson. i’m. i’m going to tell you, i’m going to be fucking strai— don’t laugh I’m being serious. i’m being dead serious. if you. if you kick the bucket, i’m not gonna keep this shit up. no more heroing, there’s. there’s no fucking me without. you. don’t overthink it, just accept it.” jimson looked shocked, mouth miming words as he tried to think of an argument. those never really worked. there wasn’t really anything he could say, and they both knew it. keep on fighting even after i die, maybe horribly? that was cruel to ask of anyone. he deflated and sighed.

then he surged forward and kissed crush’s cheek. a slow gesture, loving, adoring, the whole nine yards. crush was stunned that he didn’t stop him as he sat up, gave him that damn smile and left him to lay there. they couldn’t push that envelope, there was too much weight to it. they were from two different worlds, both families of entirely different histories, and pushing it too far on the cusp of something great for their careers was risking too much. yet, even when he was long gone, the gentle ghost of his kiss burned his cheek.