#crushyourheartbebroken

[yourfavoritewhiskeyjar]

After a weekend like the one I just had, all I gotta say is:

Thank god for Darby Hennessey. She is my rock.

[dancemakeslifebetter]

Jesus Christ... what is wrong with me.

God its been a while. I really need to start coming on here and venting more often so it doesn't build up like this. Well because a friend of mine asked me to start rating my days on here, thats what I'm gonna do. Today was a freaking 1 out of 10. I'm in love with my best friend. I get that she doesn't want to ruin what we have, but I really believe her and I would work out. After friday night, I was really hoping for things to change. but they never work out in my favor, its just the way of the world. hence waking up this morning in a terrible mood, with no one to talk to. After 2 hours of drivers ed driving to work myself into an even worse mood, I found myself effectively home alone. (my sister was up in her room and my parents were wine tasting) I downed eight goddamn beers. I'm sorry I caved darby. But for the only time that day, I was truly happy. Maybe it'll become a more common thing for me to get totally shitfaced. Maybe It'll make me be someone happy enough for people to actually be around. 

And then theres the deal with battling with Greyson or my homecoming game. I just don't know what to do about that. I talked to my mom about it and she told me to be brutally honest with my band director if i decided to go to the battle. The problem with that is, if my band director has any doubt about my commitment to the band program at the end of my senior year, he won't suggest me for a scholarship and award I desperately need for my transcript if i'm gonna get into any music programs. I've got next to no talent at either dance or trombone, it must be some cruel trick by whoever is calling the shots on my life to make those the two things i enjoy and want to go into with my life. And now not only is the asshole up in the sky not granting me any talent, they're also trying to force me to choose between the two. At this point its looking alot like I'm gonna battle. I need the experience, and its just a freaking football game. The band can stand without me, 2nd trombone has much more talent is a much better player, I just got my spot as 1st trombone because of my seniority. 

What the hell is wrong with me? I need to pull my shit together and figure out my priorities. And finding a girl would be nice too...

[dancemakeslifebetter]

I have my best friend back <3

Darby's back. Everything is good and well in the world. Got to spend hours today with her. Never been happier :)

[dancemakeslifebetter]

I want my best bud back

Comeeee hommmeee Darby. You better come home safe. I miss you so much, but I know you're having a good time in Mexico with your family.

[dancemakeslifebetter]

Gonna miss you.

Darby, you might not read this till you get home, but I love you. Sosososo much. And even though I'm gonna write you letters, I'm still gonna miss you. I'm crying as I write this :P I wish I coulda been home to give you a hug through this weekend, cuz I know you had a rough one with Henry leaving and all. You better be ready to see me on the 4th of July. I love you Darby. I can't wait <3

[dancemakeslifebetter]

Frustration

Darby, I love you, but you frustrate the hell out of me sometimes. Please go to bed. You need it. I am stuck in sunriver so I can just nap tomorrow. You have stuff going on. You need your sleep.