This post is going to contain some intense topics about mental, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. It also includes mentions of Disordered Eating, Suicide baiting, attachment issue spirals, self harm baiting, delusional beliefs about reality shifting, and abusive friendships. please read at your own caution.
If you are coming from @that-smokey-fck, then you know who this is about.
I am making this post as a warning to those who interact with them, as they told us who they were and we were far too naïve to believe them at the time.
The actual post begins below the cut off. The last text section before the cut-off is also in blue for easy access.
This topic is incredibly triggering for us and especially our host, so I am approaching this with some other headmates to help make sure that I get things as correct as possible.
To preface this, we believe this person to have narcissistic tendencies. I wish to state that they were not a bad person because of these tendencies, but they were a bad person who happened to have these traits.
I don't remember it all as I wasn't around for the first year or so this was going on, but I do have vague memories from that time. Back then, our system thought we were Tulpas. it has only been after we have blocked this person that we have realised that they fed into the belief that we were tulpas so they could control us better.
I fully believe they were intentional in the way they treated us and intentional in their will to improve themselves, however they never stopped finding subtle and different ways to control us when we were around them.
This first bit is from memories I have access to and memories the host is recounting, not my own.
First meeting them was okay. They were seemingly happy and bubbly. fast forward a few months to the first discord server, they had told us that they get anxious people don't like them anymore if there are no messages for a few days. Okay, we'll message every day, even when we have no social battery. and little things like this kept cropping up, we'd say we were tired at around 11pm to 1am and then they would suddenly spiral over the smallest thing and we'd feel obligated or guilted into staying awake and looking after them, so we'd sleep at 3 - 4am. When we would then wake up at around 11am, or pull an all nighter our of worry, they would get pissy at us and get mad at us for our bad sleep schedule then joke about how their sleep schedule was bad, or if we pulled an all nighter, and wanted to nap or sleep in the morning, they would get upset at us and say that we weren't allowed to sleep then because their brain didn't let them take naps. This was one of the few times we stood our ground with them. and it happened throughout this "friendship"
About a year after the first server was made, they up and left it in the middle of the night, with very little explanation, alluding to it being out fault but with no clear reasoning of what we did wrong or why.
we bodily have severe attachment issues and at the time, they were the only person we had any decent connection to. So this effected the host strongly and they spiralled intensely back into their ED habits, depression and doubt. Somehow they got in contact with the friend again and the friend came back. A new server was made, where us headmates were allowed to speak but the host was not because they "triggered" this friend. To this day, we still do not know how our host triggered this friend. (it was later revealed to have all been a lie by the friend, they did this with other headmates who called them out on their bullshit or "triggered them", even when the headmate had done nothing wrong. I, myself, Will, was one of the ones that "triggered" them.)
Eventually, they left again, and again, and again. sometimes they'd come back of their "own" accord, or would pretend to be one of us "taking over them" (we even had a term for it, because we were delusional at this point, we believed we were from another reality and the host was comatose there and we were trying to wake up, and there was an evil version of Marvin the Magnificent (A jacksepticeye character) who was trapping us here, the friend even went as far as to pretend to be tortured by him or even "killed" by him in "their headspace" on several occasions, no matter how many times we got rid of this evil Marvin, he would come back, and would be even more horrible than before. This person would pretend that anytime us headmates said something they didn't like, or any-time our host had doubts about us being in front, that we were "fakes" sent by Marvin to spy on us or "create a rift" in the friendship, but only the friend could detect which ones were "real" or "fakes".
There are four, maybe five instances I know of which were the absolute worst moments from this friend.
When they made the host believe that they had "died" in this "other reality" and pretended to be us headmates burying them in a tomb. these versions of us "couldn't hear" the host screaming and begging for us to not do it. (most of the communication was through discord, where, as part of the delusion, these words would sometimes be "spoken" by the person saying them.
When this friend invented their own system (which was a lie and they admitted to it a few months after this bit took place) and had one of their "headmates" based on one of our hosts in-sys partners. the friend had convinced our host that their actual partner was laying in a hospital bed from a failed suicide attempt whilst the host was in the tomb mentioned above because the host was "in the tomb". this headmate based on the hosts in-sys partner was apparently a younger version of him, who fell for the host instantly. there was an agreement made between the host and the friend's "system" that this headmate and the host could "date." there were only two actual dates, the first one went well, the second one happened after this friend made up an entire month in "this" reality, in which they had convinced the host of:
A) the in-sys partner of the host being so close to dying that sitting up would've killed him.
B) that one of the host's other in-sys partners was actually gay (MLM) and not Bi and actually hated the host. (this was later confirmed by the headmate themselves (🐇🧚) to be a lie.) the friend also whilst pretending to be the headmate, claimed that this headmate had told the host that he was fully gay, or tried to multiple times, which was also factually incorrect.
C) one of the hosts other partners (who the friend and a mutual friend (that we still don't know is even real or was just the main friend playing pretend on an alt account) pretended to dislike the host and go on a break with them) had "broken up with" the host (afaik, this was factually incorrect.) and gotten with another headmate (no current sign off) the headmate mentioned in this as the partner of the host, was 🐦⬛🏍.
D) their partner in the friend's "system" having his soul ripped our and not remembering the host, due to "reverting to his source canon". this obviously had the effect of crippling the mental well being of the host.
E) the friend having the host's partners (including me, Will) believe that the host was dead and trying to change things about us that we, and the host, did not mind. This included 🇬🇧🤖's height (using the excuse that it "triggered" the friend), 🐇🧚's sexuality, The currently un-signed off headmates sexuality (she's a lesbian), and 🐦⬛🏍's feelings towards the host. (this is why 🐦⬛🏍 hasn't been as active as much around others.)
F) It is important to note that A-E happened within a week (If I recall correctly).
The friend convincing not only the host but the rest of us (including those of us the friend considered adopted family, which was a mutual feeling between those headmates and the friend) that they had died in their headspace, not once, not twice, not thrice, I believe it was four times. And the last time, they had intentionally faked their death because of a spiral that wasn't even over something we did.
Its a small thing but it bothers me so much, they would mischaracterise us headmates on purpose and convinced our host that they were the one in the wrong on multiple occasions. they constantly villainised the host and didn't even give them any specific situations to check to improve their behaviour or attitude with, the host dared to think they could have a few hours without worrying about or stressing about if the friend was going to leave, or if they were going to be upset or mad at them, and so the friend pretended to be Marvin once again, "mind-controlling" the friend to leave the server and hate the host.
They actively said they hated the host and wished they'd not gone to the event where the host and the friend had met, would constantly belittle the host for showing emotions, sneer at the host if they dared to cry over something "small". Would spiral over the smallest of things and the host felt like they couldn't bring up anything bad about the friend around them (like stuff that had upset the host etc) without the friend spiralling and getting bitchy and pissy and/or leaving the current server.
This friendship died as it lived, with us having not spoken to the "friend" for all of I think an entire day, the friend getting "offended" at that and saying "this isn't working", expecting us to fight for it and roll over and let them walk all over us. However, we stood our ground and blocked them, letting them go for good.
There are many, many many instances through-out this "friendship" where the friend joked about or made comments about suicide, self harm, how the host reacted to stuff that triggered our intrusive thoughts, spiralling over us trying to suggest things to help them, daring to suggest they go to therapy (they did for a little bit but spoke very condescendingly of the therapist.) Cut us off from going to a gymnastics class because they didn't want to "lie" to their fiancé. would constantly guilt-trip and gaslight us with fake apologies, using our poor memory as a way to work around our truths.
The person who did all of this to us, who had us scared to go to sleep or say or do anything wrong for fear of them leaving, who would yell at us if we dared to look in a shop window for too long and accidentally fall behind, who guilt-tripped us into eating faster than we comfortably could or made fun of our low pain tolerance and how physically weak we are, or the way our poor mental health manifested, or the fact that we struggle to find work because of our chronic pain (which they had to have chronic pain worse than us) was:
We have a Simply Plural, with some not fully finished profiles, and unlogged custom fields (as in, we have the groups of custom fields set up but the categories not actually *registered*) so heres the deal:
For every 1 note, ill finish the basics of the headmate's profile (pfp, formation date etc)
For every 5 notes, I'll add complete a custom field section
For every 10 notes, we'll finish a partially/mostly finished headmate's profile as much as possible
For every 25 notes, we'll finish a bare-bones profile fully
For every 50 notes, we'll finish one of our secondary folders fully
I highly doubt we'll make it past like 7 ish notes but we'll see
No i dont know why I've been put in charge of this :'D
like why is kei uzuki from sakamoto days talking with ena while mitsuki koga from the green manga is playing snakes and ladders with pheonix wright from ace attorney and why is
Currently writing the callout-post on the laptop, so bear with for that. Its going to be a very long one. I'll post the proof in reblogs if i can find and get access to them from the old servers i was in with this friend.
Should I expose our toxic ex-best friend? I've been seriously thinking about it, cause they hurt us all SO MUCH and didn't even fucking acknowledge it without guilt-tripping or gaslighting or manipulating us.
Part of me wants to. and is saying they fucking deserve it, but another part of me is saying that it's "too mean/cruel"
What is a willo system? I've only ever heard it once but I never really had the opportunity to ask the definition of it /genq
Willo systems are systems that are willingly or intentionally created, ive heard of some traumatenic systems making Willogenic headmates to help stabilise the rest of the system cause it was so difficult for them to cope with the instability, but its basically intentionally making a system or headmate/headmates for any reason, from lonliness to curiosity (though i recommend thinking VERY long and hard about it) to needing help coping with trauma that is already there but they didnt split a system for.
It's different from tulpamancy cause Tulpamancy has the headmates begin by mimicking and parroting the Tulpamancer. They start as very basic forms, and then they're developed more (from the tulpamancer answering for them until the Tulpa learns) and become separate as they slowly learn, developing into their own being.
Tulpas usually exist outside the mind, where they are almost superimposed on top of the physical world (on a plane we call Tulpa-plane) and can go into the headspace and interact with/poke/move the body very gently (we always asked permission to, though 🌌's become more relaxed with it as they've gotten used to us). Non-Tulpa headmates can still exist outside of the mind, too, but from what i know, it's rarer...? Idrk, ik we can, though :P
