it was all over now. her daughter was dead. their daughter. they were supposed to have each other now, but she’d ruined him too. gone was the man whose eyes had always been so warm and so kind. gone was the man who spent days with her in the park sailing boats on ponds. gone was the man who’d read to her when she couldn’t sleep. and she was the reason for it.
she remembered the day she left, she almost turned back. she remembered when she’d found out she was having adhira -- she’d almost called him. she remembered gathering every memento, every picture, every hand print.. just in case. but when they’d made their way back to each other -- he was gone. physically there, but the part of him that had been the only man she’d ever loved.. that was disconnected.
today she left again. he had a new life to go back to, the life he’d made after she’d left. but today she would say goodbye, even if she doubted it would mean anything. he’d always been good at that -- the disconnecting. if only she’d learned that instead of running.
tears on her cheek she smiled through it, her bag at her feet -- she’d never see him again. but she wanted -- whatever part of him that was left to know the truth. the truth she’d tried a thousand times to write him in a letter, or leave a message on his phone.
‘ ---tomas i need -- to say something. i know it won’t really matter, and it certainly won’t change anything. but i need you to know that every day i was sorry i left, every day i knew you deserved better than what i did. and i’m sorry -- that i never told you about her.. ‘ here her voice broke, a choked sob as she fought back the tears. ‘ she was so much like you. i am so sorry. that i failed you both. that i left. that i never told you about her. that you never got to hear her laugh. that she never got to see your smile or hear you read. i -- don’t know if you want it but.. i want you to have this.. ‘
kneeling she retrieved the shoebox from the top of her bag, it was decoupaged with drawings of flowers, stickers, buttons -- anything adhira had thought was pretty.
‘ i got to love her and know her while she was here. but i want you to know her now... its silly --- i know --- i just.. she’d want you to have it. she made it for you. its got most of her drawings, and pictures. we made paper sailboats last year, they sank almost immediately.. ‘ this time her smile was stronger. ‘ please, its for you. ‘
@csaloka - i’ll have the lawyers ready the divorce papers.