Born in Pain (15/20?)
Summary: District Nurse and midwife Emma Swan has her priorities sorted out: babies first, friends second, and men… somewhere further down the list. That is until she meets Killian Jones and his son Liam who have a way of worming their way into her heart
A/N: OKAY SO I know that it has been approximately 87 years since I've updated this fic and honestly, I have no excuse beyond an uncooperative muse and things in my personal life blowing up in my face. I was uninspired and low key depressed and just not in a good place. I'm so so sorry that I haven't been updating or writing and that I left y'all hanging but I promise I never once thought about completely abandoning this fic. I just had to set it on the backburner for a bit but I'm back now! I can't promise regular weekly or bi-weekly updates but you all have my word that this fic will be completed at some point.
Also huge shout outs to @shipsxahoy for the beautiful banner!
Word Count: ~4.5K/ Rated D for Daddy Issues
Ch.14/ AO3/ FF.net
"So let me get this straight, you think that my son is the long lost baby you gave up because they have the same birthday and you to quote 'just know'? Miss Swan, I'm sorry but this sounds incredibly far-fetched," Regina said as she, Emma, and Killian sat in her study.
"Believe me I know, but I just I know it in my bones that Henry is the same baby that I gave up all those years ago," Emma said.
"Exactly you gave him up, so you do not get to waltz into our lives and expect to be his mother. I am his mother Miss Swan," Regina glared at her.
"Regina that's not what she's asking," Killian squeezed Emma's hand comfortingly.
"I just want a chance to meet him, just so he knows who I am. And if all goes well I would like to get to know him."
"Well that's all good and noble but you are forgetting one thing, Miss Swan," Regina cleared her throat, "You have no proof that my Henry is your son, now I'm very moved by your story but as his mother I cannot trust the safety of my son in a complete stranger with a sad story."
"You saw me," Emma said tears forming in her eyes, "That day that you picked him up, you saw me running after your car. You were in a black car and he was wrapped in a yellow blanket and I know that you saw me."
Regina looked stunned, her mouth hanging open slightly. "That was you?"
"Yes."
Regina looked down at her hands, tongue firmly between her teeth as she mulled over her thoughts before looking up, "You will understand that I want to verify this as fully as I can before I agree to anything?"
"I understand and I, fortunately, have access to those records," Emma explained, "When you're a midwife you get access to that information," she answered Regina's quirked eyebrow.
"I see," Regina pursed her lips together. "How soon can you get your hands on them?"
"Next week."
Regina sighed and closed her eyes, her fingertips massaging her temples, "Well then bring them to me by next week and I'll a have barrister look over them and draw up an agreement in writing. Is this amenable to you?"
"Yes, although I have one more question," Emma said searching for the right words. "How much does Henry know about this situation?"
"He knows he's adopted if that's what you're asking," Regina said sharply, "I at least managed to do that in between the midnight feedings, temper tantrums, and school projects."
"Regina, I'm not here to disrespect you or to erase everything you've done these past eleven years, I'm not disputing that you are Henry's mother. I just want a chance to get to know him now that I have the opportunity. I'll have the records sent to you by the end of this week if you need to reach me just ring Antioch House."
"I'll be in touch," Regina said through clenched teeth. Emma sensed that despite the woman's trepidations she would keep her word.
"You did brilliantly love," Killian said as they walked out of Regina's house.
"I did?" Emma let out a shaky breath.
"Of course, not many people can stand their ground against her like you do. It's actually one of the most attractive parts of you," he said, a hungry look in his eye.
"Easy tiger, I have to go on my rounds as soon as we get back to the East End," Emma quirked an eyebrow at him.
"Tonight then? It's pasta night at Chez Jones," he grinned smugly at her.
"Hmmm well I do love pasta," Emma mused, "I suppose I could stop by after I'm finished with my rounds." The bus slowed to a stop on the corner that Antioch House sat, Emma stood up from her seat only to have Killian catch her hand in his.
He placed a tender kiss to her knuckle, "Until I see you tonight my lady."
"You are such a charmer," Emma rolled her eyes and smiled.
"Only for you love," he called as she hurried off the bus. She was able to run into the convent and throw on her uniform and dash back downstairs to get her assignments.
"Cutting it close Nurse Swan," Sister Ingrid chided with a small smile.
"I know I'm sorry Sister, we hit a spot of traffic on the way back," Emma apologized.
"Here are your rounds for today, all of them pretty standard check-ins except for your last one. Marco Bonardi has been having some heart problems and I'm afraid he's not doing well and the situation needs to handled delicately."
"The old Italian who runs the furniture shop, he's always been so sweet. I can handle this," Emma nodded.
"Wait, Nurse Swan, Mr. Bonardi is in a very bad place. He refused treatment until his son insisted that he see Doctor Whale. There's quite a lot of tension there, but I know that you can handle it if things start to get ugly," Sister Ingrid warned.
"Hello Mr. Bonardi," Emma said brightly as she strode into his room, "How have you been feeling today?"
"No better than I felt yesterday," Marco grimaced as he tried to push himself into a sitting position. "And please call me Marco."
"Lie back, I'll let you know when you need to get up," Emma placed her hand on his shoulder. Even through his thick sweater and nightshirt, Emma could feel how thin he had become. "Marco is there someone who can look after you during the day? Make sure you're eating? Call us if anything is wrong?"
"Yes, my store keeper can call you," Marco nodded.
"He also has me," a voice asserted. Emma turned to see a tall man with dark hair and striking blue eyes standing in the doorway.
"And you are?"
"He is no one," Marco huffed.
"My name's August Booth, I'm his son," the man stepped into the room but still kept a few paces back from the bed.
"Feh your name is Agostino Bonardi. This August Booth is no son of mine."
Emma felt her eyebrows shoot practically up to her hairline, she busied herself with rummaging through her medical bag as she searched for a way to dissolve the tension in the room. "Why don't I take your blood pressure, Marco?"
Marco held out his arm her for but kept his stern gaze on August who stared at the floor. Tension filled the room as Emma explained to Marco and August that she would be there every evening to give Marco an injection and to check his ankles and the sore on his shoulder.
"Nurse Swan, do you have any children?" Marco interrupted her rambling.
"Um-" Emma stood gobsmacked and trying to find the right way to answer.
"You young people are so lucky, lives stretching out in front of you full of opportunity. No one to break your heart."
"Papa-" August said softly.
"You do not get to call me that, not since you've spit on everything I spent my life building for you."
Emma could tell that nothing she said at that moment would ease the tension in the room, she kept her eyes down as she repacked her bag and bid Marco and his son goodbye. She hurried down the stairs towards the back of Marco's furniture shop and only slowed when she heard August's heavy footsteps following her.
"I'm sorry about that," he said when he caught up to her.
"It's not the worst I've seen, believe me," Emma smiled sympathetically at him.
"It wasn't my idea to change my name," he said quickly, "My publisher thought it would be better if I changed it to something more neutral sounding."
"I'm sure your father will come around."
"I changed my name 3 years ago and you just saw the first time he spoke to me." Emma tried to school her face into a plain expression but couldn't help that her eyebrows knitted together. "Don't let that color your opinion of him too much, we had a huge row and I told him to never speak to me. And to be fair it's not as if I reached out before this."
"Well you're here now, that has to count for something."
"I don't know if it's enough though," August looked back towards the stairs, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
"All you can do right now is try. You can't control how your father is going to react, but you can control your actions."
"I suppose you're right," he sighed, "I'll see you tomorrow?" Emma nodded before throwing her leg over her bike and settling herself onto the seat.
"Everything all right love?" Killian asked as Emma walked into his flat.
"It's nothing, just a tough patient," Emma shrugged off her coat and handed it to Killian's outstretched hand.
"Want to talk about it?"
"You know I can't, part of patient confidentiality."
"Oh right, well if there's anything I can do just let me know Swan."
"Any chance that pasta's ready? I'm starving," Emma smiled hopefully.
"Aye love, just a few more minutes until dinner is served. Liam!" he called down the hall, "dinner's almost ready. Time to wash up lad."
"But I'm almost done with this chapter!"
"And it'll still be there after dinner, now come wash up!"
Emma watched as Liam came out of his room and stomped to the kitchen sink to wash his hands; he really was the spitting image of Killian right down to the way their eyebrows nearly had a mind of their own. Once everyone had washed up they sat at the small kitchen table to eat, trading stories about their day.
"Dad the Cub Scouts are going on a field trip out to the country new weekend, can I go?"
"Sure, do I need to sign something?"
"Nurse Lucas will be giving them out at the next meeting I expect."
"Well then, I don't see why you can't go, just make sure you don't fall behind on your school work."
Emma was lost in thought, had Marco and August had conversations like this one all those years ago? Had Marco checked August's school work and signed permission slips? Had they ever been close the way Killian and Liam were now?
"Swan? Swan? Emma!" Killian pulled her out of her thoughts.
"Oh sorry, I was just thinking for a minute there. What were we talking about?"
"If you wanted to back into town with me next weekend since it appears I'll have the day to myself." Emma knew he was talking about going to see Regina and possibly Henry.
"Maybe, I'll have to see if I have that weekend off."
"You don't get all weekends off?" Liam asked.
"It comes with being a midwife, some just can't wait until Monday to come out."
"You'd think they'd be more considerate," Liam smirked.
Emma and Killian chuckled, "Well babies have different things to worry about than being considerate to midwives I suppose."
"Liam, why don't you go back to your book lad?" Killian said but Emma could feel him looking at her.
"You mean I don't have to do the dishes?"
"I know how exciting Captain Nemo's adventures can be, go on." Liam shot up from his seat and practically ran back to his room. Emma helped Killian gather up the dishes to put in the sink, mentally preparing herself for what she knew would come.
"You seem vexed love."
"I told you I'm fine Killian."
"Forgive me Swan but I'm not buying it; you've always been something of an open book to me and I can tell that something is bothering you more so than just a difficult patient. Are you nervous about meeting Henry? That he'll resent you? Because I have known that boy almost his entire life and I can tell you he'll love you."
"I wasn't worried about that, well I am but that isn't what's on my mind tonight." Emma took a deep breath, trying to carefully find her words. "Is there anything Liam could do to make you not love him anymore? Something to disown him?"
Killian looked taken aback, "Not love Liam? No never. I'd never abandon my son."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I bloody well know what it feels like when a father abandons you," Killian said harshly. Emma gasped softly and Killian looked ashamed of himself. "Emma I'm sorry, it's just that man could hardly call himself a father after what he did to my brother and my mother and me."
"What happened?"
"He loved betting on horses more than he loved us. Until one day when it caught up to him and he couldn't pay up on a bet. So he up and left us in the middle of the night; it nearly destroyed mum I remember there were days that she just couldn't get out of bed let alone care for the both of us. So my brother had to take on being the man of the house, he worked and made sure we had food on the table and that I stayed out of trouble. And despite my best efforts to be a rebellious little shite everything seemed to work, we weren't well off but we were getting by and as the years went by mum started getting better. That is right up until the war, Liam felt it was his duty to join the Navy; he didn't make it back. They got attacked in the middle of the damn Atlantic, he had to have done something especially heroic, they gave my mother and I a medal at his funeral."
"It's not enough, is it?" Emma placed a hand on his cheek and saw tears collecting in his eyes.
"Not at all, naming my son after him still doesn't feel like enough after all he did. I can only hope I'm doing half as much for little Liam than my brother did for me. He was a much better man than I could ever hope to be."
"You're a better man than you know Killian," Emma stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him properly. "There's not many who love their children as unconditionally as you love your son."
Marco's condition did not improve with Emma's daily visits; she knew that she was only prolonging the inevitable but she didn't feel that her job would be done if there wasn't any improvement between Marco and August. The problem was that neither of them knew how to approach the other. Emma could see that August was searching for something to say and that Marco was waiting for him to say something.
August had taken to sitting in a chair in the corner of the room during Emma's visits, looking everywhere but at his father, before coming up with an excuse to leave the room. Emma could see the hurt and disappointment in Marco's eyes each time his son turned to leave before he spat out a disdainful "Goodbye, Mr. Booth" to his son's retreating back.
"August why don't I teach you how to perform some lymphatic massage, just in case your father needs it when I'm not here."
"Oh no, I don't think that'll be a good idea."
"I'd much prefer it if you do it, Nurse."
"Honestly you both are just as bad as the other; now August hold out your hands," Emma pulled a bottle of oil out of her medicine kit and poured a small amount into August's trembling hand.
"Now, grasp your father's ankle firmly and push your hands up to his knee," Emma instructed once she had pulled back the bed sheets to reveal Marco's slightly swollen feet.
August gulped and did as instructed but applied barely any pressure.
"Try going a little harder, we need to improve your father's circulation."
"If he had stayed here and run the shop instead of running off to write in his fancy flat he wouldn't have such delicate hands," Marco said.
"Marco it's probably for the best if we have some quiet right now," Emma said forcefully. "You're doing great August, just a little more pressure." She watched as August massaged his father's ankles and calves, her eyes flicked to Marco's face. His gaze was fixed on his son and his face unreadable as Emma coached August through massaging the other legs.
"Right well I think I've got the hang of it now," August got up off of the foot of the bed. "I'd best wash up." He walked quickly out of the room, Emma thought she saw his hand come up to wipe his eyes but turned her attention to pulling the sheets and blankets down to cover Marco's feet.
"You must think that I am an awful man," he said.
"I don't think that at all," Emma assured him. "My wife and I we tried for so long to have a child and then things began to happen back in the old country. Friends going missing, hundreds arrested and shipped into exile, it was not safe to stay there and certainly no place to raise a family. So my wife and I, we move here and open the shop and a year later she told me she was expecting," an easy smile spread across Marco's face as he seemed to savor the memory. "But you know what happened then, the Blitz, they took her from me and left just me and Agostino alone together."
"Marco I'm so sorry, that cannot have been easy."
"It wasn't raising a teenager on my own but I tried to teach him everything I knew, just as my father had done for me and his father before him. I wanted to be supportive of his writing but one day he comes up to me all excited about getting published and he thrusts this bundle of pages into my hands and I see the name he has chosen for himself and it felt as if he turned his back on everything I have done for him. As if he didn't want to be associated with all of this that my wife and I had built for him."
"I'm sure that's not true, that can't be true."
"You don't have to protect my feelings Nurse, I am an old man and I know that I'm dying. Whatever you have to say to me can't hurt as bad as that."
"Then you'll forgive me for suggesting this Marco, but you might try meeting your son halfway. It could work wonders" Emma snapped her medical bag shut and stood up to leave.
"But what if that doesn't work Nurse?" Marco asked, Emma turned back and was struck for the first time just how ill he was, his pajamas and sweater hung off his body making him look even thinner than he was, his skin was so pale it looked nearly translucent, and his breathing was raspy and uneven.
"I can't make promises, but I will say that you can only control your actions. You can go to bed at night knowing that at least you tried."
"I see, thank you, Nurse Swan," Marco said, clutching his blankets and not quite meeting her eyes, "I'll see you tomorrow I suppose."
"Good night Marco," Emma nodded as she left, hoping that there was still enough time for him to even attempt to make amends. Over the next few days Marco's health was at a standstill, while he wasn't getting any worse he also wasn't improving no matter what Emma tried. It did seem that August and Marco's relationship was getting better, even if the improvement was minute. August now sat in on the entire visit instead of ducking out halfway through, Emma could also tell that he was continuing to massage his father's feet when she wasn't there. Marco at the very least wasn't glaring at August throughout Emma's visits and Emma could have sworn she saw a copy of August's book wedged between his mattress and the bed frame.
Until Emma got the call she had been dreading from August, "Nurse Swan please come quickly!" August had panted into the phone, "My father, he's not breathing right nurse and I don't know what to do."
"All right, I'm on my way August, just make sure he's breathing and that he stays calm. I'll be there as quick as I can." Emma grabbed her medical bag and raced down the stairs of the convent and peddled as fast as her legs could to the furniture shop. In no time Emma was up the stairs and examining Marco.
"His heart rate is very fast," Emma said removing her stethoscope. "Try massaging his ankles and feet, we need to try to improve his circulation while we can."
"Nurse Swan," Marco wheezed, his hand reaching up towards her, "Tell the truth. Am I dying?"
Emma paused, at a loss for words, truthfully he was. He was dying and the most that she could do was ensure that he was comfortable. "Yes," she nodded at him, tears starting to cloud her vision, "I'm so sorry Mr. Bonardi."
"No no, don't be sorry. I have had my time and I'm afraid that I've wasted a large part of it."
"You didn't and you still have some time to make things right," Emma whispered to him before looking towards August.
"Papa," August sank into a chair near the bed, "Papa I'm so sorry. I should never have turned my back on you."
"No no no my boy, it is I who should be sorry." Marco held out his hand, curled with age and still calloused from a lifetime of work. August clasped it in his own hand and tears fell down his face. "I was the one to turn my back on you. You are my son and I forgot that."
"Papa…"
"Let me finish, I only have so much time left. Whether you are August Booth or Agostino Bonardi, you are my son. I love you."
"I love you too," August choked out and kissed his father's knuckles.
"I only wish that I could finish your book, I was just getting to the good part," Marco chuckled before coughing.
"Well it's fitting, I was working on this," August pulled a small wooden whale from his pocket. "I know I'm a little rusty but-"
"You always had a talent for carving, but maybe you should stick to writing," Marco smiled before taking one last breath. A small smile remained etched on his face as August began to sob still clutching his father's hand. Emma reached forward and gently closed Marco's eyes and pull the bed sheet up to cover Marco's face.
Emma sat at the back of the church for Marco's wake with Killian and the other midwives. It had been a somber occasion as Marco had been known and well liked throughout the community having made most of their furniture with care and skill. She listened as the priest spoke about Marco and lead them all in prayer. It wasn't long before it was over and they were all dismissed and she and Killian walked hand in hand down the church steps.
"Emma wait!" Emma turned to see August jogging down the steps to meet them. "I just wanted to thank you, for everything you did."
"Your welcome, I was only doing my job," Emma blushed.
"No, you did much more than you were asked to and I can't even think of a way to properly thank you."
"Really you're welcome; I did everything I could for him. So what are you going to do now? I heard Marco left you the shop."
"I'm going to keep it open, I figured I'd get back to my roots," August shrugged and smiled.
"What about your writing?"
"I'll still be doing that too; woodworker by day and writer by night. I think that'll make him happy."
"I'm sure it would, good luck August."
"Same to you Nurse Swan," he smiled before turning on his heel and walking back towards the church.
"You really are a marvel you know that," Killian said as they began to walk.
"Only because you mention it so often. Thank you for coming with me by the way."
"Of course plus Marco was a great man. Loved Liam and made him some toys when he was a wee lad. And speaking of lad's," he turned to her with a serious expression.
"I called Regina, she had a barrister look over the records you sent her. She's agreed to let you and Henry spend some time together if you're ready for it?"
Emma looked back at the church thinking about everything she had seen the past couple of weeks, "Yes I'm ready. I want to meet my son."
tagging: @timeless-love-story, @leatherjacketsandrum, @captainswanismyendgame, @potentialheartofdarkness, @a-faekindagirl, @caprelloidea, @stardusted-nymph, @survivorjace, @captainstudmuffin, @ouat-upon-a-coconut, @captainswanandclintasha, @captainswanapproved, @brooke-to-broch, @xemmaloveskillianx, @xerxesrises, @xhookswenchx, @hook-come-back-to-me, @lenfaz, @sherifffjones, @fefefeferniss
