#culty fuck

[balaclava-trismegistus]

Many of your posts seem kind of navel-gazing and circular. So many things that will not help to focus on and never let go of. Also, why doesn't your partner help you get out of your bad housing situation?

The first two sentences of this are kind of funny cuz, like, it's my blog, asshole. If you don't like it, fuck off. But the last sentence here is the exact kind of shit I've been getting from my former housemate(s) for three years since I left the cult compound in Washington. Always makes this back-handed implication stated as a question, as if it's really tugging on the seams of my psyche, and often has a very strange obsession with my partner who, at times, has received the same harassment up to and including attempting to use personal information that was known only to Worm and a couple of Ky's dearest friends.

This ask also came 31 minutes after my previous post about how disturbing it is to see my harassers (Chiefly Gorps) face zero social consequence for their prolonged campaign of harassment against me after they personally validated much of the control and abuse I was experiencing on the compound. I receive messages like this frequently, sometimes concerning information that would only be known to the people in question. And there's this really consistent pattern where it'll be radio silence for a while, then they'll send me a couple weird hate messages very shortly after I make a post about them, or what I experienced. So. If anyone wants to read more about this, I've been tagging this stuff with the tags used here. It demonstrates pretty obvious examples of harassment, as well as the period of time where I wasn't naming them directly. You can probably see the progression of them fucking with me less and less the more explicit I am about what I experienced, and I've had numerous people reach out to me about it to talk about experiencing similar things and corroborating that Worm and the people around them have a very strange obsession with me.

have fun i guess idk

[balaclava-trismegistus]

what’s more likely: half a dozen people have sat around concocting a set of lies they are reasonably consistent with given the events took place years ago, all about a loser shut-in with no real life in the real world to speak of who they just love to harass despite no escalating reaction after years of torment, or… they’re just talking about their past experiences with someone who brings these individuals up every day online (because again, you go nowhere and do nothing else (besides waste medical professionals’ time and resources looking for a diagnosis to justify your slug-like lifestyle))

i guess there’s no reason to ask you of all people what’s more likely, if you could evaluate anything in that way you wouldn’t still be trying to prove you have an insanely rare neurological defect instead of just accepting that maybe it really is all mental illness

Thank you for perfectly proving my point within minutes of mentioning my continued harassment, Worm.

[balaclava-trismegistus]

Its so fucking crazy that the reason they can harass me all day long is cuz they married a disgustingly rich guy's kid so they never need to work a day in their life. Then they develop a sexual possessiveness about their friends, move them into the compound, and flirt with them in front of their wife who gives them all their money.

On their 13th anniversary (I believe it was the 13th, could have been 12th) Worm did that thing where they kept me up past 3 in the morning and wouldn't let me go to sleep. They ended up saying some really weird shit. Something like "Its crazy. Sometimes you're a traumatized gay kid who's an alcoholic and you meet another alcoholic and you move in together way too fast and run a crazy party house, then you've been together for 13 years." and I distinctly remember getting a really weird uncomfortable vibe from it because I liked their wife. Their tone was extremely morose and just came off harsh. So I was like. "Haha living the dream right?" Then they go "Psh. Yeah. Sure. Goodnight."

They also got REALLY weird when I said Mike Israetel isn't a gay guy because he's just a normal gym dude with a wife. Worm started really performatively laughing and was like "I guarantee you that doesn't stop anybody haha lots of gay men have wives haha" and like they seemed sort of angry about what I said. This is after they, for years, constantly talked about how super super gay they are and constantly had sex with men before they met their wife and made up a ton of shit and never really talked about liking women at all. Plus they lied about their wife being nonbinary, too, for years. I straight up tried talking to her about Gender Stuff and was like "you know how that is though haha" after saying something about being nonbinary, and she was like "no, that's not really my thing." And she used feminine pronouns and referred to herself as a woman. But worm would go around telling everyone "yeah me and my partner are just cool nonbinary people in the woods together haha." I think this was to be technically super duper gayyy. They also said she was a lesbian before they got together which I don't remember her ever saying anything about. They were mad shitty to her. Enough that me, Hayden, and their ex were all telling each other we're worried for her and felt the need to stage some kind of intervention. Which the other two abandoned once shit started getting weird, and they turned on me.

Insanely weird situation!

[balaclava-trismegistus]

A mutual made me aware of this absolutely incredible anon they got from my harasser who has repeatedly demonstrated they could be nobody but my former housemate. It's so fucking funny. What's awesome about it is how this narratively interacts with how I've mentioned on my blog that I've been dealing with sexsomnia among my seizure activity. So it's a clever way to both make up something hilarious while also saying I'm faking my disability. And it's about something I'm pretty sure I didn't even talk about until well after I left.

[balaclava-trismegistus]

Like why does nobody seem to care that somebody so integral to the posting environment of Tumblr was pulling multiple vulnerable people into a wannabe paramilitary cult-family in Washington and then participating in harassing and isolating them when they got ejected from the cult-family? How come everybody seems to just ignore that?

[balaclava-trismegistus]

It really weirds me out to see mutuals still interacting with Gorps after I've talked about how integral they were to my abuse within the Washington quasi-cult compound situation and kinda sets off some level of bullshit for me. Like I feel my stomach drop. I guess that feeling isn't entirely fair, they were a victim too, in their own sense, but they also used Tumblr to repeatedly bring people into the compound and then they were absolutely integral to my ongoing harassment after I left the compound. They went around smearing me. They knew they were lying about me, they knew they were spreading lies about me. But they still did it to eject me from my support network and deliberately isolate me. They were trying to hurt me. They did it to at least one other person before me. They hurt a number of people. And it's really weird how everyone is just sort of like. Ignoring that. Idk. I guess I shouldn't care but I just don't want to think about them anymore so I might start unfollowing people who are still in with them just for the sake of not feeling that way.

[balaclava-trismegistus]

you were never shot at, you were shot recklessly near and were maybe in danger of a ricochet at the max

And right here we have my former housemate and continued cyber-stalker tacitly admitting that they did, in fact, point a gun at me and my partner while we were standing down-range from them and mag dump a steel target next to us from an angle deliberately chosen for the maximum risk of ricochet.

You may not be aware of this, but there exists a term for deliberately pointing a gun towards somebody and discharging it because you want to send bullets in their direction.

[balaclava-trismegistus]

ngl a really weird thing that ran through my friendships with Worm and by extension Hayden was this years-long suppression of my innate personality and tastes that was fundamentally rooted in the nightmarish psychological/emotional abuse I was subject to in my abusive relationship i got out of about a year and change before I first met Worm. I just didn't make outrageous sex jokes for a while and i feel like I returned to myself once I went back to doing that, following the complete destruction of that social circuit. it's like. i had been abused in a way that I didn't feel like I was allowed to say or think a lot of things. Gradually they returned to me, but the social climate at the time along with the kind of abuse I experienced still had this like... I felt a lot of pain and guilt surrounding my own sexuality. There was a lot of that coming from every direction. Then, I meet these people who tell me they understand, and get close with me, and Worm gives me advice and shit, and there's this like. Security in many of these ways that I had been made to feel were dangerous for me. Yet, the entire time I was immersed in it, Worm, (and, by extension, Hayden) constantly made these statements about people being "freaks," interlaced with all kinds of raunchy joking that was seemingly contradictory, while simultaneously massaging myself and numerous other people into a position of emotional vulnerability. A lot of, like, "I understand you and im so nice and i went through the same stuff as you and i love you and will do anything to support you but also if you think this or do this you're a Freak and you're a Piece of Shit." And they would, at random, decide somebody was a Freak for making the exact same kind of joke as them, or anyone else. A weird game of social control, in a sense. Frankly, being around that, was something that kept me shackled to the amount of abuse and control I went through in said abusive relationship prior. They very, very specifically filtered for people who had histories of abuse for this purpose. This was a very calculated method of control that Worm laid out, and, frankly, I think Hayden picked up.

In many ways, I feel a lot freer even after all the fallout from that exploding the way it did. I guess what's interesting is how Worm constantly tried to get me angry about everything, tried to get me to hold grudges for my abuse and shit. And I felt like I was wrong for not being able to do that, for allowing shit to happen to me and not hating people for it. That just extended my misery, it kept me tumbling through the wake of my mind being carved up. Now that I don't have that voice behaving that way, making me feel like my lack of anger and spite is what caused it to happen, as though I did it to myself, I'm far more at peace with it.

Making that joke about jacking off made me think of that, these people who were so hostile towards any expression of sexuality while also wearing this performative sex-positive veneer that they'd revoke at a moment's notice to demonize somebody for being Unethical. A lot of abuse of the concept of "consent" coming from Worm.