Discover Top Posts Tagged with #cumberbabe

ALCOHOL AND TIES - PART 01

I was just walking away from a pub in the center of London as I saw Benedict Cumberbatch in the middle of a dark street, I was not sure if it was him, but whoever it was, it seems to be needing some help. I approached the shadow that he was; I went towards him, carefully in every step I took, and when I was closer I asked:

- Do you need help? You don’t seem to be ok. - He did not answer, so I got closer. - I am truly sorry to disturb you, but are you in need of any kind of hel… - I wasn’t able to finish my phrase, he caught me by my waist and start kissing my neck and my mouth. I could easily smell whisky on his breath.

- GET. OFF. ME. - He wasn’t letting me go, so as my arms were closer to his stomach I punched him in the stomach. Twice.

- AAAARG!!! What are you doing? I just… Oh God, I do not feel well.

Luckily he let me go in time so he could get out of the way, and then he throw up. When he finished he seemed worse than when I first found him, but a little more docile.

- Let me help you Benedict - I started saying as I put my arm around his back and tried to get him straighten - Jesus how heavy big a men can be?

We started walking down the street and it was starting to get a little crowed, I was worried someone would recognize him, and then I realized we were walking directly towards a big group of girls, luckyly I saw the door of this pub I used to go, the perfect empty pub I could ever ask for. Drunk Benedict just couldn’t stop talking, not even for a minute, and I wasn’t able to understand a single word that was coming out of his mouth; but the good thing was, he was already walking by himself I was just guiding him by his arm.

As we enter in to the pub, I saw Phill, the bartender; I put Benedict in a chair and went talking to him.

- Hi Phill, how are you? I was wondering if you could help me.

- Hey, always great to have you here! What do you need? … WAIT, isn’t that Benedict Coumberbatch?

- Oh no, no, no, no, no… it is just my drunk cousin, they really look alike huh? – I do not know why but my hand were shaking so much, I hid them under the bar - Well, I would like pretty much if I could have a bottle of water and a coffee, a big one too. To go.

- Ok, I will be right over… Your cousin really needs some coffee!

Benedict was, I don’t know how, drunker, he was just standing there, looking really weird and then started talking and walking like he was Sherlock.

- Lestrade did not send you, did he?

- SHHH Benedict, put yourself together, you are not Sherlock!

- HOW DARE YOU? Where is Watson? He believes in me… Watson? Watson, where are you? WATSON?

- Your coffee and water miss.

- Thanks Phill, see you!

Benedict stop screaming after Watson, I paid and we left. Phill still looks at me strangely to this day.

- Come Benedict! – I was walking faster, holding his arm.

- Come down woman, who are we running from?

- Quiet, or I will punch you again! – I never had a lot of patience with drunk people, and all I could think was that he still must have vomiting, or at least, the taste of it in his mouth. We stopped and sat on the sidewalk as I opened the bottle of water.

- Put your tongue out. – The best thing about drunk people is that they do not complain about weird things.

- My tongue is already out – Said Benedict with this funny, childish voice, due to his tongue being between his teethes.

I clench my hand, and put water in it, and then lead it to Benedict mouth, two or three times; it was really funny feeling his tongue in my hand, I used to do this all the time when I had to clean my baby cousin’s mouth, but never did it on an adult.

- Now I am giving you the bottle, you are going to put the water in your mouth, gargle it, and spit it out, ok? Do not swallow, split it.

- Can I put my tongue back inside now? – Still talking funny and with his tongue between his teeth.

- Yes, yes you can.

- Damn it! That felt so good, when you where cleaning my little tongue with your hand and water.

He was already with the bottle water in his hand and doing what I told him to. When he finished I handed him the coffee.

- Now is time to get up and drink all this coffee, can you do this?

- But I do not want to. Can you clean my tongue again? Please? That felt so good!

When I looked at him he was already with his tongue out. Really, one of the most hilarious scenes I have ever seen.

- When you finish your coffee maybe I will.

- Bloody hell. All right then. But I am not happy!

The whiskey really should have gone to his head, or he was just the crazier person I have ever came cross, for letting a stranger took care of him while drunk. – Both, yes, probably both. We kept on walking until I found a taxi, just when we were in the car we started talking again.

- You know, you are the MOST beautiful girl I have EVER seen!

- Benedict please, I need to know your address, I need to get you home.

- Yo are so good and beautiful you could be Tom Hiddleston – and then he giggled hysterically.

- Benedict, your address please.

- 221B, Baker Street! – He shouted it.

- Oh Boy, this is going to be a long, long night!

The cabbie was already impatient when I got from Brenedict his hotel address.

PART 2