To you, who was as bright as the sun
To you, whose light could never be shunned
To you, whom I failed to save —
There was so much I wanted to say, to you who no longer exists.
You were one of the happiest people I'd ever met,
So I always wondered why, what happened?
When did the scars on your wrists start to show?
When did it start getting harder to breathe?
Why didn't you reach out even when you were at the point of break?
After you were gone, the summer lost it's cheery warmth,
The snowy winter enjoyable no more,
The autumn sad, the spring lifeless,
And the rain sang a song of melancholy,
And I started to resent it all.
At some point, I started to hate you just as I hated the seasons, haunted by the thoughts of 'what if' and 'why' —
What if it was all my fault?
Did you love me no more?
Was I not worthy enough to live for?
But as they say — with time comes chaos and healing.
And time,
It didn't heal me from that pain, no, but perhaps, I came to understand you one summer afternoon
Maybe it wasn't your fault, neither was it mine.
Perhaps there was no point in blaming myself anymore and holding you back from a new, better life,
So I let you go, and told myself it's okay.
Even if it may not be right now, it will be one day.
Once I did, slowly, but surely, the seasons seemed to open up to me,
With the summer skies warm and blue,
The assurance of the raindrops in monsoon,
The shedding of old leaves with autumn,
And the signs of a new beginning with spring.
To you, who no longer exists,
Even if the world may forget,
I shall not.
