Apparently, the other candidate declined to take the job or ghosted. So now my supervisor is offering it to me.
But in these past three weeks, I have come to the most delightful realization. I am ready to leave this place. I'm done with the whole grind. While working on my exit plan, I found myself amazingly unstressed and downright happy. Giddy, almost. It's been so much easier to work when I don't have to care about the future success of the unit anymore.
So although I said I would take the weekend to think it over, I also told her that I had already mentally moved on and was happier now, looking towards retirement. I doubt that I will change my mind between now and Monday...and that's kind of a fun feeling.
Actions have consequences.
My posse is also stunned (one is angry all over again, another is "speechless at the utter ridiculousness"). But I am just laughing over here at the sheer inanity of it.
I can't believe how much I am enjoying the outcome. It feels good to be in this position.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Great American Fyre Festival, surrounded by the Freedom 250 Death Trap fence.
Had a chance to visit the top of some buildings overlooking the National Mall recently. There are no people at this joke of an event. Months and months of intrusive disruption for what.
So the update ('cause I know you have been waiting…lol)
I did not get the job.
I took the last 24 hours to absorb and think on my next steps. I am making no sudden decisions out of spite or pettiness because I'm focused on what I need to get on with things.
Ok, maybe I am allowing myself the rest of the week to be petty. Instead of getting right to work this morning, I decided to strip my cubicle walls of most of my belongings and will bring them home over the next few months. I want to remind myself daily that there's not much to keep me there.
I also spent the whole day NOT working on any of the high priority projects. I only worked on the absolute lowest priority project, the one that will make absolutely no impact on anyone ever.
I also barely acknowledged or even said more than four words to my supervisor today, and expect the same tomorrow. I have nothing to say to her right now.
My immediate reaction when she told me:
I thanked her for making it very easy to plan my retirement. I think that made her quite nervous, but whatever. She told me not to be hasty, there was no expectation that I should leave.
I said, well, I don't really see why I would stay (even my husband said that before the application process).
Every explanation she gave about her decision was hollow. I would have respected her so much more if she just stated things plainly and didn't follow up every "I made the decision, I own it" justification with annoying fawning "but you should know that I value your expertise and your work etc. etc. etc.". I lost count of how many times I not-so-quietly scoffed, although I do think I refrained from rolling my eyes.
She mentioned that she planned to put forth a request for a cash award (lol), since I'd already been assisting her with many of these additional duties for two years. I was mildly insulted, but sure, I'll take the $900. Why not.
She even said that she was selfish and wanted the best of both worlds: the other candidate and myself to make a power team. She insists that I'm going to work well with the new person, but the other candidate has more experience in how she wants the position to go. And you know what, fair. I can't read her mind, I don't know what she was really envisioning, and…I cease to care at this point.
But I then took a breath and told her that I was pissed not because I didn't get the job. I am curiously ok with that. No, it was because I let her talk me into applying and went through all that stress for nothing. It was a total waste of my time and energy, and I only applied because she had asked me to consider applying so many times. That she gave me hope that I could actually enact the change that I haven't been able to in my current position. Otherwise, I hadn't planned on applying at all.
She was taken aback by that, and kept trying to justify how she thought I'd be a great choice, and that she was glad that she got to "show how amazing" I was to the unit. To which I sarcastically shot back "apparently not."
She then tried to blame the hiring team members for causing the extra stress, saying that they all agreed I should be in the final running. (hah, way to own your decision)
I get that she is doing what she needs to. But I am also doing what I need to, and that might be to retire before our major three year project is actually done.
I had told my coworkers that I would stay until it is over, but right now, I don't see why I wouldn't just bow out now (other than I do like my coworkers and don't want them to have a difficult time).
As I sat in a meeting today, I found myself writing the following in my notebook:
No incentive.
No investment.
No interest.
Time to go.
And that pretty much sums up the current picture.
I'll get my basic work done, but I have a virtual foot already out the door right now. Hopefully, by next week, I'll be feeling much less petty, but who knows. ;D
The office I work in is basically a long corridor with about 25 cubicles and two offices with doors (for the supervisors). It houses two units that work closely together but administratively are from totally different areas of the organization chart.
We have been in this space for about 15 years, and both of our units share the same large, communal table where many eat lunch, leave snacks to share with each other, and sometimes hold meetings.
Our snack game is strong. We always have snacks and they are about 30% home made, not just store bought. Everyone partakes, most contribute, but that is never required. People from our units that sit elsewhere in the building even leave snacks on the table to share. We also invite others outside of our units to partake.
This is the normal etiquette for our office.
About three weeks ago, I brought in a gluten-free gingerbread loaf. I had mentioned in December that I wanted to try out a recipe and many in the office were very excited to try it.
Due to the snowy/icy weather, very few people were in the office on the day I brought it in. Maybe about 4 others. By lunchtime, no one had yet tried it, but I knew that most people would be in the following day.
The next morning, I figured I'd have a slice for breakfast once I got to work (I am in before 7 am). But when I got there, there was no loaf and no indication that it was ever there. It had completely disappeared. Everyone in the office was confused about where it could have gone.
Although I was mighty perturbed that someone took or threw out the loaf, there was nothing I really could do about it.
And then this past Tuesday, I returned from a meeting during the lunch hour, and as I walked past the table, a few people mentioned that the mystery was solved. That made me pause at the table.
One coworker pointed at another coworker - someone that I don't interact with that often (they work in the other unit), but often enough. The indicated coworker then started to ask about the "zucchini bread" that had been on the table. I answered that I didn't make zucchini bread. Then they said "carrot bread" and again I said I didn't make carrot bread, I made gingerbread. To which they said:
"Oh that's what it was. Well, I ate a piece and thought it was so good, when I was leaving, I saw it and put it in my bag and took it home."
Cue the disapproving faces of everyone at the table. I don't even know what my reaction was because I immediately walked away to process what they just said. I don't know what happened at the table before I arrived back in the office (they had literally just learned this right before I walked in), or after I left in shock, but less than ten minutes later, this thief had the audacity to come to my cubicle and ask me for the recipe. And I quote:
"I realize now that no one else got to try it, and it was so good, they should get to, so I want to make it for the office."
I said I'd send the recipe (I found it online so it's no secret) and they walked away.
I was already standing, so I looked over the cubicle divider at my contractor and whispered "wtf" just as she whispered "did they take it?!" She was agog, as was the coworker in the cubicle on the other side.
In what world is it acceptable to take an entire baked good that is not given to you, that is obviously meant for everyone, and not even know what the fuck it is?
What. The. Fuck.
I'm still not over it. My supervisor, the thief's supervisor, and indeed the whole office will always think of them as the thief now and not forget. If they bring in a replacement loaf, everyone will be reminded of what they did. I will not be inclined to try it.
The story has gone well beyond our units. My contractor says this is now her favorite absurd work story.
Post script: all I can say is good luck to them because the recipe requires a lot of ingredients and a few less common techniques and tools. I'm a regular baker and I make a variety of baked goods that I share with the office. And as far as I am aware, the thief has never brought in anything home made in the five years they have worked with us.
I have realized that I really dislike over-pectined jelly/jam. Jam should be spreadable, not bounce like Jell-O jigglers or destroy your toast when you try to spread it.
Help. I have three recently opened jars in the fridge and dislike the textures so much: cherry, blackberry (not seedless), and FROG. What recipes can I use them in?
Had my interview, I think it went well because the interviewers engaged with me (too much, perhaps?). Felt like a project/planning meeting and not an interview half the time. I guess that's the advantage of having worked with these folks for so long. And disadvantage. They didn't get through all of their questions.
After the three interview sessions (one with leadership, one with the team that would report to this position, and one with the organization head) and lunch with the supervisor (my current supervisor, hah)...
I was finally done.
There's nothing else I or the other candidate can do to effect anything at this point.
As of late last night, I could feel my anxiety level drop. I had finally hit the "I don't care, let's just get this over with" wall and so, except for a few nerves at the start of the interview panel, I was surprisingly good.
When I finally got to chat with my contractors, they both gave me their assessments of the (our team) interviews. I think the summary from one about the other candidate was: "She was fine, but I wasn't excited about her, and I don't think her vibe fits the office here." The other contractor was kinder, but essentially said the same thing in more detail. She also said the other candidate didn't have any experience in one of the areas the office oversees. They both (they're biased, naturally) really liked my answers and my questions to them. But I do have the inside advantage of being able to speak about specifics.
I asked one of the contractors: "My main concern is will I be happy working for this person?" She made a "nope" face, then said "you would have to mentor her, which would be completely unfair to everyone".
I like that my contractors feel they can give me their honest opinions, and that they value my experience a lot higher than the other candidates.
Based on that, and the first (most important) interview being more chummy than imposing, I'm pretty comfortable thinking that there wasn't really a contest here.
But our organization is sometimes weird and will hire someone that doesn't make sense, so there's always a chance they go with the other person.
Anyway, I am happy enough with my performance today, so that's good enough for me.
Turns out, getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night for 4 days in a row raises my anxiety levels through the roof. I finally was able to sleep 4 hours two nights in a row, and 4 and a half last night (despite waking up at 3:30a and not getting back to sleep - still a vast improvement from waking up at midnight and not getting back to sleep, going to work, and not going to sleep until 1 am the following night).
Pro-tip, getting more sleep really helps to ramp things down to a manageable level (instead of a screaming 200%, I'm now at 60%?).
I realized that things were out of control when I sat through our unit meeting (which my supervisor leads, and which would become my responsibility if I get the job). It's a coordination meeting for our subteams - mainly for awareness of what requires more than one team to accomplish or which teams are tied up for a while. As we're discussing the work, my supervisor proceeds to task two other members of our team to a job that falls squarely under my tasks and has for decades. I'm not sure what my face looked like, but I felt incredibly cut out of the conversation. Then, at the end of the meeting, she did the same thing - tasked one of my current projects to another team member, saying that I will not have time for it. At this point, I was starting to get a bit mad that I wasn't actually consulted before she took the projects away. But I didn't want to make a big deal about it and figured I'd talk to her about it later. Except she had to take unplanned leave and the next time I'll see her is the day of (did I mention) the 4-hour interview.
A day later, one of my direct reports mentioned her own confusion about my supervisor tasking what were clearly my duties to members of the team who have zero experience with those workflows and duties.
After puzzling over it over, though, I wonder if it's a positive sign? I don't want to falsely interpret things, but is she already starting to reassign my current duties to others so that I can take the new duties on?
It's been very hard to get a read on this. Her literal last words to me before the weekend were "You'll be great. Whatever happens, just know that you are respected and appreciated for the work you do."
I mean, what am I supposed to do with that? That sounds like a "been nice knowing ya!" I'm choosing to interpret it as if she's giving encouragement yet remain neutral.
TL; DR: Seriously, please read Tanith Lee's Tales From The Flat Earth series. Or her retellings of fairy tales (while you're at it, Angela Carter's retellings, too), Red As Blood. Not all of her works were amazing, but she was so good.
This additional revelation about Gaiman plagiarizing Lee (and others) adds another layer of *insert grr face* to the whole thing because of my love for Lee's storytelling. I accept the fact that authors borrow heavily from others all the time (Piers Anthony's Incarnations of Immortality is another series personifying deities/ideas that comes to mind). Nothing is truly novel, it's always been done by someone, just (usually) not in the same way. I also didn't read that much of the Sandman series, so I didn't know there was so much heavy borrowing/plagiarism going on.
But this reminds me of why I was less than enthused when Harry Potter first published. I just couldn't get into it.
It wasn't the ideas - those were fine. It was because the books seemed to be pale comparisons to books I treasured as a pre-teen/young teen. Not that HP really reminded me of these (except for Charmed Life, which is exactly what I thought about when reading that first HP book), but I didn't want a rehash of the type of worlds I'd already known.
If I didn't have to go to work, I'd give this more thought. But off the top of my head, and 45+ years after I read most of these, I'd recommend these books for young readers (or older ones that don't mind reading books meant for young people):
Charmed Life (the entire series) and Dogsbody by Diana Wynne Jones
Witches of Worm and The Egypt Game by Zilpha Keatly Snyder
Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley, and Me, Elizabeth and From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Konigsburg
The Dark is Rising series by Susan Cooper
The Chronicles of Prydain series by Lloyd Alexander
Time Quintet series by Madeline L'Engle
The Earthsea Cycle series by Ursula K. LeGuin
So much in those worlds for a young person to think about. They certainly helped to make me who I am now.
Last thought: the Four-BEE duology by Tanith Lee is still one of my very favorites ever. If you have an affinity for neo-futuristic philosophical young adult angst in a world where death is just a temporary phase, please read. Both books are very short.
