#current: 025

[brokenglassbeginning]

“I thought I did my best, it was nearly good enough” 

Fi’s tears made her own eyes fill up, there was something about seeing strong Fiona in so much pain that pushed her to the edge of things. Fi was the strong on, she wasn’t, she was the one that pretended to be half as tough as Fi and yet still failed. This entire thing was over her comfort zone of seeing her little sister being hurt.

There was a part of her that still wanted to go back in time, to stop Fi before she ever made the decision to carry the baby for these strangers. But she wasn’t about to start on that again, that point was nothing now and it was just the repercussions that they needed to deal with and get through. She needed to be the adult for once in her life.

“You have nothing to thank me for”

          She shook her head, Auggie had been the one who’d been put through the bunt of everything. He and Teddy would have had the house fall apart around them if they hadn’t though. She needed to figure out some way to thank the both of them for everything. He’d gone from little brother extraordinaire to the rock they both needed more than anything else.

“I…”

          Trailing off trying to find her words she couldn’t. She and Jude really hadn’t talked about anything. She watched him with Eleanor like he’d always been a part of her life. The two of them were something else, cut from the same fabric, it was incredible. Everything that she’d never expected to watch or be a part of.

          Even she and Jude had been great since the night at the house. He was his same old gentle and warm self that held open doors and called her Beautiful. The same guy who’d made her change her mind about needing to chase after something that wasn’t good for her. Yet she couldn’t help but wonder why, why now had he decided to walk back into their lives. Only she didn’t really know how to broach that question. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know where he’d been or what had gone through his head.

“I think I’m still in shock over the whole thing.”

          That was without a shadow of a doubt true. It had been a week and yet she still felt like it was part of some strange dream that she’d wake up from at any moment where things would be exactly the way they were before and all of her guilt would come blazing back to her.

“My only question is why now? And I know I probably shouldn’t even be asking that. I should just be taking what I get. He’s here and that’s all that matters. But I just… why? And the fact that he kissed me yesterday…”

          Now she was talking far too much and only about herself. That was one of her biggest problems, always turning all of the worries in the room on her when they shouldn’t have been. There were bigger things going on, bigger problems that had come up and made themselves known. She needed to focus on something else that wasn’t just about her.

“So I think that when things are a little bit better Auggie and Teddy need a vacation. I’ll take over his shifts at Sugar Flowers. I’m sure between Jude and B and school Eleanor will be just fine. But I think with all the two of them have done they deserve it.”

          Focusing on the lighter things, the better things that didn’t raise 500 hundred other emotions was probably for the better for the both of them. Maybe they could figure out where to send the pair as a surprise. It would give them both something else to focus on for a little while, a nice break from where their lives had been lately she could imagine.

[brokenglassbeginning]

“For the first time in forever at least I’ve got a chance” 

           Hearing the footsteps clattering from the hallway back to her she figured that Eleanor hadn’t gotten a response from her aunt. She put her arms out expecting to end up with the child and puppy and was surprised to only find the child. Lifting Eleanor up she squeezed the child to her chest for a moment. She’d taken all of the advantages lately to do that that she could. She’d missed enough time with her.

“Woah, you clearly have the magic touch baby”

           Kissing Eleanor’s cheek she placed her daughter back down on the ground and pointed to the table where the coloring books and crayons sat. B had been working on the alphabet with her lately, and for a three year old she was getting it surprisingly well, it had to have been the Jude in her.

“Why don’t you go color Auntie a picture?”

           Just as she was told Eleanor scampered away without protest. She was so good about everything. So good when she had no reason to be, when she could have acted out and it would have been perfectly understandable for everything that she’d been through.

“I’m not trying to cause trouble with her I just…”

           Looking at the puppy in her sister’s arms she didn’t know exactly what to say suddenly. How had she exactly thought this was a good idea? Was she seriously trying to numb her sister’s pain of giving up her daughter by placing another living thing in her arms? If there was one thing Wave was simply too good at it was trying to buy things better when it wasn’t possible.

           She felt like an ass now when she thought about it all. In the moment it had all seemed like a good idea. Give Fi something to look after and take care of, try to put a smile back on her face. But like all other moments it was something fleeting and she just felt like a jerk now.

“She seemed to be in a pretty bad predicament at the shelter herself. I don’t know, I guess I thought that you two could help one another.”

           Walking forward she rustled the puppy’s fur, carefully. The little thing’s big brown eyes drew her in again and she found herself melting for a moment. Okay so maybe the puppy was too cute to really regret. She could only hope that that was the way Fiona felt about her too.

“I just thought before she became that Christmas present that was enjoyed for a week and then cast off to the side she could maybe keep you some company?”

           Taking her eyes off of the pup she went back to cleaning up the mess that had once been their living room before the myriad of people had taken up residence in it. She was never sure anymore who was there and who wasn’t. Not that she was complaining, it felt comfortable to have the ever revolving couch.

“Did you ever have that live cam installed at Sugar Flowers? Because our darling brother and my… and Jude are currently running your bakery.”

           She probably shouldn’t have told her that. She was supposed to be taking away the stress not adding to it. God, she wasn’t very good at this at all. She was just good at adding disasters to everything rather than taking them away.

“Not to worry though, Q assured us this morning that he’s got everything under control. I don’t know exactly what that means… but Ceecee said that he’d be fine and I sort of trust her.”

           On second thought now she probably should have sent Jude home with Eleanor and taken over the shift herself. Only, the last time she’d done that (three days ago) she’d burned a couple of dozen cookies… something that she was NOT about to tell her sister about. This was why Fi was the baker and she just… wasn’t.

“How are you actually feeling? Are you still sore?”

           She didn’t want to bring any of it up, didn’t want to make Fi relive a second of it. But at the same time, her worry about the pain and everything else was a genuine concern. She would have called a doctor straight in if that were needed, without any hesitations on it. That was at least one thing she knew how to do.

[brokenglassbeginning]

“I never see you anymore, come out the door, it’s like you’ve gone away” 

“Mommy? Should Aunt Fi be worried?”

           Looking down at her daughter she contemplated the question for a moment. Should Fiona have been worried about what the status of her bakery would be by the end of the day? The bakery that was her prized possession and she’d put so much effort into? Well that answer was probably a given.

“I… probably.”

           What was she supposed to say? Quincy and Jude. In the bakery. By themselves… that was more concerning than most things. But the thought had been far too amusing and they’d been far to genuine to not take them up on that offer so that Teddy and Auggie could go get breakfast or something for everything that they’d both done lately. They just had to hope that the bakery was at least still standing by the time Someone got there to check on them.

           That was one of the reasons for the little distraction that was comfortably settled in Eleanor’s arms. That and Fi needed something that was going to perk her up a little bit. Maybe the furry thing would do that.

“Don’t tell aunt fi that daddy and uncle Q are there, okay?”

           Eleanor nodded up at her in agreement. The last thing Fi needed was something to stress out over.

           The puppy lifted its sleepy head from Eleanor’s shoulder as the key in the door was turned and it swung open. He was a cute little thing, a rescue that she and Eleanor had had their eye on since their visit on Saturday, till he was cleared to go to a home.

“Do you think she’s gonna like him?”

           Placing the bag of dog items on the couch she looked at her daughter, standing with the puppy in her arms in the big apartment. It didn’t seem so foreign and strange anymore. Instead, over the past month it felt almost like she’d been around for the three years that she should have been. The past week had made the whole thing feel even better.

           The influx of people in and out of the apartment had a normal feeling to it. From B crashing on the couch to Jude taking up residence in her bed with the ever revolving door of her father and Viv to Andi and Sophie coming to check on Fi almost daily, the chaos had been a good thing, a comforting thing. For some reason, chaos had always cleared her head better than the silence.

“I bet she’s going to love him. Go knock on auntie’s door. See if she’ll open it”

           Of course it wasn’t something that Wave was going to open her breath to, Fi had been pretty much unresponsive to everything in the past week and a half, not that anyone could blame her. What she’d done… it was exactly the thing that Wave had called right from the beginning.

           Fi’s heart was too soft, too caring… too mothering, to hand that baby girl off and to not give another word about it was killing the girl. Anyone who even knew Fi knew the outcome before even looking at Fiona.

“AUNT FI, mommy and me have a present for you.”

           Eleanor called through the wooden door, Wave could see her bouncing up and down in front of the door from the corner of her eye. The bubbly little thing had been so excited to bring the puppy home to Fi, so excited to try and rouse her aunt from her darkened mood. She without question had Jude’s big heart.  

           She knew that she’d need to walk to do the door and open it, that Fiona would still be in the same balled up place in bed that she’d been since being released from the hospital over a week ago, but she also knew that she had to give Fi the chance to get up on her own without having to be poked and prodded.

           Instead of walking over right away, she instead started to fold the blankets off of the couch and pick up the smaller items on the floor that the puppy would probably get into once he was better acquainted with the house.