Feels good man.
I’ve noticed there are certain activities, ways of relating to the world, personal frames of reference, attitudes, ways of acting, levels of awareness, degrees of body awareness, the sensitivity of sense perceptions, etc. that I seem to cycle through. I’ll organize these personal, mental-emotional cycles, into messy categories. On the one hand, There's ‘feels good man’ and, on the other, ‘feels bad man’.
Now I’ll just shit out words and phrases that are circling in and out of my head tonight at 12:44 Am, July 9, Monday. Words and phrases that seem important in a vague way. I haven't followed each thought down where they want to go yet, that’s why the reason they feel import isn’t completely clear yet. They are:
1) Social life 2) What a small power-out brings to surface what I take for granted about modern life. cut off your water, plumbing, trash service, car, electricity, refrigeration, radio, grocery store. even the lack of electricity for a few minutes (which happened yesterday and caused me to think these things) in your house, no outlets to charge your phone, no tv, no refrigerator, no A.C. and suddenly the mental routine of robotic consumption and rotations in the rat wheel of the job, all of that bursts, and the cushion of modern comfort separating you from the world of nature is torn apart, immediately for the brief moments of a power out in your home you enter the real world and are no longer in a home but in a wooden box, which instantly becomes characterized by it’s emerging primary function- Protection. The mental framework of your life held up by modern convenience and entertainment vanishes and you are suddenly out of your head and in the physical world and what you feel to be important, your entire sense of self and orientation in life would shift to survival. Things that used to take up your attention, worries, etc, would become trivial and be forgotten. It's strange to think of... maybe people are depressed because not only are we already self-aware and know we are going to die, but much of what would take up our time and create meaning and be the focal points of our lives- building shelter and fires, hunting, etc are removed from life by modern technology, so the focus shifts to entertainment, and in our alone time our minds wander to what it’s all for 3) The need to sit, get calm, feel shit and remember that you’re not a floating head. 4) creative self-expression. 5) religion and spirituality 6) sense of self 7)mental focal point 8) social isolation leads to withdrawal from the world, into self. 9) a seemingly disproportionate amount of stress. 10) my typical moods and feeling of life. 10) what is depression? 11) The importance of hobbies and fun activities and cracking jokes at one’s self 12) Conversation and the quality of my personal relationships 13)The contradiction of owning who you are Vs. the spiritual project of erasing yourself. 14) Getting out of your own way 15) surrendering to life 16) letting go of life 17) diet and sleep 18) plans for future 19) who am I, what can I make? 20) as far as I can tell, the activities most of us do on our free time seem to confirm the statement “life is suffering” because they're often used as symptom relief from negative feelings and thoughts inside of us that make us uncomfortable. There can each be a different form of running away from yourself, of not feeling what’s inside you. Some examples are:
_the preference to be surrounded by friends over being with one's self
_ entertainment, drugs and alcohol and cigarettes
_listening to the radio
_cell phone use
_social media
_Porn
_self-help books
_snacking,.. etc.
Note* In most of these there seems to be a compulsive quality. What is this compulsiveness?
THIS POST IS NOT COMPLETE!! I’LL FINISH IT LATER. I HAVE TO GO TO BED SO I DON’T COLLAPSE AT WORK TOMORROW FROM SLEEP DEPRIVATION.