@cursedvessels asked: “ you want the truth? the truth is when i love people it burns inside me like a poison. it infects every part of me until it feels like they’re in my goddamn soul…and then i fuck it up. and it’ll destroy us both. ”
Anakin feels a myriad of emotions course through him as Georgi speaks. There's poetry to her word choices, a real art for language on display. It's beautiful, admirable, he's in awe of her. If only the content wasn't so painful and hard to actually listen to. There's a deep sadness in Georgi's soul, that much is obvious. And it's a deeper sadness than Anakin understands in this moment, that's obvious too. To another guy it may sound like she's being theatrical. Overdramatic. Pushing him away. Making up a grand excuse for why they can't be together. Anakin's the kind of guy who hears her and takes away that dating is a no-go, a non-starter, because it'll hurt too much. Which is exactly the thing that keeps Ani from giving his own heart away.
For Anakin, it's a matter of losing every single person he's cared for, in some capacity. It's now being too broken to ever open himself fully to someone, to let them into the darkest parts of his mind and heart. He doesn't know how anymore, has forgotten because it's safer that way. Yeah, Anakin loves a lot of people, he looks out for them. But he also holds them at arms length, has a lot of secret boundaries that only come up when they have to. It's not the healthiest, he's able to acknowledge that. Here's a person who gets it, in some way. That's intriguing, it calls to him like a gentle whisper somehow cutting through a sea of screaming. He's locked in on her, unsure if this is the moment they tumble into something terrifying together or if it's about to shatter irreperably.
"The fucking up part... that's inevitable, isn't it?" he asks quietly, meaning it rhetorically since he already knows the answer. "No matter how hard you try to keep it, it's going to break anyway. Maybe it'll be one drop that breaks the whole thing into tiny pieces. Or maybe it'll chip away slowly, and you won't even realize until it's too late. Nothing lasts, especially not the good shit. How can it?" Ani wants to console her and tell her that it won't happen this time, that he's fireproof and can weather her destruction. Those words don't come - he doesn't want to lie to her.
Instead Anakin blinks sad brown eyes at her, resembling a cartoon character with how big and sparkly they are. "I'm sorry I can't do anything to help. I'd love to play superhero and change the whole fucking narrative for you, G, but I'm just a guy, you know? Not a particularly spectacular one at that either. I've been chewed up a couple times already, it's not a pleasant experience." Did it have to be guaranteed with them? Was it worth trying anyway, eventual possible pain be damned? Anakin's not sure, he doesn't have those answers yet. "Or I could get chewed up one more time. By you. It doesn't seem all that troubling... Fuck, I don't know. Georgi, help me out here, I don't know what to say. What's the right move?"