[Start of Log 073]
Log 073: The Cigar
*sighs* This is my fault... well not all my fault! Why do I have this story to tell today you may ask—if you may ask I mean—it all begins with John and James.
Yes, I write and save little love letters and love poems to Dice, yes, I do that ok? Just dunno how to up and say it to him sometimes... but I think he might have read them though, somehow... I probably deleted thousands of drafts and stuff. Hey why do I mention stuff I deleted? Well...
I needed this file from our archive, I needed John and James to pull it out, what happened is that I wanted to get it as fast as possible so I forwarded these wishes to John and James, I didn’t want to hang around them when it seemed like they always have the words *quotes*“we want to embarrass you BADLY” written on their faces recently. Right, I told them to look for file 021125, and observed them type in 155... not a joke! 115 oops, 155! I was like, “I was NOT telling you how many of these numbers are there, it’s 1 zero, 1 two, 2 ones, then 1 two and 1 five!” It was when they literally typed in 1012211215 that I realized they were trying to stall me, and well, build tension for something they possibly waited for a long time to do. I didn’t want none of that crap, so I shouted, “just type this in! Digit by digit alright?!! 0, 2, 1, 1, 2, 5!” That was easy right? No they entered sloth mode!
“0”, yes you typed zero, hooray! Now go for two, that’s right, it’s right there, look IT’S RIGHT THERE! Just put your finger on it, no no no why are you now pointing to 1, I said 2!! Oh that’s right now you’re there, type 2, 2, 2!!!!!!
“2” oh thank God! Now go for 1, yes 1, no not 0 NO NO NO! Ok yes, 1, yes. Should I remind you of the next three numbers? Because at this rate when you finished typing the 1 you would’ve forgotten the next three numbers already!
“1” on second thought, if I reminded you the 125 you might just mess up the entire file number so we have to start over if I can guess what you are thinking. WAIT WHY ARE YOU GOING TO 0? Look you don’t have to start from 0 and move to the number every flipping time!
“1” this is an eternity! Wait is it just me or did you slow down? Can you be ANY slower than you were just now? Apparently yes! OMG I can feel my life flash in front of my eyes. I still have so much to do and so much to fix! Have I told Dice that I loved him?
“2” if it wasn’t for the little screen with the search bar I would have forgotten where we were at myself! ............................................................
*reenacts the scene himself* “5” FINALLY!!! Now you just have to click “search”... wait a sec...... UUUUUUUUHHHHHH!!!!! They can still drag this on!!!!!!
*keeps reenacting* right so John finally clicks “search”, and the file shows up right? So I directed, “tap on it!”, so the file would be extracted, but........... how does one accidentally click on the delete button while opening up the file??!!! Especially when you are made to do things for us with precision and elegance?!
*reenacts the convo* “Hey boozoos! You know I would go to Dice about your, INCOMPETENCE right?” “Aw chill out, don’t go yet, we can still recover the file,” John said it without a thread of dread, so I know something had to be amiss, because they are usually scared of Dice hearing about them messing with me. “JUST GET ME THE FILE!!!” “Ok Boss,” but recovers something else, “oh what’s this? ‘Dice, not a moment passes without me thinking of your soft skin, oh how I longed to have you in my arms!’ What is this cringe Boss? Oh and, ‘you are life’s greatest gift for me’, why is this in the trash Boss? Little pieces like ‘when you and I are alone I gained my own piece of heaven,’ why this cringe Boss? You know practically everyone working in this casino can see this, don’t you? Why don’t you report your little works of art to Mr. King Dice too?”
I practically broke into Dice’s office after that!
Dice just stared at me knowingly and said, “it was John and James again wasn’t it?” I almost cried and I thought it would be very clever to say “Dice you love me right?” And confess that I wrote some cringeworthy stuff about us two, just before I let Dice get back to work... probably became one of the reasons why Mr. Wheezy turned out like this...
I thought Dice couldn’t look more dumbfounded than he did then—when I confessed, but I had a whole new idea after seeing his reaction to Wheezy’s nonsense.
So, Wheezy’s first day on the job. I actually liked him a lot, Wheezy is really just a simple guy, he fit right in with our existing staff, he is very down to earth, everyone liked him. The best part? Wheezy is not trying to play tricks all the time like John and James would do, he was so enthusiastic and was very good at his job. I heard from James that Wheezy threw that arson rat out long before he got mad and torched our property again, just because he thought that guy didn’t feel right. Wheezy was lit, literally. Every one of our employees cheered for him.
Huh... you know, why would Dice light that stupid cigar right? Probably because of the fact that he was really distracted by my cringe stuff...
I was happy about all Wheezy’s hard work, but James up and said that guy was for some reason very off, and I should keep a good eye on him. At the time I even teased James, “Aww you probably thought he’s off because you are jealous that I liked him more than you and John, Wheezy listens to me without trouble at least, UNLIKE YOU TWO, haww-hawww, be jealous pal, be very jealous.” I should have paid attention when he said, *impersonates, reenacts the tone of urgency* “I am not joking around this time, I’m being serious! John thinks so too.” But I didn’t think much of it, I mean, Wheezy’s perfect as long as he does whatever Dice and I wanted him to do without overthinking or messing around, the casino is never this in order—something would always go wrong with those costumers—this peace and quiet is all thanks to Wheezy kicking the rat out. I seriously thought Wheezy is like a lucky charm! Why didn’t I realize that those days could have been just some of our quieter days.
Wheezy ended up not being very busy, then he apparently wanted to just walk around and find somethings that he can lend a hand to. He did find something...
Right after offering to heat Mangosteen’s dinner, which is NOT part of his job, Wheezy found out Pip and Dot had a gas leak going on in their room, he volunteered to fix the issue, which is also NOT part of his job. Needless to say, lit cigar plus gas right?
BOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
Now I get it! Wheezy is trying way too hard to do ALL the jobs just because he might want to feel validated and he liked that feeling.
Dice told me later that night that he intended to be calm and collected when he had to talk to Wheezy about how half our staff quarters exploded, but he just can’t hold it in... when Wheezy accidentally made a pun. He tried his best to calm himself again and explained why the explosion happened to Wheezy—Wheezy had no idea why!—he has to explain as best as he can. It seemed that Wheezy did understand, and he said he would stay far away from future gas leaks. After all this Dice is just completely and utterly exhausted.
As we were drifting off to sleep, Dice got a call and this is when his jaw just dropped, that was the most dumbfounded he had ever appeared to be. John and James were tasked to fix the gas leak, clean up and restore our staff’s rooms, that should have taken no longer than 5 minutes, but somehow in that little interval of time mangosteen was just UNBEARABLY hungry and wanted more food, mind you he had dinner—the dinner Wheezy heated for him remember?! His room was one of those that was completely taken out by the explosion, and he can’t wait 5 minutes. So being the good *ironic*“resourceful” person he is, Wheezy offered to heat a can of food from his room for Mangosteen, HHHHHHH...... HAHAHAHAHA, I shouldn’t be laughing but, let’s describe it with Wheezy’s own words like how John did on the call, *clears throat* “I read the label on that can, it said ‘DO NOT PUT CAN IN MICROWAVE OVEN’, so I poured out the food into my metal pot and put that into the microwave, I’m not stupid.”... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... and then “Well of course I put the metal pot in there too! Geez I’m not going to just put the food in there silly” And the microwave caught on fire, our staff tried to put it out but it didn’t work, so now the remaining half of their quarters is gone as well, John and James didn’t even know how to tell us about that! After 1 minute of silence Dice finally told them to split up, keep an eye on everyone as the other quickly rebuild everything, otherwise no one would get any rest at all. Guess who got no rest in the end, Dice, he was so... shocked, he spent this whole night making this group of cigarettes to “assist” Wheezy—actually to keep him under close watch.
Fast forward to yesterday, 3 days after the last gas leak incident.
Everyone got along just well, especially Wheezy and the cigarettes, they bonded like brothers. They are like heroes to the majority of our staff, lending helping hands and keeping potential troublemakers away. You think everyone would hate Wheezy’s guts after what happened with their quarters right? Apparently not... For some reason. This time they really want to impress Dice and I, maybe to make up for the fact that they made such a mess, or get more validation, idk. The problem is that they went to an extreme length. They were everywhere, and they are *quotes*“nice” to the point that it’s intimidating! Once, Wheezy and two cigarettes actually followed Dice into the washroom and asked if he needed assistance there, I didn’t hear that part at that time but I did hear a loud “EXCUSE ME?!!” from Dice. I dragged them out and nearly beat them dead. Dice stopped me, why Dice I should’ve beat them dead so they wouldn’t cause all this trouble yesterday! At that time Dice probably wanted to believe that they’re just not clever enough and we have to patiently explain EVERYTHING to them, including personal boundaries, and what their jobs actually include.
John and James couldn’t focus on their jobs because they spent so much energy on watching the cigarettes, still had that lingering doubt about them. You see, John and James didn’t check the pressure of our gas lines or something and there was an even bigger leak starting out from our basement. Guess what, being the room closest to the basement, Pip and Dot’s room is once again filled with the smell of gas, and they just assumed there’s a leak in their room again. What did they do may I ask? Did they go to John or James, or Dice, or me with the problem? NO, they turned to their group of friends, which unfortunately includes Wheezy......
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!!!!
Half of our casino was gone with the blast!
And yeah... we somehow managed to be calm enough to clean ourselves up and have a late dinner like nothing stupid happened.
I checked with everyone, and imagine my surprise when I found John and James working alone on rebuilding the casino. Then it hit me, I really haven’t seen Wheezy and his cigarettes!
This is what I found them doing...
At that point it was already late, and Dice was still covered in ashes, I had to pull him away from the situation because I can clearly see that they are not on the same page.
It was then I found out from Dice, that he found out from our staff, that Wheezy did want to dive headfirst into the gas again! Wheezy completely forgot about the last incident and what Dice tried to tell him! Which means he had to repeat all that once again... Luckily the little cigarettes stopped him and reminded him that HE cannot go near the gas leak and Wheezy was all “yeah yeah yeah”. According to our staff the cigarettes also prevented him from putting metal into the microwave YET AGAIN, so thumbs up for them there. Then why was there still an explosion? That’s because Wheezy worked his magic and convinced one of the cigarettes to go repair the leak in his place! Why not ANYONE ELSE? I DON’T KNOW! It was then I knew stupidity is probably contagious... all I need to say is, that little cigarette that went in is of course, lit!
Now I get it, saying Wheezy is not allowed to fix gas leaks was not enough, we have to address each and every cigarette and tell them they are not allowed to do so as well! But what’s weird about this is that while this time Dice tried to tell them all that they can’t help with a gas leak, because they are lit cigarettes, Wheezy just blew into this sudden rage and exploded about how being cigarettes didn’t mean that they can’t help and he didn’t like how Dice kept thinking cigarettes are not good enough. Then he called Dice every name in the Inkwell version of a dictionary. This came out of nowhere whatsoever! Did something ridiculous just click to him somehow? We never said or indicated ANYTHING like that to them right? Knowing Wheezy he probably wasn’t trying to, or plainly couldn’t make this kind of a joke for laughs, he basically accused Dice of thinking all that. The biggest issue is that Dice couldn’t get them to understand that they took what he is saying wrong, therefore the conversation went between Dice talking about how scientifically, LIT cigarettes can’t mix with gas, and Wheezy taking that and applying that to all things unrelated and believing further and further that Dice is just not willing to give him this pet on his back no matter what he does, because of an unrelated reason, so Wheezy hates an idea that he gets out of whatever Dice is trying to say even when that’s clearly not what he meant AT ALL, and he feels the overwhelming need to attack Dice for it. UHH!! Wow I wish I listen to John and James, I mean they were right about most people!
Hey I hope Wheezy snaps out of this eventually right?
[End of Log 073]
Lmao when Mr. Wheezy says “I’m not stupid” and proceeds to tell someone else that they’re “silly” after burning his microwave oven
Inkwell version insults, what would all of those be like?
Piece the timeline together (use hints like the log numbers and certain contents), otherwise it wouldn’t make sense how one minute Wheezy hated KD then the next he worshiped him
There’s a follow-up to this!
