Why? (Anon Harem)
Trigger Warnings: Mentions of murder, abuse, slight religion talk, fear, etc. This is from Nurse's POV.
Nurse, Birdie, and Curse belong to me.
Chaos belongs to @1-800-roflmao
Holy belongs to @juniperleafdelivery
Mandatory Tags: @underfell-crystal @ratsoh-writes @spider-anon-art
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"Why?" That was the question that nagged at me all the time. Why was I chosen to be a vessel for a powerful demon? Why was it that I was cursed to look exactly like her? I despised it, but I went on with my life. I made good friends, fell in love, and had a good life... until it wasn't.
In a dream, she appeared to me. Her voice had a sickeningly sweet tone to it. I didn't fear her even though I should have. She addressed me by name, was kind to me, and gave me advice. I didn't think anything of it when I woke up the next day. Wasn't it just a dream?
What a ridiculous lie I told myself. I saw her again and again until I realized who she was. She was a demon who desired to use my body as a vessel. When I cried out to my parents, instead of comforting me, they punished me. I couldn't understand why they were punishing me so severely.
"You have indulged too much in sin!" My father's words. It hurt me and I didn't know why. I never sinned or did anything else. I simply lived the life I was given. My father forbade me from ever speaking to my friends, love, or anyone else. I was told that if I wanted to be free of the demon's clutches, I needed to obey.
I despised my father and mother by senior year. Curse returned to me in my dreams after I wished for their deaths. She tried to persuade, coax me into becoming her vessel... I flatly refused.
"You can never escape. I will come for you. As long as you indulge selfishly in your pleasures... I will use your body as my vessel." She said to me, and I was terrified. I was afraid of her as I should've been for my entire life.
I eventually learned to focus on my beliefs rather than other pleasures. I never made friends, and when I did, I pushed them away before I became too attached to them. I couldn't risk causing them harm or being used as a vessel for a demon. But didn't my loneliness get the best of me?
I met a group of people and became attached to them. Chaos was a demon among them. I hurled a bible at him. Not my proudest moment, and I still feel guilty about it to this day. I was unnecessarily cruel to him, and I'll probably never be able to make it up to him.
I was deeply envious of him, which is ironic, isn't it? How cruel I was to someone I desperately wanted to be. I aspired to be as liberated as he was. I wished to be able to enjoy relationships as much as he did. I yearned to be able to relive my pleasures. I only wish to apologize to him, but I can't now, can I?
In this small house that I call home, I'd made friends. Birdie, KQ, Shuffle, Holy... Even so, I kept them at arm's length. I couldn't form genuine friendships with them. Chaos could do it so easily. I admired how easily he made friends and how capable he was of indulging in his pleasures. Of course, this does not excuse my behavior toward him. As it stands, I am unworthy of forgiveness.
I began to indulge in these friendships like a fool. How naive and self-centered of me... I began to believe Curse had vanished and that she would finally leave me alone. I hadn't had a dream about her for months or years. That I could finally make friends and start making amends for the mistakes I made with Chaos.
I was able to go shopping with Shuffle, Spider, and Spidele for the first time. I was finally able to begin cooking lessons with Birdie. I was finally able to listen to Glass and talk with them. I was finally able to be myself in the presence of Holy. I was finally attempting to make amends with Chaos. I was finally able to show who I truly was.
How foolish of me....
I then had a dream about her. I'd never been so terrified before. She gave me a friendly smile and introduced herself. She sounded like she was making fun of me. She was covered in blood, and I had never been more terrified. I awoke the next morning with a cross branded into my chest. I had a feeling Curse was after me. I couldn't concentrate on anything else.
Birdie and Chaos had noticed that I was acting strangely and had inquired as to my well-being. Then I posed the big question to Chaos.
"Am I a demon, Chaos?" I knew the answer, but I didn't want to give up on a false hope. That I wasn't a demon, or that Curse was finally using my body as a vessel. Chaos also lied to me. He was aware that I was either becoming or had become a demon. I was grateful, but I knew it had to be a lie.
Chaos then left, and I can't blame him. I'm surprised the others are still here after that. But as he walked away, I realized I couldn't fight my fate. I know I have to let go. Why should I allow the Curse to rule my life any longer? Why should I allow Curse to wreak even more havoc on my relationships than she already has?
I need to reclaim control of my life. I'm not going to let my terror of Curse control me any longer. I need to figure out how to accept myself. I need to be better.
