Okay I know this probably won’t resonate with many, but this is my little corner of the internet and I want talk/vent about something.
I’ve been struggling to feel feminine for a while. My fiancé and I share an admiration for this traditional dynamic, so it’s not disagreements causing this internal “distress” I’m honestly not sure what it is.
I understand femininity isn’t perfect, prim, or proper 24/7, but I wish that my efforts in feeling this way could be validated in myself by myself too. I desire to be content in myself emotionally.
-I have some health issues that lead to a poor mental state (hormonal imbalances, chronic pain, compromised immune system, pancreatic issues, arthritis... it goes on) These issues require ongoing maintenance and care, but I am totally self sufficient. Not reliant on care from anyone else and I am so thankful for that privilege. (My fiancé does step in to care for me most days though to help lift the burden.)
-I often feel less feminine than other girls (My body has more testosterone and less estrogen/progesterone than necessary to have a monthly cycle.) I do receive hormone replacement therapy to help my body, and it works sometimes, but it isn’t a cure-all for this. In fact, taking synthetic female hormones (aside from the horrible side effects) gives me insecurities about my feminity and being female example: “Why can’t my body just work normally without fake hormones?”
I have long desired for using my week of mensturation as a time for rest and appreciation for my body. I have a very busy mind, but I want nothing more than to just rest when my body is hurting the most. Shy of giving my car keys to someone else and laying in bed all day mope-y, I can’t seem to keep myself occupied without running at full capacity. Down time has always been a struggle for me. I’d love to be calm and content (as calm and content s someone with abdominal cramps and nausea can be.) I’m totally open to any and all suggestions and ideas to remedy any of these aforementioned issues.
Alright friends, I know that was a bit of an open ended rant. But I can’t think of much else to add at the moment.