“Ok but lemme just tell you this part of my paladin code based on Chivalry. ‘Aiden must respect da ladies and not be a womanizing tool, no matter how pretty or famous he is.’”
“Ok for my character. This picture…ooorr…this one?”
“Oh, oh—they both have such—qualities!”
“How do you get Dick as a nickname for Richard?”
“Maybe there was this one guy who set the standard for being a dick and his name was Richard.”
“What a Richard.”
“Percival. Could call him Percy.”
“That just reminds me of Ron’s tight-ass cousin.”
“Who’s party face? You’re party face.”
“And a pretty face it is.”
“We could be bood cop bab—I mean, good cop bad cop!”
“He got so excited he couldn’t say it.”
“QUALITIES!’
“The higher your initiative is, the more…first you get to go.”
“But what if you wanna shoot something in China!?”
“Um. It’d probably have cover.”
“Ok so you’re in Easthaven. What’re you doin?”
“Masterbatin.”
“Fuckin da police.”
“Well alright then.”
“Buy one holy item, get one item of equal or lesser holiness free.”
“I use my evil radar. EEEVIILLL!”
“Hmm, do I really care about these guys though…?”
“I gave you a turkey leg, save me!”
“Well yeah you did give me a turkey leg so, I guess I’ll help.”
“So basically I’ma do a backflip over ‘im.”
“I’m tryna sprinkle some flavor spice on this miserable failure.”
“Flava spice. Is that the missing Spice Girl?”
“I didn’t even see him sneakin up behind me, I just yanked my stuck flail out of the wall and accidentally hit him. World class.”
“That’s a six, plus your...you missed.”
“So he’s not gonna die…thank fuck for that.”
“Well what am I, chopped liver?”
“Oh I shouldn’t be thanking fuck. Thank YOU for that.”
“He’s misguided but we don’t have to kill him, we can correct him.”
“Well we know who the bleeding heart of the party is.”
“You’re the healer you should agree with me!”
“You have as long as it takes for me to finish this turkey leg to interrogate him.”
“I’ma stay here and interrogate this dude to make sure y’all don’t do it mean.”
“Ok we split up. No matter what happens, we meet at midnight back at the bar.”
“WAIT. ...What’s y’all’s names?”
“Good plan.”
“I found Wade and, I dunno, there was an arrow in his face, I don’t know what happened.”
“Look...I don’t know anything. I just get told to steal things, and I do.”
“Well I understand we’re all just doin our jobs here. The thing is...my job is to make sure you don’t do yours and, well, it looks like I’m a little better at my job than you.”
“One of the bards stops playing and walks up to you.”
“Wanna join our party? Welcome aboard!”
“Were there any distinguishing characteristics about him?
“Any QUALITIES!?”
“Did you say an orc’s testicles!?”
“No, nipples!”
“Oh well that’s better!”
“Actually I’d tell him to go for it. I worship the goddess of love, I ship everybody. Yeah, so, you should go talk to that bard over there.”
“Oh we talk...a lute’s not the only thing he’s good with...”
“He’s in here a lot...”
“WE FREQUENTLY HAVE SEX AND HE IS QUITE PROFICIENT AT IT.”
”I walk over to the waitress and slap her ass.”
“You get a slap to the face.
“I like ‘em feisty.”
“You get a knee to the crotch.”
“How should I know what they were doin? Wade went that way with some guys on horses.”
“Dammit Joe, you're the guard! You didn’t question why Wade was being lead away on a horse!?”
“Ya see that bell? Joe Schmo is the best damn bellringer in this town.”
“GONDOR CALLS FOR AID.”
“We’ll come back one day when the town’s being attacked by a dragon and there’s Joe in the tower ringin the fuck out of that bell.”
“Anyone else wanna add anything? Maybe the hunchback of Notre Dame over there?”
“Mom said it wasn’t noticeable...!”
“Well I got a...’world-class fighter’ over here.”
“WORLD CLASS!” *twirls flail*
“Are you gonna do that every time?”
“A waitress is walking by and you knock over her tray.”
“Every time he says that you should have to roll a d20 to see if you bashed anything.”
“Mechanical inside jokes!”
“I go in the direction of the plot.”
“My mom used to claim that she was really good at Yahtzee and I was like mom...you realize that’s impossible.”
“I’m not even gonna attempt to understand your brain.”
“Probably for the best.”
“Stop the calamity in your mammaries.”
