I stumbled upon this and saw that tonight’s show was “Daddyless Daughters" I decided to watch because I would consider myself one. I did not agree with everything on the show but I could really relate to most of what people in the audience were saying. Everyone who grew up without a father has a unique situation and you can’t judge one person’s journey ESPECIALLY if you have not been through it. Looking through the tag for the show, I was kind of annoyed at seeing people saying the show was bs. If you have been through this situation and watched the entire show you would have at least related to some of it’s content. There was an audience member who said she wanted him around but rejected him at the same time. When someone abandons you and then they want back in (father or boyfriend, whatever) it is HARD. I can’t speak for anyone else but I definitely know what that is like. I have had people betray me, leave me, lie to me and then try to get back into my life only to find out that I have built a wall, to protect myself from them. I think anytime someone wrongs you, you are going to try and protect yourself from ever experiencing that hurt, anger or sadness again. I haven’t seen or spoken to my father for almost 8 years even though my brother continues to maintain some contact with him. He and my mother had from what I remember, a very rocky relationship. He left our house when I was about 9. After that, he tried to come around, but the visits became less and less frequent. I saw first hand what my mother had to go through to survive on her own with two children. My father in my eyes, is a terrible person and I would not cry if he died. I let go of the tears and dreams of him being the daddy that I wanted him to be when he stood me up on my 15th birthday. I don’t know what kind of person pretty much abandons their 2 children, lies to his new wife, telling her his children moved to another country, hides his wedding ring when his two children come around so that they don’t know he remarried and has 2 other kids, buys a home and a more cars without knowing if his first 2 children have a place to live and clothing. What kind of man is that? I have a very close relationship with my mother, so of course I may be biased because my mother means the world to me, she stuck around, she stepped up, she went through the constant battle of trying to be more than a mother for two children. Aside from what the emotional stress he put my brother and I through, I would never forgive him purely for the difficulty he caused my mother. I admit that perhaps m relationships with guys may not have worked out partially because of my father issues. I have more than once settled for less than I deserve. It is a work in progress. There was a stat given out in the show about women who come from single mother homes, that they are more likely to get divorced. I foresee this problem, I do not know what a good working relationship looks like. My mother is #1 in our household, I would probably have a hard time giving up half of the control to my partner. But I will cross that bridge when I get to it. I just know that I need to stop accepting less than I deserve. This is why I do not speak to my father even though he claims to have reached out to me sometime within the past 5 years via text message. I put up that wall, with bricks, concrete, bank vault, alllll of that stuff because I decided that he was not worth the tears anymore. I did not deserve to be dragged through this mess, it was not my job to be the adult, it was not my job to beg my father to see me. That wall is there for a reason, to protect myself because I deserve better. I know some people would read this and argue “but he is your dad, he gave you life." Well to that all I can say is, I, like you did not choose to be put on this earth. Two people made the decision to do the hokey pokey and by some biological miracle or God I was born. It was up to both of them to provide for me. He chose not to hold up his end of the agreement. I cannot forgive him for that and I do not respect him one bit. I forgave myself a long time ago for being so cold and mean to this whole situation because this is not my fault. PLAIN & SIMPLE. And if you have not been through a similar situation you have no right to judge the way I feel.
