Mar 28, 2015
My Dad needs to stop.
seen from Mexico
seen from United Kingdom
seen from South Korea
seen from Türkiye
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Ireland
seen from United States
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from United States
My Dad needs to stop.
This kid came up to the door in a lugi costume about four or five years old im giving him a choice on what piece ofcandy when suddenly my dad comes behind and shouts over my shoulder "NO MATTER WHAT CANDY YOU PICK YOU'RE-UH GONNA WIN" and sounded exactly like luigi and the kid looked so confused
Dad: *in the next room over* There's a crack in the ceiling...
Me: *SCREAMS*
Me: SERIOUSLY?!
Me: ADFGHJKHGFD NO STAHP
Me: *runs to room*
Me: *looks up*
Dad: Yeah, it's like, in a straight line.
Me: ...oh. Okay.
Welcome to my family.
Mom: *Bursts out of her room in one of my dad's suits for no reason what-so-ever, cue really bad English singing* I WANNA WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS. I WANNA WISH YOU--
Me: Mom what are you doing.
Dad: ERIK.
Me: WHAT.
*phone rings, mom still singing in the background, I go and pick it up.*
Me: Hello?
Dad: *through phone* call 911 your mom has gone crazy.
All the awards for my father.
Me: *Trying to find a title for my genderbend!Spiderman fic* Dad, do female spiders have names?
Dad: What.
Me: Do female spiders have a name other than just spider.
Dad: ... I don't think so.
Me: Is there a way of telling them apart and a name for it?
Dad: If the spider is wearing lipstick, it's a female or a sexually ambiguous male.
Oh my God I have been sitting on the couch watching my dad look for me in the living room and he still hasn't seen that I am sitting right in front of his face. He's half-asleep. He has to be.
I WILL NEVER TALK TO MY PARENTS AGAIN.
Dad: *Trying to open the front door while holding several grocery bags*
Mom: I told you we should have taken the back door. This one is broken, I have no idea what's wrong with that damned lock. It will never ope--
Dad: *Opens door* B|
Me: You forgot that the house likes Dad better.
Mom: Well, your dad has always been good at putting things in holes.
Me: MOM.
Dad: And that son, is why you have two brothers and one sister.
Me: DAD.
My dad was falling asleep so he told me to tell him a story.
Me: Did you know Loki, the Norse God of mischief has a son that's an eight-legged horse?
Dad: Oh wow.
Me: It's kind of like a joke in the fandom, because in the Thor movie the horse is already there.
Dad: How does that even work?
Me: Oh, he turned into a mare.
Dad: Seriously? That's. sort of really gay.
Me: He has lots of other kids, a wolf, an anaconda and a shitload of human children. He is always a woman.
Dad: Okay, son. I am convinced he's gay. Will never look at him the same way. Cross-dressing was one thing, but that.