Getting out of that stuffed up, sickening city was a must. It had been a week since he’d last heard from anyone, or gone out of his own way to hear from anyone at least. The quiet, Tsubasa found, was much nicer compared to the bustle of the city at times. Though he did miss the excitement, finding peace of mind was what he wanted most at the moment. The hollow was still filled with rage after the last conversation he’d had with anyone a mere week ago, and that had been with Kisani.
It pissed him off still, what she had said, but mostly because she had been right. He was a filthy scumbag who deserved nothing but the dirt in his face and the pain he was feeling. The anguish and defeat. If anything, he’d felt as though he had defeated himself. Tsubasa had believed that he had been doing everything to his best ability to keep Maya safe, most of all from himself, and now it seemed as though the decision he had made in order to be closer to her more often, was coming back to bite him in the ass. Ever since he had separated his own body from Juro’s, it had been nothing but hell. He wasn’t healing the same, wasn’t thinking the same, and is hunger wasn’t the same either. It was one-hundred times worse.
Every day it seemed he took the life of at least three people. He’d heard talk in local bars he prowled at of a serial killer somewhere in the city. The hollow knew they were speaking of him, but his concern for ever being caught was non-existent. Humans had no idea what they were in for if they tried hunting him down, and at the moment, while their investigations went on, they would never suspect that what they were dealing with wasn’t human at all. He didn’t need a car, a cell phone, a home, money, or any means of living. For all they knew, they were hunting a ghost, and that fact reflected in the eyes of people that were horrified to wander around alone at night. Still, there were those that did not care about what the local news had to say, and still went out without any sort of company or protection.
Right now, he was returning from the city after his latest kill. Staying in the forest seemed safest for now, and at least it meant that he was safely away from Maya for the time being, until he could find the strength to control himself again. He just had to get stronger, right? So that was what he was focusing on doing. Was getting stronger. Approaching a rather enclosed body of water, Tsubasa began to strip down his bloodied clothes. It had became quite the habit that he’d find solace in this small secluded location, bathing here and washing his clothes out after his kills. It was quiet, and seemingly undisturbed, so the hollow found it to be his own little patch of heaven for the moment.
Down to his drawers, the black-haired male would leave his bloodied pants and shirt at the water’s edge, along with his shoes and socks, as he walked into the still water to rinse off, leaving exposed his severely scarred, battered body. Dried crimson coated his hands, forearms, chest, neck, and a majority of his face and hair. Lately, he hadn’t given a shit about the mess he made. All he cared about was sating his seemingly endless hunger. Dark circles had begun to grow underneath his eyes. The bullet wound that he had received almost two weeks prior was healing, yes, but at an alarmingly slow rate.
Normally, silly little injuries like this healed almost instantly, and the hollow could figure out if this damned bullet, or the gun that Juro had used to shoot him had had some kind of special properties to keep him weak or heal slower? That, or perhaps it was the fact that Juro also was not healing from his own bullet would that he had received when he had shot Tsubasa. Curious that was still, and the hollow planned to confront his Uncle Taomasa on the matter. It would have been some nice information to know from the damned demon cat. Then again, Tsubasa’s paranoia told him that the demon had intentionally not told him, just in case something like what had happened, happened.
Submerged in the water, Tsubasa would come to sit, sighing as his body relaxed in the water, it turning a murky shade of rose around him as the blood began to come off of his skin. Thinking back, he remembered again what Kisani had said to him. He had hurt Maya, severely so, and if it weren’t for Juro, Tsubasa worried that yes, he could have killed the very thing that he loved most in this world. Tsubasa loved Maya far more than he had ever loved Kisani, but that bitch had slapped him with the realization that he wasn’t good for anything when it came to companionship. At the same time, Tsubasa still hated Kisani for ever bringing her up. Though she might not have known what Tsubasa had done, or even known about Maya herself, Kisani had gone out of her way to make Tsubasa seem like all he ever did was abuse them.
Perhaps he was having a hard time admitting it to himself, but he felt that he had always kept them in his best interests. There were far many more times when he could have done so much worse to both of them, and he hadn’t, but at the same time, nothing topped what he had done to Maya. Kisani had always known that Tsubasa was dangerous, and perhaps that had been a reason as to why she’d left him in the first place, but Maya? Tsubasa had gained her trust tenfold, then completely destroyed it in a matter of seconds, without ever even wanting to. How was he to take away that fear he had instilled in her? How was he to take that back? To make up for it?
The hollow felt defeated in the matter. Felt lost. Felt like he was struggling with an uphill battle with himself, and he was losing! That only angered him even more. Bringing knees up, he’d rest forearms crossed over his knees, then rest his head on his arms, facing down towards his own reflection in the water. Staring back at his own blood-covered face disgusted him even more. Tsubasa used to love what he was. The monster he was and the things he did to people. People who never deserved anything but to live a full life, had it not been for him taking that away from them...
At the moment, he was truly beginning to hate what he had let himself become. Weak. And why this separation had only made it ten times worse was beyond him. He felt more himself now than he ever had before, but he was hating himself for it, because it meant that being with Maya was impossible, when that was why he had ever done it in the first place. Was the be with her... Now he couldn’t take that back. He couldn’t take anything back and he wasn’t even sure if Maya ever wanted to see him again. There were so many things going through his head at the moment, but the one thing he was certain of, was that he was angry.
