I am thinking about our first breakthrough. I can’t remember my own face. Unthinkable. A whole life without looking into mirrors, not a single time. Funny. I hated it. Hated the stupid brush of my eyebrows and the expression, pain and boredom. The newly chopped hair and edgy put-on to match the boggy mush on the inside. Was there any, actually? I don’t remember. I was a shell then, a husk. No room for the girl, just the baffling silence.
Chainsmoking, squeezing out cuss words, acting rough and tough. How ridiculously pubescent. But just like my friend had said, I wouldn't have thought about leaving the city if it hadn't been for that gnawing dissatisfaction. When you carry it around trying to hush it down with no luck.