It feels like it’s been ages since you’ve been out on your own. It couldn’t be helped really- after Ferra and Izinal left, you needed to step up. It wasn’t enough for you to stay back and keep an eye on Izinal and wait for the others to get back, you needed to be a little more independent to get by.
You know, in your pan, that you’ve pretty much recovered from your stint with Aubade. You still get dull aches in your old but you’re not even certain they’re not just in your head. Your fingers ache now, where they were broken. With the sky brewing as it is, you think it’ll rain soon.
Your capabilities now aren’t all that different than they were when you were alone before. You practiced with your psi while you were recovering, and when you were better you worked into getting back into workable shape.
You know this, but somehow you can’t quite convince yourself things will work out.
It’s an anxiety you’re familiar with, even before... from before. A fear of the unknown and the fear of failure- you just usually had to deal with it before trying to pull off a difficult job, not just to pick up some tech. Some rational part of your pan demands to know how exactly something so simple could go so ridiculously wrong that you couldn’t handle it- and the part of your pan that’s constantly on the look out for threat, the bits that are always on high alert, the part people would call paranoid, thinks about ambushes arranged by your dealer, a slip from any of you from before coming back to bite you in the ass, more passerby accidentally recognizing you,security systems that might pick up a trace and set an alert, getting followed and trapped- hell, you may just get mugged in an alley without any back up-
You halt that train of thought.
Okay. So you are paranoid, and it gets out of hand sometimes, but paranoia has saved you before so you’ll stand by it.
You’ve come up with a different alias you’ve never used before, stuck on horncaps so your nubs are a little more standard, found a wig that turns your short crop of hair into a long pony tail- you’re wearing olive rather than your usual anonymous grey. You haven’t worn the grey since Meukit found you.
It caught you glances and stares, and sometimes jerks with nothing better to do hassling you, but you liked being grey. It was what you were used to. It was an ideology and a tribute and an identity all in one. You had insisted on the anonymity even when you were all on the run because- well. Your posters listed you as brown. And you liked grey and you’d been grasping at anything that felt normal. It’s not something you can afford anymore.
You’ve switched everything up from your old routines, using a smuggler you’ve never made contact with before. Georgios had arranged to meet you at an abandoned storefront at the edge of town. You’ve heard he’s got a decent reputation, but you can’t help but worry about the unknown quantity he presents.
The sky rumbles as you hurry. If things go well, you’ll be in and out and you’ll be back before the rain falls. The lock on the shop is long broken, and the contents looted. You check to make sure that no one is watching you from the street as you step in, your silent foot falls raising small clouds of dust.
You move carefully, quietly to the back, where no one can see you from the storefront, and disappear into invisibility. Did you get here first?