An Earthling (Man-Earthling) in a Moon Woman’s World (or Moon?) Part 1 of 57
Hi, my name is Brent. I’m a boyfriend, father to three to six children, brother, pilot, professional snowboarder, webmaster, fashion consultant, sommelier, hair stylist and half-brother to my sister-wife. Chuck, the only guy who I can count as my friend, describes me as lazy, hopeful, optimistic, unique and driven. I mean, I don’t drive, but I’m driven everywhere.
I’ve seen some serious allegations against me and BetaCon. I want to address these in a public manner on some blog on Tumblr. I mean, I could have gotten a PR person, but those are expensive and I totally don’t have time to reach out to these people personally. I’m going to make this as public as possible, barring buying time from a local TV station. Also, I’ve been in safari in the Serengeti, so I haven’t checked the Internet. I’m busy shooting rhinos and all. So many damned rhinos. So many.
For those who know, I work as the Chief Grand Overseer for BetaCon. I love all things nerdy, from comic books to Pop Figures, including sexily clad female cosplayers. I work hard to bring quality enjoyments to the Moon and back. Think of me as a pop culture astronaut, majestically floating in the weightless dark void of pop culture, bringing you discoveries. I bring to you amazing nerd culture like the ancient astronauts brought life to this very earth. The idea of an ancient astronaut bringing life to Earth is called panspermia. In many ways, bringing BetaCon to life is me pansperming your humble lives with JOY and EXCITEMENT and JOY!
Also, I like hot girls in cosplay. I mean, so much so that I had my wife (THE DIVORCE IS STILL PENDING, SARAH! YOU ARE STILL MY WIFE!) dress in my favorite characters from Witchblade, Queen’s Blade and Blade. I see sexy cosplaying as the moon woman’s world. Being a simple earthling brings challenges. Despite my suave and non-threatening, yet handsome, demeanor, I get harassed and trolled. I mean, seriously, you guys.
Making BetaCon Come to Life
It’s hard creating a convention on the Moon. Space travel, logistical issues and moon Nazis (Moonzies) aside, it takes a lot of people to put a convention together. Who knew?! I’m sure as hell not going to get much cooperation from the Moonzies. Seriously, screw those guys. Anyway, I reached out to many groups, one of them being the Sexy Kosplayers Association, or SKA. First of all, I was unsure because they spelled cosplayers with a “K”. Then again, their letters spell SKA and I’m totally a Reel Big Fish fan. (On a side note, my only friend, Chuck, told me that the “Reel” in Reel Big Fish is spelled R-E-E-L, not R-E-A-L. MIND. BLOWN.) We had several ambASSadors from SKA and we worked real hard to make BetaCon the con on the moon. To make sure we establish a good relationship, BetaCon used its massive DogeCoin pile to put together an event for SKA and its ambASSadors. We worked with SKA president, Anoosh Bahri to organize this event.
We worked through the night, I think it was several nights to make several SKA members meet at a Denny’s right outside of Plano, TX. For most of them, it was their first time in Texas. For one, it was her first time at a Denny’s. I envy her. You could say that the event was a GRAND SLAM!
During the event, we totally used some of the DogeCoins to make a donation to a local school. Holding an event in Texas made as a target for some taxes and we totally needed to make a donation to make a tax break. I mean, we are totally good people and donated from the goodness of our hearts NOT A TAX BREAK.
And here it is on Instagram, totally legit
And here’s a picture of the check. I take pictures of all checks I write because I don’t trust banks.
What I’m trying to say that I give to the community on Behalf of BetaCon. Anyone who gives to the community, even if it’s for tax purposes, is not an entirely bad person. Like the great Chris Pratt said, “I’m not an entire dick” or something like that. I didn’t watch the movie. I was busy deforesting parts of Brazil to make way for condos! Also, booty. Look at the booty. I want that booty.
Amy Lowndes (I’m going to just put her full name up here, because I don’t give a fuck! Thuglife.gif)
Those who know me, Chuck and Sarah (YOU WON’T TAKE EVERYTHING FROM ME YOU HEARTLESS HARPY), know that I get comfortable and joke around with people that are close to me. If you’re offended by innuendos (lol, in-your-endos), orgasms, bukkake, furry porn, scat, sounding, hot-gluing, taking the glass eye out and skull fucking or comments about boobs, DO NOT BE MY FRIEND. SRSLY. I DO NOT WANT YOU AS A FRIEND. I’m not trying to be disrespectful, but if you can’t get on my level, you’re totally dumb. This is how I act around my friends and my soon-to-be ex-wife Sarah. Being professional is totally square. I’m trying run a con, not a company with investors and shit.
So I was good friends with Amy, WAS. WAS as in the past tense. She posted up a blog talking about how I harassed her. She got some examples, but no one reads her shitty blog. I mean I’m the one who has the money right? Anyway check this shit out.
Amy posted this screenshot of our PRIVATE conversation on her blog to discredit me and make me look like a pervert, WHICH I AM NOT! It totally lacks context. You see, I treat Amy as my friend and I treat her like I treat all my friends, with a fervent desire to jizz on their face. I sometimes do that with Sarah until the restraining order. Again, I want to reiterate that THE DIVORCE IS NOT OVER, SARAH. I KNOW YOUR ARE SLEEPING AROUND. I KNOW HIS NAME IS JAKE.
As I mentioned earlier, Anoosh is the president of SKA. First of all, yes her name is Anoosh. Second, no I didn’t call her the word you are thinking of right now. Fucking perverts all of you. Her name is Indian. You know what? The fact that you are thinking that right now makes you racist. You are a pervert and a racist, like Oliver Stone. The Wall Street sequel sucked! So that makes you a pervert, racist and an inept movie maker! You’re basically Uwe Boll!
Anyway, check out this conversation I had with Anoosh, WHICH SHE USES TO DISCREDIT ME AND ALL OF BETACON!
Again, WAAAAAY out of context. I’m not trying to be a pervert, I was under the influence of several uppers and downers. I can’t be responsible for what I do when I’m under the influence. I AM UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOMETHING ELSE. Anoosh now has the nerve to paint me in a bad light after I donated all that money to that dumb school.
I ain’t gonna apologize for how I talk, walk and shake around my cock (that rhymes!). I know that without context, those screenshots are pretty damn damning. Instead of me pretending to apologize, cuz haters gon hate, I’m just not going to.
BetaCon is a work in progress. Hell, this year it isn’t even on the moon! I worked hard on BetaCon even after Will Zard fuck the whole thing up. Fuck you, Will Zard! You’re worse than my soon-to-be ex-wife! We want BetaCon to be the convention where everyone goes and totally know that it’s not a scam.
I love nerd culture, I really do. I love spreading it, I really do. If my behavior is strange, it’s not because I’m sad and lonely. It’s because I fucking rule. I’m motherfucking Brent, bitches. For those of you on my side and didn’t get on the hate-train, I thank you and I will gladly jizz on you all first. You are the heroes.
