Panic as ‘threat status’ raised to highest level …
Consternation was rife yesterday as officials briefly raised the nation’s threat status to its most severe level ‘Defcon Blue’ following reports in the press and on social media of an imminent explosion. Thankfully, only hours later the status was returned to Amber, after the reports were discovered to be a hoax.
“Despite talk of a ‘new explosion’, it was fairly quickly established that this was in fact merely the regurgitation of some very old news stories indeed,” a spokesperson told us, “For all the suggestions of a ‘developing situation’ and the like, the most cursory examination of the facts presented revealed them to be a rehash of previous reports of allegedly explosive events, most of which took place years ago or turned out to be duds. We can only surmise why this was done, possibly to stir up fear, possibly to sell magazines.”
The official advice is to keep calm in the face of such alarmist stories, “We urge the public not to panic as there is absolutely no likelihood of any of these things actually going off, and to wash their hands of such alarmist reports. For the length of time it takes to sing two verses of ‘Boom Boom’.”
