Five Funny Little Moments #10: Hooves and Harlots
So, this episode, just like the one before it (though I didn’t mention it then) is a giant mess of ridiculousness. But it’s even moreso! Holy moly, is the nonsense through the roof this time around! *so happy* XD That made it hard to choose which moments to highlight, but here we go.
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Terreis saying this and being completely wrong on two or three counts.
First, Amazons try to rescue each other? Says the princess whose guard totally avoided her while she was being shot and then didn’t come out of hiding until well after the coast was clear. Second, welp; Amazons definitely don’t protect non-Amazons. So, Terreis is right on that count. She and her guard left their prisoners—one whose sword they had taken from her and the other who was already completely defenseless—to straight-up die. But third, oh, please. Amazons aren’t the only people who’d risk self-sacrifice to protect another person, obviously. -_- / X)
Gabrielle feeling weird with really good reason. Not only is she wearing a dead girl’s clothes, she’s wearing the clothes the poor girl friggin died in (which, quick side notes: they must be made of the same stuff Xena’s back is LOL + Did the Amazons strip Terreis’s body, then turn around and give the outfit to Gabrielle? And she just raced over to her new house to put it on? Wut?)! She gets over her discomfort pretty quick, though... and, like, poor Terreis, man! This girl dies, and not a single character actually mourns her. Instead, her friends and family have a dance party, whoop it up, troll the new girl, etc. And that new girl, whom Terreis highly honored with her right of caste, shivers in delight to get all of Terreis’s stuff and otherwise revels just about her whole time in Amazonia.
Xena really renewing her commitment to super dramatic timing. I mean, when she tells Ephiny that they have to hurry, it’s like 6PM going by the establishing shot of the moon. Gabrielle then engages in a goofball dance celebration and learns that she has to kill Phantes, Xena and Ephiny do some in-fighting, forensics, strategizing, sneaking, and baddie-confronting and beating, the episode makes a point of showing us the sunrise… and altogether eighteen hours go by before Xena shows up to stop the execution.
This jam-packed scene in which all kinds of hilarious things happen. One, Ephiny teleports all over the place. Two, Xena takes over as Amazon queen despite only being the princess’s champion. Three, Gabrielle looks to her right and sees nothing out of the ordinary, only for Melosa to glance that way a second later and get freaked out, ’cuz, hello, the whole centaur army is right there! (I guess this is a converse-to-Xena instance of Gabrielle re-re-reestablishing her commitment to obliviousness? XD) Four, Gabrielle proves her earlier statement / that she learned her lesson in “Dreamworker” by throwing down Xena’s sword twice in a row (teleporting in between throws, by the way)… after Xena throws it down too. Poor sword. XP Five? Well, that deserves its own special recognition though it begins here. Can you guess from the obvious hint below?
When you realize that the little dude who by Xena simply taking his spear from him and knocking him aside, ends up with a dislocated rib that nearly suffocates him to death… is actually a GOAT. No, not the animal, and no, not a satyr. He’s still a centaur. But also, the greatest. Of. All! Time! Because, not only does he get stabbed in the chest through what has to be gnarly bruise and then a friggin hand shoved in there too (chest, dagger, and hand definitely not sanitized prior to the procedure, of course)… dude comes back ready for combat the next day! And he isn’t just ready to fight the Amazons and then Krykus’s army, oh no! Mesas runs at full-speed pulling the Amazon queen, her friend, and her chariot into battle too! Daaang, son!