hello and greetings. this week i have been in the throes of my depression which is a usual for me, but i am trying and asking for a higher dose of medication.
today i mixed a spell i have had in mind for a little while, using some of the new herbs i got the other week. the idea for this spell was to be a focus of myself. i mixed it in the empty vessel of a spell candle i bought at a witch bazaar back when i was living in utah, which melted and was ruined during a move. but the cup is still alright
this was the page i wrote on as i considered my ingredients and the meanings. i liked this method of doing it, and it felt right to go until i filled the page and cut some herbs i had had in mind but did not have as clear meanings for. i added the salt and moon water first, to act as a clean starting point and good base. the blue candle mentioned is one i bought while acquiring some herbs, as the dark blue called to me as one of my colors. i lit it as i started mixing, and it's still burning
i think i am satisfied with the look of the spell, and i like the smell of it when i hold it close to my nose. i think i will keep it in the windowsill above my bed. i think a week is a good time to consider it spent. or perhaps until it stops smelling strong enough to detect it
after mixing and contemplating this spell a bit i did a tarot reading with my dear deck. i take a long time to shuffle the deck and ponder and connect with it. i am always satisfied with the cards i draw. i separated the decks into fourths, as four is one of my numbers (and the lowest one. seven and thirteen are a bit too large for dividing the deck into), selected the second fourth on intuition and spread them out on my altar. usually i pull three cards, but today i pulled fourth, and that fourth was death reversed, my first major arcana in a while, and certainly a fitting card for my circumstances. the other cards i drew were fitting as well. there are many cycles in life, and change is difficult, but i need to let myself get better and not choose the easier path in decay and suffering
death reversed is now placed on the wall behind my altar, until i feel pressed to put it back, as a visual reminder of the attitude that i should try to have
after the tarot reading i laid on the floor for a while and stretched out my poor back and shoulders and breathed. i think this has been a satisfying session of practice. i will try to do them more often and hopefully i can see. something. some kind of result. or faith. i'm trying
