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Be My Mistake

A/N: lmao it's been awhile hasn't it. Soz not soz for not updating lmao just had no inspiration and tbh couldn't be bothered

Song(s) Used: Be My Mistake - The 1975

Started: 18th February 2019

Finished: 11 March 2019

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 592 words

Third Person P.O.V

Dan lays alone in bed, seemingly thinking of a time where he wasn't alone, well more importantly, where he never felt alone; because the fact is that he wasn't alone. There was a girl who came around every now and then. Her name was Amelia. She was a friend of sorts. She worked for Dan and his best friend, Phil. But this girl was more than an employee, she was a re bound of some sort.

A few months prior, Dan and his longtime girlfriend (Y/N) broke up, and unsurprisingly, Dan hasn't been taking it well. When he's alone, he longs for her touch, her scent, her kiss, anything that could make him feel like she was still with him. But at the same time, he wanted to forget. He wanted to forget how she felt, forget how she smelled and forget the feeling of her lips on his.

The feeling of fleeting loneliness descends upon Dan. He wants to feel something other than loneliness, even if it's only for 5 minutes. So he does what he does all the time when he feels this way; he calls Amelia.

"Fuck, you know how much I love these jeans on you, but they have to come off." Amelia says seductively, pulling at Dans zipper and unbuttoning his jeans. The jeans that (Y/N) bought him. It's almost ironic how much Amelia loves them. She must think that Dan wears them because of how much she loves them on him, but he only wears them because it's the only thing he has left of (Y/N).

After the jeans are off, she goes back to Dans face, kissing him or making out with him or whatever you want to call it. And, Dan would be lying if he said he didn't find Amelia sexually attractive, she could get him hard, but in the end it was (Y/N) who made him weak to the knees. She always had that affect on him, and she always will. But he would also be lying if he said he never thought of (Y/N) during their scandalous encounters.

Dan knows he shouldn't keep on calling Amelia, because they shouldn't really be talking unless it's business related. But he just can't help it. Sex with Amelia seems to be the only thing that takes his mind off of (Y/N).

But when the deed is done, Amelia wants to cuddle and stay over, but Dan just wants the lights off and to fall asleep, and to dream about a time where he was happy and things turned out right for him.

He doesn't want her waiting outside of his hotel rooms, waiting for him and waiting for sex. He doesn't necessarily want her specifically. He just wants to feel something that isn't sadness and longing for (Y/N) and Amelia just happened to be around. Because Dan gets lonely without her. And while Amelia makes jokes about how they should get together, and Dan walks around with a glass of whiskey in hand, laughing at the so called jokes she's making, He knows deep down;

That Amelia is nothing but a mistake, She's just his mistake, and something to help him forget about the one he truly loves.

27. Rollercoaster

°Your POV°

My alarm started ringing announcing the beginning of one hell of a week.

With my eyes still closed, I patted the left side of the bed. Dan was not there anymore.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel a tad sad that he decided to leave before I woke up.

Jumped off bed and went to the bathroom to have a quick shower and start my morning routine before making myself some breakfast.

As I was rinsing my hair, the smell of melting butter and sugar invaded my nostrils.

#daniel howell #dan howell #danisnotonfire #danisnotinteresting #daniel howell fanfiction #dan howell fanfic #dan howell imagine #daniel howell imagine #phanfiction #phanphandom #daniel howell fluff #daniel howell smut #daniel howell angst

Yes, this is she (Dan X Reader)

So, uh this is a fanfic I wrote a month ago and decided I want to share it with you guys. To all of you that send in a request, don’t worry, I will write them soon (:

Warnings: A N G S T

______________

You were sitting on the living room sofa, watching TV. It was a weird occasion that you were home alone, Phil was out, buying groceries, while your boyfriend Dan, was at a meeting in the city. Your stomach has been acting weird all day, it was a weird feeling of nausea and adrenaline. Suddenly, your phone started ringing, you picked it up and saw Dan's icon on the screen. A smile appeared on your face and you answered ''Hey, honey.''

''Hello, is this y/n y/l/n?'' some lady answered. The knot in your stomach was getting bigger and bigger.

''Yes, this is she'' you answered, moving to the edge of the sofa.

''You were marked as Dan Howell's emergency contact, I have to ask you to come to the hospital, your husband was in an accident'' the lady finished.

Your knees felt weak, you were speechless, so you didn't even correct her with the husband part.

''O-okay'' you stuttered and broke up the call. In that moment, Phil walked in the apartment.

''Y/n, I'm back'' he said enthusiastically walking into the lounge, but when he saw you, he stopped being so cheerful. ''Are you okay?''

You didn't made eye contact, just staring at the floor. ''Dan's in a hospital'' you whispered and got up. ''Dan's in a hospital and we need to go there, now'' with that the both of you walked out of the apartment, Phil panicking about it. You were just sad and worried. You learned not to over react over unknown situations.

When you got into the hospital, a lady with a familiar voice came to you. ''Hello, you must be y/n?'

''Yes'' you answered. ''Is everything okay?'' the lady uncomfortably smiled

''Let's go somewhere where's less noisy.'' The three of you moved to a corner where it was a little bit quieter. ''Dan was in a serious car crash and injured his head badly. The scans that they did showed inner bleeding, but it was to late...'' the lady said and you felt my knees breaking. ''I'm sorry, he's dead'' she finished, smiling in pity and placing her hand on your shoulder.

The knot in your stomach burst by now. You sat down, your heart was pounding like crazy, tears running down your cheeks and your legs felt week. You looked up at Phil, who was crying as well. His big blue eyes were all red and puffy. You jumped out of the chair and hugged him tightly, he returned the hug, holding you tight and sobbing in your ear.

''If you want to, you can come and see him'' the lady said, breaking the silence. Phil and you nodded at her and followed her to a room.

When you got in front of it, you stopped. You couldn't do it. You couldn't gather the strength and courage to walk into that room. Just the thought of seeing Dan lying there, not moving, made your heart sink to your feet. After a couple of minutes of you staring at the floor, you walked in.

As you walked to his bed, all you could think was 'Please God, let this be a mistake. Don't let this be Dan', but when you looked at the pale, brown-haired boy lying there, more tears started to stream down your eyes. His hair was curly, and his eyes were closed. You will never see his brown eyes looking at you with love ever again. That thought was devastating and it was killing you inside. You looked down at his, now, paled lips, wishing nothing more then to just kiss them.

You touched his cold hand and remembered how it used to cup your cheeks, or grab your waist.

''Danny?'' you whispered, hoping his eyes will open up and his lips will form a well-known smile. But it didn't happen. ''Danny?'' you whispered again, one of your tears falling onto his hand. You were expecting a shiver, a movement, something, anything.

But nothing happened. That's it. He's gone. The love of your life was dead, and you felt dead as well.

***

Walking into this apartment was a living nightmare. Walking up these stairs, corridors and stopping in front of you shared bedroom. You placed your hand in the lock and pushed it down, opening the door, revealing the messy bedroom. Dan's hoodies were over the floor, so you picked them up and you put one on. Picking up a few shirts was a start. You cleaned the whole floor of your shared bedroom. Then you moved onto his desk, admiring all of the papers on the table, scribbles for his videos, then your eye was caught by the one that had your name written on it. You picked it up and read that it was a script from your guys' last video you've filmed together. A couple more tears fell down your eyes and you sat down 'the butt chair'. You started cleaning up the desk, stopping at every paper on which he wrote some lines or witty sentences for his videos.

You remembered that it was Tuesday. Dan films his live shows on this day. It was so sad. His viewers won't see him ever again. They deserve an explanation. They deserve to know what happen.

You took his laptop and tipped in the password to open it. You logged onto YouNow and whipped your tears away before starting a live video. It took you about 5 minutes, and then you started.

''Hello guys... It's weird seeing me here, right? You all are probably wondering 'where is Dan?'. Well to answer that, I'm gonna need you to sit down, and prepare yourself. Dan is...'' you stopped to take a long breath and smiled, trying to cover your tears with a forced smile. ''...gone'' you finished, looking up at the ceiling as you felt your eyes burning up, tears forming.

''Yes, that is right. Dan died. He uhm- he was in a car accident... You guys probably are either in tears or questioning if this is a cruel joke. The truth is... the most important person in my life is no longer with us. 'Oh my God, y/n, how are you feeling?''' you read out the question in the chat.

''I'm not uhm- feeling anything at the moment. I'm just filled with this rage and angst, but at the same time, I'm dead inside. You understand what I'm saying?'' you stopped and whipped away some tears that fell down your cheeks, and just sat there in silence for 5 minutes looking at the chat log. ''So, uhm- yeah. I uhh- just wanted to tell you guys this. I thought you deserved to know what happened to him. I guess I will see you guys sometimes? Well, this is it. Goodbye internet.'' you said forming your fingers in the shape of a hand gun that Dan always used in his videos and closed the live show.

That's when the tears came in. A waterfall just escaped your eyes as you fell to the ground sobbing and crying. In a few moments you felt two arms around you, holding you tight. ''Hey, hey y/n. It's gonna be- it's gonna be fine'' you heard Phil say in a raspy voice. The two of you stayed like that for a couple more minutes and then you got up.

''It's funny, don't you think?'' you asked. ''God took him away, but he didn't do anything to deserve death. He was a nice man. Why would he- Why did he-'' you stopped and sat at the bed.

''I don't know'' Phil said sitting down next to you. ''Hey, uhm Dan's mom is coming in a few hours, so I'm gonna go to the shop to pick something up, okay?'' he asked and stood up. ''Are you okay with being alone?'' he asked with concern.

''Yeah, I will be fine'' you said and smiled up at him. He smiled back and walked out of the room. You just stared at the white wall in front of you for a moment and stood up.

You walked up to the bed and opened his bedside drawer, wanting to finally see what's inside, since that drawer was a FORBIDDEN secret with Dan. A giggle escaped your lips at the thought how the two of you would talk about this drawer, how you said that one day, eventually, you will see what's inside.

Slowly opening it, your eye was caught by a little black box. A jewelry box.

Your heart started to beat extra fast. Taking the black box, you slowly opened it and saw... a ring.

Everything went black for a solid two minutes. Your head was hurting and knees shaking. You feel down on your knees, looking at the big ring Dan bought. You knew it was yours. You knew he bought it so you could be his for the rest of your lives.

You placed your hand on your mouth to quiet down the sobs and screams that wanted to escape them.

You took the ring out of the box and put it on your finger. It looked so pretty; a decent sized diamond, because Dan knew you didn't like over exaturated jewls.

Your head was full of images of Dan getting down on one knee and pulling out this box.

''Yes'' you slowly whispered. ''I will marry you.''

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Mess Her Up

A/N: so i highly suggest you listen to the song before/during reading this

Song(s) Used: Mess Her Up - Amy Shark

Pairing: Dan x Female Reader

Genre: angst

Started: 26/7/2018 2:43am

Finished: 26/7/2018 3:23am

Word Count: 882 words

Your P.O.V

It's the little white lies that keep us awake It's the long drive home that makes people talk

I've always been scared to do a lot of things. Skydiving? Yes. Bungee Jumping? Hell Yes. Coming out to the entire world that I'm dating the most perfect boyish man in the world? I honestly didn't think I would ever be scared to declare my love for somebody, but the more I think about having to come clean about a relationship I've been in, it terrifies me a little more each time.

Dan and I have been dating for about 3 months now, so the relationship is relatively new, and because we're in the honeymoon stage of our relationship, we have been reckless. People have started catching onto the fact that there's something going on between us, but no matter how much we lie and say that none of it is true, people continue to speculate, and they speculate even more.

It's the fear in our hearts that give us away It's the playful fight in the swimming pool I still think of you.

All of those lies that we tell everyone almost everyday keep me awake at night, scared of what they might think when we do officially come out as a couple. Will they accept me as Dan's girlfriend? Will they hate me? Will they like me? How many death threats will I receive? How many insults will be thrown my way? How many times will I be accused of ruining Phan? Every single day, all of these questions are all I think about.

And no matter how much we lie, there's always proof. The long drive homes back to each others flats, The long goodbyes in public spaces, like the airport of the park, it's the playful fight Dan and I had in a swimming pool when we first started dating.

I'm just so scared of telling everyone about our relationship, and not only getting attacked by hoards of fangirls on my social media, but also ruining my relationship with Dan, but I know that the longer we keep this facade up, the more we break our relationship; and I would rather have angry fangirls attack me and call me horrible names, than have my relationship ruined because we were scared of said fangirls.

It's the long goodbyes that give us away It's the song that comes on and hurts the most But the high notes get the best of you.

"Do you really think we should tell them? Do you really think this is a good idea?" Dan asks, just as terrified as I am about coming clean with our relationship.

"No, I don't think it's a good idea, but what we're doing to them is hurting us, and we need to come clean, because I can't keep lying awake at night and having our lies eating away at me when there's already so much proof." I confess. Dan looks at me, like he's defeated; and then looks at the ground, contemplating his next actions

Some say that we'll be over before we've begun And i can't let it be over, I've gotta have one

"Have you seen what they've been saying though? They're saying that we're going to be over before we even come clean, and I'm so scared that once we do tell the truth it will just cause so many problems between us, and I can't let that happen to us." Dan confesses, and in all honesty, I feel the exact same way.

Listen to you love like crazy Time should make this easy

"But have you seen what keeping it from everyone has been doing to us? It's tearing us apart more than any angry comments or fangirls. Time should make this easy, or easier at least." I try to reason with Dan, and I can tell by his demeanor he knows that I'm right.

Dan sits up, mulling over his thoughts for a few minutes, thinking of his next words, and his next steps.

Alright, i'm ready to shake things up

"Okay, you're right, this is eating away at us, we need to tell them. If you're ready to do this, we'll tell everyone officially in a couple of days."

Dear god, this is really gonna mess her up

The only thought that ran through my head was 'dear god, this is really going to mess you up.' and I can't help but subconsciencly pray that I would be able to get through this, despite the fact that it was my idea, because this is really, really, really going to mess me up, and going through all of this, is a lot for love; but for Dan, every hurdle thrown my way is worth it.

And I keep on praying that I'm strong enough It's a lot for love, it's a lot for love.

Love Is A Ghost You Can’t Control

A/N: this was the first ever Dan imagine I ever wrote and its kinda cliche but im really proud of it haha

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 970 words

Warnings: none i dont think

Pairing: Dan x Female Reader

Your P.O.V

"and i know, the scariest part is letting go, cause love is a ghost you can't control, I promise you the truth can't hurt us now, so let the words slip out of your mouth..."

Dan has been my best friends since we were like 11. We're both now 23, and living in London. But, only recently, I've started to develop feelings for him. Feelings that kinda just came out of nowhere. I can't really get him out of my head. Its like, I could be in the busiest part of London when I'm with Dan, and it just feels like its the two of us. And i just want him to feel the same thing too. It's just- when i'm with him, the whole world around us just fades away and all I see is him. I just want him to say that he feels the same too.

I start walking to Dan and Phil's' shared apartment, to finally tell him how i felt, and i have no idea how he's gonna react, I just hope that he feels the same way, and if he doesn't, to not make things awkward, because i don't want to lose my best friend of 12 years, just because, i fell in love with him. God that sounds stupid. All that he can say to make all the noise in my head, and all the non stop wondering if he feels the same way, all he can say to make that all go away is that he feels the same way too, that hes also in love with me, that he wants to be with me as much as i want to be with him.

I'm finally in front of the familiar apartment complex. The nerves start to build, my heart rates going up, all of these thoughts are going through my head. What if he doesn't like me back? What if when i tell him he laughs and closes the door in my face? What if he rejects me in the harshest way possible? I don't what i would do if that happened.

I hadn't realized that i had already knocked on the apartment door and there Dan was, standing right in front of me, with a look of utter confusion

"(Y/N), are you alright? You look so horrified" Dan questioned with an expression on his face to match. I couldn't speak, no words could come out of my mouth, I was just frozen. My whole body felt paralyzed. "(Y/N), talk to me, what's wrong?" Dan pulled me into his apartment. I felt pale, my heart was beating rapidly, it almost felt like it was gonna pop out of my chest. I regret this decision instantly. Dan sits me on the couch, next to Phil where he analyses me to see if he can read my mind.

"Oh, hey (Y/N)" Phil says to me, but i don't respond, I can't speak, i'm too terrified to speak. I just can't do it. I just- I can't. "Dan, what's wrong with (Y/N)?" Phil asks, Dan still keeps his eye on you and responds to Phil "I have no idea, she won't speak"

My heart is thudding, that's all i can seem to hear in this silent room. "Dan,c-can I talk to you i-in p-private, please?" You finally said. Dan gave you a look of nervousness and led you into his room. You sat on his bed while he stared down at you looking for answers. "Dan, t-there's something, I need t-to tell y-you" You stuttered nervously, you just wanted the whole world to just eat you up. You just wanted to be swallowed into this black hole, never to be seen or heard of again. Dan nodded nervously.

"Dan, th-this is really hard for me to say, a-and, I have no idea how to say it" You started off.

"(Y/N), you know you can tell me anything, right? I won't judge, you. You're my best friend" And there it was, the "Best Friend" card, you kinda felt your heart shatter, but you tried to brush it off.

"Dan, I really, really, really like you. And not in a best friend way. I think i might be in love with you, and I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I can't think." You quickly replied to Dan. It's too late to turn back now. The look on Dan's face, he looked utterly shocked, like he didn't know how to react. He didn't say a word. He didn't even look at you.

"I'm sorry, I'll leave" You said as tears started to form in your eyes, before you knew it, tears were rushing down your face like a waterfall. You stormed out of Dan's' room and almost out of the apartment.

"(Y/N), what's wrong you okay?" Phil had noticed you trying to escape and the tears down your face

"Phil, I'm sorry but i real-" You were cut off by someone shouting your name through the apartment.

"(Y/N), wait!" Dan called out to you, you turned around facing him "(Y/N), I'm in love with you too" Dan finally said. Phil dropped the mug of coffee he had in his hands on the floor in surprise. "(Y/N), I've been in love with you for the past 2 years. I never said anything because I thought you would never feel the same way about me ever. I was just scared. And i know that you were scared too. So please, can we do this, together?" You almost lept into Dan's' arms hugging him so tightly that he might just explode.

"So is that a yes?" Dan asked. You replied with a nod because you were just too ecstatic to say anything...

And that was the start of a beautiful relationship <3

23. Everything about you is so easy to love

°Your POV°

I was stuffing my face with those delicious nachos and cheese when I felt a knock on my door.

I did just tell Dan he could come over; I did not expect him to arrive when I had a hand full of nachos in my mouth.

I tried chewing and swallow them before I got to the door, I just couldn’t.

What was I supposed to do now? Oh fuck it; I’ll just cover my mouth.

-Jush a shecond. I managed to mumble

21. Saturday night fever

°Your POV°

It’s been an eventful week, long hours, lack of sleep, loads of fast food and coffee.

Work has been hectic, to say the least. I never got home before one am and I had to be at the office at 9 am the next day, well….technically the same day.

I was tired and my whole body ached, in addition to that, the weather has been awful. When I moved I went from the hot summer to the snowy winter, I guess that had to do with the prominent cold I was having and it only had gotten worse.

Having the day off on Wednesday was both a blessing and a curse. It was nice to have a day off; it was hell the fact that we had to do over time in order not to fall behind work wise.

9. Meet-cute?

°Your POV°

After 3 hours in a conference call, I was finally done with my day.

It’s been rough but it was to be expected. I couldn’t get much done today as I had to get to know the team, what tasks they were going to be taking up PLUS my boss back home was being a gigantic pain in my ass.

The fucker literally IM me every 5 minutes and, if by some reason I didn’t reply to him in a nano second, he would freak the hell out and start calling me nonstop.

I needed a drink, or 2…maybe 10?