Visitors On Planet Golf
Played golf, yesterday, with two guys I dearly love. One is my older brother and the other his son. These fine gentlemen were doing me a favour by heading out for nine holes while I am on holiday in their neck of the woods. Neither are golfers or, indeed, really wish to be. They were doing something, filling an unfilled space, they thought would make me happy. The chasm between the regular golfer and the non-golfer is wider than many would imagine. They were visitors on planet golf. We were swinging our sticks at the Fremantle municipal links, which is a busy little track next door to the more prestigious Royal Fremantle Golf Club.
Counting The Years Since Golf Was Last Played
Mathematics are important when playing golf. My brother was a decade older than me and was now classified as septuagenarian. His son was still in his mid-twenties. You could say that we were two old men and a youngish fellow in our golfing group. I always get to the golf course with enough time to hit a few balls on the range prior to teeing it up for real. My brother, who was being reintroduced to golf after a layoff of a couple of decades, likewise arrived 30 minutes before hit off. His son, alas, was late and it left no time for any practice. A whiff of stress was, therefore, already in the air.
A Day Trip To Planet Golf
This was not a serious foray onto the golf course. It was not a competitive match or anything of that nature. However, golf by its very format and structure, there being one course and a legion of golfers playing it four by four, or three, or two, or, even one, imprints time and scheduling upon its players. Therefore, to be suddenly thrust into a situation where two hackers were journeying their way up the opening fairway via sharp diagonal groundballs left then right and then left again was a shock to the system. You are very exposed on the golf course, and this was like being in a bowl surrounded by spectating golfers. Feelings of momentary horror had to be put down like sick dogs. I leapt into action via some basic swing instruction tips for the young man among us. I did not want to burden my older brother with such advice for a number of reasons.
Offering Encouragement & Good Cheer
Encouragement, encouragement and more encouragement. Golf, as most golfers well know, can be a bastard of a game. Keeping expectations low and keeping the mood light were my main thoughts, as we made our painfully slow way up the fairway. Balancing the needs of your own game with two absolute beginners is no mean feat, let me tell you. Sacrificing something for the well met company of these two chaps was par for the course and for the common good. It is interesting to note that providing hospitality is not always conducive to the selfish nature of playing golf. By that I mean, the golf swing is a largely internalised thing and directing others can detract from that level of concentration needed.
Hit Me With Your Best Shot
There were moments of that special golfing joy when one of these guys would strike their golf ball true and it would soar through the air down the fairway. Few can resist the childlike awe of realisation that you made that happen and the innate desire to repeat the experience. Alas, golf is often a miserly task master in this regard for the untalented and beginners. We did the right thing and waived through groups of golfers held up by our niggardly pace of play throughout the day. Nerves became a little frayed as we reached the last couple of holes. My patience and theirs were exhausted. Visitors on planet golf are largely unaware of all the things they are doing wrong. It is only the regular club golfer, au fait with the many rules of golf and etiquette, who observes the transgressions enmasse – indeed, ignorance is bliss in this regard for these visitors on planet golf.
Photo by Obi Onyeador on Pexels.com
Summarising A Trip To Planet Golf
Finishing the round of golf is most often celebrated, as participants like to recount the ups and down over a beverage post round. I thanked these hardy individuals for making their rare trip to planet golf. I know that the game of golf is not easy – the hardest game there is, in my book. I greatly appreciated their efforts on my behalf. We live in an era of convenience, where instantaneous results are expected, thanks to the digital world. Golf is not like this; it is an ancient game in spirit if not in historical fact. Hitting a small hard rock with a staff is not rocket science folks. Few modern human beings can slow down enough to swing in tempo. We want it all and we want it now. Process is a dirty word in this time of computers and AI. A machine will do it for you and do it better, according to the marketing men and women. On the golf course, however, no one but you can hit that golf ball for you. Perhaps, that is why it is a game largely played by older men and women. You cannot rush stuff on the golf course or in your swing. It can be a very frustrating game to play, especially on the putting green. You would think that any fool could roll a small, dimpled ball straight over a couple of metres into a hole but you would be mistaken on this score. Planet golf can make you feel like a fool too bloody often.
“You might notice a consistent thread is to make the game less intimidating for people who don’t play often, and that extends to the environment you place them in. The late Dan Jenkins once famously wrote about his disdain for a family of golfers slowing down a course (not a matter of interpretation—the title of the Golf Digest article was “Why I hate family golf””). Dan liked to hammer an angle for effect, but still: Depending on the level of golf experience in your family, this might not be a Sunday morning at 8 a.m. activity, nor does it need to be at the nicest course around. Far more important is having some breathing room without a foursome of curmudgeons waiting with their hands on their hips in the fairway.”
- (https://www.australiangolfdigest.com.au/low-net-family-vacation-golf/)
Inside The Green Cathedral
“Let me begin by saying that all those who play the great game of golf are blessed by the experience inside the green cathedral. There is nothing quite like cracking a big drive down the fairway off the tee. Watching that ball rise in the air and hurtle vast distances to land safely is a sweet affair indeed. Rolling in a putt from an unlikely place on the green is another deeply satisfying element of the game of golf. To the uninitiated striking a stationary small white sphere from its grassy lie with a club often seems no remarkable feat. However, ask them to reproduce that achievement and what follows can involve much cursing and frustrating failure. Golf is not an easy game to master and therein lies its fascination for millions around the globe. Golf: The green cathedral is an interesting realm to explore this rich and rewarding human pastime.”
- (https://www.golfdom.com.au/golf-the-green-cathedral/)
Robert Sudha Hamilton is the author of The Stoic Golfer; Money Matters and America Matters: Pre-apocalyptic Posts & Essays in the Shadow of Trump.
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