#daoteajing

[thebisweptualbisexual]

Hello, I'm a virgin male college freshman w a conservative Asian family much like yours w/ conservative parents and aunts. In hs I identified as bisexual, though i never came out. In college, though i find myself relatively still attracted to both sexes, i find myself scared of/unwilling to have sex in real life. I have long struggles w confidence/body image issues and wonder if this could be why. Besides that, i cant see myself romantically/sexually involved w anyone in real life and idk why.

I have been considering the idea that i could possibly be asexual or demisexual but I’m not sure if i am. I’m not sure how to identify and what it will mean for me. I go to a very liberal and diverse college, but i was always afraid to come out as bi and now idk what i am. I’m embarrassed to admit being scared/unwilling to have sex and idk why bc all my friends, gay, straight, bi do it every other night. idk what to do/ if identifying is important at all. Do u have any advice/resources/guidance?

I might not be the right person to ask about this, but dearnonacepeople might be able to talk with you more. My friend daoteajing might also be able to help? In general though, not knowing what you are isn't a bad thing, and there are a lot of people who also struggle with figuring out how to define themselves. Identifying is a choice, but you don't have to if you don't want to. Sex is something that people don't have to want all the time or at all. I guess point blank, if you don't want to have sex, you definitely do not have to. Lmk if you want to talk more about this!

[raemanzu]

CH..ch...chchc..hc... CH.APPIE... !!!!!!!!!

!!1

!!!!!

TRAILER~~!!

[lexlokiy]

daoteajing replied to your post:so i just remembered that facebook exists but I’m...

Facebook is for messaging people you don’t want to see your Tumblr, mostly…

Pretty much. Like, I see it has uses but I would probably use it more if I had a second profile that my family/employers couldn't find.

But that would require me spending time on facebook and most everyone has a tumblr, so why bother?

[lexlokiy]

As a newt myself, I consider neutrois outside the binary entirely, rather than being somewhere inbetween. If genders are colors, I am gray.

Ok that makes sense?

But I still think it isn't right for me, because I'm probably green or something.

OR YELLOW AND ORANGE

[raemanzu]

thanks to everyone who replied to my sad post earlier by the way... you guys are good friends.

[raemanzu]

tearlessrain replied to your post:I really want to make actual fried donuts someday...

Dude come over here we have a decent sized kitchen and a pot appropriate to frying donuts in.

I DO need to come over to your place sometime.... hmmmm we shall see when this is possible

daoteajing replied to your post:I really want to make actual fried donuts someday...

omg ship some south plz

they wouldn't be hot by the time they got to you, but maybe I would ship you some anyway xP

[raemanzu]

daoteajing said: You’re falling into the same beautiful trap-not-a-trap that I did, I think. If not, that’s also cool. But zen buddhism just clicked with a lot of my previous experience. Also I want your zen tea book. Haha

It is really what I need right now. I feel like it gives me a way to separate myself from my pain about things and become a better person. And yeah this book is pretty awesome, I really need to get my own copy (this one's going back to the library tomorrow now that I've finished it).

[raemanzu]

thoughts on how SPG and the WRX trip were an important influence in helping me accept my queer identity

I was telling my therapist last night how happy queer stuff makes me, because it feels like this space of emotional honesty and freedom that has been so important in my life this past year and getting over some of my fears. Recently I had my first (positive!) experience of asserting my identity among other queer identities, and I was marvelling at how far I've come. 

I thought back on the WRX trip, where everyone in our group was very chill with this sort of thing, and it was the first instance where I felt like I could say "hey all I'm nonbinary and ace" and feel like it would be taken seriously, not least because two other people in our group were the same and one of them (simon!) was much braver about asserting the nonbinary bit than I was. At the time I was like well, this is interesting, and I was still wondering if I was just a wannabe special snowflake or whatever. But then as time passed, the warm and safe space of the WRX trip kept coming back to mind as something I want my life to have more of. And it made me realize how much more at home I felt in a setting where I could assert my identity as valid.

I think this was an important step leading up to my current state of being out to most of my family (and they accept it!), and feeling more and more comfortable with identifying myself to other people. I had to have that baseline of "this is what life should feel like", or "this is what I want my life to feel like", before I could tell myself "yes, you're queer enough to say so and to ask people to respect that". 

I mean at this poetry thing, I was asked for my pronouns and bio and I said, as usual, any pronouns is fine, but for the sake of my nonbinaryness you can use "they" when introducing me as Rae. And the emcee did, and it felt really...good. I mean, I'm still playing with all of this and trying to decide what feels best, but having that validation was really cool. 

*getting emotional* I'm at this point where I don't always recognize myself when I'm being most myself, but I am also fine with what I see even if it feels new and somewhat unfamiliar. That's pretty neat.