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character death, some sort of really insane stuff, probably disturbing at some part

idk i just wrote down a lot of shit while thinking about stuff

partially written for micho

putting this back together was a pain in the ass even moreso than with the old tumblr text post post page

thank#s

(im sorry for this oneshot)

There was a certain sort of movement that just sort of confused him in his current situation. Maybe it was just this whole "adjusing to a new sort of weapon"-thing, but there certainly seemed to something else that threw him off his feet just now. Since when was he that clumsy? Wondering that for a moment as he tried to regain his stance was enough time that he didn't spend focusing. Enough time to let himself be thrown off his feet once more and into the sand of this rather empty world they had chosen for training. There really wasn't anything in this place, nothing but this small island and vast blue ocean. Maybe there was something inside this ocean, but since he couldn't swim and his training partner didn't want to go on his own they never figured out if there was really something beneath these calm waves. "Y'know, you're getting better at moving around and stuff, but... You really need to focus more." "I know. "If you really wanna be of some sort of help, then you gotta be able to keep your mind set on the goal, no matter how much you might be thinking about someone or something else." "I'm well aware of that, thank you very much." Silence. He groaned and lifted himself up, grabbing the rather sandy-looking keyblade and shaking it violently to get rid of the sand. Despite the interesting colours it really was anything more or less than a keyblade, like one of many. So unlike the one his opposite wielded, so unlike the ones he had seen so far in general. It left a rather dry feeling in his mouth when he remembered the other person who had wielded that exact same keyblade as his opposite once. There was also the fuzzy memory of someone else having carried the same one around, but given that is was fuzzy and left him feeling even worse, he shoved the thought away. "Well, you've gotten a lot better though, Lea. Maybe it's just 'cause you're not used to the sword, and you certainly seem to be thinking of too many different things at once. Try to get your head empty, and leap at me again! Or focus on one emotion." Once more Lea let out a a rather annoyed groan. He really couldn't decide which of the two given options to do, and so he leaped and slashed once more half-heartedly. It ended with his keyblade being smashed out of his hand, several bones cracking and probably even breaking judging from the pain in his hand, and him being smacked into the sand again. His keyblade got stuck in the palm tree not too far off. Once more getting up, he hissed "Curaga!" at his hand and waited until the pain subsided. "Lea." "The hell you want now, Sora?" "... Try focusing on one emotion. Just try it." Hissing some insults through his teeth he summoned his keyblade back into his hand. He was annoyed, irritated even, angry and exhausted. More than anything he wanted to be away from here, looking for Isa to smack some sense into the blue-haired and the other heart beating in his chest out of his body. He wanted to be away from here, smack Sora into the ground and force Roxas and whomever else had gotten lost within that heart of Sora's whom Axel had known out. He wanted his friends back. He growled and lunged forward, Sora raising his keyblade just in time to not get hit on the head. The adult however went on, attacking as rapidly as he normally cast fire spells, barely leaving the younger time to do as much as block. A couple of minutes and several furious clashes later Sora himself lay on the sandy beach looking up at Lea, both of their chests heaving and their breaths coming in short gasps. "... Hff... Can't say I'm... not impressed, but... seriously... why let your... anger guide you?" "Hchr..." "Try... focusing on something... hff.... more positive next time... will you?"

Releasing these people was harder than expected, and the outcome wasn't really perfect either, he suspected. Something about Roxas seemed just plain off, his face flickering into someone else's at times, his spikey blonde hair turning into chaotic yet smooth black at times. Sometimes that boy seemed to be mourning the fake people in the fake Twilight Town, and sometimes he seemed to be all too eager to be around Lea. The only thing that was consistent though was his constantly rather thoughtful expression. If Lea had to describe this thing as anything at all, then he'd have chosen "figuring out each world's secret all at once". Roxas in general seemed to be... distant. His keyblade had changed quite radically since last time - it was something else altogether now - but he still attacked in the same pattern. Swift yet powerful. Another thing that bugged Lea was this other boy - looking exactly like Roxas, but instead of thoughful more like someone had drowned his goldfish. Part of him clearly remembered Ventus as this rather sad boy who had put up a good fight back at Radiant Garden, but the other part just saw Roxas in his face, the Roxas who left the Organization out of his own will. Ridiculous for a heartless being as a Nobody, ridiculous even for the Nobody of someone like Sora. Roxas and Ventus almost moved the same, spoke the same, attacked the same. It looked like they were twins, with similar voices, similar faces, similar likes and dislikes. Though Ventus did a lot of things a little more sluggishly due to his body having been asleep in Castle Oblivion for so long. The room that Xemnas had desired for so long - it had finally dawned upon Lea that the Nobody of Xehanort had desired Ventus in some way or another. Or whatever secret that this boy held. The final thing that bugged Lea was Master Aqua. But that was another story altogether, with her hovering over Ventus like even a fly touching the boy could snap him in two. Which seemed ridiculous, as Ventus basically seemed as tough as Roxas was. All in all, the Seekers of Light were a rather pathetic and dysfunctional assembly so far. Aqua and Ventus stuck together; Roxas and Lea usually did; Sora, Riku and Kairi stayed together; and King Mickey was on his own, trying to keep things stable. The next thing was, they were supposed to be seven, not eight like they were right now. Roxas probably wasn't even meant to be a part of this group, or Lea - the rest seemed to be perfectly fit for this role. In the end Lea decided that he was the odd one out. After all, Roxas was, no matter how you looked at him, made of light. Cheerful, warm, almost disgustingly pure light. And he was just... he was just Lea.

They all realised too late what a heart meant, at least Lea felt like it. A heart could be a gift and a burden at the same time. It could be broken, shattered, twisted, abused and finally lost, but it could also heal over time, replace whatever else it had lost, and make someone whole again. You could lose half your heart, you could gain some other person's half and still be a functioning person. They all realised the value of Sora's heart and the hearts connected to him just a tad too late. At least inside Lea's head. It was quite clear that he was falling apart, his regained heart was breaking over and over and over again, and he was quite certain the next morning he could either not wake up, wake up as Axel, or Axel just sitting there, staring at him with his empty green eyes and laugh. In general Axel seemed to be haunting him in almost every world they came across. Wherever he went people asked if he was Axel, Roxas and Xion in their body called out of Axel at all times too, and the only time he'd had as much as a glance at Isa, said blue-haired had not called out for Lea to be a mess, but instead Axel. Axel, Axel, Axel. Everywhere just Axel, no matter where he went. And then an almost sinister whisper from Roxas one evening made Lea's decision clear: "Do you now realise what drove us to go this far?" He understood how Xion had felt in the end, felt like she was made for nothing else than getting back into being the nothing she was, or Roxas' desire to leave and finally learn how to be a seperate keyblade-wielder from Sora. Everywhere these two had gone they'd only ever heard the name of "Sora, Sora, Sora", exactly like he was hearing just one name carried by the winds of these worlds. Axel. For a Nobody without a heart of his own, and just some childish curiousity along with the hidden desire for something he'd never get again, Axel sure had been known around these parts. Both as saviour and someone who was sent to upset the world's peace, to upset the constellation of worlds shining like stars in the sky. At some point Lea was quite aware of how Axel had felt the need to get these stars down and patch them back together - it would have been so much easier to get what he had wanted back had someone with a keyblade been around. Someone with a keyblade who was not called Roxas or Xion, as he was aware of how drastically it would have all changed. Kingdom Hearts would have destroyed them all, but getting their hearts back after them being blown out like candles hadn't done the Nobodies deep inside their hearts, inside their heads, any good. Actually, nothing of this had done any of them any good. They all realised this in the moment when Ventus had collapsed from a battle against Xemnas (how did that bastard even still exist?) and only gotten back to his feet thanks to Aqua. The Keyblade Master embracing her friend as if he ere about to break apart, none of them realised what the hell Ventus was seeing in this exact moment. Just when he extended his trembling arm, his voice shaking and his eyes confused, they all realised the damage one person had done. "Terra..." Aqua stiffened, not having told the younger one what had become of their friend after he'd voluntarily shattered his own heart by eliminating Vanitas. King Mickey as well froze, along with Sora. "Terra...!" With his arm extended towards the friend possessed by Xehanort, the exact same person who had created Organization XIII by forcibly removing the hearts from several people including Lea and Isa. The exact person that Xemnas had originated from, Lea realised in that moment. It made him shiver, that thought. The boy that looked so much like Roxas would have shaken free from the arms he'd been held in in that moment and tried running towards the enemy - which he didn't know - if he hadn't been that weakened. The Xehanort inside the body of Ventus' friend however was frozen into place just like Aqua was, and the sudden spark in his amber eyes showed signs of the person called Terra still being in there somewhere. Possibly. At some point the arm dropped dead, the young blonde passing out inside the tight grip around him and his legs dangling around awkwardly when Aqua decided to drag him back. In the same moment as Ventus losing conscience however, the Seekers of Darkness disappeared off to someplace the ones of Light didn't know of. It left Lea feeling hollow and bitter. Isa had not shown any sign of recognition back there when he'd turned up to save Sora. Isa hadn't shown anything at all other than blankness and emptiness. Until now Lea had refused to take the possibility of his friend being long gone into consideration, but now it seeped into his mind, poisoning the hope he'd held until now. And somewhere deep in the back of his head he heard a low growling laughter that sounded more like a threat than anything else. "A heart is such a sign of weakness, is it not, Lea? It's weak, so weak, and you can feel it breaking within your hands and yet there is nothing you can do about it. Wouldn't it be better if you split again, split again into some emotionless Nobody and a mindless Heartless? Wouldn't it be better if you let it all in my heartless hands rather than letting your pretty little heart break and break and break and break until there's nothing left to break anymore and you and I both cease existing?"

He didn't know when the nightmares started. He didn't know why they started. He didn't know what had caused them to start. All he knew was that they were clouding his waking state, and were pulling his sleeping state into the depths of hell itself, a world filled of heartlessness and cold, icy, amber eyes. It first started with Isa being dragged away by Xehanort, the blue-haired calling out for Lea to help him. But Lea was always frozen into the very space he'd been standing in, and over time his best friend's calls got more silent and more desperate, his fading-pale face starting to look more and more beaten up. At least until some point where Lea's nose caught the scent of blood and rotting flesh, and this time it was Isa who dragged Roxas and Xion away, their keyblades broken and Xion fading out of his sight with every night these nightmades plagued him, shooting venom into his heart and mind. One time it was just Sora standing there, in the middle of countless slain Dusks, with Axel, Roxas, Saix and Xion at his feet, all of them dead or bleeding to death, their voices calling out to Lea and Sora for having murdered them. Eventually that picture faded too, and the next dream he had was him staring at himself. Or rather, staring at Axel. But it was Axel who held the keyblade in his hands, his green eyes dull and dead and a twisted smile upon his lips. He whispered out to Lea, words in a foreign language that the other didn't understand. And then, one night, when it was once more just Axel standing there, silently judging him in his foreign tongues, the Nobody snapped the keyblade. Shattered it into countless tiny pieces. Some pieces caught flame before they reached the invisible floor. Some wilted like flowers, some blasted out of existing within this realm of nightmares with the roaring of thunder. Some others called out for Lea in the same language that Axel had spoken in, asking him things he didn't understand and coming to a complete standstill when they apparently hit the invisible floor, now drenched in darkness. Some others turned into blood, spraying all over Axel and Lea as they both stood in their places, Lea unable to move as always. Some others turned into spears made of ice and pierced both men standing there. Lea cried out in pain as his own blood mixed in with that of the keyblade, and Axel did not move. Though there were holes torn into the Nobody's body, even his face, he didn't bleed, he didn't disappear. He just stood there, glaring down at Lea who had fallen to the ground, rolling up and screaming in pain. It was that dream that he finally understood what Axel said when said Nobody bended over, forced Lea to look into his similar eyes and his crooked smile turned into something that vaguely resembled remorse. "I hope that was worth it." Lea wasn't sure whether it was directed at him, or at the broken keyblade, or someone else entirely. The night after there was just Xehanort again, this time with all the people in his dreams before, and they called out for him again, called him a liar and the cause of their deaths, of their forced unions with each other, the entire situation. The dreams stayed the same after this, but every time their voices got louder, clearer, and at some point they just started whispering one word out. This one word was enough to bring Lea close to something that could be considered insomnia, as he slept less and less afterwards. "Lea. Lea. Lea. Lea. Lea. Lea. Lea. Lea..." The day that the others had exclaimed finally having found the "fated place" for this final battle was the day that Lea slept the less of all times before. But all of the sudden he was concentrated and confident. He knew how to make these voices finally shut up.

A heart could be broken, twisted, mangled beyond recognition. Lea's probably looked as bad as Isa's did at this point, and he was glad that he could finally understand what sort of desire had driven Saix into even saying that it had been his formerly best friend who had changed. It was the desire to be able to feel this sort of insane pain and remorse, it was the desire to remember someone with an emotion attached to them rather than just the impression of "useful" or "useless" they left behind in a Nobody's mind. Lea would have gladly traded that sort of emotion away for the emptiness and feelinglessness of a Nobody in his case, but he didn't care anymore. The only thing he wanted was his best friend back as Roxas and Xion were out of his reach by now, alienated by being forced into the same body with the same mindset and Lea's constant fall into nightmares. To be quite honest he didn't care. Only one desire burned in his heart which kept on beating erratically and painfully within his chest. Within his head there was another beat slowly but steadily slashing out his keyblade, slashing it at every sort of heartless he met. It kept on repeating his name in the voices of many different people in the same tune as his heart beat and beat and beat. Oh, how he longed to shut that beating down without having to die. But there was no way of doing this now and he did not desire to place this sort of gamble into fate's hands right now. So he kept on blocking the attacks by Xehanort while he slashed out at his best friend Isa. Somewhere else in this godforsaken Keyblade Graveyard another battle like this was being fought out, but the outcome seemed to be a lot worse than what Lea was going through. He just occasionally caught glances of Ventus and Aqua going against their friend's empty shell with Xehanort's mind inside it, but they seemed more hesitant to actually attack. After some time Ventus even ceased attacking completely, apparently being unable to raise his weapon against the person he had once called his friend years over years ago. It was a fight of blood and tears at this point, with Ventus just whispering out his friend's name every time Xehanort struck him with his keyblade, broke even more bones inside the blonde's body. At some point Ventus just fell to the dusty dead ground and barely moved again, his lips just fluttering open once in a while to call out for the friend he'd lost to Xehanort's cold and merciless clutches. It was at around this time the eight realised they were not just hopelessly overpowered, but that there was also another way of ending this battle before the X-blade could be forged completely. The young Xehanort fighting among the thirteen Seekers of Darkness was their key to defeating these people, as he'd come frome the past, and eliminating him here would eliminate every other form of possession that had been placed against them. Though it poured a little bit of hope into Lea's poisoned mind, his mind was still set on Isa. Even if there was the possibility of getting Isa back without having to hurt him even more than he already had, he still wanted to at least apologise to his best friend before all timelines were changed and reset due to the erasure of Xehanort. And thus Lea, as the only one who was not part of the seven, did not follow the call to tackle down the youngest version of Xehanort and raised his weapon once more against Isa. "Why don't you follow your friends' call, you fool?" snarled out the part of Isa that had to be beaten out by force. "'Cause I ain't part of this battle. I sorta jus' tagged along to beat you outta Isa!" And with this their weapons clashed again, sparks being sent flying down to the dead ground of the Keyblade Graveyard. With Lea's heart fluttering and beating so fast that he was actually seeing stars as if the worlds once more appeared visible on the sky above them. The layer that kept this place separated from each other world, like every other world in this universe was due to the disappearance of Kingdom Hearts into darkness. And from somewhere he was quite sure came Axel's whisper again of giving up the heart that made him weak, so weak that he imagined seeing the other worlds, the same heart that made him consider hesitating to attack Isa opposite of him. But this time Lea actually had an answer to Axel's threatening calls. A heart could be broken, twisted, mangled beyond regonition, yes. But it could also be pieced back together, woven back into the thing it was before that, and healed. Yes, it was a source of weakness, but it was also a source of something that could grant you strength. It could bring you much pain, but it could also soothe it. Just in the moment Lea realised this and whispered it back at Axel inside his head, the Nobody disappeared. Left behind nothing but the lingering emptiness of a being without a heart, the lingering whisper of a being blaming another one for its death. And Lea, Lea breathed in freely for the first time since he'd been reawoken. It was just a second he wasn't focused, like back on the island when he'd been training with Sora to wield this weapon in his hands. Just a tiny little second that he wanted to scream in glee due to finally being free. One second was enough to be sent crashing into the left-behind and ancient keyblades, enough to shoot some non-natural pain through his entire body as the left arm broke into pieces. He was just lying there, completely paralysed by pain for a moment and spit out blood. Enough time once again for his opponent to slam down with his feet on Lea's chest and force his breath out of him along with more blood. It was a gross feeling, Lea decided, humilating and yet it felt good. His strongly beating heart cut out for a moment and returned to beat slow as if it had been confused by the hit. "It seems... you win once again... Isa..." The part of Xehanort that stared down at Lea paused for a moment for a triumphant sneer. In exactly the same moment Lea put his remaining might into moving around so the other fell off him, which succeeded in some sort of miracle. With the tides having turned, it was now Lea on top of Isa, though Lea lacked the strength to be keeping the other pinned down with pure muscle. He was actually not even pinning Isa down at all, but rather just lying on top of him, his heart once more beating so fast as if it were to pop right out of his chest again. The red-head was very well aware of what was going on around him despite the blood running down the back of his head due to his earlier fall. He calculated how much time he'd left before it ran out with this injury along with the broken arm and ribs - it might have just been enough for him, but he was losing his focus quite quickly. "Seemed... so... at least..." Speaking was getting rather hard, and because of the unidentified pain somewhere near his heart Lea came to the conclusion that one rib had pierced through one part of his lung. What a pathetic way to go down - just about as pathetic as Axel's "honourable" sacrifice had been. There were dots swimming in his vision already, and Lea sort of cursed how fragile a body could be. "I'm not... gonna... go down... on my own... I'll take... ya with me... y'know...?"

When Isa opened his eyes again he almost fell out of all beliefs he had at some point in his life. The last thing he remembered was something that was so fuzzy that he couldn't identify it any longer, and his eyes failed to focus on wherever he was. Something seemed to lie on top of him - had something collapsed around him and he'd been caught in that? With a pang and with what almost felt like being hit by lightning the pain returned to him and his entire body convulsed in an attempt to shake off the pain that seemingly came out of nowhere. Shoving off whatever was lying on top of him he sat up and blinked several times, slowly focusing on what was going on. He'd never been to that place before, and something about it seemed just too eerie to be real. There were just a couple of collapsed people clad in black lying around and some others in different clothing still standing, seemingly about to tackle down on the last two ones in dark clothes that were standing. He stiffened when he realised that he was one of the people in black as well. Wait a moment. The thing on top of him had felt way too soft to be rubble or some of these ancient keyblades lying around. Turning his head back to whatever that had been, his heart almost stopped upon realising what it had been. "Lea! Lea, oh good grief! Lea!" "You... back...? Good..." "Lea!" Grabbing his best friends by the shoulders and hauling him into another position there was no other response from the red-headed other than a weak groan and a even weaker cough. Isa was so horrified by that that he froze for a moment, pulling the other into a hug and freezing once more when he realised that there was blood on his hands. It wasn't his so it had to come from-- "No... no... not... Lea..." A powerless and almost soundless laugh and another strained gasp for breath reminded Isa that his friend wasn't dead. It still left the blue-haired sort of puzzled whatever had led to this situation, but Lea's "You back? Good" had pierced some other thought into the back of his head. Maybe, just maybe... it had been his own doing? "Hey... no crying... now... big boy... It'll... all be good. See... these people... over there...? They're... fixin' it. It'll... be all... undone before you... can curse me... or yourself... or Xehan...ort..." "Xehanort...?" Lea coughed again, thus eventually becoming unable to answer Isa's sort of confused question. It sounded like Lea was choking on something, and that almost painfully slowly. "'tis... a good... place to die... right now... Look at... the... sky..." Sunset. Isa hadn't realised until now that the sun was setting, even in this odd place. Through the dust that had been woken up from its sleep and it dancing through the air it looked sort of surreal, that orange and red that was left of the sunset. Somewhere way over their heads the other worlds were coming back into vision, shining brighter than the actual stars in the sky and telling stories that they would never know ever. Something that was completely out of their grasp, left for children to imagine and map out. "Isa... I'm sorry... I beat you up... Had to... your head... Xehanort..." Lea's words were becoming barely more than a broken whisper, and Isa just plain felt that this irregular heartbeat against his own chest was becoming painfully slow and weak. But there was nothing he could do anymore, with his entire body aching and his mind being lost in a swirl of confusion. All he just knew was that this was Lea quickly expiring in his arms and Isa being unable to hold him tighter as the usual warmth was fading away as slowly as the sunset was. After a couple of minutes he could swear he heard a "Goodnight, Isa." somewhere in the last breath that Lea let out as his heart finally came to a standstill. Isa was just frozen into this place, not able to let go of the now lifeless body of his best friend. And sometime after this he was quite certain that his vision started flickering, forcing stars into his vision as something seemed to be taking part. When the X-blade was forged once more and the last decision left to do for the Seven Seekers of Light became clear, Isa had passed out, never to see the outcome of this battle. Just complete and utter - almost comforting - darkness.

#niccis new fanfiction tag #darkchuchu #im sorry? im sorry yeah