hiiii!!! would u mind writing a request for a darkling x reader fanfic where r nearly dies on a trip through the shadow fold and he gets upset when he sees her training to go back through to complete the mission and tells her to come to his office where he gets all soft and tells her he can’t loser her and that she’s his other half and basically after that everyone knows that she is his equal and nobody else can ever compare to her 😭🤭🤭💗
Reassurances
Summary: You nearly die, and the Darkling gets upset.
w/c: 1880+
Pairing: Darkling x female!tidemaker!reader
Warnings: Self-hatred, never being enough, mentions of death and injuries
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You’d come to Ravka of your own free will.
Not as a refugee Grisha. Technically.
You had run away though. Away from an abusive home, where you were constantly told that you were not enough. Never would be.
And the Little Palace was perfect.
“Snap out of your daydreams about the General, Y/N. We’re ready.”
Your eyes grew wide, as you spun around, finding Zoya smirking at you. And not far behind was the General himself, watching with an amused yet bewildered look on his face. You gave him a sheepish smile before following Zoya to the middle of the ship. “For your information, I wasn’t thinking about him,” you seethed. “No,” she said, signaling to an Inferni, “but you were getting there,” she said, turning back to you. You mock her, causing her to smirk, before getting to your station.
“Remember,” Kirigan started, turning to face all of you, “We just want to test this method. That’s all we’re going in for.”
You didn’t miss the whispers that sounded from all around you.
“Why did he choose her?”
“She’s so new.”
“We’re all going to die.”
“There are so many more experienced Tidemakers, her power won’t be enough.”
You shut your eyes, trying to drown them out when you felt a hand on your shoulder. Your eyes fluttered open to find Zoya in front of you. “Kirigan wants to know if this is too much for you,” she said, worry evident in her eyes. Your eyes flickered to Kirigan, watching his eyes on yours, a blank expression on his face.
He thinks you can’t do it. That you’re too weak.
You shook your head, “I can do it.”
Zoya nodded, before turning around and repeating the action to the General, but his eyes never left yours.
You cleared your throat, focusing on the Fold in front of you, as the ship lurched forward.
People were yelling instructions all over the ship as you tried to focus on the task at hand.
“Once we’ve entered, you’ll create a dome of water around the ship. An Inferni will start a fire, which hopefully, thanks to your dome, will be refracted in multiple directions, throwing the Volcra off,” Kirigan told you.
“You think I can do it? Wouldn’t someone else be better fit for the job?”
“I do. But I don’t want you to do it, unless you think you can.”
Your eyes flickered to Kirigan again, who was now facing the Fold.
Truth be told, you didn’t think you could do it. You felt absolutely worthless, and everyone’s whispers weren’t helping.
Yes, the Little Palace was perfect. Everyone was nice. But you couldn’t handle the stares that you received ever since it’d been announced that you’d be handling this. No one knew your past. No one knew how it’d affected you.
All they saw was the instant liking that Kirigan took to you. The way you’d sometimes spend entire days alone while other days you’d be like a ball of sunshine. It made no sense to most, but then again, everyone had their own trauma to handle.
Your hands trembled as you counted the seconds you’d spent inside the fold. Your eyes were on Kirigan, waiting for his signal.
And it couldn’t have come sooner.
He looked back to you, nodding briefly.
You focused on your hands, imagining water flowing through them, as you waved them in the air in a dome like shape, watching as water followed your motions. You kept your hands up, thinning out the layer of water, keeping it steady and from falling all over everyone on the ship.
You caught Zoya looking at you from the corner of your eye, nodding to you before signaling to the Inferni. Your eyes landed on Kirigan, who gave you a brief nod, eyes shining with an expression you’d never seen anyone look at you with before.
The Inferni got a good fire going, and as Kirigan had said, the light refracted beautifully.
It couldn’t destroy the Fold. But it’d be easier to get across.
Just as you thought this would actually work, the first Volcra attacked.
You struggled to keep the water barrier up as it pounded again and again through it.
Panic built in your chest as more appeared, clearly understanding the trick you’d played.
Everyone started rushing about preparing for a fight.
“Don’t you dare let go!” someone yelled at you, “If you do, we're all dead!”
Your hands trembled.
They were right. You weren’t enough. You never would be.
As the negative thoughts swirled in your mind, you felt yourself lose control of the water dome, and it came crashing down on the boat.
Your breath became unsteady as you failed to process what was going on through all of the screaming. Volcra were all over, snatching people, throwing them overboard. The piercing shrieks of everyone around you sent a searing pain rippling through your head.
Or maybe it was the sharp object that had pierced through your left shoulder.
A blood curdling scream ripped through your throat as you felt yourself being lifted off the ground.
Your vision blurred as fear and pain surged through you.
The next thing you knew you were falling in the dark, before everything went quiet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recuperation was a foreign concept to you. In your house, it’d always been that way. The second you can think, talk, walk and move at least one arm, you had to get back to your normal schedule.
So that’s what you did.
You looked at yourself in the mirror, more disgusted at yourself than you had been before the accident.
That’s what everyone called it now anyways. Your left hand was in a sling. The healers did their best, but since it was a wound caused by a Volcra, it wasn’t healed completely. You ran your right hand over the black streaks across your shoulder, as they branched out all over your arms.
They would never go away.
There were different versions to the story. But, the most common one was that Kirigan had ordered one of the Inferni to kill the Volcra, and he caught you as you fell. And everyone who had told you this, had also added their comment about how you weren’t ready yet, and that Kirigan had made a mistake.
Of course it wasn’t hatred then. Only those who had been on the ship despised you for getting the others killed. No, everyone else had answered you with pity. Because that was the emotion shown to the weak.
You sighed, slipping on a coat over your tank top, wincing slightly at the way it sat on your shoulder.
The door opened, startling you out of your angry gaze on yourself.
“You shouldn’t be up yet,” Genya said, coming to stand behind you, her gaze soft.
“I have to train,” you said, turning around to face her.
“Y/N-”
“I messed up. I messed up and I can’t do that again.”
“You can’t summon without both your hands,” she said, gently as if speaking any louder would break you.
“I’ll train in hand - to - hand combat ‘till then,” you replied, moving to walk past her.
“Y/N, you need rest.”
“I’m fine,” you said, slamming the door behind you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You were not fine.
Your right hand wouldn’t work like it usually did, and the fake sword in your hand felt heavier than usual. You cursed out as the sword fell from your hand a third time, Zoya watching. “You need to stop this foolishness,” she said, a stern look on her face.
“You should go mind the others,” you muttered, annoyed, eyeing her as you picked up the sword.
“The others aren’t ignoring their injuries,” she bit back.
She watched you try to swing it around once more, before standing in attention abruptly, her eyes landing on something behind you.
“What is the meaning of this?”
Someone behind you.
You dropped the sword, spinning around to find Kirigan behind you, an angry look on his face.
Zoya cleared her throat, “Sir-”
“I didn’t ask you,” he said, dark eyes fixated on you.
“I can’t summon yet sir. So I thought I would try hand-to-hand combat first,” you replied feeling terrible. You were so upset with yourself. 2 weeks should have been enough. You were only proving what everyone was saying.
“Follow me,” he ordered, walking away. You looked back to Zoya, shocked, but she only nodded you on.
You ran after him hurriedly, worried about what was going to happen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kirigan had brought you to his office and had been absolutely quite ever since.
He was sitting on the edge of his table, pinching the bridge of his nose with his hand.
“Gener-”
“Call me Aleksander,” he says, finally looking up to meet your gaze.
You feel your cheeks heat up as you nod quickly. He got up, walking over to you, stopping just in front.
“I know why you push yourself so much,” he whispered, his gaze never leaving your eyes as he took your hands in his.
You stood there dumbfounded, waiting for him to explain. He tilted his head to the side, running his thumb over your knuckles. “The first day that you came here, you were so hurt, you were blabbering in your sleep. You kept asking your parents to stop. And right before I had asked Genya to put you to sleep, you muttered that you’d never be good enough,” he revealed.
You felt your eyes start to water, and you looked down at your joined hands, feeling embarrassed and scared. One of Aleksander’s hands left yours, reaching up to your chin instead, and gently tilting your face upwards. “I wasn’t enough that day either. You trusted me and- and I failed. The Volcra should’ve taken me, I deserve that punishment,” you cried, closing your eyes. “Y/N, look at me. Open those pretty of yours….please,” he whispered.
You did, surprised by the soft, caring look he was giving you. “If the Volcra had done something to you, I would have never been able to forgive myself. Because you are more than just a Grisha to me. You are my better half to say the least. Moreover, you are enough. You are my equal. Your parents were blind. I gave you that job because I knew you could do it. No one else compares to you. In any way. And you will be the one to handle it. Once you are completely healed that is,” he said, smiling softly. He dropped your other hand as well, gently wiping the tears from your face.
You couldn’t help the surge of emotion that ran through you as a smile crept up your face. His hands were now cupping your face, as he leaned in, pausing just before his lips landed on yours. “May I?” he whispered, his breath mixing with yours. You nodded, your stomach knotting up.
His lips landed on yours finally, merging both of you together as one. Goosebumps erupted all over your skin as his hands dropped to your waist, pulling you even closer to him. For the first time in your life, you felt…
…wanted.
He pulled away gently, his eyes bright.
“Promise me you will rest?” he asked.
“If you’ll stay with me as long as you can,” you said sheepishly.
“Of course, my little tide,” he grinned.
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