i didn't suffer through three books and read “it's my own name i'm afraid of forgetting.”/“i want you to know my name, the name i was given not the title i took for myself. will you have it, alina?”/“your name is tattooed on your heart.” only for netflix to throw it away and replace it with “please, call me aleksander.” in literally the second episode.
Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x fem!grisha! reader
Summary: Rumours and whispers are circulating in the Little Palace that General Kirigan has found himself a mysterious woman with whom he spends his nights. One morning Ivan learns that the rumours are true. Fedyor will not rest until he finds out who their Black General's new lover is—who is the one who makes him much less grumpy.
Requested by: @drinix (I AM SOOOO SOOO SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME AGES! BUT I HOPE YOU WILL LIKE IT, HONYE!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤)
Taglist: @aoi-targaryen @chelseyyouraverageluigi @watersquirtpewpewboomm @summersummoner-pat
Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist
One morning, Aleksander sips his coffee and looks through the reports Ivan has just delivered to his desk. He has a meeting with his colonels in a few minutes, and he's struggling with his lack of sleep. At least this time, he has a better reason to stay up late than answering letters and planning new battle tactics.
He smiles, remembering the night he spent with you. He runs a hand over his jaw, trying to shake the thought of you beneath him. How you trembled at his every little touch, the sweet sounds you made as he struck your most sensitive spots with pinpoint precision, how wonderful you looked sprawled out on the bed, a clean, quivering mess as he tasted you to his liking…
"Forgive me, General, but I can't find your kefta." Ivan's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. Aleksander absentmindedly picks up the reports again, knowing full well that he has to read them before he goes to any meetings, and, ignoring Ivan a bit, mumbles under his breath, asking him to repeat what he just said. "I can't find your kefta, sir."
"My kefta?" Aleksander repeats, surprised. Ivan has never had any problems with this simple task before. Suddenly he remembers why his heartrender can't find his keft. "I must have left it at hers." Aleksander mutters under his breath, unaware that he is saying it so loudly that Ivan can hear him.
Heartrender frowns and stares at his general in shock as he casually takes his reports and heads to the main war room for a meeting.
As soon as Ivan enters the room, he meets the questioning gaze of his beloved. Feydor immediately notices how pale and nervous Ivan has become and that his heart is beating a little faster. He decides to ask him what happened. And a few hours later, Ivan confirms to Feydor the rumours that have been circulating in the Little Palace.
General Kirigan had a secret affair.
"I can't believe it! Him?" Alina's whisper reaches you as you sit down at the table right next to Fedyor.
"Who are we gossiping about? The healer who almost broke a bone in one of the Inferni yesterday while so-called healing?"
"No. Ivan couldn't find the general's kefta this morning. And when he told him, he mumbled that he must have left it at HERS. Do you understand? At HERS. HER. SHE. A WOMAN."
"Yes, Fedyor. I understood at first time when you said it." You laugh at his excitement about this new rumour.
"No you don't! You don't know what it means if you are not at least as interested and excited as me or Alina." Fedyor informs you in a very serious way.
You roll your eyes at his foolish behaviour and looks at Aleksander who is coming into the great hall. In his black kefta.
"No way! It must be someone from the Little Palace! Look at him, he is wearing it now! Someone had to give it to him." Fedyor whispers conspiratorially to the three of you, staring at the general.
You raise an eyebrow at him, amused when the man quickly feigns interest in his food as Aleksander's gaze falls on the three of you. He nods at you and leaves the room.
"Sorry, duties." You say and take an apple from the table. "Try not to interrogate everyone around you about the general's new beloved. She may get embarrassed or scared and leave him and he'll become a pain in our asses again." You tease him and leave him and Alina to discuss this new revelation.
You walk quickly through the hallway of the Little Palace, practically running after Aleksander. You burst into his war room and before you can say a word, his lips are on yours.
You moan softly, surprised by the suddenness of his kiss. You tangle your hands in his hair and hum against his mouth as he slips his tongue into your mouth, pinning you against the door. You’re breathless as he practically devours you, drinking in all your moans and whimpers of pleasure as his large, strong hands caress the cheeks of your ass.
"I was thinking about it since I left your side." He mumbles, pressing small kisses to your jaw. You sigh, digging your hands into the collar of his kefta and pushing him away from you with a heavy heart, but you have to get the message across to him before you get lost in each other again.
"You have to be more careful. Fedyor got something out of Ivan and knows you have a mistress."
"So you are my secret mistress now?" He asks, chuckling against your neck. You bite your lip as his beard teasingly grazes your neck, plump lips nipping at your skin.
"Call me that again and you will be comming back from my chamber to yours all naked." You growl, but your threat carries little fear as Aleksander begins to unbutton your own kefta.
"You wouldn't dare..." He mumbles against your skin and all you can do is tug on his hair in retaliation as he traces his marks across your collarbone and moves lower, approaching the valley between your breasts.
"So sure?" You gasp, trying your best to remain intimidate to him, but it is a challenge when his fingers work so smoothly in undressing you.
"Uh-huh." He mumbles and kisses you again, this time more forcefully than last time, making your legs buckle slightly. He holds you tightly by the waist and lifts you up, navigating through his room and laying you on his bed, which is filled with books.
"I... um... sorry. I should have cleaned up here." He mumbles to himself and throws the books to the floor in his haste. You laugh at him and grab his arm.
"I don't mind... besides it will be quite hard to explain why you suddenly clean your rooms without any suspicion about this new lover of yours." You tease him with a smirk, but he doesn't seem to share your good humour at all.
He's lost in thought, stroking your cheek with his thumb thoughtfully and not responding to your teasing, just staring at you sprawled beneath him, shadows slowly creeping out of his control and draping over the foot of the bed.
"Shouldn't we... make this official?" He asks, staring at you with those night-dark eyes of his. You shiver, surprised by his question.
You try to swallow the lump in your throat and control your slight panic attack as he continues to stare at you, waiting patiently waiting for your answer and searching your face carefully for any reaction.
"What for? That's... quite a comfortable... deal we are in. Besides, I don't want them to talk that I am your second-in-command just because I slept with you. And I thought you liked that our relationship is strictly private and well... not to anyone's eyes?"
"Yeah... yeah, I do. You probably are right. Having you in the darkness is much more entertaining than in the daylight."
You know from the way he frowns slightly that this isn't the answer he was expecting. But if anything, Aleksander is a pathological people-pleaser. So he doesn't say anything about his true feelings about the secrecy of your relationship and instead leans in for a kiss.
Which subconsciously makes you feel incredibly guilty.
"Come here... let me help you relax, moi soverenyi." You moan against his lips and straddle him, deciding that this afternoon you will serve your general.
But no matter how many kisses you press into his skin, how many marks you leave, or how many times you make him moan your name, you still feel a burning feeling of guilt inside.
You try with all your might to focus your attention solely on giving him as much pleasure as possible, but your thoughts involuntarily wander to his proposal. You weren't ready to show the two of you to the world yet. You weren't ready for the judgemental looks from others. You'd rather everything stay the way it was. Just you and Aleksander, your little secret, stole kisses and nights between each other's sheets.
You were completely happy with that. But as you can see, your Sasha wanted more.
And you weren't entirely sure if you could give it to him now.
You wake up blissfully aching. Aleksander's shadows float across his bedroom, obscuring the entire room, blocking out any sunlight. You turn your gaze to the man whose chest your head rests on.
You smile, watching the sleeping shadow summoner. It's rare to see him so... calm, rested. Unable to stop yourself, you run your hand along the line of his jaw and gently cup his bearded cheek. You stroke it with your thumb, drinking in his appearance, enjoying every tiny hickey you've left on him.
You lean down and kiss him sweetly, slowly, unhurriedly, enjoying the softness of his lips and the roughness of his beard. Kissing him had always been a surreal feeling for you. Sometimes you couldn't believe that you could actually press your lips against his and declare your claim to the most powerful Grisha that existed.
You feel him start to wake up as the kiss continues. He wraps his arms around you and holds you tightly by the waist, rolling you so you're straddling him as he kisses you passionately, hungrily. You sigh into his mouth, feeling his manhood press against you as if last night hadn't worn him out.
You run your hands over his chest and slowly settle yourself on him. You sigh as the head of his cock slowly opens your soaked walls. It feels so good and so damn full, as you settle yourself completely on him, as you become one. You bite your lip and hold your breath as he sits up, wrapping his arms around you tightly, digging his fingers into your back.
"Y/N..." He murmurs into your ear and kisses his lobe. You sigh, feeling him perfectly fill every little space of you.
"Morning." You gasp as he pushes you onto your back, hovering over you. He sucks hickies on your neck, mumbling quiet good mornings against your skin as he lazily thrusts into you.
You wriggle and moan beneath him, trying to press yourself as close to him as you can. There’s no space between you as he claims you with every thrust, destroying you for any other man. You sigh as he presses his lips to yours, kissing you possessively, stealing your breath with each deep, hard thrust into you.
He trails his kisses down your neck. His beard tickles your skin as he caresses your lips. You moan his name loudly as he suddenly sucks onto your breast.
He smiles evilly against your skin. Aleksander revels in the way you dig your nails into his shoulders as he works tirelessly to please you. He loved seeing you like this. Hair tousled against his black sheets, eyes closed from the rush of pleasure, mouth open in a quiet moan of his name when all you could think about was him. That was when you felt truly his. And it was a pleasant change for him to know that someone belonged to him, that he owned someone. It was just a shame he couldn't claim you in the sunlight as well.
A sudden movement in the war room makes you both freeze. Aleksander stares at his bedroom door and instinctively raises his shadows, causing them to wrap around the two of you defensively.
"General, we got a report from the west border with Fjerda..." Fedyor's voice trails off in the realization as the heartrender realizes he hears two heartbeats in Darkling's bedroom. Two fast heartbeats. "I... um... should I come later?"
"Preferably." Your lover responds, still on his guard.
You listen for Fedyor's footsteps and sigh in relief as he walks away. You laugh uncontrollably, which earns a soft chuckle from Aleksander. His heart heats up as he watches fondly as you laugh beneath him at the absurdity of the situation.
"Oh my dear saints. He's going to be so determined to find out who you're hiding under the sheets."
"Yes... probably." He replies. You frown thoughtfully, but you quickly distract yourself when he moves again. You moan, biting your lower lip and digging your fingers into his arm as he reaches deep, hitting that weak spot inside you that sends tingles throughout your body. "But you'll manage, right, milaya?"
You nodded, unable to utter any coherent sounds. He smiles pure evil and continues to pound into you at a punishing, rapid pace. You bite your lip, almost drawing blood as you try not to moan his name too loudly in the darkness of his chambers.
Yep... you definitely loved your stolen mornings with him.
A few hours later, you smile to yourself as you pack your things. Due to suspicious activity by the Fjerdans on the border, Aleksander decided to go and see for himself what was going on. You were supposed to be on the lookout for Morozova's stag.
Despite the sudden events of today, you couldn't just forget about the morning spent with him. The thought of it made you blush, and a smile appeared on your lips. Lost in thoughts about the shadow summoner, you didn't even register when Zoya entered your room with a packed backpack.
"Oh saints, you had sex!" You jump suddenly at her excited squeal and stare at her like a deer caught in the light of a hunter's torch.
"I beg you pardon?"
"You had sex! You're glowing, relaxed, and oh my, you're blushing like a teenager! Who's that? Do I know him? Handsome? What order is he from? Or maybe it is she?" She bombards you with excited questions. You hide your face in your hands, not wanting to watch her wicked smile as she settles on your bed, staring at you intently.
"I... have no idea what are you talking about."
Before you can somehow defend yourself from her accusations, you are interrupted by a knock on your door. Fedyor enters with his things, all excited, with Ivan hot on his heels.
"Y/N, you won't believe it! He really does have someone! You have to tell me if you saw anyone in the corridors leading to his quarters last night when you were leaving his chambers after the night briefing. Remember every detail, I need to know everything."
"Y/N had sex with some mysterious lover." Zoya briefs Fedyor before either of you can add anything to the man's long rant.
Ivan raises a surprised eyebrow at you, silently analysing the information in his head. You see the gears turning in his head, and as he connects the dots—as Alexander's closest confidant after you—he blushes. You shake your head slightly, staring at him as Fedyor and Zoya exchange gossip. He swallows and nods silently. You note it as a problem for later and turn your gaze to the two excitedly gossiping Grisha.
"I can't believe it! You too?! Who is it?! With your busy schedule with Kirigan, I didn't think I'd have time to find anyone, but here you are. Is it that handsome inferni? The one who's going on the mission with us and has been hanging around you for ages?"
"I… would prefer to keep my… boyfriend's privacy for now. It's a quite new thing, we're… testing if we're a good fit." You stammer, explaining yourself, knowing full well that you can't deny these two for long. They would have known the truth anyway. You're terrified of the moment when they realize that you and Aleksander are something more.
"Oh, I understand that perfectly. Ivan and I went through the same thing, right, honey?"
"Yeah..." Ivan mumbles thoughtfully and continues to stare at you in shock. However, Fedyor is too lost in his conspiracy theory to pay attention to his significant other's behavior. For which you silently thank the saints above.
Eventually, you all gather up and head for the stables. Zoya and Fedyor mumble something to each other in the front, and you and Ivan follow. You decide that this is a good time to approach him and ask for discretion.
"You know, don't you?" Ivan stares at you for a moment, then nods silently. You swallow hard, nervously playing with the sleeve of your kefta. “Listen… can we keep this between us? I… I doubt it’s a good idea to talk about all this now. He doesn't need to have such rumours running about us in the Little Palace."
Ivan nods at you, agreeing with your words. But you can see that something is bothering him. For a moment he grits his teeth in silence, but then he mumbles under his breath, barely audible.
"He seems… less tense. Less worried." You blush along with him. You clear your throat and turn your gaze to the walls of the corridors you pass, thinking of a… neutral response to his observation.
"I... I guess he is."
"I think… I want to say… it's good that he has you." You look at him in surprise, almost tripping on the exit steps as he says this. The blush deepens on your cheeks as you think about what he told you. "Everyone needs their own Fedyor."
You smile, seeing his gaze on his other half. And perhaps for the first time you see that they actually fit together, and Ivan is worthy of your best friend. You wonder involuntarily if Aleksander looks at you like that when you don't see...
"Yeah... I think you are right. Thank you, Ivan. You are a good friend. For both of us. Well, mostly to him." You say, referring to Aleksander. Ivan nods in silent agreement.
This strange harmony between you seems to be going strong. You are united by one goal. The good of your shadow summoner.
The four of you reach the stables. Alexei - the inferni, who as Fedyor mentioned was supposed to join your mission and had a crush on you quite openly, runs up to you quickly. But your eyes and attention are focused only on the general. Or rather, on the general and his sun summoner, as other Grishas maliciously called it.
Your blood boils, a strange feeling of jealousy hits you like a hunter's shotgun hits an animal, and you can't even do anything about it as Alina is clearly flirting with him. All you can do is stand there and try to swallow the bile of jealousy with dignity as Alina adjusts the collar of Aleksander's kefta. He somehow senses your burning gaze on him, but you quickly turn away and mount your horse without even waiting for his reaction.
He's lucky you're not official yet. And that it'll be hours before you can calm down before you can talk to him in private. But you're starting to understand why keeping your relationship a secret no longer works for the Black General. Especially when you see the way his jaw clenches when you laugh at some joke of Alexei's, causing the young inferni to give you lovey-dovey puppy eyes, to which you wink back.
You may have been cruel, but the knowledge that your lover was as jealous of you as you were of him calmed you down a bit and lifted your spirits. And if by any chance you made sure that Alina rode with you and away from Aleksander during the journey, that wasn't intentional at all. Not at all.
"So... Ivan knows." Aleksander comments as you lay in his tent, wrapped in his arms.
Ivan stood guard over your small camp while the rest slept. You decided to take the opportunity to sneak in on your shadow summoner to share the revelation. And maybe just a little to steal a few kisses and hugs from him.
"Indeed." You mumble, playing with his fingers that are slowly dripping shadows.
You bring one of his fingertips to your lips and press a small kiss there, which makes Aleksander's heart melt even more for you. He tightens his grip around you and presses a tender kiss to the top of your head before resting his bearded cheek on it with a small sigh.
"Well... sonner or later Fedyor will figure it out too. It's just the matter of time."
"Maybe... that's why I want to enjoy you in privacy for as long as I can." You prop yourself up on your elbow and lean in to steal a quick kiss. You pull away from him with a smile, but you frown, not finding any of the malice in his eyes that he would normally have at this gesture. Something was wrong.
"Y/N... Don't you think that's enough? We've been going around each other for a long time. I think the rest should know about us." A cold shiver runs through you at his words.
You try to control your heartbeat, but you know perfectly well that you are no longer able to hide your emotions from him so well. He knew you as well as you knew him.
He knew that you were not exactly keen on making your relationship public. That is why you cannot lie and pretend that it is not so. You have to convince him to change his mind somehow... but how?
"But it's so sexy to have you all to myself, a secret from everyone. Don't you love the thrill every time we sneak around each other for a kiss or something more?"
"I like that. But I don't like that I can't hold your hand outside the four walls of our chambers. I don't like that I can't go up to you and kiss you when you look so lovely after training with Fedyor or Zoya. I don't like that I have to watch others flirt with you and touch what's mine. I don't like that I can't make your cheeks blush in front of others. I don't like that I can't look at you for as long as I want without suspicion. I don't like that I can't play with your hair during particularly boring council meetings. I don't like that I have to hide the fact that I love you."
His confession hits you harder than any punch Baghra had ever given you during training. You swallow hard and kneel down next to him, watching him carefully as you try to process what he’d just told you.
"You... love me?"
"I do. And if it is not enough for you to make it public... I don't know if I can go on like this anymore. I don't know if I can keep my trembling hands from reaching for you in the light of day, not just in the darkness of night or my shadows. I need more. I need all of you, Y/N."
You stare at him, utterly shocked by his sudden confession. His words both overwhelm you and warm your heart, but it's not enough to quell the panic rising within you.
Because as much as you want to be his, as much as you want him to be yours, you know that the members of the Second Army won't look so... favourably on your romance. Besides the public opinion... you're afraid that once the thrill of excitement and mystery wears off, Aleksander's feelings for you will fade dramatically and he'll realise that you're not a good match at all and that Alina would be a better choice for him.
"I... it's hard for me... to give you an answer now." You mumble, watching anxiously as his brow furrows, face darkening as he retreats back into his shell and tries to hide his true emotions from you.
"I thought it should be easy. You either want me or not."
"I want you." You respond quickly, reaching out for his arm in panic and holding it in a tight, almost bruising grip. The desperation on your face makes Aleksander sigh with relief inside. You cared. That was for sure. So why do you hesitate for so long and postpone the inevitable?
"Then why do you insist on keeping us hidden?"
You don't answer. You know he'll think your uncertainty about his feelings is baseless and pointless. You think it's stupid. But you can't escape the overwhelming feeling that the moment your romance stops being a tightrope, his feelings for you will burn out like a candle. And you really wanted to keep him by your side.
Your silence, however, is not what he wants. Or something that could help you stop him. He nods silently and stands up from your makeshift bed of blankets.
"Where are you going?"
"Outside. I'll take guard duty for Ivan." He replies emotionlessly. You swallow nervously and sit up, following him with your eyes as he puts on his black coat as he is giving you a cold arm.
"Aleksander." You whisper with a pained tone in your voice. He stops for a moment and gives you a long, haunted look. He sighs and shakes his head at your silence and walks out of the tent, leaving you alone.
The lump in your throat grows and tears well up in your eyes. You close your eyelids and lift your head, taking a few calming breaths. You fucked this up. Not for the first time, but this time you really hoped you wouldn't get cold feet and that you'd somehow stifle that little voice in your head that had always questioned your worth.
Because you felt you weren't worthy of Aleksander. Yet for some twisted reason he thought you were perfect for him. Maybe this time you should take a chance and trust him? Trust that at the end of the day he'll decide you're enough and that you don't have to be a Sun Summoner to be his equal?
After a while, you stand up unsteadily and walk to the tent flap. You glance through it and freeze when you see Alina and Aleksander talking quietly by the fire. She says something to him and puts her hand on his shoulder, but instead of moving away from her touch, he seems to cling to her and answers her with one of those smiles that make your knees weak. You feel a painful stab in your heart. As if scalded, you jump away from the tent flap and lie back down in the pile of blankets.
You bury your nose in the material that has soaked in the scent of the Shadow Summoner and close your eyes as tears freely flow down your cheek and soak into the black fur. A hundred dark thoughts, doubts, and different scenarios in which Aleksander leaves you for Alina go through your head, and to be completely honest, you don't blame him. She was a real sun. How could you possibly compare to her? You were stupid and naive to think that he would stick to you when he could have her.
The only comfort you find is that at the end of your crying, when you had no more tears to shed and were only shaking uncontrollably, Alexander came back. He came back and practically silently laid down next to you. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to his chest, burying his nose in your hair. He sighed quietly and ran his thumb over your waist, holding you so tightly as if you were the most important thing in his life, and he couldn't let you slip through his fingers.
You don't make a move, don't give any sign that you're awake. You spend the rest of the night half-awake as you try to memorize the way Aleksander holds you, the way he still wants to come back to your bed at night.
Because something tells you that this state of affairs won't last long.
"Just as I thought, you look adorable even after a week of horseback riding and searching for a group of Drüskelle." Alexei compliments you as you and Zoya return to camp after scouting. You let out an uncontrollable laugh at this, amused by the absurdity of his flirting, and join the group sitting around the campfire.
"It's a pity I can't say the same about you." You say spitefully and accept from Aleksander, who is sitting next to you, a stick with a fish that Fedyor and Alina had caught earlier. Aleksander takes another stick with a raw fish and starts roasting it again. Everyone else laughs at your remark, even Alexei.
"You'll see, one day I will melt your cold heart." You roll your eyes at this. Zoya, sitting next to you, hits your arm in amusement.
"Come on, Y/N. Tell us about this secret lover of yours. Maybe it will cool Alexei's ardor."
Fedyor perks up at Zoya's words and nods enthusiastically, while Aleksander, sitting next to you, tenses slightly. You see that his knuckles have been clenching around the stick since Alexei began his flirtation with you. You fear his further reaction to this conversation, which is heading in a rather dangerous direction.
"You have a lover?! Who beat me to it?" Everyone around you laughs at the exaggeratedly hurt tone of Inferni's voice and the way he dramatically aimed his fishing rod at you. You smile involuntarily and shake your head, trying your best to keep the blush from spreading to your cheeks.
"Thanks for your concern, or rather curiosity, but my lover and I would rather keep our privacy. Besides, I can't talk about him left and right without his consent."
"Maybe it wouldn't bother him at all?" Aleksander comments, not looking at you, instead focussing his attention on the fish in the fire. You feel an uncomfortable feeling in your chest when he won't even look at you. The bitter feeling of guilt resurfaces within you, and you wonder how the hell you're supposed to fix what you've broken.
"Exactly! I don't care what you want, I wanna meet this guy who is the best sex you've ever had!" Zoya comments, practically making you choke on your own saliva and freeze in embarrassment.
Everyone around the fire is laughing at this and asking you snide questions about your mystery lover's… prowess. You glance briefly at Alexander and almost punch him in the arm when a smug, dark smile appears on his face. And from the mischievous glint in his eyes, you know he'll only put the final nail in the coffin of your embarrassment.
"The best sex you've ever had, you say?" He asks, amused, raising an eyebrow at you. You bite your lower lip and slam your shoulder into his, almost causing him to lose his balance and fall over the log. He laughs at your feeble attempt at attacking him.
"Oh, piss off." You snap at him but he just reaches over and ruffles your hair with his hand. It's only the deafening silence around you that makes you realize you've done something… wrong.
Everyone stares at Aleksander in shock, as if waiting for him to yell at you for overstepping his bounds, but he doesn't. You see genuine shock and surprise on their faces. Before your general can say anything, you take over, trying to save the day.
"What? Haven't you ever seen two good friends banter?" You sneer at them and nod at their sticks. "Your food will burn if you sit there with your mouths open and stare at us much longer."
Somehow your words disenchant them. They go back to their usual joking, teasing demeanour, and the camp buzzes with their conversations again. You glance at Aleksander, and you can see from his face that he doesn't like the way you've handled this. You know this was the perfect opportunity to admit you're together, but after what you saw last night—the way he acted with Alina—you got too scared to tell them. If they all didn't know you were together, maybe his inevitable departure would hurt less?
You flinch as your secret lover sitting next to you suddenly takes the stick with the fish out of your hands.
"You'll burn it if you stay in your tangled thoughts any longer." He grumbles and takes the fish off the stick. You see he's completely abandoned his in favor of preparing your meal. You nod with a smile as he hands you a slice of bread and seasons the fish with the spices you brought with you.
Unconsciously to you, someone's eyes are watching the two of you closely.
Aleksander thrusts the food under your nose. You instinctively lean forward and bite into the offered sandwich, used to him feeding you, most often in the late hours of the night, when you both sit in the war room and spend time planning new tactics. You glance around quickly, but fortunately the others are too busy with themselves to notice. Or so you think.
"You're going to burn your own fish." You notice and take your food from him.
He's holding his stick back, and you decide to give him a bite of his before he gets his food. After all, he practically made you yours. You make sure no one notices and feed Alexander. He hums and brushes his lips against your fingertips before licking them teasingly. You sigh and punch him in the arm, to which he just grins wolfishly at you and winks.
You feel warm just from your playful exchange. And as the darkness grows deeper, you reach for Aleksander's hand and hold it tightly, shielding it with the hem of your coat. You smooth your thumb over the back of his hand, laughing at the stories Zoya tells. Aleksander seems much less tense, and a little satisfied, when you hold his hand tightly in yours.
And while you think no one has noticed, they have. Or at least one of them has.
At some point, Aleksander gives you his coat, insisting in a quiet conversation between you that you'll freeze and get sick if you don't take it and that he'll be fine because he's survived winters much worse than this one, and with much thinner clothing.
Your heart aches that he's had such an experience, but for the sake of peace, you take the black coat from him. You blush when he whispers that when he gets back, he'll make sure David makes you one that matches his, so everyone knows you're his.
And when he presses his lips to your forehead to check that your body temperature isn't too low for his liking, Fedyor awkwardly reveals that he's been watching you.
"Saints, Fedyor!" Alina squeaks in panic as the heartrender somehow loses his balance on the log and almost falls into the fire.
He hadn't leaned any closer to hear what you were whispering, and he hadn't nearly fallen into the fire in shock when he was the only one to notice their general's affectionate treatment of you. Not at all.
"Are you okay?" You ask him worriedly and kneel down next to him.
Fedyor swallows, trying hard not to show that he noticed the way Kirigan's gaze softens when he looks at you. He was such an idiot. How could he not have noticed that before?
"Yeah... yeah, I am fine. I should probably just go to sleep. Ivan?" Fedyor calls his beloved.
He helps him up and leads him to their tent. Before he can ask even one question about his well-being, Fedyor blurts out:
"Did you notice that Y/N and general are... very close?" Ivan at first seems not to react to his words. Fedyor only realises, through the very slight acceleration of his heartbeat, that perhaps his partner knows something more about... the unexpected connection between his best friend and the Black General. "Ivan... do you know what I think you know?"
"What do you think you know?" Ivan clears his throat awkwardly as they both enter their tent.
"Oh saints, you know right?! How long?! Was it that obvious?!"
Fedyor's mind flashes back to a million moments when your feelings for each other were painfully obvious. He remembers how Kirigan would let you playfully tease him, how he would always make sure you weren't overworking yourself and were eating the right amount of meals, and how he would look after your well-being. Hell, the general even delayed your trip to the fold because you were sick with a cold from your recent trip to Kertch! And he had behaved like a jilted, angry, resentful lover during those months! It was so painfully obvious that Kirigan was head over heels in love with you... but were you? Or was it just a passing fling? Fedyor had to know more.
"That's why we shouldn't get involved and let them decide for themselves… Fedyor, honey, where are you going?" Ivan asks confused as his other half runs out of the tent.
Fedyor throws a quick see you later over his shoulder and runs to your tent hoping to find you there so he can have a serious talk with you.
And fortunately he succeeds.
"You told Ivan, and you didn't tell me?! I am your best friend!" Fedyor shouts at the entrance to your tent. You stare at him, holding the report the falcon just delivered to you in your hands, as you are trying to understand what he means. You blush as you realise what he could be so angry about.
"I… since when did you…"
"Oh please. You've obviously been like this the whole time. I'm a fool for not making the connection. It's literally written all over his face that he loves you. What about you?" Fedyor sits on your blankets. Your palms are sweating and you put the reports on the ground, wondering how the hell you're going to get out of this situation now.
"I… it's complicated."
"Love is quite complicated. Maybe that's why you gave Alina a deadly look a few days ago when she was practicing her powers with the general? And you snapped at her, giving her a completely traumatic tantrum when she lost her sword?"
"I… it wasn't intentional and you know it." You mumble, blushing even more, but this time with embarrassment.
"It's a simple question Y/N. You either feel it or you don't. And from what I see, you probably also… reciprocate. Although it's clear that he fell much harder."
"You think?" You ask with a smirk, unable to help yourself at his comment. Fedyor nods and stands up. He walks over to the shadow and places his hands on your shoulders.
"Yes. And believe me, I don't blame him. If I didn't play for the same team, or didn't have similar tastes as you, it would be really hard for me not to fall in love with you."
"Yeah, I know. We'd be a great couple if you weren't gay." You laugh at him and pull him into a hug. "But don't tell Ivan or Kirigan that."
"Sure. We don't want to upset our grumps, do we?"
Your laughter is the first thing Aleksander hears as he approaches your tent. He opens the flap with one finger and sees you standing in Fedyor's arms, laughing. A cry of jealousy and a sudden need to take you in his arms and hide you from the other man pierce his mind for a moment, but he calms down, reminding himself that Fedyor... is no threat to him. At least not romantically.
"Can I interrupt?" He asks and goes inside. You step away from Fedyor and nod at him.
Fedyor nods at him and leaves, throwing you a mischievous wink over his shoulder. Alexander notices this and connects the dots rather quickly. He walks over to you and wraps his arms around your waist. He plants a kiss on your forehead, then rests his chin on your shoulder.
"So I guess he knows?"
His hot whisper against your ear makes you shiver. You burrow your face into his chest, nuzzling his neck as you wrap your arms around him in an equally tight embrace. Maybe Fedyor is right? Maybe when you know… you just know?
"Yeah... At this rate soon the entire Little Palace will know."
"Do you mind?" He asks uncertainly, expecting his words to hang in the air and for it to take you a while to respond with another excuse.
But you decide to bet on the truth. Show him all your cards and the same vulnerability he has for you. It was going to be everything or nothing and you knew you couldn't put it off for long. Not if you didn't want to lose him.
"Partly. I... I am afraid that once it will stop being a secret affair you will... loose your interest in me. I mean... look at me. I am not Alina." You laugh nervously and try to hide your face in his black kefta. Aleksander is not having that. He gently takes your middle and forces you to look into his dark, beautiful eyes.
"I don't want you to be Alina. I don't want you to be anything else but you, Y/N. I love you as you are. Heartrender, healer, sun summoner, inferni or whatever else, I don't care. I care about you. The way you make me feel. The way you hold me. The way you kiss me. I want you for what you really are. Not for the power you hold. Not for anything other than you."
You can barely hold back the tears in your eyes. Instead, you just nod and lean in to kiss him softly. You melt, as always, at the softness of his lips, the way he gently cups your cheeks in his hands and holds you like you're the most important thing in his life, like he can never afford to lose you. And you hope it stays that way forever.
"You damn manipulator how can I say no after that?" You gasp as the kiss ends and he rests his forehead against yours. He chuckles deeply and envelops you in the tight, warm, safe embrace of his arms.
"You can't." He mumbles against your temple and places a tender kiss there. "You are all mine. As I am yours, milaya."
And you have to say, his words have never felt more true, as he kisses you with a passion unlike any other men. You only hope that he secretly draws 'mine' on your skin for the rest of your life… not just in his shadows and the darkness of the night.
Hey, can I ask for a ler!Aleksander Kirigan? I've never seen a fic like that, so if you can write it, it would be so good. Have a good day 💕
I love you, always
A/n: I'm trying something new here so I hope you enjoy!
Not proofread.
You sigh as you retire to yourself and Aleksander's chambers at the Little Palace, it had been a long day.
You had finally found the Sun Summoner after years of searching, you should have been excited and don't get me wrong, you were glad that Ravka finally had a chance to rebuild itself but you had seen how Aleksander, your Aleksander had looked at her. Like she was the brightest star in his night sky.
It hurt and you knew why he looked at her like that, to make her fall for him so she would help him, no real feelings from his side but it still hurt to see.
It was late, you had just bathed and was laying in yours and Aleksander's bed when he entered by the large double doors still in his black Grisha robes.
It was silent except for the rustling as he changed and laid down next to you.
"Have I upset you?" He asked eventually looking at you.
"... I know it's all part of the plan but it still hurts Alek" you muttered as you turned on your side to face him.
"I only have eyes for you my love" He said with a soft smile as he also turned on his side and stroked your cheek "One day I'll make you my wife"
You smiled softly "You better"
"Am I forgiven or do you just enjoy me yearning over you?" Aleksander said with a teasing smile
"Who says I can't enjoy it just a little bit?"
"Oh you little minx" he growled playfully and wrestled you onto your back as you giggled.
Now this had become a common occurrence between the both of you when he learned that you were extremely sensitive everywhere and you learned that he never got to show that he did have a playful side which managed to scare the shit out of Ivan when he saw his feared general smiling at you when you had walked away for a meeting.
You landed on your back as you grappled with his hands as he slowly managed to pin them above your head, with a slow smile he lifted your sleep shirt slowly and lowered his head, covering your stomach in ticklish kisses because of his stubbles.
"I" one kiss "Love" another one "You" and another.
I giggled as you turned a little red as he put his hand over your side and slowly spidered over it.
It was gentle, just soft giggles streaming from your lips.
"I love your smile, your light, your voice, your beautiful eyes, your beautiful body. I love you always and I always will" Aleksander said softly as he put a kiss in your neck and pulled you in his arms, still doing soft scribbles over your side with his hand as his other played with your hair.
He chuckled softly as you let out a small shriek when he grazed over a sensitive spot on your hip before pulling his hands away and cuddling you, kissing the top of your head.
"Know that it will always be you, I will always choose you. In every lifetime" he muttered against your hair.
"Thank you" you whispered as you cuddled into him.
"No need to thank me for just saying the truth love" he whispered back as with a twist of his hand the room turned dark.
"But still, I thank people who are important to me, it's important to me that they know that I'm thankful for what they do" you said as you drew circles on his chest.
"Then you're very welcome darling" Aleksander said with a genuine smile, happy that he was just as important to you as you are to him.
As you drifted off in his arms you heard him murmur "I will create a home for us, for all of us"
You smiled and fell asleep in the safety of his arms.
Pairing: The Darkling x Heartrender!OCreader || Alina Starkov x Heartrender!OCreader || Malyen Oretsevx HeartRender!OCreader
Summary:
In Ravka's frosty heart, the legend of the White Death spreads. a woman with snow-white hair, frozen-fire eyes, and powers that rival those of Heartrenders under Jurda Parem. Once a slave in the Menagerie, the one who calls herself Heaven is now a myth, either leaving towns in ruins or former disease-ridden people crying with gratitude. A Sankta in the making.
General Kirigan's interest soon turns dark, and his desire becomes obsessive. Never had he been so captivated and haunted by someone. To him, she is more than power, more than an obsession, more than a temporary distraction. She is his other half — the soul he’s searched for through lifetimes of shadow. He just knows it.
But between his consuming love and Alina Starkov’s fragile promise of freedom, Heaven must choose what she will become: Savior, monster… or destruction wrapped in a pretty bow?
And in case you hadn’t realized yet: Heaven is you.
TW: Explicit sexual content, slow burn, borderline consent, heavy pinning, toxic relationship [manipulation, obsession, extreme jealousy, controlling behavior], graphic sexual description, graphic depiction of murder and torture, blood!kink, size!kink, radioactive couple, codependency, reference to past SA and child SA, dark romance & mad romance trope, ambiguous relationship with Alina. This story is brutal, bloody and rated +18.
ACT I: A BURNING LIMERENCE
1. Keep Moving, Little Girl
2. Their Frozen Shackles
3. The Court of Shadows
4. The Fear Within
5. Beneath his Watchful Eyes 🔞
6. Until Nothing is Left
7. Dangerous
8. Blood and Honey
9. Gazed Into the Abyss, It Gazed Back Into Me 🔞
10. Raw
11. Every Last Piece of Me
12. Intoxicate Me Now 🔞
13. Burn Your Village 🔞
14. E.V.O.L.
15. Darkness Suits You Well
16. Light of My Life
17. My Night and Stars. 🔞
-> Prologue Act I: What’s the Night Without his Moon?
ACT II. RAPTURE OF THE DEEP
Queen of Spades
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Light
Like a Feeling of Déjà Vue
Blinding Light
I was Made for Loving You, Baby 🔞
It's in Our Veins
Your Darkness Flayed 🔞
After the Storm, the Sun
Safe in the Dark 🔞
Paint Me Black 🔞
Golden Cage for a Pretty Bird
Your Heart, My Chains
Good Ending? You Haven't Been Paying Attention
ACT III. THE CALL OF THE VOID
The Assasymphony
Never You
Barbwire Kiss🔞
It Has Always Been You 🔞
I'm Not Ruined. I'm Ruination.
Here Comes the Wolves
Your Love is an Open Wound 🔞
The Starless Saint of Broken Hearts
The Mask of the Red Death
Candy-Coated Suicide
Symphony of Our Ruins
Epilogue: Eternal Eclipse
ONE SHOTS
Much Ado About Jam Toasts- fun & fluff
A Dangerous White Tigress - action, Hurt/Comfort
Away From the Deep Shadow
Damaged
MODERN AU*
Mental Health Is Sexy Masterlist
*Amos is Aleksander's modern identity.
GAME OF THRONES AU
Damaged Masterlist
*Amos is Aleksander.
VISUALS
Light in the Dark
"Call me Aleksander" - trailer by the beloved @elizabethblood9
My Night and Stars
Heaven Lavey
Life and Death
VIDEO EDITS
Call Me Aleksander - by @elizabethblood9
E.V.O.L - by @peakyswritings
Lilith, You Siren - by @copinghex
Notes:
☾ I haven't read the 3 books yet so this work mainly based on the TV show even though I know it's fairly different from the original Grisha verse. If you're an adorable lore psycho, you might not want to read that! :(
After defying General Kirigan to save abandoned soldiers, Y/N expects punishment. Instead, she discovers why she's always been the exception to his rules.
I've never written for Kirigan before but I got a request for him and couldn't resist...
Warnings:
Slow burn, mutual pining, forbidden romance, kissing, sexual tension
It was way too early in the morning when you found yourself in the war chamber of the Little Palace. The dim light was just enough to see the maps on the long table you were sitting at.
The tension in the air was almost tangible.
You were sitting next to generals, nobles, Grisha, most of them people you'd known for years working as a strategic adviser in General Kirigan’s council, next to men and women who had been born into power, who had worn it their entire lives.
You hadn't
It had been a long and hard way to get there.
The right people had seen your potential. Had gotten you out of your village to train you. After years of training, testing, constantly proving yourself again and again even the Darkling hadn't been able to deny your usefulness. You had become one of the most skilled strategists in all of Ravka. Your specialty? Not battle formations or weaponry. Resources. People. Negotiations.
Right now, everybody was wildly talking.
"They're already lost."
"Too dangerous."
"Waste of resources."
All the talking stopped in a heartbeat when finally, after quietly listening the entire time, General Kirigan raised his hand.
A soldier camp had been cut off from supplies after a storm. A bridge, the only way there, had been under water due to the river rising too high. You could only imagine how bad the situation there must've gotten.
And suddenly you were no longer in the Little Palace. Your mind travelled else were. Back to the poor little village you came from. Harvest had been bad that year. Too many crops had died in a storm unusual for that time of year. People had been dying. Your father had been on the edge of death. So, you had taken it upon yourself. Counted food, redistributed supplies, negotiated with traders. You still saw their faces. People who were almost breaking. But you had earned their respect quickly because you had made sure everybody was fed enough not to die. That had been your biggest lesson at the time. People don't revolt when they're fed. Hope is a resource.
A low-ranking Sergeant at the time had seen your talent, had taken you in. Taught you. And now here you were...
General Kirigan's calm voice was what pulled you into the present again: "Vlad", he looked at a noble man: "After so many weeks, what can we expect?"
Without emotion in his voice the man answered: "A lot must've died already. Diseases spreading. Desperate people. It would be too dangerous for anyone to go in there at this point."
The General listened, his deep dark eyes locked on the wooden table in front of him.
"What is it you suggest?" You stared at the man. You knew what he suggested but he'd at least have to say it out loud.
He hesitated: "Those men are to be...left behind."
"Left behind", you scoffed.
"We don't know what kind of diseases are spreading inside that-"
"So we're sentencing all of them to death?", you asked without raising your voice.
"Our troupes in this area are limited. We cannot send soldiers over to save people who are already as good as dead and risk their own lives."
"Enough", General Kirigan interrupted suddenly: "If it's a hopeless endeavour, our hands are tied."
"If we leave them to die and word spreads about it, you'll lose power", you looked straight at him now: "You lose trust in the crown. In you."
You knew he respected you for your openness. That you fiercely protected what you believed in but right now he wasn't having it.
"So you would take the decision upon yourself of who to send there to risk their lives for potentially nothing?", he countered sharper now, getting more heated by the minute. And damn it so was you!
"If nobody volunteers, I'll do it myself."
Stubborn you stared at him as he raised his voice: "You are not to go there, Y/L/N. The risk outweighs the gain!"
His words were strong, but you caught a glimpse in his eye. A glimpse of what? A different emotion when he said your name?
How on earth were they going to let them die? These were good soldiers! Loyal soldiers! They couldn't risk letting their own men down!
Without thinking about it you got up, the sound of your wooden chair over the stone floor echoing within the walls.
Then the room went dead silent. You getting up alone was already a breach of etiquette but was nothing compared to your next words: "If you won't support this, at least don't stand in my way."
Heat flickered behind his dark eyes but he somehow managed to stay seated and lower his voice: "Nobody is going. Final. That is my decision."
But you had a carriage and volunteers ready only three hours later.
---O---
You were in the washroom now relishing the feeling of the warm water as you dipped your cold hands into it. When you had returned from your journey to the cut-off soldier camp a few servants had kindly preparade a warm bassinette filled with warm water so you could wash yourself.
After the entire day outside you were covered in sweat and mud. Your wet clothes clung to you like a second skin, but it had been worth it. The hopeful eyes of the surviving soldiers had been worth it.
You had left a medic there and enough supplies to get them back to life, before you had been in the saddle on your way back to the Little Palace.
The steam rose from the bassinette as you washed your hands and face. You closed your eyes, feeling the contrast, the cold from outside, the warmth now.
Then a scent, the faint smell of jasmine from the gardens through the window took you back to a moment you remembered more often than you liked to admit.
It was at twilight hour, you were walking along a path lit by lanterns in the palace gardens. That had been two years ago.
Kirigan had been walking slightly behind you, his gaze distant.
His curious tone had you stop in your tracks.
"How do you do it?", he asked.
"How do I do what?"
"How do you make them all like you?”
You laughed softly, not mockingly, just warm. "I don't do it on purpose. I just listen. I smile. It never hurts."
He tilted his head slightly, intrigued.
He walked a bit further alongside you. His presence so close made you nervous but you didn't show it.
"You always seem to know what they need", he said, almost more to himself, his words surprising you.
You shrugged a little embarrassed but still honest. "I guess I remember what it was like when I didn't have anyone listening or helping."
He smirked slightly and you hated to admit to yourself how good he looked like this.
"So, if I smile more, do you think I'd get a statue in the square?", he teased, and you laughed.
You shook your head. "No statue. But maybe a few more people trusting you, as a start."
The memory faded as you rinsed your face, the warmth still lingering, and finished washing yourself before you put on fresh clothes. They were far from noble, but clean and practical, made of comfortable fabrics. Slowly warming up and clean again you realized how tired you were after an entire day out in the country. You knew your actions would have consequences, but you had no idea just how quickly they'd come to you as you made your way to your room through dark hallways.
The stone-made corridor was lit by torch light as you slowly made your way through it.
It was late and most of the palace was asleep already but not Kirigan. He had been waiting for you.
Close to the door to your room a dark figure stepped into the light and had you gasping for air.
"What were you thinking?", he hissed.
"You almost scared me to death", you countered and looked at him top to bottom. His dark eyes were locked on you. Cold and controlled but you could tell he was angry.
"Good", he replied without hesitation: "Did you really think this would go without consequences?"
"I thought you'd at least grant me a night's rest." You weren't that easy to intimidate. What could he do? Send you away? You had survived out there once, you'd do it again.
"You undermined me in front of the entire council", Kirigan said through gritted teeth and stepped closer slowly.
"I did the right thing. To help them was the right move. Strategically."
"You-" but he caught himself again before he started to circle you. Predatory. Precise.
"You're not doing this for strategy", he spat out: "You're doing it because you're still that starving girl hoping to save everyone."
His words hurt you more than you liked to admit. The way he tried to reduce you to your weakness, hoping for a reaction.
But he wouldn't get that from you.
"Yes."
That little girl was why you had gotten this far. That girl understood things he didn't.
Instead of anger you hit him with calmness. Soft but sharp.
"I'm doing this, so they trust you."
He finally stopped in his track and listened intently. At first, he looked almost angry that you didn't take his bait, but then his expression shifted.
"If you let them die, you lose loyalty. If you lose loyalty, you lose control, Kirigan."
You voice was barely above a whisper when you said his name.
"And if you lose control, you lose everything..."
"You had direct orders", he tried to remain strong but his wall was getting cracks. You hadn't missed how his eyes had dropped to your lips when you said his name.
"I believe in what you're trying to build", you continued even as he took another step closer to you, so his scent blurred your senses: "Enough to go against you."
It was true. You believed in him and what he was trying to do. You wanted to see him succeed. Couldn't he see that?
"I should kick you out. Have you leave the castle grounds before sunrise", he whispered. Was that pain you recognized in his voice?
"That's what I'd do with everybody else in that court room."
"But?", you asked more confused than hopeful.
"But there seems to be a different set of rules when it comes to you." Gently he moved a strand of hair behind your ear, absent-mindedly like it was instinct. Your breath shuddered at the touch.
He had never touched you before and his skin against yours was surprisingly warm.
"Tell me", he cleared his throat as if to remain composed: "What am I going to tell the others? What would be convincing enough to let you stay."
He was asking you?
"One chance, Y/N. What am I going to tell them?"
Your first name on his lips sounded like a prayer. The sweetest prayer you had ever heard.
"I-", you stuttered: "You couldn't afford to let them die. Not strategically. Not politically. What if the Sun Summoner is out there?"
His eyes widened at the mention.
"Among soldiers, refugees, villages. If Ravka becomes a place people fear instead of trust, they will hide, they will never come to you", confident in your words you continued: "You need them to trust you. Everywhere. Or you will never find what you're searching for."
To underline your words you softly added: "You know that."
For a moment neither of you said a word. All you could hear was the fast beating of your hearts as he looked at you in the dim light of the torches.
Then...after what seemed like an eternity, he nodded slowly.
"Okay" His verdict.
He was still too close. So close you felt the heat radiating from his body. So close you had to look up at him. He towered over you, strong and intimidating. But you weren't scared, if anything his entire presence intrigued you. Pulled you in. You wanted to reach out.
In the exact moment he pulled away. Without another word he turned around and slowly took a few steps.
That was it? You were off the hook already?
"Kirigan!", you shouted after him louder than you had anticipated, each syllable echoing through the corridor.
He stopped in his track but didn't look at you.
"Why are there different rules for me?"
This time it was you who slowly approached him. Followed him to the darker part of the hallway, right between two torches.
He didn't say a word. Not even when you had caught up with him. Not even when you looked at him through questioning, big eyes.
"Why not send me away?"
A bitter laugh escaped him. "Don't act like you don't see it."
"See what?"
What on earth was this about.
He dropped his head back exhaling through his nose before he looked down at you again.
"You're the most valuable person in that room", he started but it didn't fully sound like the truth: "All of them. They know how to go into battle. They're Grisha. They know everything there is to know about strategic warfare but none of them worry about loyalty. Not like you. You tell me what to do, to keep the kingdom loyal. What to do so they trust me. Nobody knows people the way you do."
"What?", you asked in disbelieve: "I stay because I know how to please people?"
"Oh, I’d wager you do", Kirigan replied with a grin that sent a shiver down your spine.
Your breath caught right there.
Wait- what was that?
Heat travelled to your cheeks as the insinuation of his words settled in between the two of you.
Even he seemed a little surprised by it, like they had slipped more than they had been intended.
Neither of you spoke for a second too long. He didn't take it back. Then he shifted slightly and his tone dropped back into something more controlled.
"You make it look effortless", he finally spoke and examined your reaction. But there was an underlying tone in his voice now that he couldn't fully hide anymore.
Slightly breathless but composed you took a step even closer. You leaned in a little as you pretended innocence and asked: "Is that what you think I'm doing? Pleasing?"
He didn't step away. He was so close now that you were aware of his breathing.
In a more teasing tone you smirked and added: "General."
You watched his gaze drop briefly to your lips, then your exposed neck.
You swallowed hard. The realisation hitting you, that you had gotten yourself into deep. What on earth were you thinking?
You studied his face. His handsome face that was fighting for control over this. Over himself.
"You are", he hesitated: "Astonishing."
For a moment he wanted to stop himself then he surrendered to the urge of touching you again. His big hand gently cupped your cheek and against better judgement you leaned into the touch.
You didn't expect your next words to have the impact they did when you whispered: "I'm doing this for you."
Your words hit him hard and cut through the last thread of self-control.
His hand travelled from your cheek to your chin to lift it and then...he kissed you with a force that almost made you lose balance.
But he held you. His other arm wrapped around your lower back and pulled you closer. The kiss was urgent and desperately seeking to dominate you.
You moaned into the kiss and after a moment of realizing what was happening you grabbed his coat to hold onto him.
Then you felt it. Hesitation, a pull away, ever so slightly. Realization was hitting him as well but you kept him from pulling away.
You knew this shouldn't happen, but it was and you weren't ready to let go.
His taste had your head spinning and your tongue asking for more, which he granted you with a smirk.
Within seconds he had you pinned against the stone wall of the corridor, his hands travelling to your thighs.
"Kirigan", you moaned his name against his lips and moved your fingers from his coat to his hair. A desperate groan escaped him while his grip on your thighs tightened almost painfully.
Only when you were both completely out of breath, both of you broke the kiss. Breathing the same air, faces just inches apart.
Right there and then in the cold dark corridor reality settled back in between the two of you.
You dropped your head back against the wall, your lips still tingling.
The sight of him in the dim light, his hair dishevelled, shirt messy and his lips swollen, got your head spinning.
How on earth were you supposed to forget this sight? Or how his lips tasted?
Still breathing heavily Kirigan finally gasped: "This doesn’t happen again." And somehow managed to push away from the wall and walk away, although leaving you like this, looking like absolute sin, was the last thing he wanted to do.
