Always in my Head

Manifesting that I end up in the arms of my comfort character | She/her | 18+

[rebelelegance]

Masterlist

*Fluff

^angst

Tag Lists

Requests are : Open

Anons, thoughts, convos, always welcome!

When requesting please choose from the list given below and be polite.

If it's your birthday, I can write using your name and details about you, instead of reader.

If you would like a letter from any character, dm me about the details.

Fic recs Random posts

Fandoms:

Who I write for

Marvel:

Loki:

Sharing Favorites* Summary: It's Loki's first Winter on Earth, and you've made it your personal mission to introduce him to everything that makes this season your favorite. My Person* Summary: Loki decides to celebrate Valentine's a little early in view of you working hard for your exams. Peter Parker:

Juice Pops:* Summary: You and Peter decided to keep things quiet. That is, until a certain 5 year old decided even juice pops couldn’t stop her from telling her dad about the weird things she’d heard and seen. Moon Knight:

Worries:*^ Summary: Steven shows up at your doorstep drunk and bruised after Marc gets into a messy situation.

TASM!Spiderman: A Little Too Late:^ Summary: Peter comes to you for comfort and finds out something shocking.

Bucky:

coming soon

One Direction: Masterlist: Back to you *^ (Zayn Malik x fem!reader, 1D x platonic!reader) Legendborn: Coming soon:

Grishaverse:

Kaz Brekker:

Fics: Calloused Hearts*^

Darkling:

Reassurances:*^ Summary: You nearly die, and the Darkling gets upset. Warning: TW

Marauders:

Hypocrisy*^ Summary: James doesn’t seem to want anyone other than Lily. So after one point, you decide to stop trying. (Ending with a different marauder)

Secrecy:*^ Summary: You love James Potter and would do anything for him, including keeping your relationship an absolute secret. However, he may not feel the same. Misunderstandings:*^ Summary: Sirius is yours and you are his. But do you both know that? Slipping Away:* Summary: James chooses Lily over you and he feels you slipping away. Part One Part Two

Stranger Things:

Billy Hargrove:

An Angel and A Bully*^ Summary: Billy shows up at your house one afternoon, and while comforting you confess something important.

Teen Wolf:

Coming soon

Celebrities:

Coming soon

[ancientbeing10]

Hi Queen! How are you?? I know it's been so long btw, I just changed my ID from wolfmoonmusic to rebelelegance - maybe i've contacted you since then i cant even remember my life has changed so much omg. But I was working on calloused hearts, tryna finish it because good lord I don't wanna end it where I did and the first person I thought of was you! I hope you're doing great in life!

Hi darling! I’m doing good and you?🫶

And yes! I remember you changing your username don’t worry ;)

You have no idea how happy this makes me💚 My life has been so chaotic and stressful lately, you saying that you’re finishing calloused hearts AND that you thought of me has me like

I can’t wait to read the whole story again😁 hope you’re doing great as well!

[rebelelegance]

I'm great! I'm so glad it means that much to you 😭 That is SUCH a motivator!

[rebelelegance]

Can I request James Potter x Reader?

James is married to Lily Evans. Two years after the war and their time at Hogwarts, James realizes that he isn’t in love with Lily—he just liked the idea of her ( no hate to lily, only for the plot) and the thrill of the cat-and-mouse game. But they have a son, two-year-old Harry Potter

Then comes Reader, whom James meets during a visit to check up on Harry. Reader is a well-known doctor in the Muggle world, but also a witch who graduated from Beauxbatons. She is everything Lily isn’t. While Lily is reserved and often limits James’s character, Reader embraces it—sometimes even stokes the fire. They balance each other perfectly.

An affair begins, and James starts to fall deeper for Reader while slowly pulling away from Lily. Sirius and Remus notice the change. Though they’re not fond of James cheating, they’re glad to have their old friend back—and they grow to love Reader.

Lily also notices how captivated Harry is by Reader—just like his father. Reader has a motherly aura that Lily lacks, as she was never really ready to be a mother (despite Reader being a year younger than her). Harry wants to spend more time with Reader.

Eventually, James files for divorce.

His parents, Euphemia and Fleamont Potter, although initially disapproving of the affair and heartbroken over the end of what they believed was a true love, slowly come around and start to love Reader too. She brings life back into their family.

James and Reader go on to have three more children—three boys. Harry quickly bonds with his younger brothers, and their blended family lives happily ever after.

Years later, Lily is out for a stroll and spots them—James, Reader, and their four boys, including her own son Harry—laughing, playing, full of life. A pang of envy hits her, as she realizes this is the life she could have had… if James hadn’t met Reader.

( Feel free to ignore this request if you're uncomfortable on writing this kind of content, babe. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I love your work! Though when I tried clicking on the works on your masterlist, it's unavailable:'(( )

xoxo 💋

Hiiiii First off I am so so so sorry for responding so late. I love the idea of reader being the one to bring James's fire back - but I don't like writing affairs. However, if your would like me to tweak it and go ahead with a storyline where he either already left Lily or never got with her at all, then please send a message to my inbox signing off the same way you did just here. If you aren't the same anon but would still like to see that storyline, please also send it to my inbox! Also thank you so much for reading my work! I appreciate it sm! And yes, I've realized the links aren't working so I'm gonna have to go in and fix those, please bear with me for a bit

[rebelelegance]

Let's try this again without making it daunting LOL. I'm gonna try and be on here more regularly, just normally while also working on stories. It's gonna be real slow though, so bear with me. Anyone who wants to interact with me though feel free to send stuff to my inbox! If you want to be part of my random rants and #ananya talks posts, please lmk and i'll add u to a tag list!

[eli0eli0]

Marauders Masterlist

In this post you will find fics from other writers that I enjoy reading ♥️

꩜ - smut 𖤓 - fluff ☾ - angst

James Potter

if i follow you to the river by @amnmesias ☾𖤓

stop, you're losing me by @amnmesias ☾

too late to notice by @arianaagreyy ☾

slipping away by @rebelelegance ☾

hold your breath by @inkdrinkerworld ꩜

we never talked about august by @nocturnao ☾

til all thats left is glorious bone by @colouredbyd ☾𖤓

Poly Jegulily

lazy mornings and fun surprises by @roocius 𖤓

[rebelelegance]

Thank you so much for adding me <3 It means a lot!

I can't believe people out there still read slipping away and enjoy it!

[rebelelegance]

Caught Drifting

This is Part Two of Slipping Away. A/N: I am so so sorry for the two year gap omg. I was on a hiatus BUT WE'RE BACK!!!! SO THIS MADE ME SOB. AND THERE WILL BE A PART THREE (I'm already working on it) AND WHO KNOWS HOW IT ENDS. Thanks to @snowtargaryen for the idea! Pairing: James Potter x Lily Evans, Sirius Black x Platonic!reader, Marauders x Platonic!reader, James Potter x fem!reader

w/c: 2.2k+

Warnings: ANGST. more ANGST

Masterlist Taglists

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3

James was supposed to be picking Lily up. But he couldn’t stop staring at you. 

Every year, right before Christmas break, the marauders made a plan to head out to Hogsmeade. To have fun. Drink butterbeer, dress up pretty, go to some ball, and dance away all the stress. Usually, it was just the boys and you, but this year, since James had been dating Lily for 5 months now, they’d decided she would come along. And so instead of you asking James for help with your necklace like you usually did, you were asking Sirius. Well that wasn’t the whole situation. Because usually, James is teasing you for finally wearing a pretty dress and getting all ready and not holding flowers for another girl.

After that night when everything had changed, you’d turned distant. You still smiled the same and laughed the same but not with him. Not as much as you used to. The first few weeks had been hell. You’d ignored him for the most part, sparing a small smile or a few words a day, and sticking mostly to Sirius, or your books. James knew you’d been overworking yourself. And when he wanted to confront you, to beg you to at least go easy on yourself, he’d found you tucked into Sirius’s side, crying, as he comforted you. So he’d slipped away, ignoring the stabbing pain in his chest and telling himself it was for the best. 

And then slowly, you’d started talking to him more, but the distance never closed. You never ruffled his hair like before, or pushed his glasses up his nose and told him off. You never smacked his face with a pillow for pranking you, and you never whispered into his ear, telling him jokes only he would get.

No, because you started doing all that with Sirius. Except the glasses part, because he didn’t have glasses. James had never been more glad for someone’s perfect eyesight. And he had never been simultaneously so confused as to why it mattered so much to him.

So now he watched as you slapped Sirius’s hand playfully as he took too long to fasten the necklace around your neck, laughing when he finally did it and muttered something into your ear, smirking. And the evergrowing thorn in his chest grew much larger, and much deeper. He twisted away, walking up to Lily’s dorm, clutching the flowers in his hand like they had personally offended him.

Bringing his hand up to knock on the door took more effort than ditching quidditch practice to study, and he found himself itching to look for you in the gap of three seconds that it took for his knuckles to rasp against the door. It flung open seconds later, revealing a room full of squealing and giggling girls who were running around the room, helping Lily. She looked stunning, and if James’s mind wasn’t on the way that your blue dress hugged your frame and then flared out at your hips, falling to the floor, and if it hadn’t been on the way Sirius’s hands had pushed away your hair to fasten the necklace; then James would have gaped at Lily and flushed red.

Instead, he willed his mouth to work.

“You look…gorgeous,” he said, his eyes scanning over the green dress that hugged her curves and stopped just before her knees. She grinned at him, and he ignored the guilt that flared in his bones and held out the flowers. “Thank you. You look pretty handsome yourself,” Lily grinned as her friend pinned one last strand of her red hair away, and stepped back. Lily twirled lightly and set the flowers down, hooking her hands with James’s. “Shall we?” she asked. Usually, James would say something teasing and flirtatious just to watch her turn red and shy, but his mouth ran dry and his usual charm was hidden under layers of emotions. It struck him then that he might just be a terrible boyfriend. He hadn’t always been like this. No. He’d pushed away thoughts of you, and there was a time when you hadn’t invaded his mind and heart and every fibre of his being like this. But that had changed about two weeks ago.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------

(Two weeks ago)

James had finally found himself in the common room at the same time as you. Well, it wasn’t just the two of you like he’d hoped, the rest of the marauders were there too, but it was as close as he could get. He hadn’t been around you and the others for the past week, spending most of his time with Lily, but he missed you.

“No, because someone tell me Narcissa and Lucius are not getting married,” you said, looking pointedly at Sirius. James sat down next to Remus, across from you and Sirius. Everyone’s books were open on the coffee table, but forgotten. “Because Reggie told me they are and oh my god Siri that is terrible,” you continue and Sirius shakes his head, “Honestly, I don’t know, but even if they are, I can’t do anything about it now,” he adds. You frown at his words, and James notices how you shift closer to Sirius but don’t push. Something shifts in his chest.

“Hi Prongs!” Sirius seems to notice finally, grinning. “Hello Pads,” James responds, but his eyes are on you. You grin at him, but it doesn’t reach your eyes like it used to and the shift in his chest grows into a tiny splinter. The group erupts into planning for the Christmas party. The one they do every year, just them. But his eyes are stuck on you and how you’re talking animatedly and how much he’s missed that, how much he’s missed you, and how you should be sitting next to him but you’re not. 

Suddenly all of them are looking at him - you included - waiting expectantly and he realizes he just missed a question. “Uh- sorry I missed that - what?” he asks, looking between Sirius, Remus and Peter, trying to avoid your gaze on him. “Lily. Are you bringing Lily?” you ask. James’s eyes snap back to yours. Your face is neutral, your tone is flat. But he knows better, he knows you, and he can see the pain and what seems like a flicker of something almost like longing, flash in your eyes. “I - um, isn’t..isn’t this our thing?” he asks, his voice quiet, confused. He’s unsure of how to react. Of what to say. The fact that you asked that question somehow makes it even more confusing. 

“Well yes, but you think Lily will be happy if you spend one of your last nights at Hogwarts with us? Dancing and getting drunk? Especially if Y/N is there?” Peter asks.

The energy in the room shifts. Remus glares at Peter whose mouth falls open in realization. Sirius goes very still, before gently reaching for your hand and squeezing it. And you? You had flinched. It was a tiny action, almost imperceptible, but James had caught it. The splinter in his chest grew into a nasty thorn.

Especially if Y/N is there.

As if Lily would be jealous. Why would she be jealous? Because she knew. Everyone at Hogwarts seemed to know now, whispers had spread like wildfire after a first year had seen the exchange between you and James that night. James was thankful Lily had never brought it up to him, because he honestly did not know what he would say. And now he realized, that if she did confront him, that he would have to make a choice. And this time the choice would destroy far worse than a friendship. 

Because it did matter if you were there. It always did. He was happier around you, whether you spoke to him or not, he was happier, and more himself. And it dawned on him that he had misinterpreted his own feelings.

He didn’t love Lily more than he loved you. He had just never realized what loving you meant. Loving Lily was like loving someone who tamed him. Lily kept him sane. Lily kept him grounded. But you? You’d fueled his wild side but held it in your bare hands to keep it from going out of control. 

James Potter was officially wrecked and destroyed. The thorn in his chest grew. His mind was a mess, and the one person he’d usually go to like this was sitting across from him, looking at him with the ghost of the pain he’d caused, still lingering in the eyes.

So he did the only thing he could. “Y-yeah I’ll bring Lily,” he muttered. And then he left.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

(present)

James had noticed how you’d stayed away from him and Lily the whole evening. And he could tell that Lily was noticing it too. 

They were currently at some winter ball that was free for walk-in tickets. Peter had gotten drunk and was with a bunch of girls, and Remus was busy watching over Sirius and you. James and Lily were sat at a small booth, drinks in hand. The music did nothing to drown out James’s thoughts.

His eyes kept finding you - dancing with Sirius and laughing and whispering things into his ear that made him double over with laughter. The thorn in James’s chest twisted.

“James.”

His eyes snapped back to the voice. Lily. 

“Yeah?” he asked. He already knew what she was going to say.

“Can we go outside? I need to talk to you for a minute,” she said. She slid out before he could respond, and with a last glance over at you, James followed Lily outside. The night air was chilly, but James was grateful for the sting of the cold wind. It was better than the sting of his own feelings.

“What is going on with you?” Lily asked, tugging her cloak tighter.

“What do you mean? I’m fine,” James said. It was a lie and they both knew it.

“Really? I’m here, trying to spend time with you and your eyes won’t leave Y/N!” Lily says finally. “Everyone keeps talking about it, about you both and how you broke her heart. If you say it’s nothing then I’ll believe that it’s nothing, but I see the way you look at her and I need the truth James,” Lily said. 

Her expression was firm. James clearly had a type for women who didn’t break easily.

“I don’t- I don’t know,” James said quietly, his eyes landing on his feet as he shuffled, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his cloak. 

“You don’t know,” Lily repeated, her voice never wavering. “How can you not know James?” Lily asked. “Look at me,” she added and his eyes found hers again. Hurt. That’s all he could see in her eyes. Hurt. It reminded him of your eyes, the night that everything had gone south.

Lily sighed. “I can’t do this. I need you to choose,” she said.

Choose. Wasn’t that what had gotten James into this mess in the first place?

James laughed. “Choose? Choose what Lily? Between how you make me feel and how Y/N makes me feel? To choose one of you and watch the other break? In fact, if I choose now I might lose you both! I don’t know what happened! I-I love you, I do but it’s-” he ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “But it’s not that simple,” he said quietly.

“Not that simple! It should be James! It should be very simple to choose!” Lily yells. Her voice cracks from anger and hurt and James feels like throwing up.

“It’s not! Because I’m not me without her and you make me happy but I can’t get her out of my head, and I’m a mess without her!” James yells, finally. The thorn in his chest eases up, just a little.

But Lily’s face drops and James feels like curling up on himself and disappearing. 

“I think that’s an answer in itself. Goodbye James, we’re done,” she says, and then she turns, walking back towards Hogwarts.

James freezes in place. His mind is racing. His heart is hammering in his chest. He’s lost and he doesn’t know what to do.

The door of the ballroom bursts open, the music from inside blaring, before it shuts again. You’re standing there - and so are Sirius, Remus and Peter. 

“Prongs? What just happened? Where’s Lily? We were inside one minute and then we don’t see you and we really panicked,” Sirius says. James’s eyes land on yours first, and he things he might break.

You’re looking at him with soft eyes, carefully watching. The way you did every time he was a mess. The look you gave him when he needed an anchor - the look that usually meant he could just collapse in your arms.

God how he had misread everything between you both.

James swallowed, “Lily and I broke up, I uh…I think we should head back,” he muttered quietly. 

Sirius was about to open his mouth again but you jab him in the chest with your elbow, and walk over to James. For the first time in five months, you hook your hand with his, “Let’s get you back, and get you some hot cocoa,” she says quietly. James Potter’s heart shatters into million fragmented pieces, each whispering your name.

----------

Marauders Tag List: @pinchofhoney @snowtargaryen@padfootagain @rosalyn-s @bubybubsters

Slipping Away Tag List: @siriuslycaptainofthedawntreader @abeltownshipslittlebitch @hisparentsgallerryy @nim-rose @arelyy @dreamygirli3 @evangelquill @poppet05 @sweetstrawberrianne

[hawt-me33]

Coming into a fandom late

[baxterdamus-deactivated20130513]

Coming into a fandom early and watching it become an angry clusterfuck

[valorious]

Being in a dormant fandom that suddenly comes alive again after a new book/movie

[leatherpatches-deactivated20150]

Don’t forget about those who come in the midst of a fandom war. 

[fauxmoux]

Accuracy at its best

[street-of-mercy]

Being in a fandom and not even knowing there’s a war going on…

[my-reylo]

all of this shit…lol

[nerdsagainstfandomracism]

When You’re Not In The Fandom But You’re Nosy AF

[not-so-secret-nerd]

When you get into a fandom only to discover it’s dead

[jupiter235]

This gets better every time I see it. 

[sageblackrose95]

@fuboos-mess

[inverted-mind-inc-sideblog-deac]

Being in a dead fandom…

[illogicalarchive]

Or being in such a tiny fandom that it feels like youre the only one

[erilias]

The accuracy hurts.

[fanfic-yes-please]

Being in a fandom that had a shit ending.

[it-is-bugs]

When you’ve been fangirling long enough, you’ve experienced all of the above.

[sweetferalbaby]

Being in a fandom meant for kids.

[teaganvamp]

This just gets better..

[hamboj2]

@mi-kleos

[thatcrazysonicchick]

When you realize that joining the fandom has ruined you

[knightofbloodcancer]

Fandom hell in general

[morathavictoria]

Yes.

[marvelanimelover]

This^^^ just… ALL OF THIS.

[stop-talking-babe-deactivated20]

Being in so many fandoms that you don’t even know what’s going on

[raise-cain-archived]

THIS IS THE SKULDUGGERY FUCKING PLEASANT FANDOM IN ONE POST!!

[crochanblackbeak]

Trying to recruit people to your fandom

[kateriverameliawolfe]

Annnnnnndddd it’s back

[ishipwhatiship247]

Being in a fandom which has so many antis

[ravenhilarious]

I’ve probably reblogged this before, but that was before these great additions.

[swanqueen-author]

Being in a fandom that actually works together

[commanderunhingedmongoose]

Why is this so true? All of it.

[pillowprincesslexa]

being in a fanbase but all your mutuals suddenly turn into Kpop blogs

[hangingfire]

I always enjoy it when a good post comes around again and has been improved by the reblogs like the years for a fine wine.

[priory-of-stars]

Being in a fandom when shit goes down and everyone has different opinions

[marianagmt]

When you are in a fandom and don’t care for others people opinion…..even if they are right…(believe me, I have met several of those)

[batbyte-alghul]

Being in a fandom you never meant to join

[tirnel-sutcliff-spears]

I love this. and it’s gotten better

[cartoonjessie]

After abandoning a fandom you’re still a little bit emotionally invested in….

[brit-is-bookish]

All of these are me. Lol

[thehikingastronomer]

Being in a fandom on Tumblr

[julietsemophase]

And it reached its epic conclusion

[illicitwhimmss]

I love this

[rebelelegance]

This is perfection at its peak

[rebelelegance]

Caught Drifting

This is Part Two of Slipping Away. A/N: I am so so sorry for the two year gap omg. I was on a hiatus BUT WE'RE BACK!!!! SO THIS MADE ME SOB. AND THERE WILL BE A PART THREE (I'm already working on it) AND WHO KNOWS HOW IT ENDS. Thanks to @snowtargaryen for the idea! Pairing: James Potter x Lily Evans, Sirius Black x Platonic!reader, Marauders x Platonic!reader, James Potter x fem!reader

w/c: 2.2k+

Warnings: ANGST. more ANGST

Masterlist Taglists

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3

James was supposed to be picking Lily up. But he couldn’t stop staring at you. 

Every year, right before Christmas break, the marauders made a plan to head out to Hogsmeade. To have fun. Drink butterbeer, dress up pretty, go to some ball, and dance away all the stress. Usually, it was just the boys and you, but this year, since James had been dating Lily for 5 months now, they’d decided she would come along. And so instead of you asking James for help with your necklace like you usually did, you were asking Sirius. Well that wasn’t the whole situation. Because usually, James is teasing you for finally wearing a pretty dress and getting all ready and not holding flowers for another girl.

After that night when everything had changed, you’d turned distant. You still smiled the same and laughed the same but not with him. Not as much as you used to. The first few weeks had been hell. You’d ignored him for the most part, sparing a small smile or a few words a day, and sticking mostly to Sirius, or your books. James knew you’d been overworking yourself. And when he wanted to confront you, to beg you to at least go easy on yourself, he’d found you tucked into Sirius’s side, crying, as he comforted you. So he’d slipped away, ignoring the stabbing pain in his chest and telling himself it was for the best. 

And then slowly, you’d started talking to him more, but the distance never closed. You never ruffled his hair like before, or pushed his glasses up his nose and told him off. You never smacked his face with a pillow for pranking you, and you never whispered into his ear, telling him jokes only he would get.

No, because you started doing all that with Sirius. Except the glasses part, because he didn’t have glasses. James had never been more glad for someone’s perfect eyesight. And he had never been simultaneously so confused as to why it mattered so much to him.

So now he watched as you slapped Sirius’s hand playfully as he took too long to fasten the necklace around your neck, laughing when he finally did it and muttered something into your ear, smirking. And the evergrowing thorn in his chest grew much larger, and much deeper. He twisted away, walking up to Lily’s dorm, clutching the flowers in his hand like they had personally offended him.

Bringing his hand up to knock on the door took more effort than ditching quidditch practice to study, and he found himself itching to look for you in the gap of three seconds that it took for his knuckles to rasp against the door. It flung open seconds later, revealing a room full of squealing and giggling girls who were running around the room, helping Lily. She looked stunning, and if James’s mind wasn’t on the way that your blue dress hugged your frame and then flared out at your hips, falling to the floor, and if it hadn’t been on the way Sirius’s hands had pushed away your hair to fasten the necklace; then James would have gaped at Lily and flushed red.

Instead, he willed his mouth to work.

“You look…gorgeous,” he said, his eyes scanning over the green dress that hugged her curves and stopped just before her knees. She grinned at him, and he ignored the guilt that flared in his bones and held out the flowers. “Thank you. You look pretty handsome yourself,” Lily grinned as her friend pinned one last strand of her red hair away, and stepped back. Lily twirled lightly and set the flowers down, hooking her hands with James’s. “Shall we?” she asked. Usually, James would say something teasing and flirtatious just to watch her turn red and shy, but his mouth ran dry and his usual charm was hidden under layers of emotions. It struck him then that he might just be a terrible boyfriend. He hadn’t always been like this. No. He’d pushed away thoughts of you, and there was a time when you hadn’t invaded his mind and heart and every fibre of his being like this. But that had changed about two weeks ago.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------

(Two weeks ago)

James had finally found himself in the common room at the same time as you. Well, it wasn’t just the two of you like he’d hoped, the rest of the marauders were there too, but it was as close as he could get. He hadn’t been around you and the others for the past week, spending most of his time with Lily, but he missed you.

“No, because someone tell me Narcissa and Lucius are not getting married,” you said, looking pointedly at Sirius. James sat down next to Remus, across from you and Sirius. Everyone’s books were open on the coffee table, but forgotten. “Because Reggie told me they are and oh my god Siri that is terrible,” you continue and Sirius shakes his head, “Honestly, I don’t know, but even if they are, I can’t do anything about it now,” he adds. You frown at his words, and James notices how you shift closer to Sirius but don’t push. Something shifts in his chest.

“Hi Prongs!” Sirius seems to notice finally, grinning. “Hello Pads,” James responds, but his eyes are on you. You grin at him, but it doesn’t reach your eyes like it used to and the shift in his chest grows into a tiny splinter. The group erupts into planning for the Christmas party. The one they do every year, just them. But his eyes are stuck on you and how you’re talking animatedly and how much he’s missed that, how much he’s missed you, and how you should be sitting next to him but you’re not. 

Suddenly all of them are looking at him - you included - waiting expectantly and he realizes he just missed a question. “Uh- sorry I missed that - what?” he asks, looking between Sirius, Remus and Peter, trying to avoid your gaze on him. “Lily. Are you bringing Lily?” you ask. James’s eyes snap back to yours. Your face is neutral, your tone is flat. But he knows better, he knows you, and he can see the pain and what seems like a flicker of something almost like longing, flash in your eyes. “I - um, isn’t..isn’t this our thing?” he asks, his voice quiet, confused. He’s unsure of how to react. Of what to say. The fact that you asked that question somehow makes it even more confusing. 

“Well yes, but you think Lily will be happy if you spend one of your last nights at Hogwarts with us? Dancing and getting drunk? Especially if Y/N is there?” Peter asks.

The energy in the room shifts. Remus glares at Peter whose mouth falls open in realization. Sirius goes very still, before gently reaching for your hand and squeezing it. And you? You had flinched. It was a tiny action, almost imperceptible, but James had caught it. The splinter in his chest grew into a nasty thorn.

Especially if Y/N is there.

As if Lily would be jealous. Why would she be jealous? Because she knew. Everyone at Hogwarts seemed to know now, whispers had spread like wildfire after a first year had seen the exchange between you and James that night. James was thankful Lily had never brought it up to him, because he honestly did not know what he would say. And now he realized, that if she did confront him, that he would have to make a choice. And this time the choice would destroy far worse than a friendship. 

Because it did matter if you were there. It always did. He was happier around you, whether you spoke to him or not, he was happier, and more himself. And it dawned on him that he had misinterpreted his own feelings.

He didn’t love Lily more than he loved you. He had just never realized what loving you meant. Loving Lily was like loving someone who tamed him. Lily kept him sane. Lily kept him grounded. But you? You’d fueled his wild side but held it in your bare hands to keep it from going out of control. 

James Potter was officially wrecked and destroyed. The thorn in his chest grew. His mind was a mess, and the one person he’d usually go to like this was sitting across from him, looking at him with the ghost of the pain he’d caused, still lingering in the eyes.

So he did the only thing he could. “Y-yeah I’ll bring Lily,” he muttered. And then he left.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

(present)

James had noticed how you’d stayed away from him and Lily the whole evening. And he could tell that Lily was noticing it too. 

They were currently at some winter ball that was free for walk-in tickets. Peter had gotten drunk and was with a bunch of girls, and Remus was busy watching over Sirius and you. James and Lily were sat at a small booth, drinks in hand. The music did nothing to drown out James’s thoughts.

His eyes kept finding you - dancing with Sirius and laughing and whispering things into his ear that made him double over with laughter. The thorn in James’s chest twisted.

“James.”

His eyes snapped back to the voice. Lily. 

“Yeah?” he asked. He already knew what she was going to say.

“Can we go outside? I need to talk to you for a minute,” she said. She slid out before he could respond, and with a last glance over at you, James followed Lily outside. The night air was chilly, but James was grateful for the sting of the cold wind. It was better than the sting of his own feelings.

“What is going on with you?” Lily asked, tugging her cloak tighter.

“What do you mean? I’m fine,” James said. It was a lie and they both knew it.

“Really? I’m here, trying to spend time with you and your eyes won’t leave Y/N!” Lily says finally. “Everyone keeps talking about it, about you both and how you broke her heart. If you say it’s nothing then I’ll believe that it’s nothing, but I see the way you look at her and I need the truth James,” Lily said. 

Her expression was firm. James clearly had a type for women who didn’t break easily.

“I don’t- I don’t know,” James said quietly, his eyes landing on his feet as he shuffled, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his cloak. 

“You don’t know,” Lily repeated, her voice never wavering. “How can you not know James?” Lily asked. “Look at me,” she added and his eyes found hers again. Hurt. That’s all he could see in her eyes. Hurt. It reminded him of your eyes, the night that everything had gone south.

Lily sighed. “I can’t do this. I need you to choose,” she said.

Choose. Wasn’t that what had gotten James into this mess in the first place?

James laughed. “Choose? Choose what Lily? Between how you make me feel and how Y/N makes me feel? To choose one of you and watch the other break? In fact, if I choose now I might lose you both! I don’t know what happened! I-I love you, I do but it’s-” he ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “But it’s not that simple,” he said quietly.

“Not that simple! It should be James! It should be very simple to choose!” Lily yells. Her voice cracks from anger and hurt and James feels like throwing up.

“It’s not! Because I’m not me without her and you make me happy but I can’t get her out of my head, and I’m a mess without her!” James yells, finally. The thorn in his chest eases up, just a little.

But Lily’s face drops and James feels like curling up on himself and disappearing. 

“I think that’s an answer in itself. Goodbye James, we’re done,” she says, and then she turns, walking back towards Hogwarts.

James freezes in place. His mind is racing. His heart is hammering in his chest. He’s lost and he doesn’t know what to do.

The door of the ballroom bursts open, the music from inside blaring, before it shuts again. You’re standing there - and so are Sirius, Remus and Peter. 

“Prongs? What just happened? Where’s Lily? We were inside one minute and then we don’t see you and we really panicked,” Sirius says. James’s eyes land on yours first, and he things he might break.

You’re looking at him with soft eyes, carefully watching. The way you did every time he was a mess. The look you gave him when he needed an anchor - the look that usually meant he could just collapse in your arms.

God how he had misread everything between you both.

James swallowed, “Lily and I broke up, I uh…I think we should head back,” he muttered quietly. 

Sirius was about to open his mouth again but you jab him in the chest with your elbow, and walk over to James. For the first time in five months, you hook your hand with his, “Let’s get you back, and get you some hot cocoa,” she says quietly. James Potter’s heart shatters into million fragmented pieces, each whispering your name.

----------

Marauders Tag List: @pinchofhoney @snowtargaryen@padfootagain @rosalyn-s @bubybubsters

Slipping Away Tag List: @siriuslycaptainofthedawntreader @abeltownshipslittlebitch @hisparentsgallerryy @nim-rose @arelyy @dreamygirli3 @evangelquill @poppet05 @sweetstrawberrianne

[rebelelegance]

HI I changed my @ but I used to be wolfmoonmusic for those who are wondering. So a few things I want to address. I am back. I am going to explain a few things and then talk about how it's gonna go from here. I just wanna let all of you know that the topics under the cut will be a little emotionally heavy.

I was active as hell on here a couple of years ago and I drowned myself in fanfics to cope with a lot of my mental health. I have talked about it before, but I my relationship with my parents is terrible and it took me a long while to get things sorted for myself mentally, and to learn to handle things better. I was releasing fanfics and I didn't even realize I was getting burnt out and started losing the joy of writing. I think I was also a little driven on the high of the results of each fic. But, we are here now. And I'm gonna try and work out a way to take it slow but be here. Around the same time that I stopped writing, I got into two back to back terribly toxic relationships and I lost sight of a lot of my own goals and dreams for boys that took advantage of who I was. I'm more mature now, taking a break from the dating scene because let's be real fictional men are just better and I just honestly want to just be for a while. Be me. I moved countries, I'm going to college, and though I'm still with family right now, I'm moving to the dorms soon and I'm excited. I made a few good friends, I got out of my reading slump and my academic slump (your girl went from nearly failing 12th grade to getting on the dean's list last semester) and just taking better care of myself. So now I am back. I will be responding to dms, messages through my inbox and most importantly, I am writing again. First I want to kind of finish writing part two for all of my previous marauders fics, and I realize I need to clean up my blog and fix the links too. So I will get to those. First one I'm doing is Slipping Away Pt. 2 and I had a plan for it originally but it's going down a very different path now. And then I'll get to Hypocrisy and Secrecy and etc. etc. I'm tagging my moots as well as the marauders taglists for this. Mutuals: @pinchofhoney @queenofmistresses @coldnique @foggy-isnt-here @peaches1958 @lokisgoodgirl @darthkitten @lila-kille @padfootagain @shuggyjiggy

Marauders tag list: @pinchofhoney @targaryenmoony @padfootagain @rosalyn-s @bubybubsters

[bubybubsters]

OH I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE BACK

[rebelelegance]

I'M SO HAPPY TO BE BACK

[rebelelegance]

HI I changed my @ but I used to be wolfmoonmusic for those who are wondering. So a few things I want to address. I am back. I am going to explain a few things and then talk about how it's gonna go from here. I just wanna let all of you know that the topics under the cut will be a little emotionally heavy.

I was active as hell on here a couple of years ago and I drowned myself in fanfics to cope with a lot of my mental health. I have talked about it before, but I my relationship with my parents is terrible and it took me a long while to get things sorted for myself mentally, and to learn to handle things better. I was releasing fanfics and I didn't even realize I was getting burnt out and started losing the joy of writing. I think I was also a little driven on the high of the results of each fic. But, we are here now. And I'm gonna try and work out a way to take it slow but be here. Around the same time that I stopped writing, I got into two back to back terribly toxic relationships and I lost sight of a lot of my own goals and dreams for boys that took advantage of who I was. I'm more mature now, taking a break from the dating scene because let's be real fictional men are just better and I just honestly want to just be for a while. Be me. I moved countries, I'm going to college, and though I'm still with family right now, I'm moving to the dorms soon and I'm excited. I made a few good friends, I got out of my reading slump and my academic slump (your girl went from nearly failing 12th grade to getting on the dean's list last semester) and just taking better care of myself. So now I am back. I will be responding to dms, messages through my inbox and most importantly, I am writing again. First I want to kind of finish writing part two for all of my previous marauders fics, and I realize I need to clean up my blog and fix the links too. So I will get to those. First one I'm doing is Slipping Away Pt. 2 and I had a plan for it originally but it's going down a very different path now. And then I'll get to Hypocrisy and Secrecy and etc. etc. I'm tagging my moots as well as the marauders taglists for this. Mutuals: @pinchofhoney @queenofmistresses @coldnique @foggy-isnt-here @peaches1958 @lokisgoodgirl @darthkitten @lila-kille @padfootagain @shuggyjiggy

Marauders tag list: @pinchofhoney @targaryenmoony @padfootagain @rosalyn-s @bubybubsters

[rebelelegance]

Out of the shadows once again haha... I realize I'm really unreliable about these sometimes but I will say, after certain recent life events, I'm feeling more myself than I have in years. Working on a couple of pieces rn!

[rebelelegance]

REQUESTS OPEN Specifically for the marauders and marvel fandom. No smut only fluff and or angst.

[raven-reapers]

[lady-ofmischief]

Everyone is fighting a tough battle so reblog to give previous a sword 🗡️

[rebelelegance]

please please please when are the other chapters of back to you coming out?

(ps my favourite thing about it is that reader is platonic. I wish there were more platonic readers out there)

They're in progress! I promise you the next part is coming soon!

[buglvr24]

i always forget how much of a hell getting up in the morning during the cold months is until im trying to get dressed taking frost damage like ough augh ugha oagh uagh

[rebelelegance]

Now i know that i could get a lot of backlash for this. And before I say anything I just want to say that I don't mean any disrespect to the LGBTQ+... I have close friends who are a part of it, I'm not sure if I could be considered an ally per say but I don't stand for any discrimination of any sort, and I do my part to cheer them on. Now. I've noticed that a large number of people have head canons that every single one of the characters from the marauders era is part of the LGBTQ+ community. I get wolfstar...but I dont understand why every character is now gay, bi, trans, non binary etc etc. This is not me going after anyone for it, I'm just curious. It doesn't really makes sense to me... is this in retribution for JKR or.... Now I love the marauders era and I love the fandom, and i'm well aware that not EVERY writer and EVERY fan does it, but I'm seeing it more often now and I'm just curious. Is there a reason?