Everyone had been busy, but Essie had never been particularly worried about going out on her own. Especially in a bar like this, she knew the tender well enough that she felt safe sitting opposite her at the bar as she works. Balancing on the stool having a drink on one of her last days off before she was to go back to work. Her trip back home to Scotland with Bela had been an adventure, but she was making the most of the few days in post as well. Never one to miss an opportunity to have fun.
It would have carried on being fun if the person who’d come over to speak to her had been able to take no for an answer and her polite insistence that their friends were leaving the bar was an indication to leave with them rather than to renounce them and stick to her. Holding her cocktail she tries a more blunt approach, but even that makes them see it as a challenge to keep her company. The fairy didn’t know what to do, but when the other had reached forward as if to touch her wings she jerks backwards folding them down. Fuck did she need out of here.
Bella’s shoulder pushed open the door to the Italian restaurant, a new addition to the town Bella thought she would treat herself while going over some papers. Currently tucked inside a leather bound folio with the monogrammed initials ‘BJB’ in gold on it they were loosely defined as essays deconstructing gender disparities among species of infection rather than birth. Bella was actually rather excited to see some of the statistics they had found and read over varying hypothesis developed by the students of Teddy’s ethics class.
Despite her task for the evening - eating Italian food while she judged students likely older than her in most cases - she looked like an instagram post come to life. The tailored clothing had complimentary colours, from the purple of her purse being the same shade as that of her top, to the shade of read on her lips matching the Fendi logo on her skirt, down to the fact the glitter on her eyes matched the glitter of the word ‘Death’ on her top. Bella lived for the aesthetic, especially lately when she had so much time on her hands. Miles was gone, the blights were gone, she’d finished packing. She was quite free with her time.
Heels clicking on the tiled floor she walked directly up to the hostess station, people were waiting to be seated, likely as the place was new and from what Bella had heard nothing exceptional but certainly worth the trip. Still, the well dressed people waiting did not indicate to her that she may need to wait. Bella had become rather accustom to being on lists, on being considered someone of enough wealth and position in the town that she didn’t need to wait, especially as she was alone. What was one seat after all.
“Table for one please,” she requested gently, the red of her lips contrasting her pallid skin. If the woman didn’t recognise her, either from her brother, or from posters still hung up in alleys around town from years ago, the general oddity of her appearance would have indicated what she was. Bella did little to hide it, her skin lacked the natural discolouration all people had, it even seemed to lack texture, and her eyes. Liquid gold. The shadows of the liquid moving in her eyes. “Preferably near some of the floral displays,” she said, pointing in the direction of some vases filled with Italian flowers.
“That’s hard to say. I mean, I don’t actually know my sister-in-law very well, do I? But now that she’s here in Soapberry Springs, I’ve an opportunity to change that - and I intend to. It will just take a little time.
So I suppose, at the moment, I haven’t so much got opinions about Darla as I have impressions of her, yeah? And so far, my impression is that I like her. I mean, obviously, she’s unbearably young, aggressively ‘certain’ of things she has yet to fully understand, spoilt rotten, and far too hard on her brother… but I like her.
She actually reminds me of myself in a lot of ways.”
Bella gave a soft wave to Pixi a she awkwardly carried the garment bags through the lobby and to the stairs, her heels clicking as she went, the long boots rising up her short legs so high they slipped beneath her pink velvet dress. Someone probably would have helped had they not known that, while the amount of items were uncomfortable to hold with how small she was, she could easily carry them, and the bags she had with them.
Instead Bella positioned everything in a way she knew she could balance and ascended to the higher floors of the establishment to a room she knew well. Bella knew all of them rather well because whenever she was in the mood to relax she would stay in any that weren’t housing people as the Upper East Side suite was currently doing for Darla. It was strange that she wasn’t staying with Ephram but Bella knew now that at the very least Darla was his sister, even if he was going to jump on her for mentioning it.
Reaching the door Bella dropped the bags down, a soft thud as the boxes within that held a few different pairs of shoes hit the hallway floor. On her face nerves were evident, the way her lips seemed tighter than usual. Even shopping had not been able to shove them now, this was new to Bella. Hiring someone into a position that she had not before. Naomi’s job as hostess was important, and passing it on was too. Still, Darla was confident and direct, qualities Naomi had that served her well and customers were used to so Bella pushed on. Naomi deserved more than Bella keeping her down, and Darla deserved to not wear paper thin shirts to work in a town where her brother was so highly regarded. That would surely not serve the confidence Bella saw in her well.
Raising a hand she inhaled before knocking gently, bending down to pick up the bags of shoes again. She had a myriad of items for Darla to try, specifically purchased to align with her position, so while for Darla, they were mostly to help Bellamy feel in control of the shifting that could be happening.
Autumn was creeping through the holler this year, an early one, a cold one; Ephram rubbed his hands against his arms, bare with gooseflesh raising on them. “I git in round eight,” Otis Jenkins said, twisting his foot in the grass and churning it up into muddy stalks, the way he did. Ephram nodded, not looking at him, curving a palm over his forearm where it was skinny enough that his fingers lapped it entirely. Otis Jenkins grunted, spat, said, “--mind you be there at eight, boy, I ain’t gon’ wait for you,” and Ephram said, “So don’t wait for me. I’ll be there.”
One more hock of spit, and Otis Jenkins was off away through the gathering dark as Ephram took out his bent pack of Red Apples and lit one, dragging in that first harsh inhalation of tobacco with something approaching relief but still snagged on anger. Inside, his family was passing around the pieplant-and-strawberry cobbler his momma’d made, unholy white Cool Whip frosting each scoop. And Ephram rubbed the ball of his thumb rapidly against the cold tip of his nose, saying with a tiredness that didn’t quite make it all the way to annoyance, “--why you skippin’ out on dessert, Darla?”
He turned slightly to look at his little sister over his shoulder. Seventeen, Ephram thought bitterly. Seventeen and running free. “They gonna wonder where you got to. Run on back inside, lil girl, and have your cobbler.” He took the cigarette from his lips, and held it out, offering more gently, “Or come on over here and have a smoke with your brother.”
..sbs chatroom log with @alessafalling (littlefaethatcould), @darlapettaline (darlindarla), @ephrampettaline (bigfruit), @freddiewatts (libellule), @imviapassmeabeer, and @odettewrites
bigfruit: hi
bigfruit: i'm wondering if anybody knows what happened to that fountain in Fountainelle Square that used to call people shitheads
Libellule: It doesn't do that anymore?
Libellule: I tend to give Fountainelle Square a wide berth.
bigfruit: it's not there anymore at all! there's a blowup dinosaur instead with a big lipstick mouth on it, kind of gross
Libellule: Does it call people shitheads?
bigfruit: it called me something else that i won't repeat here
bigfruit: not that it was /wrong/ persay
Libellule: Oh, go on, now you have to say it.
bigfruit: hey I don't even know you! I'm not gonna wave my dirty lipstick dinosaur laundry out in public for you to get your jollies
Libellule: You're the one who brought it up. Clearly there's a part of you that /wants/ to share.
bigfruit: I mentioned it in case somebody ventured into Fountainelle Square and didn't know the situation
bigfruit: i'm a goddamn civic hero
Libellule: Anyone going to Fountainelle Square was swimming at their own risk. They already knew what was waiting for them.
Libellule: Sort of, at least.
bigfruit: some people don't mind being called shitheads though. Some people pay good money for the privilige
Libellule: So you're saying nobody would want to be called what the dinosaur called you?
Odette: I am so lost.
darlindarla: how's a girl get into getting paid that good money to call people shitheads?
bigfruit: I don't know about you but I don't like makeupped blowups comparing my junk to junk food
Libellule: A good corset and pair of boots would be a good start.
bigfruit: Darla this is the wrong chatroom for that
bigfruit: Odette hi *waves* Are you new here?
Odette: uhh... yes? where am I? I think I ended up here by mistake.
darlindarla: honey it's never the wrong chatroom for that
Libellule: I agree with Darla. 😉
bigfruit: Odette it's a public town chatroom for Soapberry residents so you're not maybe as lost as you thought 😄
Libellule: Hello, Odette.
bigfruit: Maybe you Libellule and Darla can find some common ground then
darlindarla: i'm new here too sugar don't you worry yourself
Libellule: I could find common ground with you too, bigfruit, if you'd tell me what the dinosaur said. haha
Odette: Oh... that's... okay... definitely clicked on the wrong thing, so hi.
bigfruit: Nope. If you want to know what it said then start guessing and before you ask it did /not/ compare my tackle to a Twinkie.
darlindarla: nah a twinkie's probably too big 😉
darlindarla: but what's all this about a dinosaur?
Odette: ... please tell me it's not Barney.
bigfruit: There used to be a fountain in Fountainelle Park that called people shitheads and now it's gone and there's a blow up dinosaur there instead that wears a lot of lipstick and compares your private parts to other things
darlindarla: ah, well then. i'll have to go down there and give it a whirl
Odette: same
darlindarla: plenty of sweet things it could say to me i'm sure
bigfruit: Darla sure or you could just accept that it's gonna compare your tits to m&ms right now and save yourself the trip
Odette: ouch
Libellule: You're certain the fountain's gone? I mean, it could have just been a glamour.
bigfruit: What kind of fairy would waste their time making an ugly rude fountain?
Libellule: A bored fairy.
bigfruit: Isn't that all fairies
darlindarla: Hey now! I'm proud of my m&m tits.
Libellule: Though I can't justify the ugliness.
darlindarla: they melt in your mouth and not your hands 😉
Libellule: Got something against fairies, bigfruit?
bigfruit: Libellule no, I'm just saying
imvipassmeabeer: whats up ladies, gents, and neither-beings?
bigfruit: Hi Vi, Vi hi
imvipassmeabeer: hey big fruit!
imvipassmeabeer: or
imvipassmeabeer: bigfruit
Libellule: Hello. 🙂
bigfruit: yes all one word please it is my stage name
bigfruit: LOL
imvipassmeabeer: so there's a missing fountain?
imvipassmeabeer: oh neat-o
imvipassmeabeer: that's cool bigfruit
imvipassmeabeer: I wish I was that cool
bigfruit: TOUGH CROWD
darlindarla: *throws tomato*
bigfruit: *makes tomato rose, is awesome*
Odette: so... big fruit... like... what... a pineapple?
imvipassmeabeer: *catched tomato and takes a bite*
imvipassmeabeer: darn I just ate a rose
Libellule: I eat them all the time. 😉
imvipassmeabeer: or a 🍆
Libellule: You'll develop a taste for them now. lol
bigfruit: Odette bigger
bigfruit: Vi are eggplants fruits?!?
darlindarla: a watermelon? you should probably get that check out bigfruit
darlindarla: sounds like a medical issue if you ask me
imvipassmeabeer: libellule please no, I can't afford that as a habit
Odette: a bigger fruit than a pineapple? i'll have to google.
bigfruit: Don't slander melons they are the most noble of fruit
Odette: i also liked that pineapples are prickly
bigfruit: Odette WOW that's quite an insight on your sex life for somebody who's not anon
imvipassmeabeer: ACTUALLY
imvipassmeabeer: BIGFRUIT
imvipassmeabeer: Fact: While it's generally thought of as a vegetable, eggplant is actually a fruit.
Odette: hahahaha. yeah my sex life is presently non existent so
imvipassmeabeer: thank's google
imvipassmeabeer: thanks*
darlindarla: I'm sure they make pineapple dildos Odette
bigfruit: Vi good to know! I think
Odette: but the biggest is actually a type of pumpkin
darlindarla: pricklies and all
Odette: ha! yeah they have... all different sorts of those.
imvipassmeabeer: how fun
bigfruit: okay so since we're talking about dildos the best ones come from a shop in town called Barbarella
darlindarla: ain't the internet a wonderful place?
bigfruit: that's my public service announcement for the day
imvipassmeabeer: on 32nd?
Libellule: bigfruit, I couldn't agree more
bigfruit: or should i say my /pubic/ service announcement
imvipassmeabeer: been there done that
bigfruit: hor hor har
imvipassmeabeer: o
imvipassmeabeer: m
imvipassmeabeer: g
Odette: the internet is... didn't realize there was a place in town, though.
darlindarla: well shit, I guess I know where I'm checking out tomorrow
bigfruit: Wait Odette did you just say the biggest fruit alive is a type of pumpkin? What is it?
Libellule: bigfruit's right - it's the best. All custom made
Odette: atlantic giant or something
Odette: biggest and heaviest so
bigfruit: Libellule you're a customer too? They're the greatest have you tried their other things that aren't dildos
Libellule: I've tried nearly everything, I think
bigfruit: Odette I should get one for pie
Libellule: Or do you mean in Barbarella specifically? haha
Odette: so the fruit bakes
bigfruit: the fruit has alllll sorts of talents!
bigfruit: wait you made it sound like I'm a cannibal eating my fellow fruits
bigfruit: Libellule yeah Barbarella specifically but it sounds like you got plenty of range?
Libellule: I'm going to call you Pumpkin from now on, bigfruit.
Odette: as long as you do it in a condescending tone
Libellule: Barbarella, I'm just starting to work my way through. You?
bigfruit: aw I like that though! Call me Pumpkin, call me anything you want just don't call me maybe
Libellule: Pumpkin.... that's terrible.
Odette: do any of you have pets?
bigfruit: Libellule they make custom toys! And I am an imaginative guy. Even if you don't like my jokes sheesh
bigfruit: Odette no! Do you?
littlefaethatcould: what have i arrived into good god
Libellule: I know they make custom toys! lol I said so before.
bigfruit: littlefae Just a lively discussion among your fellow townsfolks
Odette: no, but i've been thinking about getting one.
bigfruit: Libellule RIGHT hah hah I get distracted easily in big groups sorry
Libellule: And I didn't say I don't like your jokes, Pumpkin - I just said that they're terrible. lol
darlindarla: I don't have no pets, no. currently don't have a place of my own anyway, so.
bigfruit: Darla what would you have for a pet if you could
bigfruit: Odette ^^
darlindarla: probably a cute little Bichon Frise
bigfruit: Darla language
darlindarla: got cute lil faces and great hair, like me
imvipassmeabeer: Odette I've been thinkin' of getting one too
Odette: I don't know... a cat, maybe? They;re fairly low maintenance.
imvipassmeabeer: that's what I was thinking, they're independent
Libellule: Birds are quite nice
darlindarla: as long as they ain't chickens, good god
bigfruit: There's lots of weird magic animals you can have as pets though
bigfruit: Did I say weird? I meant FUN
imvipassmeabeer: okay shoot, bigfruit
Libellule: Personal favourites, bigpumpkin?
Odette: like what?
bigfruit: bigpumpkin omg
Libellule: You love it
bigfruit: There's a thing called a hippopotaless, it's like a guinea pig sized hippo that only eats cereal
Libellule: What sort of cereal?
Odette: 😮
bigfruit: And a milk marmoset, it can learn up to seven words and it sings but its voice sounds like an oboe
darlindarla: still sounds better than my singing voice
bigfruit: Libellule are you making fun of me? Cereal! Mostly the kinds shaped like O's
Libellule: Can you teach it 7 words of your choosing, or does it just pick things up?
imvipassmeabeer: yeah cause they would probably pick up my cursing
Libellule: I'm not making fun! That was a legitimate question!
darlindarla: same here vi lol
bigfruit: I don't know I was just reading the info sheets at the Boffo Beasties Shelter
imvipassmeabeer: I don't think my neighbors would appreciate the little thing calling out curses while I'm at work
Libellule: I only like the sugary sorts of cereal, so I'd prefer if I only had to buy one box at a time.
Odette: If I heard, that and found out it was a pet, I would laugh
Libellule: I couldn't abide a pet that lived on bran.
bigfruit: Why do you wish bad gut health on your pet
Libellule: I don't!
darlindarla: i think i'll stick with a dog
Libellule: I mean, I'm assuming if it only eats cereal, it can eat whatever sort it likes - unless otherwise specified
bigfruit: You could get a cocodog, they can levitate
Libellule: But then wouldn't it just mess on things from a great height?
Odette: are there any pets that clean up?
bigfruit: Libellule I guess you could train them to eat whatever you give them, not like they have credit cards to go pick up Apple Smacks their own selves
Libellule: True
bigfruit: Cocodogs are kind of snobby they need their own bathroom and shower products
bigfruit: Odette that might be up your alley?
bigfruit: I mean because they're self-maintaining! Not saying you want a snob dog persay 😄
darlindarla: definitely not for me then. I'm the only snob in my life
Odette: ahahaha. i meant you know, like doing the dishes or something.
bigfruit: I think a tiny hippo would be real cute, I would tie a pink ribbon around its chubby little neck
bigfruit: Odette that's called children lol
Odette: ... you obviously know nothing about childrem
littlefaethatcould: and even children won't do that most days
Odette: children
bigfruit: I was a child once! I did the dishes a lot.
Libellule: Dishwashers are low maintenance. lol
darlindarla: lbr children are basically pets until they're 18
bigfruit: You can get your dishwasher enchanted so the dishes fly in there themselves, that's what they have at the Stonefruit Inn
Libellule: The Stonefruit Inn is /gorgeous/
Odette: I think they're pets until 24 at least.
imvipassmeabeer: Obvi
imvipassmeabeer: Stonefruit is one of my fav in town
bigfruit: Libellule It is thanks 🙂
darlindarla: i used to babysit and i'm never having kids. those beasts destroyed my motherly instinct
bigfruit: Darla doesn't sound like you had much of that to begin with LOL
Odette: kids are not for everyone
darlindarla: you know what bigfruit?
darlindarla: that's fair
bigfruit: I don't mean that badly! It's better that people realize it BEFORE they have the children imo
Libellule: Not all children are terrible though. I have a nephew who's adorable.
Odette: oh, i'm not saying that, but i've seen too many parents who just... shouldn't be.
darlindarla: oh i'm not offended y'all. I know i'd be a shit mother
bigfruit: Odette YOU GOT THAT RIGHT
Odette: i love kids. most of them, most of the time.
Odette: thought i'd have one or two? but alas.
darlindarla: nieces and nephews though, that's a different story. you can spoil them up and hand them back not having to deal with the consequences.
darlindarla: though i doubt I'll ever have any at this rate
Libellule: Any kids or any nieces or nephews?
darlindarla: i mean both
littlefaethatcould: did you want any of both?
darlindarla: kids of my own? hell no. I wouldn't mind nieces or nephews though
darlindarla: lil kin can be cute if i ain't responsible for them
Libellule: Do you have a lot of brothers and sisters?
littlefaethatcould: lol don't turn into one of those grannies that always ask when the kids are coming tho
darlindarla: a brother and a sister, but I don't got my hopes up
bigfruit: littlefae Those grannies are great though!
Libellule: Why not?
littlefaethatcould: ohhh i don't know bigfruit, they can get feisty the longer nothing happens XD
littlefaethatcould: thankfully i'm not the oldest so I don't get a lot of evil eyes
bigfruit: littlefae Hah hah true enuf, there's always some sours in the assorted granny packs
darlindarla: libellule i just don't think either of them want kids? I mean I ain't asked them but i can read between the lines
Libellule: Fair enough.
darlindarla: my sister's sworn off relationships pretty much, and my brother's married to a man. There's adoption, but he ain't ever told me about wanting youngins
darlindarla: not that he tells me much
darlindarla: fuck y'all, how'd we get from dildos to this?
darlindarla: let's lighten this place up, christ alive
littlefaethatcould: shit this conversation started with dildos?
bigfruit: Don't look at me I was imaginary dressing my imaginary tiny hippo
darlindarla: technically it started with a rude fountain that called people shitheads
darlindarla: but ANYHOW
darlindarla: where's the best place to get a drink in this town?
bigfruit: The Stonefruit Inn.
Libellule: I agree with bigpumpkin. The Stonefruit is the best of everything in Soapberry.
darlindarla: eh, i've had better
bigfruit: Darla Well your taste is questionable
Libellule: Clearly
bigfruit: The Devil's Midwife isn't bad though.
darlindarla: i just came here to have a good time and i feel so attacked right now
darlindarla: 😜
Libellule: I've never had a drink in there, I don't think.
imvipassmeabeer: It's pretty awesome
imvipassmeabeer: I heard the bartender's amazing
Libellule: At the Devil's Midwife?
imvipassmeabeer: she can do all these spelled drinks and shit
imvipassmeabeer: no
imvipassmeabeer: the Stonefruit
imvipassmeabeer: obviously
Libellule: OH! Yes!
darlindarla: vi you ain't that anon with that name 😉
Libellule: The current bartender is the best they've ever had, I think.
imvipassmeabeer: You know it
darlindarla: though i suppose i can't talk can i
imvipassmeabeer: thanks Libellule
imvipassmeabeer: I'm not about that anon life
Libellule: You're very welcome.
bigfruit: Midwife isn't bad, they have a lot of rotating drink specials, but the scenery at Stonefruit is much better.
imvipassmeabeer: I'm gonna be as me as I can
imvipassmeabeer: *flips hair*
imvipassmeabeer: bigfruit I agree
bigfruit: Vi You should since you're part of the scenery 😉
Libellule: Have you got a crush on Iann Cardero, biggie?
bigfruit: I don't think anybody should have a crush on Iann Cardero
Odette: What makes you say that?
darlindarla: i agree
bigfruit: and call my by my full name please Libellule, bigpumpkin
littlefaethatcould: you're right full blown infatuation or nothing
Libellule: hahaha My apologies, bigpumpkin. 💗
bigfruit: Odette He's weird and offputting and besides I don't think he would like it anyhow
Odette: sounds like an unrequited thing to me
bigfruit: Odette Some days I feel I'm the only one in this whole town who ISN'T entranced by Iann Cardero gosh
littlefaethatcould: you're not the only one
imvipassmeabeer: I think everyone should have a crush on Iann he's bomb
littlefaethatcould: though I can see why it would feel that way, not heard a word against the man
bigfruit: Car bomb maybe
imvipassmeabeer: wow
imvipassmeabeer: rude
bigfruit: He's said worse about me!
Odette: i can't imagine him having a bad thing to say about anyone? so that makes me wonder what you've done, big pumpkin.
darlindarla: he cut up my credit card so i can confidently say I don't have a crush on him
imvipassmeabeer: what kind of pumpkin are you?
imvipassmeabeer: why does he not like you?
littlefaethatcould: so now i wonder if I'm the only one that's neutral
imvipassmeabeer: boohoo darla
Libellule: Now, now, don't lets all jump on poor bigpumpkin.
littlefaethatcould: seems very marmite argument
Libellule: Cardero is a bit of an acquired taste, lbr
imvipassmeabeer: agreed Libellule
bigfruit: I'm just a normal pumpkinhead going about his business let me live
darlindarla: you don't gotta talk him up just because he signs your checks vi
Odette: send him some dick pics
imvipassmeabeer: the paycheck isn't the only thing keepin me around
bigfruit: littlefae What's a marmite argument? I don't know that saying!
littlefaethatcould: yeast extract spread for toast
littlefaethatcould: you either love it or hate it
bigfruit: littlefae OH! I think I had that. I love most food though so I'm not a good measure.
imvipassmeabeer: it's not a y-east-y thing to like
bigfruit: HAH HAH HAH
littlefaethatcould: vegemite and marmite are different though most people in america are more likely to have done vegemite
imvipassmeabeer: done vegemite?
imvipassmeabeer: like a drug?
littlefaethatcould: eaten
imvipassmeabeer: drugemite
littlefaethatcould: omg
bigfruit: Vi Should I be concerned about your extracurricular activities, do you have a drugemite lab behind the bar at the Stonefruit?
imvipassmeabeer: sorry, littlefaethatcould, I already know I'm the worst
Odette: is that similar to meth?
imvipassmeabeer: bigfruit obviously not
bigfruit: methamvegemite that's correct
littlefaethatcould: OMG NO
imvipassmeabeer: you cant mix drugs and alcohol
imvipassmeabeer: #crossfaded
bigfruit: Vi YOU'RE KILLING ME LOLLLL
imvipassmeabeer: drugs aren't my thing
imvipassmeabeer: hahaha
imvipassmeabeer: well except for seaweed
imvipassmeabeer: have you guys tried it?
bigfruit: Eating it? Like in sushi?
littlefaethatcould: fried?
Libellule: What else are you doing with seaweed, bigpumpkin?
bigfruit: Libellule Don't they use it for spa things? I swear I had my face done one time and they draped this weird long kelp stuff all over my face and neck and actually come to think of it all over my body
bigfruit: I smelled like high tide
Libellule: Ah, that's true. I stand corrected
bigfruit: They do funny things to you at spas. A selkie squirted a bottle of raspberry vinegar all over my back and then hit me with lightly boiled spaghetti.
Odette: hahahaha
darlindarla: i think that selkie was pranking you, pumpkin
bigfruit: What? But I paid her good money!
darlindarla: that or getting their jollies
littlefaethatcould: definitely not a spa treatment that one
bigfruit: Goddammit!
imvipassmeabeer: oh my god bigfruit
Libellule: Who took you to this spa?
imvipassmeabeer: what kind of spa was this?
littlefaethatcould: how much did you pay?
imvipassmeabeer: did you taste the noodles?
Libellule: hahahaha
darlindarla: and are they hiring?
imvipassmeabeer: were they good?
bigfruit: I went on my own on a lunch break! I saw this little pop up place that advertised $20 full-body skin treatment and massage and I thought I would be a good person and patronize their business since they were clearly a small operation
Libellule: Oh my
bigfruit: I gave them a twenty percent tip christ almighty
darlindarla: you got scammed, sugar
Libellule: You need to only go to the spa with a trusted friend, bigpumpkin.
bigfruit: They gave me the noodles in a bowl of kale after but I didn't want it and I threw it away outside. I guess that was a close call.
Libellule: Those noodle people could have been doing all sorts to you
bigfruit: 😟
Odette: that...... wow.
littlefaethatcould: research is key
bigfruit: Spas are weird even when they're normal spas! How was I supposed to know??
Odette: didn't something seem off to you?
littlefaethatcould: when you say pop up was it a tent?
bigfruit: No it was in a place that used to be a barbershop so I had to lie down all sort of hunched on a lowered barber chair
bigfruit: This is Soapberry! Lots of things seem off to me but are actually totally normal to other people.
littlefaethatcould: ...that's trusting of you oh my god
Odette: wow...
bigfruit: I liked the barbershop that was there so I dunno I guess I had a bunch of good will built up already
bigfruit: and misplaced it obviously
Odette: obviously
imvipassmeabeer: were they on yelp?
bigfruit: They gave me a detox drink that wasn't very good and now that I think about it
bigfruit: it was probably the pasta water
bigfruit: Vi I doubt it, I was a walk-in
littlefaethatcould: you've been punked
imvipassmeabeer: mmm refreshing
littlefaethatcould: did you take clothes off? damn they could have done anything you got off lucky with pasta slapping
Odette: gross
bigfruit: Man why do I always turn out to be a cautionary talke in these situations
bigfruit: littlefae Yeah they gave me this uh loincloth thing to wear
bigfruit: fuuuuuuuuck
littlefaethatcould: there had to be cameras
imvipassmeabeer: I mean some people pay good money to be slapped with pasta
littlefaethatcould: it's the only way
bigfruit: Vi Apparently I am one of those people but it was under FALSE PRETEXTS
imvipassmeabeer: did you have to sign a waiver?
bigfruit: No I just had to pay in cash.
Libellule: Was the pasta already boiled, or did they do it while you waited?
bigfruit: Libellule It was fresh boiled. Why, does that make it more dignified?
Libellule: I'm honestly not sure
imvipassmeabeer: I don't think anything could make this situation more dignified
littlefaethatcould: means you were the first one to be duped probably
imvipassmeabeer: the first to be noodled
bigfruit: DO WE REALLY HAVE TO USE THE WORD DUPED
bigfruit: ...okay no I'll take duped over noodled
Odette: hahaha noodled. I like it.
Libellule: Perhaps we should change the subject. I'm sure poor Pumpkin feels a bit... vulnerable as it is.
bigfruit: Odette how can you turn on me in this my hour of need
imvipassmeabeer: hahaa
bigfruit: Libellule aw it's okay, I'm a big boy 🙂
bigfruit: And cautionary tale
imvipassmeabeer: the biggest fruit boy
Libellule: haha Alright. 'Duped' it is then.
bigfruit: The Atlantic pumpkin! Arctic pumpkin? I can't remember now
Odette: Easily, apparently?
imvipassmeabeer: the biggest pumpkin in the patch
bigfruit: WELL NOW that's true enuffff
imvipassmeabeer: where's the best place in town to get some grub?
bigfruit: B'Wiched Deli has all you can eat pickle spears
Libellule: The Stonefruit. haha
bigfruit: which is good if you like pickles
Odette: all the talk of noodles made you hungry?!
imvipassmeabeer: my fav is Erzebets but I want to expand my palate
imvipassmeabeer: yeah
imvipassmeabeer: cant decide between chicken noodle
bigfruit: Stonefruit doesn't have grub!
imvipassmeabeer: or spaghetti
Odette: interesting. had the opposite effect on me.
bigfruit: Odette should I be insulted
Libellule: Excuse you, Pumpkin - they have a bistro upstairs.
littlefaethatcould: Erzebets is for sure the best
bigfruit: Yeah but that's not /grub/.
imvipassmeabeer: get with the times old fruit
Odette: I didn't mean it as an insult? So there's that.
Libellule: So what's 'grub' then?
imvipassmeabeer: grub means like
imvipassmeabeer: a really good meal
Libellule: Then I stand by my answer
Odette: grub makes me think bar food
bigfruit: Grub is yeah like a heavy messy sort of meal. Grub!
imvipassmeabeer: agreed!
bigfruit: Like grubbing in the dirt to dig up some mushrooms
Libellule: In that case there's this place that only does chips and potato things that's better than it has any right to be
imvipassmeabeer: I like to saute them
imvipassmeabeer: the mushrooms, that is
imvipassmeabeer: what's that place called, Libellule?
bigfruit: Tater Time? Spudzaganza?
Libellule: I can't remember.
Libellule: It isn't very big. Open late
bigfruit: Potatotallity?
Libellule: Within walking distance of Erzebet's
bigfruit: Chips Ahoy Hoy?
bigfruit: Wedge Me? Oh no wait they went out of business
Libellule: The Big Fry!
Libellule: I remembered. xD
bigfruit: ohhhhhhhhhh of COURSE
imvipassmeabeer: Okay that's where I'll be for a midnight snack then
Libellule: I had no idea there were that many potato based restaurants in Soapberry. xD
bigfruit: I like how they call baked potatoes 'jacket potatoes' on the menu it's so cute
bigfruit: They don't last long. Too much competition.
littlefaethatcould: why wouldn't they call them jacket potatoes?
Libellule: They are jacket potatoes.
bigfruit: Because they're BAKED potatoes!
Libellule: Pfft.
littlefaethatcould: but they're in their skin, you can bake potatoes without skin
bigfruit: Then they should call them skin potatoes
littlefaethatcould: no
littlefaethatcould: don't be daft
bigfruit: Jacket makes me think they should be wearing little leather flight jackets like pilots
littlefaethatcould: their jackets are their skins, and their skins keep their insides warm
bigfruit: oho DAFT am I? Well that explains why you think 'jacket' potato sounds normal
Odette: I feel like I need some popcorn for this.
bigfruit: Popcorn? Or SPLODEY CORN
Odette: you are in rare form tonight whoever you are
littlefaethatcould: apart from the noodle massage anyway
bigfruit: I'm not actually sure if anybody calls it something other than popcorn
littlefaethatcould: OH was splodey corn supposed to be something
littlefaethatcould: thought you'd just lost your marbles
bigfruit: How dare you I have many marbles
Odette: do you? do you really?
bigfruit: I sure do! I got a great big beautiful shooter too
Libellule: That's why they call you bigfruit. 😉 haha
Odette: is that a euphemism?
bigfruit: It is NOT a euphemism gosh you guysssss
littlefaethatcould: You're an absolute rocket omg XD
Odette: are you sure? or do you mean your mouth because you're always shooting it off?
littlefaethatcould: rocket as in heads not on this planet anymore lol
bigfruit: Didn't any of you ever play marbles before??? A shooter's your big marble for when you knuckle down at the start of the game!
littlefaethatcould: never played marbles in my life
bigfruit: Shooter or plumper or thumper or hogger that's what it's CALLED
Libellule: Hogger sounds /filthy/
Odette: Only child and I was the awkward kid in school, so... no.
bigfruit: Marbles is a game designed for awkward kids believe me
Odette: I read a lot... or played with my microscope. See? Weird.
bigfruit: Libellule okay so did you ever play conkers then?
littlefaethatcould: conkers is IT
imvipassmeabeer: I'm not really much of a marbles girl
imvipassmeabeer: I check on dinner and this is what I come back to?
Odette: i have no idea what that is
Libellule: Why am I being singled out? haha
bigfruit: You call my hogger filthy, you get singled out XD
Libellule: Fine. haha
bigfruit: Odette it's when you get a big old horse chestnut on a string and then you swing them at each other and see whose chestnut breaks first
Libellule: I'm aware of Conkers, but I don't know as I remember much of anything about how to play it.
bigfruit: oh my god so formal "I am aware of Conkers sirrah"
Libellule: Oh piss off xD
Libellule: I thought you were looking for technique or something. xD
imvipassmeabeer: Is there a game shop in town? like with board games and the lot of em?
bigfruit: No CLEARLY I am the expert when it comes to schoolyard games here unless you consider Miss Microscope over there
imvipassmeabeer: Microdette
Odette: .....
bigfruit: Vi you are on FIRE
Odette: 😑
littlefaethatcould: ah but Bigfruit have you ever played bulldogs
bigfruit: littlefae No I never heard of that, what's bulldogs?
littlefaethatcould: Got banned in my school. Kids stands in the middle of the playground, one kid is the bulldog and the others hold onto the home area. my school had a portion with walls facing eachother. so home was both walls
littlefaethatcould: and you run between em and the bulldog tackles you and then those kids are bulldogs too
littlefaethatcould: last one running between home bases is champion
bigfruit: AHHHHH hah hah yeah that sounds pretty dangerous!!
bigfruit: In a fun kid way, but not to teachers lol
littlefaethatcould: It was a staple playtime game in my school
bigfruit: What did you play after it got banned though?
bigfruit: oh and Vi I don't know any game shops I've actually never looked for one
bigfruit: the last game I bought was Lord of the Rings Monopoly
littlefaethatcould: oh we still played, can't stop a whole school full of kids at once lol
littlefaethatcould: don't really remember any other games as clearly so couldn't say what else we had
bigfruit: squareball? tetherball?
littlefaethatcould: nope and nope
littlefaethatcould: not a clue what square ball is
littlefaethatcould: i watched recess though, I grasp tetherball i think
bigfruit: We had the square but we didn't have a ball badum pum tssshhh
littlefaethatcould: wowww XD
bigfruit: Hah hah our school was kind of poor so the gym teacher kept all the equipment locked up and it wasn't like anybody would provide their own ball from home
littlefaethatcould: that's rough buddy, so you never got to play?
bigfruit: Sometimes when we got balls donated to the school, they'd let us have them and they'd re-ball the tether pole but you know how it is with kids, shit got lost or destroyed soon enough!
bigfruit: You not a schoolyard game sort either Libellule?
Libellule: Not really, no. lol
Odette: I always liked the swings.
Libellule: I liked skiving off and getting into trouble. haha
bigfruit: Swings were even better when you were a teenager and got drunk and spun the chain up and then let go and see if you could hang on 😄
Odette: oh my god. how are you still alive.
bigfruit: DON'T TELL ME YOU NEVER SPUN UP A SWING??
bigfruit: Maybe I'm not describing it right! I mean when you sit in the swing and then twist yourself around and around and the chain gets all knotted up, and then you let go and it spins you like crazy
bigfruit: Libellule you know what I'm talking about right?
Libellule: I do, yeah - but I never did anything like that as a teenager, really.
Odette: ... oh.
Odette: that is not....
Odette: what I pictured.
Odette: Yes, that... that I have done.
bigfruit: Did you picture the swing going entirely around the top bar
Odette: YES!
bigfruit: gdi Odette
Odette: First, I didn't know how the hell that'd be possible, but... the mental image... I...
bigfruit: You must have seen some crazy shit in that microscope
Odette: you have no idea.
bigfruit: You know now that I'm thinking about it, I have never looked through a microscope?
Odette: Not even in high school?
Libellule: I think this microscope talk is my cue to be off for the night. haha It's been fun everyone!
bigfruit: Bye Libellule! bye from bigpumpkin XD
Odette: good night!
bigfruit: Only the teacher had a microscope, he used an overhead projector to show us what it showed
Odette: Huh.. well, i can't say that I agree with that. I think everyone should learn how to use one properly.
bigfruit: I agree! But we didn't have the budget for it.
Odette: That's so sad. I mean, even if all he had was the one... you could work with that.
bigfruit: I dunno, if it got broke then he'd have to put in for a new one and who knew when he'd get it
Odette: I guess. I would've done things differently.
bigfruit: You're a high school teacher? That's neat! How would you have done it?
Odette: I am, yes. I would've brought mine in... tried to apply for grants... ask other schools about borrowing equipment. Something.
bigfruit: I don't know much about how school administration works but it's good to know there's other avenues
Odette: There's a lot of red tape, but... you can work with it.
