Whiskey Warmth Chapter 2
Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Female Reader
Words: 9.5k
Chapter 2/2
Read Chapter 1
Before long, he could barely hear the gentle, even wisps of her breathing over the truck’s engine and there was that burning feeling again, whiskey in his throat. It went down smooth and pooled in a ball of warmth in his stomach. He didn’t hate it. Daryl has always been quiet, stoic, and a realist. On the road he meets someone with a completely different outlook on life. She's a rare ray of sunshine a world that loves to block out all light, but can she keep that light alive?
Follows the plot of the show from post CDC up until Alexandria
Warnings: Canon-typical violence, referenced attempted sexual assault
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The family reunion unfortunately didn’t last long. Despite their best efforts to arm themselves and prepare, those Terminus pricks were organized. Rick, Daryl, Glenn, and Bob had been separated from the rest of the group when all hell had broken loose. They were making a mad dash back to where everyone else was hopefully fighting their way through when one of the Terminus assholes caught Daryl’s eye. He was a lanky guy wearing a distinct silver pendant on a necklace around his neck. Fire burned behind Daryl’s eyes and suddenly he could see nothing else. The group was moving quickly, and it was important that they stay in formation, but Daryl’s feet had already begun long before his brain could catch up. The rest of the world was drowned out seamlessly; cries to stay with the group barely even registered while Daryl was ducking behind a car, crouching and moving around it to position himself behind the Terminus idiot. Said idiot was firing haphazardly, everything moving a target, his eyes fixed ahead of him. Daryl wasted no time in grabbing him from behind and driving his stolen knife deep into the idiot’s back. He would have preferred a stab to the head or a slice to the neck, it would have been neater and ended things much faster, but if he could manage it, he wanted to keep blood off of that pendant. He removed the necklace as quickly as his shaking fingers would allow without breaking it and rushed to join back up with the group.
By some miracle everyone made it over the fence. And suddenly Carol was there, and Tyreese and Judith too, and it all felt too good to be true. Daryl felt like he was in some crazy dream. He half expected to jolt awake in some old warehouse with the claimers again. He likely wouldn’t admit this to anyone, but he even gave himself a hard pinch on the arm just to make sure it all was real. For once in his life, Daryl Dixon had actually had some good luck. His group had nowhere to go, and no real sense of direction, but their little family was back together again, and that was all Daryl needed to feel at home. He was never really a “four walls and a roof” kind of guy anyway.
When they finally set up camp for the night, Daryl volunteered to take first watch. He placed himself on a large stump where he watched everyone begin to settle in for the night and Y/N came to sit beside him. For a moment he could almost imagine he was back in the guard tower, as she settled down beside him and her side pressed up against his, except for that haunted, empty look on her face.
“Missed coming to see you on watch.” She said after a small sigh. She ran her fingers through her hair and rubbed her face for a moment. “Missed knowing you were there on watch at all,” she said, much quieter, face still in her hands. Daryl grunted, hoping it would convey everything he couldn’t find the words to say. I’m sorry I wasn’t there and I missed ya too and I’m here to watch yer back now and maybe even I care about ya so damn much, I damn near lost it when I thought I lost you. He wasn’t sure if any of it came through.
“Grabbed somethin’ for ya on the way out.” His voice broke the few moments of stillness and silence. He pulled the necklace out of his pocket and looked down at it in his hands for a moment. There was a small speck of dried blood on the pendant that he carefully wiped off before handing her the chain. He heard her breath catch in her throat and looked over to find tears in her eyes. The necklace was enclosed in her hands as she pressed it to her lips. She took a shaky breath and looked over at Daryl, eyes watery and red-rimmed. She held her hands out towards him, “Could you?” She asked quietly. His eyes moved from her face down to her hands, then back to her face. He nodded, and took the necklace back as she turned her back to him.
He reached up and gently pushed her hair to one side, he felt her inhale sharply as his fingers brushed the back of her neck. “Sorry” she spoke quietly as she quickly pulled her hair out of the way. Daryl quickly clasped the necklace, trying not to notice the goosebumps running over her soft skin, or the way she felt cool to the touch.
She reached up and held the pendant against her chest in a clenched fist, her eyes closed as she seemed to savor the feeling of the chain around her neck once again. Daryl shifted a bit uncomfortably. She opened her eyes and Daryl found them once again on the verge of overflowing. “Thank you Daryl. This-” her mouth hung open but no sound came out for a long moment. He gave her time. As she met his eyes she seemed to find her words again. “This means everything” She leaned in and planted a gentle, lingering kiss on his cheek and then wrapped her arms around him for a quick moment. When she pulled back her eyes were red and puffy and full of an aching, empty sadness that Daryl knew all too well, but the corners of her mouth were upturned ever so slightly. Daryl would have given anything, done anything to see that full smile again.
With a gentle touch on the arm and about a million more whispered “thank you”s, she returned to her spot on the ground and the rest of the group settled down quickly, exhausted by their long day. Daryl surveyed his sleeping family and felt, for even just the briefest of moments, like maybe everything was going to be ok again.
Their group was tough. They always had been, if they hadn’t they never would have made it this far. That’s why they were all so shocked when they found that priest in the woods, talking about “the lord being all the protection he needed” or something like that. Personally, to Daryl that sounded like a one way ticket to meeting the big guy himself, if he’s even still up there. Daryl wasn’t so sure on any of that to begin with anyway. Even though they decided to stay in the church for the night, something didn’t sit right with Daryl. His hands twitched as he felt that familiar gut instinct to make himself scarce. He was outside dealing with Carol’s anxieties too when he saw that car with the same goddamn cross from when he lost Beth.
The decision took Daryl exactly five seconds. He looked at Carol. She didn’t trust the creepy father anyway and her face was set. She was in. He took a deep breath and looked at his own hands. He lost Beth, failed her. He didn’t protect her when he promised he would. He now had a chance to make good on that promise. Finally, he looked back towards the church. Maggie deserved to see her sister again, after all she’d lost. And Y/N. Beth was the only person who had ever rivaled her in optimism. She had taken Maggie and Beth in like her sisters. If there was any possibility, however slim, that bringing Beth back could light up her face the way it used to, then he would run after that car until the soles of his shoes wore out and then keep on going barefoot. All of those thoughts ran through Daryl’s head in the short span of a few glances, and in an instant, they were following at a safe distance, headlights out.
And they had actually found Beth. He had gotten Carol into a mess herself, but he had found her. And he was within mere moments of getting her back when the gunshot rang out. He could practically feel her arms wrapping around him, see that sweet smile and that inquisitive look when it all came crashing down. She was ripped away from him, he felt the part of her that she had managed to root in Daryl during their time together be torn violently from his chest. He had tried to prepare himself for the worst but nothing could have prepared him for the sheer agony that was no one’s fault but his own. Beth had fused herself to him, embedded her spirit in his veins, in the very blood that fueled his heart, into his muscles and organs, his very cells. When she hit the ground it was all ripped out in reluctant, clinging sinews.
Y/N had come with them, intent on helping bring back her friend. Daryl had to keep his eyes glued to Beth, her pretty golden hair matted with blood, a chunk of her skull and brain gone, her lifeless corpse now on the ground after a final moment of strength and defiance. Daryl felt a part of himself shatter as he watched. And yet, he knew he could only watch Beth, because if he turned around and saw the parts of Y/N that he had just destroyed he would never be whole again. No matter how much was ripped violently from him as he watched Beth, he knew it would be a paper cut compared to seeing the devastation he caused Y/N.
So instead he stepped forward and raised the barrel of his gun to that woman’s head and put a bullet between her goddamn eyes. It didn’t make him feel any better but at least it ended it. He might have kept shooting if he hadn’t felt a hand on his shoulder. She didn’t need to speak, and he didn’t need to even look at her, but at Y/N’s distinctive touch Daryl lowered his head and his weapon. He steeled himself and tried to maintain his composure, but with the gun Y/N also pulled away his rage and anger that had been keeping him together. As he looked down at what used to be Beth, the warmth of Y/N’s touch receded and the cold, unbridled tears began to fall.
He allowed himself a few moments before he picked Beth up in his arms, wondering why she seemed like she was smaller now than he remembered her being at the cemetery. He whispered in her ear, hoping that it would reach her somehow “I’m so sorry girl. I screwed up. I’m sorry.” He planted a soft kiss on her hair, and if he focused on just that one section right in front of his eyes, that small bit of unmarred, unbloodied blonde, he could almost imagine everything was normal, that he was just carrying her again because of her messed up ankle and not because he let some pig put a goddamn hole through her head.
And finally, after all that, his cheeks streaked and stained with tears and blood, and sweet, gentle Beth now lifeless in his arms, he had to turn around. He knew what was waiting behind him but he never could have prepared himself for what he was going to see. Y/N stood there, a violent splatter of her friend’s blood streaked across her shirt and face. She still held Daryl’s gun in her left hand, her right was balled into a fist at her side. Her eyes were wildly jumping around, focusing on Daryl, on Beth in Daryl’s arms, on the dead woman on the ground. He expected a look of horror, he had tried to prepare himself to see the woman he cared about most in the world fall apart in front of him, for that last shred of optimism and light to get ripped from his chest like everything else as he killed the last light he had. But besides the wide, slightly crazed look in her eyes, she looked almost calm. Her brow was furrowed, and her face seemed completely set. He could see the tension in her jaw from where he stood and he knew she was anything but calm, yet her eyes were clear, and she didn’t let her face betray her and indicate her emotions. Her eyes came to a rest on Daryl’s and she held his gaze for a brief moment before turning abruptly and stalking out of the building.
Daryl carried Beth the rest of the way outside and to the group. He tried so hard to hold back his tears, which he had worked to slowly gain control of as he walked through the building, because he knew the hell Maggie had to be going through. He didn’t want to make it worse with the sight of him blubbering like some baby and feeling sorry for himself. When he finally set her down to let the rest of the group take care of her he slid off to the other side of some cars and let out a violent sob. His whole body shook as he cursed whatever semblance of a god could possibly still be out there somewhere. Beth was one of the best of them. She didn’t deserve this. It still didn’t feel real, even as Daryl gingerly began to wipe her blood off of his hands. Even after feeling the weight of her completely limp body in his arms, Daryl still couldn’t comprehend that she was gone. The Georgian heat suddenly felt all consuming and Daryl felt like he was suffocating. As he placed his head in his hands he heard a quiet “hey” from above him. Y/N stood over him, no discernable emotion apparent in her features. Her face looked set, as if she was determined to maintain a neutral facade no matter what. That cold neutrality was becoming an increasingly and unsettlingly familiar look on her.
“Head up Dixon, we can’t afford to have you down like this.” It was all logic, no comfort. She held a hand out to him, which he took reluctantly. Her grip was tight and before he could prepare himself or start to push himself up he was yanked forcibly off the ground. In a split second he went from being face to face with the tips of her boots to staring into her eyes, their hands still tightly grasped between their chests. She moved to pull away but he held tight, searching her face for something, anything. He was all too aware of his wet cheeks, the puffiness around his eyes obscuring his vision, and yet he didn’t care. He was too busy looking for any of it on her.
Her eyes darted to his cheeks, and he could see her brow furrow and her lip quiver for just a moment, and he finally let go of her hand. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her. She stiffened immediately, and for a moment Daryl wondered if this is what it had felt like to hug him for so long. “Dixon, I’m fine. This is just part of-” she began to speak and it seemed like she was trying to squirm away.
“Shut up woman. Ain’t for you,” He said into the crook of her neck, where he had buried his face. He felt her relax a bit and wrap her arms around him the way she used to. For a single moment, as she reached up and rubbed circles on his back, Daryl could almost imagine that things had never changed, and that when he pulled away he would see a blinding light looking back at him and he would feel a warmth in his chest that almost felt like hope.
Instead a ghost met his eyes as they separated. Her eyes looked more sunken in than he remembered, and if he looked closely he was sure he could see the shine of tears forming. She reached up, patted him on the shoulder, gave him a quiet “take care now Dixon,” and a brief kiss on the cheek before she turned to head back to the group.
And just like that they were on the run again. Always moving, never settling, never enough resources for everyone. Daryl had taken to passing Y/N his food after taking a bite or two, and pretending that he didn’t notice when she gave all of it to Carl or anyone else who looked like they could use an extra portion. Although if he was being honest, that was pretty much everyone these days. At least this time they were heading somewhere, they had a goal in mind, they weren’t just chasing their tails trying not to get caught in the middle of a herd.
The group was moving slowly, a small group of walkers had begun to form behind them. They weren’t fast enough to be much of a threat, but no one was strong enough to handle them at the present moment. Y/N began throwing anxious glances over her shoulder every minute or so. Daryl could see the gears working in her brain, she was taking stock of the number of walkers, their group’s numbers and weapons, the terrain, everything that could impact the fight. He tried to remember if she had been this calculated and strategic, if he had ever known this version of her before. He pushed his pace a bit and fell into stride beside her. He held out his water bottle. “Water?” he asked. She stared at the bottle for a moment before slowly accepting. She took a small sip and handed it back with yet another glance over her shoulder. “Thanks” She said, but she was scowling. Daryl looked back and saw that the number of walkers had increased yet again.
“Nothin’ we can do about ‘em now” he said. She just shrugged.
“We can’t let our guard down. We’ve gotta take care of them before nightfall and I’m not risking this getting out of control with no backup plan if we don’t find a way to do that.”
“Gonna break yer neck whippin’ yer head back and forth like that” He said with a small shake of his head, hoping maybe that would draw even a small laugh out of her, but instead he was met with cold, determined silence. He followed her lead and set his eyes forward, and they walked along like that for a while, neither speaking, Y/N still checking behind her every minute.
Finally they reached a small bridge and Rick declared that they could make a stand here. Daryl looked over and saw a satisfied smirk on Y/N’s face. She didn’t show teeth and any joy she seemed to be feeling didn’t reach her eyes. Daryl felt a chill run through him as she reached down and pulled a knife from her belt. She had picked it up sometime after the prison fell and never went anywhere without it now. It was a long, cruel, menacing, military blade that glinted in the sun as she reflexively twirled it around her fingers once before setting her grip. She joked once that she had named it Vlad, after Vlad the impaler, and the self-satisfied smirk that painted her lips when Daryl let out a surprised chuckle was one of the closest things to a genuine smile he’d seen on her in a long time.
“Shouldn’t need that unless things go south” Rick said, much to Daryl’s relief. “We stay in formation, draw them to the side of the bridge, get ‘em off balance, and let ‘em fall.” Rick spoke with easy confidence and Y/N sheathed her knife with a disappointed, yet still respectful nod of understanding.
Everything was going according to plan when Sasha stepped forward and broke formation. They had only gotten through less than half of the herd when everyone had to pull out their weapons and fight. Daryl watched from further back with his bow, dropping the walkers he could, but the fighting was making it difficult to get a clean shot. Plus he kept getting distracted watching Y/N. There was a coldness and a level of skill to the way she moved that hadn’t been there at the prison. This was not the same woman who used to clumsily spar with him, throwing weak punches and tripping over her own feet. She could always take care of herself well enough, especially against walkers, but this ferocity was different from anything he’s ever seen her express. Daryl had to tear his eyes away from her and rush into the fight when he saw a walker approaching Rick from behind.
After Daryl dealt with the Walker that damn near cost Rick an arm, the fight ended quickly. Michonne looked like she wanted to wring Sasha’s neck and everyone looked fully drained. Y/N was standing in the middle of a pile of corpses, rotting blood matted down her hair and covered her clothes. Her eyes were glassy and blank, darting around and focusing on nothing in particular as she breathed heavily. Daryl walked over and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and she jerked in response. Her hand with the knife came up for half a second before her eyes centered on Daryl, who stood unflinching as she exhaled heavily. That feral look in her eyes melted away and the grimace of a smile she had been wearing drained from her face. He thought he almost caught a hint of shame in her eyes before she wiped her knife down on her shirt and sheathed it, lowering her gaze. Daryl let out a sort of questioning grunt, a wordless are you ok? Do you want to talk about any of that? But she dismissed him with a shake of her head, eyes unmoving from the pile of fresh corpses on the road. A whistle sounded from the front of the group and Daryl watched her eyes mechanically focus forward as she fell back into step with everyone else.
The days had all begun to blur together, the group moving, resting, hiding, running, aching, moving again. Honestly no matter how much of the other stuff they did, it felt like they were always just moving. Daryl looked around at the gaunt and fatigued faces of his family all around him and felt once again that feeling of utter and complete failure creeping in. He was so lost in his thoughts of how he was going to make it up to everyone that he almost didn’t notice the jugs and bottles of water tagged with a little note in the middle of the road. He eyed the offering suspiciously. As much as he wanted so badly to just believe that whoever left this really was a friend, after everything they’d been through it was much easier to believe this was a trap, or an attack, or a million other things that would get them all killed.
He hadn’t really been paying attention to the conversation when he heard Y/N speak up. He wasn’t sure exactly who or what she was responding to as she spoke, but her words made his skin crawl. “Goddammit let’s just keep fucking moving. There aren’t ‘good people’ anymore. There are no ‘friends’ ok? We are all we have. Everyone else will try to destroy that.” She shook her head, narrowed her eyes at a shaking Eugene, and turned to keep walking when the rain began to fall from the sky.
Daryl had never seen the air between everyone shift so suddenly, and he’d never seen relief like the looks of shock and excitement on his family’s faces. Everyone was staring up at the sky, some laughing, some crying, even Y/N’s lips had parted in amused shock as her eyes lifted to the sky. It was the happiest he’d seen her since he’d found her again.
Turns out the water really was from a “friend” or at least someone who wanted to help. That Aaron guy seemed pretty alright as far as Daryl could tell. He brought them back to his community, Alexandria, and the tension Daryl had been carrying for months was about to slip away when he looked over and saw Y/N’s eyes scanning the walls, brow quirked and skeptical. She was chewing on her lip. When had she picked that habit up? Daryl tried to remember if she’d always done that. Seemed that these days it was getting harder and harder to remember who she was back at the prison.
They complied with the gun policy, did the required interviews, and were led to their houses. The choice to all stay in one house for the night was simple and unanimous. People were still on edge, Daryl could feel it, but behind walls, in a house with electricity and running water, he could sense the tension slowly draining, the exhaustion of months of running finally taking its toll. He looked around the house for Y/N, but she was nowhere to be found until he spotted her through the window.
The cool night air drove out the stifling humidity of the day as the wood of the porch railing jutted into her skin where she balanced there, staring into the night. “That can’t be comfortable” Daryl called from behind her but she just shrugged, not even turning to look at him. He took a few steps forward and just waited. Easy silence hung between them for a long stretch of time. Eventually she turned her head and caught his eye.
“What’s going on, Dixon?” She raised an eyebrow and turned back to face the street again.
“Jus’ wanted ta let ya know the shower’s open in ya wan it. Everyone else’s gone.” She let out a suffocated laugh.
“I can smell from here that that’s just not true.” A half chuckle, hald grunt came from behind her and her lips curled upwards.
“Take a shower, woman. No one’s gonna slip by all us while yer off guard” She simply shrugged. He took a few steps forward and sat beside her on the railing. He felt their bodies pushed up against each other shoulder to shoulder and the warmth felt like home. A half-hearted laugh fell from her lips as her narrowed eyes scanned the homey little street.
“Not quite the view from the guard tower but it’ll do.” She spoke softly. He grunted affirmatively and when she leaned her head on his shoulder suddenly it did feel like the prison guard tower sat right there on the ground in that little Virginian town.
Against him she shuddered as a breeze ran through them. “Gonna go warm up?” He watched her closely from the side of his eye. She sighed.
“A shower does sound nice.” She relented and lifted her head, scanning the area one last time before looking over at him. “Show me where it is?” He gave an affirming nod and grunt in response before getting up and holding the door open for her. He showed her to the bathroom and then headed off to check on the rest of the group.
After checking on Carl and Judith, taking another look around the house for exits, weak points, and hiding spots, and checking in with Rick, he was on his way back downstairs when he heard her voice coming from the bathroom. It drew him in and instinctively he leaned closer to the door to hear more. It took a few moments but he realized she was singing. Her voice was clear and bright, exactly like he would have imagined it. Just as she had at one point, it seemed to float effortlessly above everything else, gentle and sweet amongst the darkness they lived in. He wasn’t entirely familiar with the tune, but with another step closer he began to make out some words
“If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song.”
He chose not to listen past that point, and instead hurried down the stairs and out the front door to take watch on the porch again. He sat there for a while, staring out into the night, manually forcing his lungs to open and close.
He heard her first, he could spot her mostly even but slightly hesitant gait anywhere. Ever since she had picked up that blade her right leg dragged just the slightest bit because of the weight, he could hear it now in just the few steps she took. So she was clean but still armed, he figured. He’d take his wins where he could get them.
Light steps led straight to him and the gentle hand on his shoulder confirmed the identity he already knew. He turned to look at her and his breath caught in his throat for a millisecond. She wore clean clothes, like he had guessed, her knife was still strapped to her thigh, and her hair hung, wet, messily framing her face. Her features were suddenly so strong when not obscured by a layer of grime and dirt. Her eyes were soft in a way that he hadn’t seen in who knows how long, and he slowly realized that after all this time he had begun to forget what she really looked like.
“You ok?” Her voice held a gentleness he had firmly believed to be dead prior to this moment. He nodded and she settled down beside him again.
“Are you gonna shower at some point? It actually was nice.” She offered and he grunted with a shrug. “Feels good to be clean,” she observed but was met with more silence. “I’m worried about feeling too good too fast though. About letting our guard down before we know it’s safe.” He nodded.
“I know whatcha mean, I’m worried about that too. Feels like this place might be alright though,” Her eyes widened in shock as he spoke.
“You’re the last person I would’ve expected to hear that from, Dixon.” He shook his head.
“Well, yer the first one I’d’ve expected it from. But look at us now.” he bit back unintentionally. They sat in the silence and he sighed. “Don’t know. Maybe ‘s jus’ wishful thinkin’, but feels like the people here are jus’ stupid, not dangerous.” She sighed in response and a small silence separated them. He could feel her thinking it over, could practically hear her mind running at a million miles per hour through the possibilities. For once, he was the one to break the silence.
“Haven’t gotten the chance to sit down and talk like this, jus’ the two of us, for real, since...” He paused, sadness spreading with the realization “not since the prison.”
He could see the tears in her eyes. “Never even got a real chance to catch up, did we? On all that we missed?” That drew a sad sort of chuckle from deep in his chest, more an attempt to fill the space than an expression of emotion. “You first?” she offered and grunted affirmatively.
He gave her a brief overview of his time alone with Beth, losing her, that much she’d heard bits and pieces of. Then he got to the claimers. He tried to keep details of that to a minimum, didn’t like thinking about them longer than he needed to. Then finding Rick, following the tracks, and getting back to everyone. She listened attentively, and rested a warm hand on his arm when he finished.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through all that, and I’m so glad you made it back to us” Her words felt genuine and held kindness reminiscent of a person she used to be. Despite the overflow of tears in her eyes he could detect some happiness present in her voice.
“Alright, I’ve said more ‘n enough, yer turn” a sorry attempt to deflect away from the level of emotion he’d caused, but she wiped her tears and nodded nonetheless.
“Honestly, it sucked” a defeated laugh escaped with the words before she steadied herself and continued. “I was with a few people at first. Three guys from Woodbury I think. No one I was really close to, but they were all I had left. I wanted to stay and look for everyone, but at that point they figured we should just cut our losses and move on. I was outvoted. So we moved, bottom line just tried to keep moving and stay alive. We did ok for a bit. Moved between grocery stores, gas stations, that kind of stuff. One day we took a pretty long trip, the town we had been in for a while was plucked dry. We drove some of the way but gas was scarce so we ended up having to walk. Ran into a small group of walkers but it wasn’t anything we couldn’t handle. Except...” her voice broke and Daryl could see the tears falling freely. “Except when we had taken care of the walkers next thing I knew there was a knife at my throat. Didn’t even have time to react, these men killed the guys I was with, all at once. And I was alone” She swallowed before continuing. “So they had me there, I can still feel the knife against my throat. And I realize if they just wanted us dead, I wouldn’t still be standing. And it all...” she rubbed her shaking hands on her pants and let out a shallow exhale. “It all clicked... what they wanted with me” her voice completely failed by that last word and Daryl reached out and took her hand. His blood was boiling but he used every ounce of self control he had to appear calm for her.
“Ya don’t have ta go into all this if ya don’t want to,” he was reassuring but she shook her head.
“No, it’s probably better not to keep it all inside.” He nodded and let her take her time before starting again. She took deep breaths and when she finally spoke again her voice had a deliberate and practiced evenness to it. “I wasn’t gonna let them. I was gonna die before I let them do anything to me. I fought. But there were too many of them. Few of them suggested they just kill me, cause it’d be ‘easier’ that way. In that moment I was so sure...” she paused for a long moment and let only the sound of her labored breathing hang between them. “I was so sure I was going to die. They almost had me completely knocked out when someone came in faster than I could keep track of in that state and took them all out. She saved me. I don’t like to think about what would have happened if she hadn’t been there.”
He could see her body shaking and squeezed her hand tighter in his, running his thumb over her knuckles. She gave him an appreciative nod and continued.
“She let me stay with her. She was set up in this apartment over an old record store, it was a weird place but she had it tricked out well enough that it worked. She taught me how to fight, how to stay alive on my own. Kind of like how you used to, except this time I had real, genuine horror keeping me motivated. I owe her everything. She taught me how to be ok on my own, and how to protect myself.. She showed me how important it was to be strong and prepared. One day we went on a run and a herd swept through. We were caught completely off-guard and we were stuck. She gave me her knife and told me to run and not look back, that she could lure enough of them away for me to get out and then she’d loop back to me. I did what she told me, but she never made it to the meeting point.” She choked on a sob and took a heavy inhale. “I waited, Daryl.” His heart ached at the grating of her voice, the audible effect of tears clogging her vocal chords as her knuckles turned white gripping the knife at her side. “But the area was getting swarmed again, if I waited much longer I’d never make it out. So I left.” At this point he wrapped an arm around her and let her head rest on his shoulder.
“She gave me everything she had and more. I could never repay her, not in a million years. And I left her to die. So I kept running, because what else could I do? And that’s when I found the signs for Terminus. I honestly wasn’t even thinking about the group at that point. I had mourned all of you. I thought all of you were gone. I just wanted to stop. ‘Sanctuary for all’ seemed like a pretty good place to go. So I went. And against all odds I actually found everyone. And I’m never going to let anything happen to the people I care about ever again.”
Daryl sighed and wrapped both of his arms around her for a proper hug. “Shit woman, ya really been through hell.” He squeezed a bit tighter as he inhaled her scent. She smelled clean, far too clean to touch, and he instinctively pulled away. “Ya know ya can’t always control that kinda stuff.” He said and let her take his hand again.
“Yeah, but it’s better than doing nothing, or being unprepared like I used to be.” She said with a sigh and he nodded.
“Ya changed a lot. Since the prison.”
“How so?” her eyebrow raised the tiniest bit as she spoke and he was genuinely baffled that she didn’t see what felt like night and day to him.
“Ya used to be this...” he fumbled for a few moments before he found what he needed, “this big ball of light, mos’ optimistic person I’ve ever met. Ya grew up a bit. Let the darkness of everything get to ya. I mean, I-I heard ya singin in th’ shower, and ya got a real pretty voice, I jus’ wish ya wouldn’t sing such a sad song. And I haven’t seen ya smile, I mean really smile, since the prison. Yer still my sunshine, but ya got stuck in some crap weather if ya don’t mind me sayin’.” Her eyes widened as she processed his words, and he let her take her time. He could see the gears turning, she was going through all of it, trying to connect the dots, to prove him wrong somehow. He watched her search her catalog for smiles and her face fall as she came up empty handed. “Ya used ta see the bright side of everythin’, now I’m lucky if ya even smirk. It’s like... like I don’t know how ta keep my head up if I ain’t got ya there ta remind me” He didn’t think, just let the words he’d been holding onto come out but her shocked expression made him wish he’d just kept his trap shut.
“Didn’t realize that was my responsibility.” Her voice faltered. “I’m sorry I let you down.” She trembled slightly as she stood up to walk away but he caught her wrist in an echo of something that felt like a whole lifetime ago, the same gentle question of a grasp.
“Ya didn’t do anythin’ wrong. Ya been through a lot.” his voice was low and earnest. She held eye contact with him for a moment before she pulled herself away and bolted for the door. He watched her go, and as the door closed behind her the air felt much colder than it had a moment ago.
Deanna came around later that night assigning people jobs. Daryl did not receive one. He was a bit shocked, seeing as this version of the world was the only one that he ever really felt useful in, but he tried to push those feelings of inadequacy down. Y/N was assigned to the infirmary, and Daryl couldn’t help but reminisce on all the times she stitched him up, how his body would be littered with deep, gnarly scars by now if not for her delicate and gentle hands. It stung when she refused to talk to him for a few days. Seemed like she wasn’t doing much talking to anyone except for Rick and Maggie at that point. She was still chewing her bottom lip and darting glances towards the exits throughout the day. She eyed the guards on top of the wall suspiciously and never returned the hello’s of Alexandrians passing by. A pit sat heavy in Daryl’s stomach as he watched her remain tight and guarded against all the signs that it could be time to relax. She would come home from the infirmary and settle into her watchful position on the front porch, cleaning her knife and scanning the horizon. Daryl wanted to talk to her but unsurprisingly he found himself lacking the words. Plus she clearly didn’t want to talk to him. She would barely look at him these days.
When Aaron approached Daryl about becoming his partner for recruiting, Daryl couldn’t say yes fast enough. He was getting stir crazy inside the walls with nothing to do, plus he couldn’t really stand to watch Y/N like this anymore. He had tried staying close and being insistent and sharing his feelings and all that got him was iced out. He needed space and open air to just breathe. Within a few days he was packing up to go out on his first run. As he was closing up his bag, he was shocked to see Y/N come storming into the room, her eyes alight with anger.
“So you were just gonna leave? You weren’t planning on telling me you’d taken this job or saying goodbye?” Her breathing was heavy, her face was flushed, he figured she had come running straight from the infirmary and felt some inexplicable pang in his chest.
“Ain’t leavin’ fer good, woman. Just a run.” He kept his tone calm and nonchalant but she wasn’t having it.
“I don’t give a fuck if it’s just a run! You’re going to just leave me here? With these people?” Her voice broke a bit and he could hear genuine fear in it.
“People are fine. A bit clueless, but harmless. And I know ya can take care of yerself.” He began. “Plus ya haven’t seemed to need me much since the first night.” He added, much quieter.
“Dixon I-” she began but the words seemed to catch in her throat. She closed her mouth and thought for a minute, and Daryl gave her the space to do so. “They aren’t all clueless. Some of them are just bad.” She took a shaky breath. “Like...” She seemed to be forcing the words out at this point. “Like Pete. He says all this stuff and tries to grab at me all the time and I think he’s hurting his wife and sons and I don’t know if I can work in the infirmary anymore Daryl. I just can’t be in there with him and I know I’ve been distant, I’m sorry, I just needed space to think, I just can’t be there with him if you’re not here. What am I supposed to do if he does something?” Once she had started, the words came rushing out like air from a balloon and now she stood in front of him, anger all gone, looking deeply deflated.
“Didn’t know that. Don’ really know the guy.” Daryl started, proceeding quietly and with some caution and care. “Ya don’t have ta go there. We can talk ta Deeana, get ya reassigned. And Rick’s gonna be here, ya know you can always go to him.” Daryl reached out and took her hand. She squeezed his hand and then pulled him close and buried her face in his chest. Daryl held her tightly, smoothing down her hair and trying to be as comforting as he could. She let out a deep sigh and he could feel her body expand and contract with the breath.
“I want to help people. I’m good at it. I’ve gotta keep doing it. I just don’t understand why you have to go.”
“It’s my job, ‘s what I’m good at. Same as you, I gotta do it. Gotta earn my keep ‘round here.” He spoke with a sigh. “Won’t be gone more than a few days, promise yer gonna be ok.” He tilted her chin up so she could look at him. “‘N if that bastard tries anything, ya tell me when I get back and Imma cut his fuckin’ hands off.” He spoke with deadly seriousness and was absolutely shocked when she burst out into a genuine giggle. It wasn’t quite the sunbeam smile he’d been longing for, but it still felt like an oasis in the desert.
Hope filled his chest as she whispered a quiet “thank you, you be careful out there and come back safe for me ok?” and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“You got it.” He said and she looked the most relaxed he’d seen her in a long time.
The run was a lot more intense than Daryl had expected, although he welcomed the distraction. It was nice to just think about surviving and finding people, to not have so many complex thoughts and emotions to keep track of. They met Rick’s friend Morgan while in a tough spot and brought him back to Alexandria with them. They made it back just in time to see Rick kill Pete. Daryl could sense the tension and possibly fear in Morgan beside him but he, personally, was grateful. He had spent much of his time outside the walls thinking about the ways he’d kill that bastard himself if he laid a hand on Y/N or anyone else. As Morgan and Rick stared each other down for a long moment, each assessing the person they thought they knew, Daryl scanned the crowd. He found her almost instantly. She was staring at Pete’s body with that cold neutrality that he had come to hate so much. He made his way through the crowd to stand next to her. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Shame Rick beat me to it, had a whole plan to skin the bastard alive,” She broke from her stupor and looked up at Daryl in surprise. After a moment of shock she threw her arms around Daryl’s neck and clung to him tightly. “You’re back” she said, and he allowed a slight warmth of hope to radiate from within him as he thought he could hear a hint of a smile in her voice.
“Couldn’t leave ya here all by yerself fer too long now, could I?” he said and as she pulled back from the hug to look at him his heart damn near stopped. She still had her arms around his neck, like she was afraid that if she let go he might disappear again, and she was smiling at him, it was small, not quite as blinding compared to what Daryl once was accustomed to, but the light in her eyes warmed him to his core. He felt like he could barely breathe or speak so he just pulled her back close to him.
“Missed ya,” He finally said after he caught his breath.
“Missed you too.” She whispered back and there was no mistaking it this time, he could feel the gentle warmth pressed up against his neck.
“Head home?” He asked. She nodded and hesitantly pulled away from him. She took his hand in hers, pressed a kiss to the back of it, and her lip corners drew the slightest bit further upwards as her cheeks flushed ever so slightly. Daryl felt like he was going to pass out. They wandered slowly back to the house, hand in hand, Y/N filling Daryl in on everything he had missed.
People settled into life under Rick’s leadership fairly well. There were some stubborn ones, but that was to be expected. It made Daryl smile to see the tension slowly escape Y/N’s shoulders, her eyes stop darting to the gate, her hand begin to rest on her hips or at her side instead of on her blade. It seemed like everyone was really settling in. Some of their little group had even begun to split off into their own houses, it felt like this really was a place that they could settle down in, that they could defend and make their home. Daryl hadn’t left the original house yet, he left so often that he didn’t pay too much attention to where he stayed when he was back.
Y/N rinsed her hands in the infirmary sink and dried them off before saying a quick goodbye and thank you to Denise. She was having a rough day. Someone came in with a really bad injury, lost a lot of blood, dealing with a potential infection. They had spent the entire day just trying to stabilize him. Once he was sleeping, Denise insisted Y/N head home to shower and get a bit of rest. She begrudgingly obliged and walked home as the sun began to sink below the horizon. She approached the house to find Daryl, perched on the porch railing where she had spent many sleepless nights when they had first arrived, cleaning his knife, crossbow slung over his back. “Daryl!” She ran to hug him but his face dropped as he saw her. In an instant he was off of the porch and into the street, one hand on her cheek, the other gently touching her side where a particularly nasty bloodstain resided.
“Y/N! The hell happened to you? Gotta getcha to th’ infirmary, see Denise.” He began to try to hoist her over his shoulder when she put a hand on his arm and held him back.
“I’m alright Dixon, it isn’t mine, slow your roll.” Y/N had a satisfied smirk on her face as she watched him calm.
“Dammit Woman, ya can’t scare me like that.” He pulled her into a hug that she hesitantly accepted but quickly pulled away from.
“Gonna get blood all over you. Let me shower and then I’ll give you a proper hug?” He grunted affirmatively and she let out a small giggle. “See you in a minute, Dixon. Glad to have you back.” She called over her shoulder as she disappeared through the door, leaving Daryl standing alone in the street. After he shook off the shock and let out a deep breath, he headed into the house as well. He went upstairs to change out of his bloodstained shirt but on his way back he paused by the bathroom. A soft, lilting singing voice carried out from behind the door, one he hadn’t heard since the group’s first night in Alexandria. The voice was the same, but the song was different this time.
“Little darlin’, I feel that ice is slowly meltin’, little darlin’, it seems like years since it’s been clear. Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo, here comes the sun and I say it’s alright”
Warmth spread through Daryl’s body from his fingertips as he listened to her sweet, gentle voice. He stayed through the end of the song, forehead resting on the door so he could listen properly. He let her voice wash over him like warm water, his shoulders dropped as the tension drained from his body. After a minute the water shut off and he instinctively jumped back from the door, but couldn’t bring himself to move from that spot, despite his best efforts, so when the door swung open, he found himself face to face with her. She was wrapped in a towel, her cheeks flushed from the heat of the water, her hair still dripping a bit onto her bare shoulders. Daryl felt like his face was inches away from hot coals as he opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t find the words.
“Hi Daryl,” she said, an eyebrow raised skeptically.
“Sounded real nice.” Daryl’s eyes fell to the floor and he shifted his weight back and forth between his feet. “Ya got a real pretty voice, ‘n I like that song lot better than that other one ya sang a while back,” Before she could respond Daryl took off for the door, face turning crimson, heart doing wind sprints in his chest. Had he not been in such a panic, he might have seen the beginnings of lip corners turning upwards and eyes lighting up before he ran off. If he had even raised his eyes from the floor for a moment he might have seen the makings of something he’d been missing for what felt like a lifetime. Instead, he stepped outside and just began to walk, trying to shake the warm, jittery feeling that was pooling in his chest and stomach. He found himself at the base of the wall by the gate, and ended up relieving Abraham of his watch. On top of the wall, with the horizon ahead of him and the open air around him, his lungs finally felt functional again.
He stood up there in comfortable silence watching the sun begin to set, and as soon as normalcy felt like it was returning and his body had calmed, there she was, standing at the edge of the platform, hair still wet, and his heart crawled right back up into his throat. She took a few steps towards him, and he stayed stuck to the spot where he stood.
“You ran off on me there, Dixon.” she said. He grunted.
“Sorry ‘bout that. Didn’ mean ta make ya uncomfortable. Jus’ sounded really pretty ‘s all.” He spoke sheepishly but forced himself to look up and meet her eyes. To his surprise she had a broad grin spread across her face.
“You really liked it?” She asked and took another step closer. She was close enough that he could now see her cheeks tinting a deep rosey color. He nodded.
“Might’ve been th’ most beautiful thing I ever heard.” He admitted. She let out a quick exhale and seemed to take a moment to steady herself.
“Never got to give you that hug,” She stepped right up to him now and wrapped her arms around his middle, he pulled her in close and immediately sighed into the contact. She smelled clean and fresh and when he closed his eyes there was nothing but her. Her smell in his nose, her body pressed against his, the sound of her soft breath against his chest. “Hate it when you leave.” Her words were muffled as she spoke, still buried in his shirt.
“I know, ‘m sorry. Promise I hate leavin’ ya more,” he spoke without thinking and she pulled away slightly to look at him.
“You do?” Her eyes were wide as she looked up. He grunted affirmatively.
“Course I do. Yer the one who said ya were gonna be my best friend, don’t know why ya look so surprised I don’ like leavin’ ya behind.” Her lips parted into a gentle and full smile that sat in his stomach like a shot of whiskey and propelled him forward like true liquid courage as he pressed his lips gently to hers. It only lasted a few seconds before he pulled back and watched her carefully, trying to gauge her reaction. Her eyes opened slowly and she reached a hand up and placed it gently on Daryl’s cheek and slowly broke out into a wide, full smile that Daryl hadn’t seen in years. Her eyes sparkled as they seemed to water a bit. Daryl felt like he could cry too, as he felt a warmth that he thought was lost forever. In the light of the setting sun Daryl could have sworn he had never seen anything so beautiful as Y/N beaming in his arms.
“I ever tell ya that you’ve got the most beautiful smile I ever seen?” Daryl whispered, and she just let out a teary laugh.
“Oh you hush Dixon.” She said and kissed him again. It was tender and gentle and a million words passed between them in the silence. Finally he pulled away and lifted her off of her feet and spun her around, relishing in the sounds of her delighted, uncontrolled laughter. He set her back down gently and gave her another quick kiss.
“Been wantin’ to do that fer a long time now,” he said quietly. She placed a kiss on his cheek the way she had a million times before, and his skin tingled with the electricity of her contact like it always did, but it didn’t paralyze his lungs the way it used to. It sped his pulse and warmth spread from that tiny point on his cheek throughout his whole body. When she pulled away she had that laser beam of a smile fixed on him again, but it didn’t burn anymore, and for the first time in a long time, Daryl was overjoyed to stand in the light of the sun.
