At some point in my backlog of stories and writing snippets, I realized that I’d never really written anything particularly Raridash-y except a really heartrending story that ended with them breaking up, and not amicably. Comparing that against the fact that Raridash is big for a Rarity ship when it comes to my favorite ships, and I knew something had to be done. Thus, when I had the idea for this story, I decided to create a ridiculously cute, fluffy, silly story to make up for that. I give you, “Two Gay Ponies.”
Rainbow felt nervousness curling in her gut as the seconds stretched to minutes. She hated standing still at the best of times; now, with her big secret on the tip of her tongue, the wait was literally killing her. She half-stretched and watched Applejack shuffle her hooves. Twilight was deliberately ignoring how awkward this all was; Pinkie actually hadn't noticed.
Rarity rushed through the library door, finally, dragging Fluttershy with her. "Sorry! Sorry, darlings, I was held up. Why are we here?"
Twilight nodded to Rainbow. "Rainbow said there was something important she needed to get off her chest," she said helpfully.
Rainbow felt five pairs of eyes turn to her, and she grit her teeth. They all love Pinkie. They all love Pinkie. They all love Pinkie. "I'm gay," she said quickly. Better to have it out in the open all at once.
Rainbow cautiously opened one eye when no response came. Fluttershy was nodding; she already knew, of course. Applejack was grinning broadly; Twilight's smile was more subdued, but she was just as pleased. "Well, I'm happy that you trusted us--"
She was interrupted by a whirlwind of excitement, which Rainbow had expected, in the form of Rarity, which she had not. "Oh Rainbow!" she shouted, grabbing her in an uncomfortably tight hug. "I am simply so pleased that you felt able to confide in us!"
"Rares, a-air..."
Rarity put Rainbow down and dusted her off, blushing. "Sorry, darling. I've had a touch too much caffeine this morning." She retreated, slightly quieter but still grinning like a loon. Rainbow stared at Rarity for a moment, pawing the ground awkwardly and trying to catch her breath. Rarity stared intently at the wall just to Rainbow's left.
Pinkie broke the awkwardness by giving Rainbow a warm hug. "I'm just super-duper happy we all trust each other so much!" she said, and that was the cue for the hug to become a six-pony cuddle pile.
Rainbow broke the hug first, and her friends split up pretty soon afterward. With that out of the way, they turned to go their seperate ways. Rainbow hadn't really expected anything different from friends of Pinkie's, but--
Well, actually, the thing with Rarity had surprised her; Rarity was a hugger, but she was no Pinkie. And a caffeine high? That was a cheap-rump excuse with a side of transparent. It did feel kind of nice, though... Rainbow blushed and half-smiled at the memory of Rarity's front legs around her. She'd known Rarity was stronger than she looked, but damn.
Rainbow shook her head furiously. Okay, seriously, stop perving on your friends! Focus. Rainbow pulled her brain back in the direction of stuff that mattered. She'd need to ask Rarity about her so-called caffeine high later, but right now she just wanted to lap Ponyville a few times to clear her head before her break ended. Rainbow stretched out her wings, ready to take off.
"Rainbow! Hold on a moment."
"Rarity? Oh, yeah, hey! What's up?" Rainbow asked, pulling up short. So much for clearing my head. Hey, but at least I can -- "Hey, is this about that 'caffeine high' earlier?" Rainbow had to take off for a moment to bring her hooves up for the air-quotes.
Rarity coughed delicately. "Oh, er, yes, in a manner of speaking. Darling, am I to understand that you would potentially be interested in dating another mare?" she asked, expression a strange combination of slyness and leftover embarrassment.
Rainbow's stomach immediately plummeted. "Yeeeaah..." she said cautiously.
"Well, I happen to know another fillyfooler in the area, and I think the two of you would be fantastic together!"
You gotta be kidding me.
"So -- and I do hope you don't mind, darling," Rarity said in that tone of voice she took when she actually didn't care all that much if you minded, "I took the liberty of setting you up on a blind date."
You've known for five minutes! Wait, hold on. "Quick question," Rainbow said. "How the hell did you pull that off in the two minutes you were gone?"
"A lady has her secrets, darling." Rarity did have a talent for romance and stuff, Rainbow guessed, so she let it go. "It'll be tonight at seven, oh, let's say Sugarcube Corner? It's no L'amour de Bonheur, but I know that's not really your preference."
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "And is this blind date pony gonna be happy with a first date at the Corner?"
"Well, no," Rarity admitted, "but they do say love is about sacrifice!"
Rainbow resisted the urge to facehoof. Hey, she's actually trying to set you up on a date without making you go to some place with a name you can't pronounce. C'mon, dude, she's trying.
She's setting me up on a blind date because she knows another gay pony.
I didn't say she was trying hard.
"She'll be the pony with a red lily in her hair," Rarity said. "Please make sure to wear something nice."
You're lucky you're cute. "I can probably find something that'll work," Rainbow said, burying most of her irritation.
Rarity grinned. "Oh, this is so exciting though! I've never played matchmaker for two mares before."
That one stung a little. "Glad to give you a change of pace," Rainbow said, trying to sound more sarcastic than hurt.
Rarity's face fell, immediately making Rainbow feel guilty. "I'm sorry, darling. I didn't mean it like that."
Rainbow waved a hoof dismissively. "Nah, I know, Rares. We're cool." The clock struck three. "Welp, break's over. See ya 'round."
Rainbow tore off through the sky, waving back at the rapidly shrinking fashionista below.
### ### ###
Rainbow paced back and forth, increasingly agitated. This is so dumb! I mean, yeah, okay, she's my friend, but seriously? 'Oh, I know two gay ponies, they should date!'
Cool it, drama queen. It's Rarity, right? She loves this stuff, she'd probably try and set you up even if you were straight.
'I've never played matchmaker for a lesbian before! Tee hee, now I can stick two of those other ponies together and they'll be in love because they have so much...' Rainbow's thoughts trailed off guiltily. That's not fair. Rarity's not like that and you know it, stop being a rumphole.
Rainbow shrugged her nicest windbreaker on, still mumbling to herself. She watched the clock strike six fifty-eight and sighed. Well, might as well see what this pony's like.
Rainbow took off through the skies, landing outside Sugarcube Corner in fifteen seconds. Dammit, this is why I'm always early for the stuff I don't sleep through. Rainbow headed inside, scanning the tables to see if her date was already here. She did a double take when she saw the third table.
More specifically, she did a double take when she saw Rarity, sitting at the third table, wearing a red lily threaded through her mane and a black dress that made Rainbow's stomach do a flip-flop. Rainbow tried to wrap her head around what was happening, but all she succeeded in doing was hurting her brain and semi-ignoring how pretty Rarity looked. She padded up to Rarity, trying not to cradle her aching head. "Rarity? What are you doing here?"
Rarity looked up from her menu and immediately brightened. "Oh, hello! Are you my blind date? My name is Rarity, it's simply lovely to meet you."
Rainbow blinked twice before sinking into the seat across from Rarity. "Still totally confused here."
There was a little slyness in Rarity's smile now. "Aren't you going to introduce yourself, darling?"
Rainbow coughed. "Uh, hi, I'm Rainbow Dash, I'm the pony who has no idea what's going on."
Rarity raised an eyebrow. "What did I tell you about the date you would meet here?"
There was an almost audible click as Rainbow finally made the connections. "Oh Celestia," she said, starting to grin, "was this a prank?"
Rarity grinned. "Oh, Rainbow," she said, "you mean to tell me that you are attracted to mares? What a coincidence! I, a clueless straight mare, know another mare attracted to mares! You two should meet, you have so much in common!"
Rainbow burst out laughing, and Rarity followed with her more restrained, almost musical laughter. Oh Celestia, I think I'm in love.
Rainbow's laughter died to chuckles and she wiped her eyes. "Okay, that was pretty funny. Honestly, though, the best part was you being gay. You're like the straightest mare I know!"
"I don't mean that like a bad thing!" Rainbow said quickly, waving her hooves in front of her. "Believe me, I know how cool you are. I'm just saying, you spend more time on your mane than the rest of us combined, your bathroom looks like a makeup shop, hell, you take weekly spa trips. You're one of the most amazing mares I know, I'm just saying no one would believe you were gay. I mean, there's a reason I showed up in a windbreaker and you showed up in that."
Rarity snorted. "I have to be straight because I have a nice dress?"
"Well, yeah," Rainbow said. "Hey, hold on a second. You pulled this whole prank thing about pretending to be my date, but what would you have done if I thought you were for real?"
Rarity's expression cleared. "That was what I've been trying to say, darling! Oh, it would have been glamourous! We could have shared an eclair here, it would have been so romantic, and there's the dances Octavia is holding tonight..." Rarity's eyes had gone starry. "Then we could have gone to see that movie you wanted to watch in theaters, The Stabber XXXVII! I would scream at all the scariest parts, and you would hold me and promise to protect me. And we could finish the night on top of a hill just outside Ponyville, watching the stars." She sighed dreamily, before abruptly blushing crimson and coming back to herself. "You, um, you can forget I said any of that."
Rainbow leaned over the table, eyes snapping. "Yeah, that's gonna happen," she said.
"Rainbow?"
"You know the difference between a prank and just being a jerk? That! What the hell was that? A big fake date?!"
"Rainbow I--"
"I can't believe you would pull this crap!" Rainbow stood up out of her seat. "How long were you planning on keeping that up?"
"Rainbow, you--"
"You were just gonna pull me along like a freaking puppy, laughing the whole way, what, for days? A week? We're friends, Rarity, how could you do that to me?"
"I'M GAY, YOU JERK!" Rarity yelled.
Rainbow's wings snapped out as she jerked back. "What?"
"I'm gay! I'm so very gay! I've had dreams about mares since I was twelve! And I have a big! gay! crush! on the biggest idiot in Ponyville!" Rarity swallowed hard. "That was why I did all of this. I wanted to impress you with a really good prank, and then ask you out on a date." She pounded both hooves on the table, looking furious. "But I guess I'm not gay enough, because I wear lipstick or... or whatever!"
Rainbow sat on the floor, feeling numb. She couldn't even remember any of the swear words she wanted to say. "Sorry," she said quietly.
Rarity's face softened. She sighed, suddenly sounding exhausted. "It's not your fault. I'm just, so tired. I hate the things ponies assume about me because I like makeup." She gave Rainbow a weary smile. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled at you."
Rainbow returned her smile, feeling relieved. "Jeez, Rares, if I had a bit for every time someone told me sorry for something I had coming." The two of them chuckled together, and Rainbow slid back into her seat. "I really should have known where you're coming from, though; ponies are always saying I must be gay because I'm an athlete and, you know, the mane. And I am gay, but it's still annoying."
Rarity nodded sympathetically. "I know exactly what you mean, darling." She looked around the store and laughed, actually sounding happy again. Rainbow's stomach fluttered. "Well now! This evening certainly didn't go according to plan, but everything considered, I would call this time well spent."
"No complaints here," Rainbow said with a growing grin.
"And I do think I should take back calling you the biggest idiot in Ponyville," Rarity said. "I tried to ask somepony out for real with a fake-date prank, so clearly there is stiff competition in that category."
"I dunno," Rainbow said, "I thought lipstick turned you straight. That's pretty dumb."
Rarity waved a hoof. "We can call it a tie, then." She paused and blushed brilliantly, which somehow became more adorable every time she did it. "I do promise not to let my feelings for you come between our friendship, but, um, I really would prefer if you would forget what I said before, about us dating." She narrowed her eyes dangerously. "And I'm warning you, Rainbow, if you even think about telling anyone what I said, I will take you on a very different night on the town."
Rainbow's throat went dry. Go for it! She just gave you a massive opening! "Well, darn, Rarity," she croaked, which made being suave ten times more difficult. "Does that mean that date's off the table?"
Rarity nearly fell out of her chair. "Off the table?"
Rainbow grinned and nodded. "I did mention that I think you're one of the most amazing ponies I know, didn't I?" Luckily, her voice was a lot smoother now.
Rarity looked like she'd been hit in the head. "I, you? I mean, if you want to, we can?"
Rainbow grinned and leaned in to kiss Rarity. Rarity beat her to it with a tackle-glomp-kiss that took both of them over the back of Rainbow's chair.
### ### ###
The next day, the whole town was buzzing with the news. "Town heroes fight, make up, and make out in the middle of Sugarcube Corner! A baker's dozen witnesses tell the story!"
