#datamogging

[datamogging]

Odo, where are you going? Nurse Garland's a white woman from the 1940's. There's no way she'll fuck you!

[datamogging]

First Officer's Log: We are escorting the crew of the Red Dwarf around the Enterprise while repairing their vessel. Apparently, they come from a time-line 3 million years in the future, and consist of Dave Lister, a human who has been in stasis that entire time; Arnold Rimmer, a hologram of a dead crewmate; Cat, the descendent of a pregnant cat who apparently evolved into a humanoid form, and Kryten, a cleaning android.

So, Lister, what do you think of the Enterprise so far? I hope the replicators have provided you with adequate food.

Bang smegging on, man! The chicken vindaloo is just like how me Nan used to cook it. Could do with a bit letting the chicken ferment for a few days at room temperature, you know? Improves the flavor!

Of course, Lister would take to baser desires like filling his gullet. Commander, as Technician Second Class, and the highest ranking officer among the Red Dwarf crew, I'd like to share with you my thoughts on the --

--Rimmer, he doesn't wanna hear your thoughts! You're an arrogant, know-it-all smeghead with the charisma of a cockroach running for office on the platform of "Bring Back Margaret Thatcher." Your thoughts are as valuable as a Build-a-Bear shop in a morgue.

That's enough, Lister. You're not wrong, though. You see, Rimmer, when we repaired your ship, I pulled your commanding officer's logs. Despite being the second-lowest rank on the ship, you've got quite the record. 209 citations for abusing Lister, 127 citations of improper use of a vending machine vacuum pump for masturbatory purposes, and... 1 entry for verbally assaulting a waiter for bringing you 'cold gazpacho soup...?' You do know gazpacho soup is served cold, right?

Commander Riker, sir, I...I can explain. I--

--Oh I think your record explains quite enough, Arnold. Why don't you take Lister's advice and "smeg off?"

Now you were saying something about vindaloos? Computer, run Holodeck Program: "Feast of One Thousand Vindaloos," with concurrent program: "Pamela Anderson Mudwrestling Tournament." Change Pamela's face to Miles O'Briens. Safety Protocols off!

Who's Miles O'Brien?

You'll see soon enough. You've been gone this long without seeing other people, I'm gonna make damn sure you have something to remember us by.