This week, fast forward to past weekend. Damn, we didn’t even have Sex?
SO!! Here is the thing, I am at this point in my life, where I have this very kool, and comfortable living… thing…and.. I like my friends the way they are… I mean. I have a cat! Lol and I have an amazing job, and I travel …a lot… to like Mexico and Jamaica. ANYWAYS! IRL – I am looking for someone to complement my life, someone to be there… and Someone one who “preferably” wont yell at a Mario Party game when he loses. Or she! I mean I like both, but yes, Yes, this happened.
You know when you invite a guy over, and you clean your whole house beforehand. EVEN that back corner of your toilet bowl, because you think damn! A guy is going to piss here and will see this one black spot. Well, I did that. I cleaned my whole, and I mean my WHOLE entire apartment. Bitch I even cleaned my closet, and no Eminem was not playing at that moment.
I looked fresh fam! my hair was so soft; I mean I washed it… (you know what I mean). Rule #1, never invite a new person to your house on the first dangout!... OH yeah he called it a dangout, because we were splitting on things we contributed to this first “Date”. I can’t!... #smh …He walked in, with a raggedy shirt, and was sweating… I’m sorry, You needed 3 hours to get ready so you can sweat at my HUMBLE ABOAT!. I have nothing against bigger guys, I like them…sometimes. But maybe you shouldn’t tell me you were once a coke addict, and that you hate sushi! Because we are no longer friends. So, upon playing Mario Party, I was like ok! So, you are not going to be my friend. You will never probs see me again, so why not try to be seductive.
I flirted, I was laughing at “No funny jokes” and I even went up to make us drinks a few times. Then I pulled my shirt down a little more and sat on the same couch. Put my leg overtop, and… NOTHING! Oh lord! At this point we were watching a movie.. On “Aheem” “Aheem” NETFLIX! 0_0. Isn’t the whole point of Netflix to watch an old movie so you can get busy!! … I guess not. Him – “Hey so since I have been drinking, can I sleep over?” I was like… yeah on my couch, ((cuz bitch not horny no more)) and I can give you blankets. He’s like.. or on your bed… I’m like… OR THE COUCH! Listen, ladies… if a man does not treat you like a princess for the night.. Don’t open your legs! End. Of. Story. So, I think he took the hint because I didn’t want him sleeping over… I wanted him gone!
By far the weirdest part of all, is that he woke me up at 2am. Woke me up to say he was leaving… First of all, thank you for telling me. Yes, I 100% appreciate that I was made aware you weren’t stealing anything. But dude… FINALLY?. And this was by far the BEST outcome I could have had. Welcome to my blog bitch! Because you were the final straw for making me want to write about your nut balls!. WHICH, may I add Don’t taste great!.
Back next week with another nut case! #Staytuned #Matryoshkas Stay Tuned!