Tatsu’s hands on his face were gentle, like she was trying to memorize his face by touch. Her green eyes glimmered with curiosity, touching his nose and letting out a giggle when her father gasped with surprise.
Links: Masterpost | RP.
To Be a Father
There were a lot of reasons why Date Masamune was so insecure. People around him had made sure he doubted everything and everyone, beginning with his own mother. Danger, that’s what his eyes told everyone. He was odd in a way people had not seen before. Unknown things caused fear among people, and so he was feared.
Instead of the childhood a normal child would have gone through, instead of all the happy memories one would hold from that time… He only got that ‘demon spawn’; his mother had made sure to remind him every time that he was exactly that. Loving words never left Yoshihime’s lips, at least not directed at him. He grew up thinking that an evil child like him deserved not love.
But that evil child got married. Masamune was still not sure how he had managed to have someone as wonderful as Pora in his life, but he had her. She was his greatest strength, his shelter. She gave him all the love he could have never asked, and he gave her his heart in return. Yet, the insecurity had never vanished completely.
His mother’s words came back from time to time. Making him hesitate, doubt if the greatest light of his life deserved to be with someone as dark as him. Those thoughts never really disappeared. They went back and forth, sometimes vanishing for a few months, then coming back with more force than before.
Sometimes he still wondered if it was even fair for her to be stuck with someone like him. His wife was odd in her own way. In a beautiful way, if he was honest. Colorful, honest, brilliant... That was his Pora. She was one of a kind and he had been lucky enough to find her, despite of the circumstances they had met in.
A sigh escaped him, as the quiet laugh of the baby he was holding took him back to reality.
Masamune looked down, somewhat afraid, and his eye fell on his daughter’s face. That fragile thing was his. That beautiful girl was his. She was small in his arms, soft and warm. Her green eyes were glued to his face, watching every movement of his features with nothing but love… But, again, he was not sure if he deserved that much.
The Demon Spawn had a child. And oh, he had been so excited when Pora told him the news. But having a girl was different. He saw his own wife in her every time those eyes looked at him. Every time Tatsu stretched his arms to him, demanding her dad’s presence. Masamune could not tell if he deserved to have such a thing. It almost felt like a luxury: having a family, one that loved him.
After all, his own family had not done much for him.
Just like he had done with Kojirou all those years, Masamune wanted nothing but to protect that little girl on his arms. But the fear was strong, probably stronger than he was. He was afraid of cursing her, for he was a cursed child himself. The relief he felt when he saw she had not gotten his eyes could not be described, but he still felt it whenever he looked at her. She was pure, good. She was nothing like him.
His hand trembled slightly.
“What is it?” he asked, his voice barely audible.
Tatsu was stretching her arms to him, trying to reach his face with the most serious expression he had ever seen in a baby. It made him laugh. If he looked at her long enough, he knew he would lose himself in all the love he had for her, all the love he felt like he should not have within him. But just like her mother, Tatsu did not seem to care at all. She wanted him. And just that serious expression on her green eyes made him feel better; Pora, too, had that same talent to make his days brighter with the simplest things.
Her hands finally reached his face, touching it softly. So small, so fragile, yet so loving; that was how her touch felt against his skin. Even though this was not the first time he held a child, it always felt different. It felt different when he held Momoko, when he held Katsumori… Tatsu was his, and every time he took her in his arms it was like the first time all over again.
Did he really deserve all that? That joy of holding his child? Children were something he knew he’d have eventually. Being the Head of the Clan included that kind of responsibilities. He never thought much about it until he realized what he felt for Pora was not only affection. After that, Masamune knew children were not only part of his job, they were something he wanted.
Having a girl was different.
She was softer, warmer, and so many things he was not.
Tatsu’s hands on his face were gentle, like she was trying to memorize his face by touch. Her green eyes glimmered with curiosity, touching his nose and letting out a giggle when her father gasped with surprise. Masamune was definitely not used to those little moments, no matter how many times he took care of her instead of Pora. His daughter was always quiet yet full of surprises.
Just like when she tried to pinch his cheeks.
“No, Tatsu… Don’t do that.”
When he reached to take her hands from his face, she took one of his fingers in his hand. His hand trembled slightly; were babies supposed to be this strong? His little girl sure was small, but powerful; her grip on his finger was firm, her eyes on him. It was almost like she was asking him to not leave her, not yet.
He sighed. “What are you doing to me?”
Masamune did not know.
There were so many things spinning on his head that he felt dizzy. He was scared. He was excited. But, at the same time, he couldn’t help but be afraid of all those new emotions that the little cherub he had in his arms had awaken on him. Was it all right for a cursed child to feel that happiness? Was it ok for someone like him to be holding something so precious like Tatsu was to him?
She was his daughter, and his love for her would never falter… But what about her love for him?
His finger still trapped in her hand, Masamune watched her. It was the indescribable bond of daughter and father, silence being more important than any pointless words. His heart was full of doubts, of fears. He was scared that when, perhaps, when Tatsu grew old she would realize just what kind of man he was…
What kind of man was him, anyway?
Heart beating hectic against his chest, he tried to free his hand from her grip. Maybe it was time to check on Pora. Maybe Tatsu would feel better with her mother than with him, because he was not entirely sure what he was doing now. All the mixed emotions were rushing through his veins, but his eyes never left the green orbs of his daughter. Tatsu was pouting now, like she knew that he was about to disappear.
Her grip on him just got tighter.
“Dada…” Tatsu frowned, upset and with teary eyes.
Masamune held his breath. Had he heard her right? Did his daughter just talked? And more than that, her first word had been his and only his. That made him forget any doubt, any thought that was not about her. Tatsu pursed her lips together, forming a pout, and Masamune thought he was going to melt in that exact moment.
How could someone be so… endearing?
It was a relief, though. Tatsu had taken longer to talk. She never babbled, and somehow that made him think that perhaps there was something wrong with her. But there wasn’t. His lips drew a proud smile, as he pulled her closer to his heart, to him. Tatsu just rather do things when she felt prepared for them… Like saying the right words in the perfect moment. Time seemed to have stopped around him, his entire attention again on Tatsu. Her free hand reached for his kimono, grabbing him just as tightly as she had his finger. No, she was not letting him go. Her lip trembled, as she watched him.
She didn’t want him to go.
“Dada…” she repeated. “Go?”
Warmth arised from within him, strong with the love he felt for her. It was like a flame, he knew. A flame that would protect her from anything, even from himself… Though, for the look on her green eyes, Masamune knew there was nothing about himself he had to protect her from. His hand took hers, wrapping it around the tiny had of her daughter as she tried to keep her grip on him.
“No, I’m not going anywhere.”
Masamune didn’t know how badly he had needed to hear her saying that single word until then.
Just outside the door, Pora smiled to herself. That glint of happiness and pride that her husband wore now was more than enough for her. That sweet smile that she loved so much had appeared on his lips, as he turned himself to dote on his daughter with no regrets, with nothing holding him back.
There was no trace of the doubts she had seen on his eyes since Tatsu had been born. Not anymore. The hesitation in his eyes was gone, replaced only by the proud love only a father could feel for his daughter. And as little Tatsu reached for him, the smile on Masamune’s face only grew wider.
