Dating Interview: Have a Balanced Online and Offline Dating Life with Thomas Edwards
Thomas Edwards is the CEO and Founder of The Professional Wingman a lifestyle strategy consultancy that helps people improve their social skills and confidence to transform their dating and professional lives. After discovering he had a talent for introducing his friends to women they were interested in he started the business. Today we learn more about being a Wingman.
When you're a wingman, you must encounter issues all guys face when trying to meet women. What's the top issues you come across and how do you help these guys fix them on the fly when you are actually out and about meeting women?
Whether it's approaching, flirting, or asking a woman out on a date, the common theme is a fear of taking risks. Guys hate the feeling of rejection and will do all they can to avoid it but the reality is rejection will always be a possibility when you put yourself out there. What I do is create as comfortable an environment as possible when going out to venues and help guys through a process I call progressive desensitization. As we continue to expose guys to these environments, they'll become more comfortable, and while we give them real-time feedback on their strategies, the combination helps expedite the development process. We've had shy guys improve to the point of being able to talk to any woman successfully within 2 hours.
I know you focus on real life dating and interactions, but do you have any tips when it comes to online dating or using technology to meet men and women?
Technology is a gift and a curse, in many ways. On the one hand, it opens us up to so many more possibilities we never had before, and for that reason alone, I believe online dating is a great supplement to your dating activity; however, it shouldn't be your only source for your dating life, and for some people, they rely on it way too much. As much as tech will help us increase our options for who we can meet, at the end of the day, any successful relationship will be sparked by in-person interaction, so it's important to really have a balanced lifestyle where both your online and offline lives are conducive to meeting potential dates.
You mention in one of your articles, "America is the most sexually repressed countries in the world". What experiences made you come to this conclusion?
There are a lot of things that contribute to America's sexual repression. Media, TV, music, and film all flaunt sexuality to such extremes, yet, many of us were raised in such a way to believe even thinking about sex is taboo, let alone talking about it. When it comes to meeting people, we have to acknowledge attraction's origin is predominantly sexual -- which is something we don't have a choice in deciding. So instead of shunning our sexual desires as if thinking about wanting to have sex with someone makes us terrible people, I advise we embrace it and express sexual desire in a tasteful way. I think we're getting much better at that now that it's been acknowledged publicly.
What do you think is the proper "mindset" us Americans should have when trying to hone our dating and skills in bed?
These days, owning your sexuality is a very attractive quality, and even though "50 Shades of Gray," is a cliche today, it still has opened up the idea that it's OK to openly explore our sexuality, because it's in our DNA. Under the sheets, other than focusing on the experience, you should be communicating your desires and understanding those of your partner. Every body is different and what may have worked for one partnermay not for another, so it's important to listen and communicate with each another to know what can create the best sexual experience for both of you. There's nothing sexier than be in-sync with your partner.
Finally, you've gotten great reviews on your dating programs, what would you say differentiates you with other programs and what upcoming projects do we have to look forward to?
Our programs really tailor to the individual. We personally chat with each person interested in our services to see if working together would be a good fit. That vetting process alone tells our clients that we're not only selective about who we work with, but we also take their desired results very seriously. In other words, we really kill it for them -- that's why our satisfaction rate is above 95% and we've been responsible for marriages, engagements, and many committed relationships.
We have some exciting projects coming up. We recently revealed a redesign of our site, completing our company-wide rebranding. In March, we're launching a new service that will give singles more opportunities to work with us, in April, we're opening up our first online course, and throughout the year we'll be curating more events in New York and Boston.
Interview: Do What You Love and Love Will Find You with Dao Nguyen
Dao Nguyen is the founder of HowAboutADate.com and the organizer behind the Meetup group also named How About a Date. She started HowAboutADate.com after she became fed up with the tedious nature of trying to find "the one" using existing solutions. Today we learn more about her site and her Meetup group.
Tell us more about your Meetup group, How About a Date. Why did you decide to start it? How is it different from other Meetup groups around your area?
This meetup is for all singles - all ages, races, religion, etc. We try to do events and activities where singles can come out and just have fun. That's it. Enjoy meeting people for friendship first, and if a spark develops, great; if not, you had a great time and you've made some friends.
The meetup got started as an extension of our website, HowAboutADate.com, an activity base online dating website. The meetup group embodies the same message as the website, which is: do what you love... and love will find you. And to encourage singles to get out and do activities, we host local events and workshops at least once a week, and most of them are FREE. It's a lot of work but our reward is getting the word out about our website and our message. And in the end, it's all to support and enrich the Singles Community.
What are the backgrounds of your members? What are they looking to get out of the group (find a date, find a relationship, network, etc...)?
Singles of course want to find a relationship or at least find a date. That's human nature and that need will never go away. But love is not something anybody can control or demand or strategically obtain. And when one tries too hard to find a relationship (or stay in a relationship that's not working) it only leads to frustration and pain. We want to empower singles to be happy with themselves first and to enjoy life. AND when you're happy, your personality shines... and that's when love finds you.
What have been some of your most popular events? Why do you think they were popular?
Our most popular events range from exploring the neighborhood shops in the SF Bay Area (e.g. Olive Oil Tasting & Wine Tasting in Berkeley CA and First Fridays in Oakland CA) to fun casual activities (e.g. Bowling, Beach Bonfire, BBQ, etc.) to unique events (e.g. Kayaking Under the Blue Angles) and event just Social Mixers and Happy Hours. What makes our events popular is the careful planning that goes in to each one as well as the wonderful hosts who do their best to greet each person and make sure that everyone feels included.
What do you think it takes to make a good social event? How do you get attendees and guests to interact with each other especially if an event has lots of people?
A good social event starts with good planning. First, you have to come up with an activity that would interest your audience, in our case, singles. Then you have to find the right time and location (for example, if the event is on a weekday after work, you have to consider traffic, etc.) You have to find the right venue that can accommodate your activity and the size of your group, etc. (this can take many phone calls and/or networking with local businesses). You have to consider cost and/or if you have to make a reservation or not, etc. Also depending upon the event, you may have to consider weather conditions and have a backup plan. Lastly, you wrap it all together in an informative and inviting event description on meetup.
Second, you need to be a great host. For example, showing up early before the event starts to talk to the venue manager and make sure everything is place. And during the event, welcome every person that shows up and introduce them to the group. Walk around and engage with different people, especially those that are standing alone. Try not to let one person dominate the conversation. Etc. And lastly, handle difficult situations professionally and politely.
If you are a good host, people will come back to your events. We now average 20-40% returning members to most of our events. They have become comfortable with the group and they are meeting new people, making new friends, and just having a great time. And some of them have even found dates!
Dating Interview: For Online Dating Results Reply to All Messages with Jonathan Bird
Jonathan Bird is the Managing Director of Singles Warehouse the "go to place for everything dating." Launched in 2010 it's established itself as one of the fastest growing dating sites in the UK and the USA. Today we learn more about the site and some of his observations on the online dating space.
You started Singles Warehouse in 2010. Why did you decide to launch a dating site? What makes Singles Warehouse different from to other dating sites currently out there?
That's correct, Singles Warehouse first opened its doors to the dating community in 2010. At the time I was looking for another project to get stuck in to and once introduced to the dating world it's hard not to get excited about connecting people. What makes Singles Warehouse different from all the other dating sites online is the community we've built, and not just for singles looking to find love. Our relationship and dating e-zine has one of the largest readerships online and that's all that's to our amazing community of Singles Warehouse Experts.
It's challenging getting members and people don't like joining an empty site so how did you go about building a viable dating community?
You know this is a great question and one that you really need to consider when opening any business. How will you get customers to use your product? For us we tried loads of different mediums. Everything from Twitter to Pay Per Click advertising. I'm sure you can imagine that some methods were much more successful than others. In short I think we just kept hammering away at advertising, reaching out to other sites and building strong links to a product I think gives something more. Must be working, we're got a few million members now.
Besides the challenge of getting new users and members what other challenges are there with operating a dating site that many people might not realize?
The dating industry is an interesting one. It's probably like no other industry out there. We're in the business of connecting people – that's a great job right? However every now and again people get hurt, and the customer care team will get calls, emails and even tweets about their disastrous date. I think you always have to remember that it's a very personal business, and you are dealing with the most important human organ we have, the heart. Everyone knows that customers are king, but in this case you need to take that to the next level.
For people looking to find a date using online dating what have you learned works best (ie sending lots of messages, uploading photos, etc...)?
We get asked this a lot. There's millions of articles online about the best ways to 'win' at online dating. They will all pretty much say the same thing, upload a picture, send some messages, join the right site for you...All of these things are true and play a huge part in the success. My top tip would be to reply to all messages. This may seem like a huge waste of time but actually when the first message is sent the person on the other side of the screen could be really nervous, and replying just gives the opportunity for something to grow...You'll quickly know if it's not right.
What do you guys have planned in the upcoming year?
Lots. So much in fact that by day 7 of a new year we're already behind schedule. Naturally we can't tell you everything but we're about to include worldwide dating even listings – which we might be the first site to actually do. There's some bugs to fix but we're almost there. We're also going to focus on our Gay and Lesbian community. It's something I really feel that needs to be done better and we're going to give it a shot.
Dating Interview: Stop Over-Thinking Because the Answer is There with Single Dating Diva
Suzie is a dating blogger who runs Single Dating Diva, a blog dedicated to single and dating people everywhere. In addition to giving advice she shares many of her own experiences and lessons learned. Today she shares why she started the blog and some advice on Booty Call Etiquette.
Why did you decide to start Single Dating Diva? What's the story behind it?
I started Single Dating Diva after getting back into the dating world after getting divorced. I soon realized that dating in your 30’s was a whole different ball game. While sharing my entertaining stories with my friends someone suggested I should write it down, the rest, as they say, is history! I have always loved to write and help others; this gives me the opportunity to do so.
What is the most common question you get from your readers and how do you respond?
The questions I get from my readers are quite varied. A common theme would have to be what I like to call unbalanced interest. For example, one person likes someone who doesn’t reciprocate. It’s something all of us face and deal with when we’re dating and seeking out a relationship, or even companionship. I always maintain that when someone wants to be with you, they will do everything in their power to be with you. We often get stuck in “wishful thinking” mode and don’t see things clearly. What I always tell people is to stop over-thinking because the answer is always there, we just don’t always want to see it. We do it too … when we like someone we can’t get enough of them, we call, we want to see them, we want to be with them and we want to have them in our life. If someone isn’t doing that, then, whatever excuse they give, they don’t want to be with you. Plain. Simple.
You have a popular post on your blog called "Booty Call-iquette" which has tips for people who are in relationships where it's just about casual sex. But before someone even gets to the point where they need tips, how does one propose a "booty call" type arrangement with someone else?
Booty Calls usually just happen. They should be random. Typically they are proposed via text in the middle of the night. I wouldn’t go so far as to classify them as an official relationship, they are more of a liaison if anything. I wouldn’t give advice about how to propose a “booty call” type arrangement with anyone because that would give it more meaning and importance than it really should have. A “booty call” is just sex, no friendship, no real conversation, no “hanging out”. Just. Sex. Not everyone is capable of unemotional and casual sex. It’s a very dodgy road to travel and someone invariably gets hurt because they get attached or develop feelings. However, if it feels good, do it, but throw all expectations, and emotions, out the window. Rarely do these arrangements end up in a real relationship. They are for fun and “fillers” when you need an itch scratched. Leave it at that.
In your experience what are the elements of a great date? What has made a date not so good?
What makes a great date? Well, the number one factor would have to be good conversation. If the time flies by without you even noticing, then you know you’re doing something right. It’s all about feeling comfortable enough with the other person that you don’t even think about it. Good dates don’t have to be complicated or expensive. Some of the best dates that I’ve been on have been walks in the park or having a coffee. It’s all about the company, about the communication and how this person makes you feel. People want to be around others who make them feel good. If you’ve accomplished that, you’ve accomplished a good date. Go into a date not thinking about it, be yourself and have fun.
Where do you think are the best places to meet guys if you are a girl? What about for guys looking for girls?
Best places to meet others to date are places of common interest. I always tell people not to try to meet anyone but to go out there and be social and participate in activities that they enjoy. For example, if someone enjoys cooking, take a cooking class and you never know you might meet someone in that class who has the same interests as you. If you enjoy playing a sport, then, join a team and you might find a teammate of your own! A lot of men and women meet compatible people that way. It takes the pressure out of dating. Joining a meet-up in your city is also a great place to meet people with common interests. Just go out there and have fun. If you try very hard it’s not going to happen. The best place to meet someone is in your natural environment doing what like to do. I like to call it “no pressure dating” … meeting someone without even trying.
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