HOTD has a misogynoir problem and it’s the reason why the fandom refuses to see Rhaenyra as a “villain” in Nettles story
The HOTD fandom has divided itself along the lines of the two factions of the Dance, team black vs. team green as if they themselves are actual members of the teams they root for. The inability to see nuance has resulted in major disagreements between the two camps. However, there is something seemingly that the majority of fans irrespective of their chosen team will agree on.
When it comes to the Rhaenyra, Nettles, and Daemon situation, Rhaenyra is viewed as an unquestionable victim of equal, near equal, or in some cases greater status to Nettles.
Despite the fact that she is the one that orders Nettles to be executed in her sleep, she’s somehow a woman we should all feel sorry for and take pity upon because she just had a little “breakdown.” It’s really Mysaria’s fault because she told a “lie” that Daemon and Nettles were sleeping(according to Team Black). Or it’s Daemon’s fault because he “groomed” Nettles like Rhaenyra(according to Team Green).
To put it plainly, Rhaenyra’s victimhood is due to the fact that the fandom will not view a “white” woman as the antagonist of the situation when a “black” woman is involved. It does not matter that she orders the death of an innocent young woman for merely sleeping with her husband. It does not matter that she used classism and racism(before you say “Rhaenyra isn’t a racist,” go ahead and replace “low creature” with the “n-word” then get back to me) to justify murdering said innocent woman.
Her actions are labeled as a result of stress brought about by the loss of her children. Pinning or rather passing the blame upon others who are less sympathetic. Mysaria(who though white in the books is now half Asian in the show and book(s) she is both a foreigner and a prostitute) and Daemon(who’s a white man). The HOTD fandom will not see Rhaenyra as being in the wrong because they view her as an innocent white woman. This article details this assumption, particularly in this paragraph:
In the case of Nettles, who is a brown-skinned black woman, while Rhaenyra does not cry she does have a strong emotional outburst that fans sympathize with. Nettles is seen as a victim, but the woman who tries to perpetuate racially motivated violence against her is also seen as an equal(and depending on who you ask greater) victim. Thus her own victimhood and innocence is lessened.
As far as the “lie” and the “grooming” accusations go, that too can be blamed upon fans' inability to see past their own innate racial bias.
To these fans, Nettles is only an acceptable and likable character when they can put her into a specific box of characterization. That box being that she is unquestionably a child.
She could not have slept with Daemon because she’s a child(she’s his child or he sees her like his child). Or she was groomed by Daemon because she’s a child. She can not be competition, sexual or otherwise, to Rhaenyra because she’s a child. If Nettles is a child she is not a threat because who is threatened by a child?
(Note, this is the whole reason why fans will “fawn” over Rhaena and Baela, when they don’t ignore that they exist or when they are trying to prop up a dead deformed fully white baby, because they aren’t “competition” in that way since they are Rhaenyra’s stepdaughters. Plus they are “white” in the books).
Nettles is a child in their eyes even though by Westeros standards she is an adult:
She did not sleep with Daemon even though the text explicitly frames their relationships as being romantic and sexual(unless you consider it normal for a father to bathe with his daughter).
She was groomed like Rhaenyra(again bringing in Rhaenyra’s victimhood so as to take away from her crimes) even though she’s an adult and her relationship with Daemon is described in a different manner than Daemon and Rhaenyra’s relationship beginnings.
This:
Versus this:
The only similarities are the gift giving and even then the gifts are of a completely different nature with a different motivation attached to them.
Nettles literally was homeless prior to the Dance so Daemon gifting her clothes, a hairbrush, and a mirror was actually what she needed. Daemon gifts these items and his affection without getting anything in return besides her company.
Daemon’s most selfless acts are done for Nettles. When it comes down to it, he is even willing to lay down his life for her. He sends her away to save her life, the life of a bastard girl who is looked down upon by even her defenders (like Corlys who calls her dirty and ill-favored) at the expense of his own. Disobeying his wife and queen's orders in the process, thus if he is grooming her, he sure is going about it the wrong way.
Unlike Nettles, Rhaenyra was actually underage(14 seeing how she was born in 97AC and the events detailed here happen in 111AC) by Westeros standards when Daemon begins his “courting” of her.
(The last little tidbit also proves that Daemon can not be Nettles' biological father seeing how he was in the Stepstones from late 111 AC until 115 AC and since Nettles turns 17 in 130 AC she was born on Driftmark in 113 AC).
Keep in mind that many of these fans who call Daemon and Nettles relationship abusive, label it as grooming, or deny it exists will gleefully ship Daemyra or Alysmond while saying that they are #toxic couple goals in an approving manner, that they are an epic romance and are or are going to be the OTP of the show, or wanting to see them be a #power couple.
Daemyra is straight-up grooming and as established earlier, even by Westeros standards Rhaenyra was actually a minor.
As far as Team Greens ship goes, Alysmond has the same power dynamic problems Dattles(Daemon x Nettles). Alys is a 40+ year(s) old woman(she’s described as being at least twice Aemond’s age). While Aemond is 19 or 20 in the books and 16-18 in the show.
Aemond is a prince while Alys is a bastard and a wet nurse. When Aemond takes Harrenhal he kills her entire family while sparing her and taking her as his mistress or rather a spoil of war. The stuff of romance novels people. (Note, I do like Alysmond, but to say it’s somehow better than Dattles is a huge stretch).
What do Daemyra and Alysmond have that Dattles does not? All parties involved are white. Fans don’t mind or are willing to overlook and ship emotionally manipulative incestuous based relationships or questionable power dynamic relationships, as long as both partners are white.
Both sides of the fandom infantilize Nettles to give her a sense of innocence, of blamelessness to the circumstances that befall upon her, while at the same time protecting Rhaenyra’s innocence by giving them a shared “villain.” Usually Daemon(and in some cases Mysaria).
The fandom can only sympathize with her when they view her as a child because a black woman who is a victim of racial violence at the hands of a white woman isn’t relatable. It just shouldn’t be because Rhaenyra is innocent.
Ultimately Nettles is not viewed as a dynamic character who is worthy of a complete arc that includes a heterosexual (I imagine fans would cheer on Rhaenyra and Nettles being together a la “Rhaenyra and Laena” which many fans cared more about than Laena’s relationship that she had with her husband, the father of her two girls who she had a loving marriage with in the books) romantic relationship. Especially with someone like Daemon.
She has to be a child because otherwise if Nettles is seen as a fully sexual being capable of making her own decisions, capable of consenting to a romantic relationship with a man who wants her in turn, a man who is willing to choose her over his white Valyrian(Aryan) wife, a wife who in her anger and jealousy seeks to enact violence upon her as a result of said consensual impossible relationship, she disrupts the natural order of things.
This phenomenon of desexualizing Black women characters who are love interests isn’t new or unique to HOTD. In fact, it’s pretty common in fandoms and is born as a result of misogynoir. This article is on the character Nyota Uhura from Star Trek, but it mirrors what is happening to Nettles right now:
The whole blog is a goldmine on fandom racism, particularly fandom misogynoir. I urge you to check it out especially if you are going to “speak out” on Black female characters when you yourself aren’t Black(this includes other “WOC”).
And before you say, “But Bohemian people ship Nettles with Daeron or Jace so they aren’t trying to completely desexualize her nor do they care about her being with white men because both Daeron and Jace are white,” hold onto that.
While there are some genuine fans of these crackships(neither have any basis in canon and Nettles never even meets Daeron) most of these “fans” are doing so because they know that it looks racist to desexualize Nettles, the only in-canon black character, to the point where she’s the only one without a love interest.
Yes, both Daeron and Jace are white, but you need to look at who their characters are. Daeron has no love interest in book canon so Nettles doesn’t threaten any white woman’s desirability since there is none to threaten.
Jace does have an in-canon love interest(s), Baela. and Sara Snow. They might change it up in the show, but in the books, Jace and Baela aren’t really a couple for long since he goes to the North and meets Sara Snow who he may have married. Sara Snow is a controversial character.
Most fans either don’t believe she exists(and they think she’s Cregan) or they don’t want her to exist(the fandom has a classism and a bastard problem in addition to racism, but again I’m not getting into that today).
Daeron hasn’t even shown up on the show yet(so mostly book fans are invested in him)and while he’ll probably be popular I doubt he’ll reach Daemon let alone Aemond’s popularity.
Jace dies soon into the narrative(he might die this upcoming season). He’s pretty boring in the show and outside of him being one of Rhaenyra’s baseborn sons I don’t think too many people actually care about him.
People are comfortable with putting Nettles with characters like Daeron and Jace solving many birds with one stone while not really stepping on any toes(especially the toes of white women who they actually care about).
It stops people from shipping Nettles with Daemon, because he is too desirable to be with a black woman especially when it would impact his Valyrian queen, it gives Daeron a love interest, keeps Sara Snow from showing up, and keeps the racist allegations off fans back. They are the comfortable choices. They are the non-threatening choices.
So to wrap this commentary up, the HOTD fandom has finally found something which to unite both the Greens and the Blacks. Trying to pidgin hole black female characters into narrow boxes of “acceptable” characterization that desexualizes them which serves to protect white female characters, who they sympathize with, innocence and desirability. As always, nothing brings together a fandom like good old-fashioned racism repackaged as “caring.”
I think Nettles is an actual sacrificial lamb in the story she finds herself in.
Sacrificial Lamb Defenition:
"someone or something that is deliberately sacrificed to promote a cause or for the benefit of others."
Within the story, Nettles is the character explicitly tied to sheep.
She kills them to get close to Sheepstealer. Later on, she kills the biggest ram in Maidenpool before she escapes, and then she lives in the Vale, famous for sheep.
However, her place in the story makes her a sacrificial lamb. She's the only dragonseed Rhaenyra explicitly seeks to kill. The reason Rhaenyra wants to kill Nettles is because she believes Nettles used spells to seduce Daemon, and killing her is the only way to free him.
Later on, in Maidenpool, her death is a trade for the unprecedented violence they can expect if she is killed, and Daemon finds her.
Nettles' death is a sacrifice for Daemon's character. One that he's unwilling to make.
He will either be free and return to Rhaenyra by her own expectation or burn Maidenpool to the ground in the wake of her death.
When they show him the letter and make him aware of the sacrifice being called for because of him, he actively avoids it. He puts his sword to the maester who brought the demand to him, actively fighting against the sacrifice, his freedom, or wrath.
By the morning, he lets her go, unwillingly judging by her tears as she leaves him and his dragon's screech. He refuses to make the sacrifice for the "greater good." He would go back to Rhaenyra’s side and fight in the war. He can even do that after Nettles goes. But:
NETTLES KILLS DAEMON.
" The most commonly symbolic sheep will be that of a lamb signifying Christ or innocence. In secular art a lamb may represent a gentle nature and childhood, whilst grown sheep may evoke romantic notions of countryside life and a ram is likely to represent male strength and virility."
Learn about the symbolism of animals in art including dogs, cats, horses, sheep, birds, cows, snakes and more.
"As a symbol, the ram often represents strength, determination, and courage. Rams are also seen as symbols of fertility and abundance due to their ability to produce large litters of offspring. In some cultures, the ram is also seen as a symbol of virility and masculinity."
Rams are male sheep, and their horns are one of their most distinguishing features. These horns are made of a tough protein called keratin.
Now, the description of a ram and its symbolism does fit Daemon. He is the Rogue prince. Father of many, many wives and according to some a very masculine presence.
Nettles killing a sheep is not a big deal. She does it every day before she flies, but finding the biggest, 'black,' ram and killing it before she leaves is kinda symbolic.
Daemon does a lot at Maidenpool that we don't expect him, the him we've gotten from the story so far, to do.
He saves Nettles, lets her escape, and goes on to fight Aemond. The person who was with his pregnant woman, evading the threat of Daemon and Nettles for months. He was not doing anything other than terrozing the riverlands.
He isn't their biggest threat either. He's just there, and Rhaenyra is calling Daemon back to her side, understanding that it's not a priority for them right now.
But Daemon decided to go fight Vhagar and Aemond. Something we are explicitly told by him is basically a suicide mission to do alone.
His response to Aemond saying he's lived too long is, " On that much we agree."
When has Daemon Targaryen ever in his life done that?
Admitting that his life has gone on for too long? He wouldn't have done it before.
Daemon becomes the sacrifice for Nettles' departure. I don't doubt the fact that she would prefer him to go with her, her tears yet again as reference, but he doesn't. He ensures she escapes and finishes the mission that almost costs her life and lets it take his.
He becomes and makes the sacrifice in her place.
Additional Tie In: "Dark Sister was made for nobler tasks than slaughtering sheep."
Daemon uses his sword to defend the sacrificial lamb instead of using it for slaughter because defending an innocent person is nobler than killing someone in their sleep.
(Me and my besties when George gives a man beautiful symbolism but makes women suffer to ensure it)
The sheep thing also plays a part in the way Nettles bonds with her dragon and the overall narrative with her perceived 'innocence', but that's another post.
“Daemon Targaryen had come to love the small brown bastard girl” -Fire & Blood 🔥
Lol this is really just @nettlesdefensesquad idea🙌🏽
Dance AU: Daemon Targaryen x Nettles🐉🐑
In 120 AC, the realm is still left without a legitimate heir as Viserys I's second wife, Alicent Hightower, much like his first, has failed to deliver him his long-awaited son and heir. The king refuses to name his eldest daughter, Rhaenyra Targaryen, his heir, nor does he keep to the preference for male heirs reaffirmed by the Great Council of 101 AC that would have him name his brother, the Rogue Prince Daemon Targaryen, his closest living male relative, as his successor.
Though he has given his brother lordship of Dragonstone following the unexpected death of his second wife Lady Laena Velaryon in child birth
When Daemon takes up the new lordship of Dragonstone, he soon finds himself enchanted by a brown common-born girl named Nettles, who recently claimed the wild dragon Sheepstealer. A most unwelcome development to those at his brother's court.
Against the wishes of his brother and the council, he takes to wife the baseborn girl. A decision that further splinters the realm as the choice of who will ascend the Iron Throne once the king is dead made all the more murky.
Shipper goggles aside, I fail to see how Daemon and Nettles’ relationship gets so much pushback by the fandom for being problematic when nearly every other ship on this show is just as problematic if not more so:
Alysmond has the same power imbalance as Dattles(Aemond is a prince and Alys is a lowborn bastard) and they have around the same age gap(Alys is at least 40 and Aemond is 19 in the books and 16 in the show).
Helaemond is incest and some of the theories surrounding it, Aemond fathering Helaena’s kids at 13, are borderline at best.
Helaegon is incest.
Daemyra is incest, has a significant age gap between Daemon and Rhaenyra, and there is actual abuse going on. And don’t go it’s only in the show that Daemon is abusive because in the books he’s a 30-year-old man taking his 14-year-old niece(who is still underage by Westeros standards) to brothels and teaching her sex acts.
Rhaeicent fans like to act high and mighty yet they are shipping a ship where one character is fine with the other character's son being maimed and did nothing to stop or punish her husband from murdering her ex-lover/friend’s grandchild.
I’m not even going to get into the most depraved ship of them all, Lucemond, where some of you, who are definitely adults, are trying to sexualize an irl minor.
All this backlash is said and done in the name of “protecting Nettles.” However, in any other case, you are okay with or willing to overlook ships where incest, physical violence, emotional abuse, power imbalances, and significant age gaps between partners exist, but Daemon and Nettles relationship is going too far.
Daemon and Nettles is taking it too far yet for the first time in Nettles life someone puts her first. Someone is willing to consider her. To care for her. To love her. To die to save her. That’s somehow too much?
We must protect Nettles, yet you are fine with other women characters being in incestuous relationships, being with a man who has killed their entire family, being with a man who has everything over them, being with a man who has choked them out, and being with someone who could care less about whether they and their kids live or die. Okay 👍🏽
No one is saying you have to like Nettles with Daemon or ship them, but if you find the relationship problematic and think that she should be “kept away from him” only to then turn around and go OMG I can't wait until Aemond meets his soulmate Alys and murders all the men at Harrenhal or try to convince us that Daemyra somehow isn't abusive despite the grooming and that Dattles is what is really creepy then you're being very disingenuous with your reason as to why you dislike her relationship with Daemon.
