#dave stridre

[ask-piratestuck]

Dave is online!

couldnt find my damn shirt. finally found one before we left port a while ago

[kravkalackin]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Karkat Vantas had always accepted the fact that he was not going to live passed nine sweeps. It was just a fact of his sad, miserable life. That was, until his friends found out and decided to hatch a plan to get him off of the planet. A plan that actually worked.

Now, he was stranded on some alien planet, at the mercy of some strange creature that was either trying to help him or going about some freaky ritual of flirting with your food before you eat it.

Also, aliens have sunglasses. Because why the fuck wouldn't aliens have sunglasses.

So someone decided to start a new fic instead of preparing for her finals next week. Clearly very smart strategic planning was put into this. 

[forceofconviction]

even giant Daves don't want to play with Lord English

▼: Today has been a shitty day. Well, lots of his days are shitty, but this has been a PARTICULARLY shitty day. I mean, how often do you suddenly wake up with no roof over your head, and your entire apartment building - hell, your entire /block/ - crushed underneath your giant body? All these tiny people were buzzing around him and getting frightened (not that he blamed them), so he did the logical, reasonable thing a suddenly-and-inexplicably-sixty-foot-tall person ought to do and ran for the hills, out of fear of harming anyone else. Now he sits atop a mesa in the middle of the desert, glaring at cactuses, wondering what the hell he should do next or if there's even anywhere to go from here. What a mess he's in. (( any char welcome? ))

▲: Suddenly, a sarcophagus appeared and Lord English stepped out, ready to kill. When he realized what he was facing, he paused. It was very, very rare for Lord English to find himself feeling small. However, given that he was facing a giant human, he felt justified in being perhaps a little put out. His coat swirled around him as he glared up at Dave, his multicolored flashing coat and pool cue eyes making him look more than a little like some cheaply manufactured toy compared to the huge human. Would the overgrown Knight of Time even hear his dramatic opening when he was so much bigger than Lord English? There was only way to find out. Lord English took a deep breath and yelled at the top of his lungs. "KNIGHT! YOU ARE OUT OF TIME!"

▼: The Knight's eyes narrowed at the puny green cherub. His lip curled in an aggressive snarl. Puffing up his chest, he bellowed, "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo."