the kids: and if they have a braincell or not
BROUGHT TO YOU BY MOD GRAY AND MOD ROX
after some CAREFUL debate, thoughts, and sleep-deprived keysmashes in the discord chat, we have come up with these conclusions
john: no brain. no idea how to use it
rose: does she have a brain? does she know how to use it? yes but actually no
dave: has a braincell. knows how to use it. but, under any circumstances, will not do so
jade: has a braincell. knows how to use it
jane: has a braincell. knows how to use it but also prone to misusing it
roxy: has TWO whole braincells!! unfortunately no one is aware on what they do or if they work or not
dirk: has a braincell. uses it in the DUMBEST OF ASSEST WAYS POSSIBLE
jake: has a braincell. doesnt have a single fucking CLUE on how to use it
i need help from the smartest person around here. who do i go to?
1: jade. most trustworthy, can most likely help u w anything. if not;
2: jane. a little Less helpful but not terrible. is actually p smart and could prolly bullshit her way thru stuff. if not
3: roxy, hope the two braincells are functioning. if not
4: i hate to give dirk such a high position, but dirk. itll be a STUPIDASS solution but a solution nonetheless. but u dont want that so
5: rose. if you can sift thru her 12 pages of prose and thinking u could prolly just. make a solution from that urself. if ur Jared 19 and cant read
6: dave. similar to rose, except its 12 pages of rapping rambling and irony. could still figure out a solution from it. maybe. if not
7: Jake. he might not know how to use a braincell but he has one so he could completely stumble upon a solution. just gotta help him out a bit
and last but not least
8: john. we love john a lot but do not go to him. he wont know. like at all
ELABORATION.
most of them HAVE the braincell cause yknow most kids in homestuck were straight up supergeniuses with their fucking robots and their psychology and their sentient-robot-literal-life-creating-computer-science but the thing is they have absolutely no fucking clue on how to USE the goddamn braincell. they have it, sure, for example dirk being able to create a sentient ai, but he doesnt know how to use it, because jesus fuck, he just put himself into a situation in which he made a sentient ai
they HAVE the braincell but also dirk eats straight up teabags
roxy is an AMAZING hacker and could beat sollux after she learned alternian. but also they cant do directions for shit
well actually dirk may have been a bad example considering that he does technically know how to use it he just uses it in the stupidest fucking way possible. better example is jake he FULLY has one example being the robot bunny he made he just literally doesnt fucking know how to utilize it. man would aim a gun at a metal robot who hes fought for years and say "haha this will work!"
see the thing is. dirk uses his braincell to put himself into bad situations, which is inherently not using the braincell in of itself. technically? incredible use of the braincell, goddamn. morally? you are a FUCKING DUMBASS
jake has the POTENTIAL to use the braincell like its right there. with just a little commitment and time and effort he could be so fucking smart. but hes just. he just kind of ignores that and avoids it and so he HAS the braincell but he doesnt know how to use it.
jane fully has the braincell and usually uses it well and knows how to do so but uh. she can lose herself at times. usually quite uncommon. occasionally she will just straight up forget the answer to 10 + 10. these are few and far between however
roxy. roxy HAS braincells. theyre there. but theyre in a constant fluctuating state so neither she nor anyone else knows if theyre going to be working or not. HOWEVER, when they are, she knows how to use them and goddamn does she use them well
john? yeah no everything is just breeze and wind up there he doesnt have it. sorry john
rose TECHNICALLY has a braincell and HYPOTHETICALLY she knows how to use it. she likes to THINK that she uses it. technically? she has one, as in she sure can use it to be smart and verbose and know things. morally? fuck if she knows and fuck if anyone else does
dave DOES have a braincell and he KNOWS how to use it like the guy is smart. HOWEVER. he deliberately CHOOSES to actively ignore his smarts like if he just used the braincell for a little bit he'd know a lot of shit but like its like he just ignores that both the braincell and the knowledge on how to use it is there altogether
jade? shes the smartest. please go to her she is literally one of the most knowledgeable people here shes trustworthy
honorable mentions:
kanaya has the braincell but only in Certain Cases. you go to kanaya for certain things Only and it's up to you to figure that out
karkat? karkat has half a braincell. if you can trudge through all the shouty shit theres a half baked plan there but it's also a really Stupid half baked plan. like hes trying but. only makes it halfway
terezi? terezi doesnt seem like she has the braincell. shawty eats chalk and licks anything and everything. but she DEFINITELY HAS a braincell and uses it when she NEEDS to (like when she told john to fix the fuckin timeline.) Rezis braincell use is a SURPRISE but not an unwelcome one
(with terezi LIKE DAVE she has one and fully knows how to use it. however unlike dave instead of like deliberately avoiding using her braincell she lures people into a false sense of security by pretending she doesnt have one)
vraska has a braincell. it's there. but does she use it? thats truly the question. it's kinda a dirk situation where she has a braincell bu#t uses it stupidly. like. shes trying her best, a villain clad in blue clothes, but also. shawty what
all via mod rox
aradia may be our first case of fully knows how to use a braincell but doesnt exactly. have one? at least its not always present. she is just fuck ar0und and find 0ut :) like charcoal said. it is in the back of her mind only
sollux has a braincell and knows how to use it and fully does not want to. he just does not want to deal with it. sollux? sollux has 2 braincells same as roxy. it's his thing. UNLIKE roxy however solluxs braincells are constantly firing. he is not smart tho. they're firing but he's also like dave where he IGNORES it
solluxs braincell situation is so complex and he does not want to understand it. rose looks at him like :iamlooking: i want to psychoanalyse you. however he just wants to fuckign lay on the couch and zone out for 12 hours is that so much to ask
MOD ROX ADDITION: gamzee is no thoughts head empty however sober gamzee is FLOODED with braincells and that's why hes angry ok gnight