Summary: David Loki has made peace with the knowledge that he will traverse the world alone. Except, what happens when a run in with a stranger at a wedding turns his world upside down, causing him to question everything he thinks he wants and needs for himself? Even more so, what does he do when the same woman's life suddenly is in jeopardy.
Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Eventual SMUT. 18+ Readers only
Story Playlist
Act I - The Wedding
Chapter 1: A Minute of Your Time
Chapter 2: Crossed Paths
Chapter 3: Denial is Just a River in Egypt
Chapter 4: Royally Fucked
Chapter 5: Can't Help Falling
Chapter 6: Inside a Beginning, There is An End
Act II - Meet Cute
Chapter 7: Never Saw You Coming
Chapter 8: I'll Be Seeing You
Chapter 9: Keep on Falling
Chapter 10: Meet Me In the Middle
Chapter 11: Je Te Veux, J'ai Besoin de Toi
Chapter 12, Part 1: Disarm
Chapter 12, Part 2: Disarm
Act III - Tip of My Tongue
Chapter 13: Safety Net
Chapter 14: Just You & I
Chapter 15: Pray for the Best, Prepare for the Worst
Summary: you, a forensic psychologist for the FBI, get called in to help on a high priority child abduction case in Conyers, PA. what happens when you catch feelings for the mysterious David Loki?
Warnings: spoilers for the movie, movie level violence and language, slight change of events. Inaccuracies about law enforcement, the legal system, and psychology.
A/N- check my masterlist in by bio for part 1! things start picking up in ch3 I promise. Thanks for reading, reblogs and feedback are always appreciated!
-
“The aunt denied consent for Jones’ psych eval.” You could hear the irritation in O’Malley’s voice, whether it was with the Jones’ or you, you couldn’t tell.
“Shit.” You said under your breath, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Okay. Thanks for letting me know, captain.” You said and slumped back to your desk.
You had tired every loophole you could think of- getting the psych eval, delaying the psych eval, pushing the psych eval forward, hell you’d interrogate him yourself if you thought it would help. But none of those options were feasible, especially if the legal guardian didn’t give consent. Now time for your last resort- staying overnight and combing over the interrogation tapes and try to find something, anything to hold Alex Jones. Looks like Loki wasn’t the only one going to be up all night.
-/
You had been watching tapes for hours. There wasn’t a soul in the station, everyone had gone home a long time ago.
God, you needed a break. Since no one was around, you kicked off your shoes, shed your suit jacket and sat cross-legged in your chair, you might as well be comfortable.
You looked around the office, noting the details of your surroundings, giving your eyes a break from the screen, when the desk next to you caught your eye.
Loki’s desk.
You usually didn’t profile your co-workers, but there was something about Loki that intrigued you.
Everything on his desk was neat for the most part, suggesting he was an orderly, disciplined, and cautious person. The desk itself was in the corner, facing away from all the others, probably a subconscious choice on Loki’s part. He was isolated from most of his co-workers, meaning he was rather closed off and impersonal. There was nothing personal on his desk, either. No Knick-knacks, no pictures of family-no wife or kids, or friends- nothing to denote a personal life.
You’d figure out the mystery of David Loki later, but not now. Right now, you needed to focus on finding Joy and Anna.
-/
You were deep in concentration mode watching the last of the tapes when Loki walked by. Not expecting anyone to be there, he backtracked and wrinkled his brow when he saw you hunched over the desk.
“What are you doin here, l/n?”
“Hm? Oh, detective Loki, hi. Um, the aunt didn’t give consent for Alex Jones’ psych eval, so I’m combing through interrogation tapes as a Hail Mary, trying to find something, anything, to keep Jones for another day.”
She had good work ethic, Loki could respect that.
“Got anything?” He asked.
“See his body language here-“ you pointed to the screen Loki leaned in over you so he could see, close enough to where you could smell the faint scent of the cologne he wore, but not close enough to make you uncomfortable.
“I think he knows something about the girls disappearance, but he’s not competent enough to understand anything he’s being asked.”
“Fuck.” Loki said, running a hand through his hair. “I spent 10 hours interrogating him yesterday. He wouldn’t budge.”
You did notice how Loki was the only one to interrogate Jones, he was very thorough. And a damn good detective.
“You got anything?” You asked.
“A priest with a body in his basement.”
Your eyebrows shot up “Oh shit, okay.”
“Forensics is down there now, the priest is being booked and processed. He uh, claims the guy came to him for a confession, that he killed 16 kids.” Loki blinked ‘hard’ once or twice.
“Think that’s the truth?”
“Hard to tell, he’s a fuckin drunk.”
“Oh great.” You put your face in your hands. “Well, on that note, I could use a coffee.”
“Me too.” Loki said, following you into the break room.
You leaned up against the counter, sipping your drink.
“You see cases like this lot in the FBI?” Loki asked, leaning on the counter opposite from you. Your shoe-less feet not going unnoticed.
“Unfortunately, yeah. About 65% of the time I get called out into the field like this, it’s for child abduction.”
Loki only hummed in response, not pushing any further.
“Y’all see this a lot here, in Conyers?”
“No, not a lot.”
This time it was your turn to hum in response, you brain too worn out to think of any other response.
You took notice of the small tattoos that detailed Loki’s hands. Your curiosity tempted you to ask about them, but you figured Mr. Mysterious Tough Guy wouldn’t want to get personal. Besides, you had only just met the man.
You and Loki took your break in silence, exhaustion overtaking the both of you. Loki’s eyes drifted to the firearm on your hip.
“You carry a gun?” He asked, surprised.
You nodded yes, due to a mouth full of mediocre coffee.
“I thought psychologists did office work?”
“Well I do. But because I do cases like this, where I’m out in the field working with police and detectives, I have basic field training.”
Loki only nodded, not really knowing how to respond to that.
“Guess Jones is getting released in the morning then.” Loki stated, rather than questioned.
“Yeah.” You nodded. “Unless he’s charged with something.”
“Yeah.”
An awkward silence fell over the two of you like a heavy fog.
“Detective..” you started. “I uh, didn’t mean to be crass earlier in the car. I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot, especially since we’re going to be working together and all.”
“Don’t worry about it L/n.” He replied and downed the rest of his drink, then went back to his desk.
You followed not long after.
So much for getting off on the right foot.
-tags: (tag list of open, send me an ask if you want to be tagged, removed, or only tagged for a specific character or series!) @chromecutie @xenomorphique @evelyn120700 @nightriver99 @iamwarrenspeace @this-that-and-every-thing-else @hsk-puma @bungeewabbit @pianomad @lesbianstarkx @hazilyimagine @super-darkcloudstudent @thehuntress26 @siren-lamented-vampire @mooleche @rovvboat @leo-writer @dandyqueen @nitemaremotionless
Summary: David Loki has made peace with the knowledge that he will traverse the world alone. Except, what happens when a run in with a stranger at a wedding turns his world upside down, causing him to question everything he thinks he wants and needs for himself? Even more so, what does he do when the same woman's life suddenly is in jeopardy.
A/N: This chapter is probably one of my favorites so far for this act. I really enjoyed exploring David’s deep emotional side, trying to understand the psyche of an individual who has to see cruel acts of humanity. I hope you enjoy.
Tags are open | Header made by me
-✦-
Chapter 10: Meet Me In the Middle
David didn’t expect her to pick up.
He expected to be sent to her voicemail, where he was going to leave a long message apologizing for his absence and if he could make it up to her.
Or maybe he was going to tell her about the rough fucking week he had.
The absolute nightmare the past six hours had been.
Who knows but either way, he wasn’t expecting for her to wake up.
To be honest, he doesn’t understand the need to call her. This wasn't like him. He’s had tough shit at work happen before and usually he just allows himself to sit in it.
He doesn’t want to tonight though. No, he wants someone to sit in it with him.
“Hello?” she asks it again, louder this time and he clears his throat as he says back,
“Hello.”
There’s silence on her end, he’s not used to Nina being silent and so he asks,
“Are you still there?”
“Yeah.” another pregnant pause, he can hear her breathing softly before she says, “Are you okay?”
Was he okay? He didn’t fucking know. He was living off a few hours of sleep, despair, disappointment. Shock. Grief.
No, he wasn’t okay.
“No.”
There’s another pause, silence, then Nina sighs.
He knows that sigh.
She’s bothered by him; he’s upset her. He ignored her for more than a week and she was over him. Realized how fucking taxing it would be to date a guy like him. Realized how better off she'd be without him.
Now it was two in the morning and he was trying to dump all his shit on her, thinking it's okay after one date.
He shouldn’t have called.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Her voice is softer, kinder, he could only imagine the way her eyes would look at him and he squeezes his eyes shut, opening them in a series of three blinks.
Was she pitying him?
He didn’t want to be pitied.
“I didn’t mean to wake you up Nina, I should let you go-”
“David, do you need to talk about it?”
Her voice is still soft, still kind but it's firmer, worried.
Yeah, he wanted to talk to her.
But not if it was to quell her conscience.
“...I don’t know. I don’t…normally talk about this stuff.”
His voice is cold, distant. He doesn’t want to be pitied. It's all he can think as she bites into the receiver,
“Tell me what you feel comfortable sharing. Boundaries, remember. You can share what you feel comfortable sharing with me.”
Her voice is still gentle, steady and David shakes his head.
“You shouldn’t have to help some guy you met at your friend's wedding just because he panic called you at two in the morning.”
Nina sighs again, this time it sounds like it's more out of frustration than anything else and he exhales as his eyes flurry into a series of blinks. He can hear something in the background, a click, perhaps a light as she huffs into the phone,
“David, everybody needs somebody. I might be mad at you because you never texted me and I was worried shitless about you and then a little sad, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that I still really like you.
You’re not just some guy. You’re a guy that I really like. I care about you and if you need to be on the phone and talk through some of the nasty shit you saw right now, you can do it with me.
I will always be here to listen. I promise. I will until you don’t want me to be.”
David squeezes his eyes shut again, shudders. He can feel the tears welling in his tear ducts, the way they threaten to overtake his body.
It wasn’t pity.
She still cared about him.
She still wanted to be around.
He still mattered to her.
Forever if he wanted.
He knows why he called her. He was expecting her to be upset. He wanted her to be upset. He wanted her to pull away.
He wanted an excuse to sit in this feeling.
He wasn’t expecting her to be patient. To care.
That realization causes him to freeze.
“David?” her voice, cutting through the noise in his head.
“Yeah.”
“You can talk to me if you need. But if that feels overwhelming, if that feels like too much, I can talk to you. Or we don't have to talk at all and we can just sit on the phone. Whatever you need.”
He exhales, a tear slipping out of his right eye, then his left.
“Whatever I need?”
“Yes.” she assures.
“Okay.” It's a soft whisper but she takes it.
“Okay. Whatever you need when you’re ready.”
He doesn’t talk for another couple of minutes, but when he does his voice is raspy and dry.
“I can’t tell you everything.”
“Tell me what you can.”
“Mom murdered her husband. Ran away with her two kids.”
“I heard about that. My brother was telling me about it. You were heading the investigation?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you find them?”
He pauses for a second, a flash of the woman's face comes to the front of his mind.
“Yeah.”
“Did you find them alive?”
Another pause, another couple of minutes of silence. Finally,
“Yes.”
She sits in the silence, waiting. Understanding that this was far bigger than her liking him and him liking her.
He needed to feel safe. He needed to be heard but most importantly, he needed to feel safe in being heard.
“...she was…” he pauses, the spit he swallows is thick. It feels like honey coating his throat, heavy and sticky. He tries again, taking a deep breath. “She was threatening to kill them, her kids. She wanted to get them away from him, her husband. I think he was abusing one of them. But she had a gun and she was aiming it at the kids.”
The memory rushes to the front of his mind. The fear in the children’s eyes. The fear in her eyes. The anger.
“She aimed her gun at me, and then at them.”
He had tried to talk her down, tried to calm her. He had told the other fucking cops to not follow him, to let him handle it.
They were just doing what was standard procedure, coming around the back. He knew that.
But it spooked her.
“She moved to shoot the kid.”
Her gun barrel to the youngest kid's head, shifting the safety off. Her hand was shaky but the determination in her eyes was not. The flash of fear the young boy's dark eyes flashed at him. He had no other choice. He had to. He had to…
“Shoot her. I shot her in the head.”
The sound of her body hitting the ground, gun falling from her hand.
The sound of her children, screaming, staring at their dead mothers crumpled body.
The look in their eyes as they looked back at him. Like he was a monster. Like he was to be feared.
Oh god.
He hated using his gun.
He hated using his gun.
He hated….
He doesn’t realize he’s saying this outloud, in broken sobs, until Nina’s tender voice finally breaks through, soothing him, calming him. Hot tears run down his face, snot mingling with salt water as his heart breaks again with the realization of what he’s done. He killed their only parent.
What if they end up orphans?
What if they don’t end up finding a home?
What if he just broke them?
What if they end up like him?
Broken, alone.
Nina assures him patiently, calmly. She does it for an hour, long past when his tears dry up and his voice is so raw he can’t say much of anything else.
“What do you need David?”
She asks him tenderly after twenty minutes go by in silence and he sighs, finally falling back on his bed, not caring that he’s still in his jacket, clothes still on. He closes his eyes as he whispers,
“You.”
He can hear her soft chuckle, and wishes she was in his arms and the sound was near his ear.
“I’m too tired to drive to you and you should probably not drive to me.”
“Then stay on the phone with me.”
“Okay.”
“Tell me every single detail I’ve missed about your life since I’ve been away. Tell me how much you hate me. Tell me anything to make me forget.”
“I don’t hate you David,” she pauses, “Well, I hated you for a day but I worked through that. I don’t hate you now.”
She teases and he laughs, appreciating that she knew when he needed humor, when he needed to be distracted.
“That’s fair.”
“We’re not going into depth about this now, but once you’ve allowed yourself to sleep we’re going to have a nice long conversation about communication, you and I.”
“That’s also fair.”
“I know,” she pauses and then says in a low tender tone, “Thank you for trusting me enough to call me David.”
He frowns as she continues,
“You could have called Eddie but you called me. That helps your case, just a little bit.”
She's teasing again and he gives a small chuckle even though that realization still hits him in the chest like an anvil. He had enough time to change his mind about not calling her. After leaving the hospital. Once he had ensured the kids were put up in a nice hotel for the night before they figured out what to do with them. On the drive home to his apartment.
He could’ve called Edward.
Instead, the whole time, he just wanted to call her.
He only ever wanted to be able to call her.
“Thank you for…listening.”
“Told you I’m a good listener.”
“You are.”
There both quiet until Nina says,
“Did I tell you I ended up in the Philadelphia Times?”
-✦-
Nina and David stay on the phone until the sun breaks on the horizon, or at least Nina thinks so. She’s fallen asleep and by the sounds of the steady breathing on the phone, so has David. She hangs up, avoids texting him just in case his phone isn’t on silent, and texts her company that she'll be out until the show tonight.
Then she falls back to sleep.
When she wakes up it's 3 p.m. and David’s sent her a multitude of texts.
The first two are apologies, the third is him telling her that she was right, the kids were going to end up staying with a relative. Sure he traumatized them by killing their mother in front of them but at least they had a home.
The fourth comes an hour later and he shares that when he went to check on the boys to let them know they were going to stay with family for the interim, the one he saved from being shot gave him a hug to thank him. He didn’t have all the details but apparently their mother and husband had discovered meth, pulling away from family and friends in a dangerous spiral and there had been concern for the kids for months. He sends another text that he was now in a bathroom crying after saying goodbye to them with the weight of guilt a bit dispelled, knowing he helped them even if it was just a little. Then another text five minutes later apologizing for oversharing about his sharing that he cried.
When Nina reads these texts she can’t help smiling; David was endearing and sweet and while he had put her on a roller coaster of emotions this was what she missed. Him. Raw and honest, even if he fumbled with what that meant when engaging with her.
She found it cute.
She reads the text after that asks how she’s doing and if she’s okay and she’s just getting a sixth in catching up with the stream of messages.
She reassures him that she’s fine, that she just slept in to make up for the early morning. She reassures him that she was happy to listen anytime he needed, that she appreciates when he shares things with her.
Then she goes silent.
At first, he understands. He does. What he offloaded onto her was heavy and he had done it in the middle of the night with no warning.
When he doesn’t hear from her after three days, he knows he needs to call her. It takes him a day to not be annoyed and pissed about it, to realize that he was the one who needed to contact her first, but he does. She had expressed that she had been hurt, probably disappointed by the way he had abruptly left her life then barged into it, an emotional mess nonetheless.
He Googles what to do in a situation like this because he really had no idea. He knows he could reach out and ask Edward but….he doesn’t want to reach out to Edward. He didn’t want to admit he had no idea what to do even if that was very much true.
Instead, he spends an hour reading multiple articles and blogs from psychiatrists before accidentally stumbling onto a reddit forum. Four hours later he’s disappointed he wasted so much time researching something he knew in his gut all along.
He had to initiate this, not her.
He decides to send her a text. He spends too much time crafting it - emoji or no emoji? Can you text with too many? He barely uses them - decides to stick to one though it feels inappropriate. Maybe no emoji. Does he lead with an apology? Should he apologize over a text? That felt cheap.
What should he write?
He goes out for a coffee, knows the break will help his brain calm down. When he’s back at his desk an hour later, he crafts something simple that feels authentic to him.
David: Good afternoon. I hope you’re well. Are you available to talk on the phone tonight? We never addressed my poor communication skills and I miss you. And I’d rather apologize over a call then through text
He’s spent too much time on this, distracted himself from work so he shifts his attention to a case that’s ended up on his desk. Better that than the fear in his gut that she won’t respond back at all, that it was too late. It takes his stomach rumbling to remind him he should grab a bite, and he allows himself to check his phone.
She’s responded.
Nina: I have a show tonight until 10, and usually get on the road around 10:30. Can you call me then?
David: Yeah, that’s perfect.
David’s grateful for the slower case he's working on, less heavy and simple for all its worth, and he stays at the station until 10:00 pm to make up for the time he’s wasted on his personal life. It’s 10:37 by the time he’s walking into his apartment, takeout cold in his hands.
He settles in the way he was comfortable with, exchanging his button up for a simple T-shirt but keeps his jeans on just in case he gets called back in, and nervously calls Nina.
He’s never felt equal parts excited and terrified at once.
He waits for a beat, the ringing phone all he can focus on before Nina’s voice snaps on the line.
“Hey.”
Her voice is soft, tired and he can hear classical music in the background, the steady sound of the road.
“Hey. Is this still a good time?”
“Yeah. You’ll help me stay awake to get home.”
“Long day?”
“Yeah. Just danced a lot and didn’t drink enough coffee. I’m okay.”
“That’s good. Or not; I’m sorry it was a long day.” he doesn’t know what it is about Nina that makes him fumble his words like an idiot, but he does. The reality was he’s nervous, he knows that he needs to be the one to start this conversation, that he should be able to take initiative but he’s unsure how to. He wasn’t used to having to communicate in this way.
There’s also the fear that she’ll attack him, guilt him for the way he exists and he can’t handle that, not from her.
“Did you have a good day?”
Nina’s voice cuts through his thoughts and he lets out the breath he was holding as he responds,
“It was fine. Slow.”
“That’s good. Slow is good,” she pauses, “So what was it about you wanting to apologize to me?”
Her voice is teasing, he’s grateful for it, grateful to have a break in the dam.
“Yeah. I’m uhhh….I’m sorry about the past few weeks. For disappearing.”
“You did say that you disappear into cases.”
“Yes but it hurt your feelings. So I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t my intention.”
“I know that David.”
He pauses again before he says,
“I’m not used to being held accountable to anyone. I’m not used to communicating to anyone on a consistent basis, but especially when I’m working. It's important that when I’m on a case, I can give my full attention to it. The difference can quite literally be life and death.”
He wasn’t trying to be defensive, but being able to operate the way he does was important to him. He wasn’t willing to change that.
Not even for Nina.
“I want to be clear about something. I’m not asking you to change how you work, how you operate,” she pauses, “Listen, in a few months it’ll be Nutcracker season. It's a super busy time for dancers, but for me it’s going to be nuts because I’m dancing here and in three other states. There'll be weeks where I’m dancing two shows a day, on top of rehearsals for other shows, studio time.”
She exhales, taking a beat before saying,
“I say all this to say I understand your job. I understand the care you put into your job, the dedication. You’re not a good detective because you half ass it.”
David’s grateful that she understands, that she provides a similar perspective from her lens.
He waits for the but.
It never comes.
“What I am asking for, what I would prefer is if you can text me. Not every day and not every hour and we don’t even have to have a back and forth. Just something so that I know that you’re okay. Something so I know that you still care.”
David’s hand tightens around his phone, closing his eyes. When he opens them, its in a series of blinks as he tries to articulate,
“The other reason why I don’t reach out is because…if I’m doing a heavy case, if it's something really, really messed up, I need to have distance. I need to separate from what I care about and focus on the case. If I thought about you for instance, in this last case, I wouldn’t be on. I wouldn’t have been able to figure out where that family was, make choices that were best for my job and for me.”
“Are you saying you need to compartmentalize?"
It's not an accusatory question, he can hear the genuine curiosity in her tone and he nods before huffing out,
“Yes.”
Nina’s silent, and he’s left with the sound of classical music, cars passing by. He worries that maybe this won’t be a good fit, that she doesn’t understand, but then she says,
“I understand that, it actually makes a lot of sense. I’m just trying to think of a compromise,” another beat of silence, “How about this. If you know you’re going into a hard case, you just text me that. Just send - ‘hey, I just got assigned a real tough case and won’t be around for a while. I don’t know how long but just wanted to let you know’. That feels better than you sending a random good morning text, like everything is normal, and then just ghosting me.”
“I wasn’t trying to ghost you though.” David doesn’t mean to snap at her, he really doesn’t but this conversation feels too similar. He knows how this goes, always the same when he dates.
He’s the bad guy and they’re the victim. When really, he just operated differently than most people. Couldn’t understand that his career, his coworkers, that was all he had.
Nina exhales, takes a beat. She’s said the wrong words, hadn’t meant to upset him. She can feel the defensive walls build up around him and she hates that, but also she wanted to express how she felt. She realizes she needs to take another approach.
“I’m not trying to blame you David. I’m sorry, let me try to explain again.”
He knows he’s wound tight, knuckles probably white from gripping the phone. He didn’t want to snap at her, he just didn’t want to feel like he was unable to provide what she wanted.
He was trying. He really wants to try with her in ways he hasn’t with other women he’s dated, but not at the price of him. Nina’s voice cuts through the silence,
“I know you mentioned you get lost in cases and to be fair I know you said you had a hard case and wouldn’t be around before you did disappear. The problem is we never discussed what that actually means. It's new for me to be dating someone who has to disappear so deeply into their work and trust me, this is something I get from men I date. I do understand when you say you need to give all your attention to work David, please know I hear and understand that.
I would just like to align that when you text that you're into a deep or heavy case, it does mean that you will be gone for long stretches of time with limited to no communication. I don’t think I truly understood that so I apologize for not asking for clarification after you communicated to me. That’s on me.”
Now he felt bad. She was taking all the blame when that wasn’t what he wanted. He just wanted her to understand.
“Nina I’m not trying to say that it’s your fault.”
“I know David. I just want you to know I hear you and I can admit that half of this is on me for not knowing how to clarify things.
No one is at fault here. We’re just learning together, right?”
“Right.” He agrees. This felt good. This sits in him differently and he exhales the breath he’s holding.
There was no blame. Just trying to come to an understanding. It wasn’t asking a lot and David could do that.
“May I put in an additional request?” This from Nina and David can't help the tug of his lips despite the emotional roller coaster he was on as he says,
“Yes.”
“After a heavy case if you need to talk like a few nights ago, feel free to call me. Even if you just need me to listen. If you need to get it out, get it out. I don’t care what time of the day or night it is, just call me. The only time I won’t pick up is if I’m on stage or rehearsing but still call me, that way I know to call you back when I’m available.”
“You won’t mind?” He whispers it, afraid of her response but Nina knows he’s fragile, understands the heavy ask she’s putting on him, despite it being in service of him. It was obvious that whoever he’s dated in the past didn’t allow him to be himself, so she’s happy to assure him.
“I don’t mind David. Like I said a few nights ago I will always be here to listen.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” another beat, “If it's a slow day, like today, but you still wanna text, just communicate that too. I’m not demanding that you speak to me all the time, it just doesn’t feel good when you disappear. I do really miss you.”
She says the last part softly and David closes his eyes again, falling back into his couch, tension leaving his shoulders. It felt so good to hear that from another human being.
It felt good to hear it from her.
“I miss you too. I miss you all the time.” he admits. He wants her to understand that she was important to him.
That he was really willing to try.
“That feels really good to hear David. So tell me that. Also, like I said, I’m busy and have a life too. I’m not going to overwhelm you. Also remember, you can tell me when you need space. I will understand. Boundaries are important no matter how much you care about the person.”
“Okay.”
They sit in silence for a minute. David feels like he’s asking too much of her though he knows she wouldn’t see it that way, and is trying to figure out how to tell her she can also express what works best for her.
That she can be honest with him too. She beats him to it.
“I guess…the reason why I was so upset is because I’m not used to men making me feel safe romantically,” she pauses for a beat, weighing her words. “I’ve had a pretty tough dating history. I tend to date or fall for men who like the idea of me. They like the idea of dating a ballerina, but they don’t want their buddies to know they're dating a half black girl.
I’m used to handsome men like you hiding me in the shadows. I’m a secret, not a prize.”
David’s eyebrows furrow together as he sits up, at full alert.
That was the last thing he wants her to feel.
He wants her to feel like the goddess he saw her as.
“I know that you aren’t like that though David. I know. You have shown me that, time and time again so far. But when you….when you disappeared, it triggered that feeling in me. That I wasn’t good enough. I naturally spiral into myself. I wonder what’s wrong with me. That’s why I was upset.
I’m telling you this because I don’t want this to become a habit in our relationship and then I push you away to protect myself. I don’t want this to end after a few dates. I don’t ever want to entertain the idea of not having you in my life. But I will, if you can’t meet me halfway.”
David’s not used to this. He’s not used to someone close to him maturely articulating their feelings, their wants and their desires with their insecurities. He’s never meant anyone to be so authentically honest in their emotions. He was well aware that he couldn’t even name his wants and desires in a succinct way.
He’s grateful Nina can, that she had the emotional intelligence to share that with him. It makes him feel safe. Outside the panic around that emotion he does. He doesn’t feel attacked. He doesn’t feel blamed. He doesn’t feel like he has to change who he is and how he operates.
He just has to meet her halfway.
She was willing to adapt to the way he operates, so he wants to make sure to do the same. Based on what she was voicing, she needed to feel just as safe as he did. Needed assurances, care.
He was more than half to provide that.
“Thank you for telling me that, for sharing your perspective. On my end, I’ll let you know when I’m going into heavy cases. I’ll try to be a better texter but that might be a longer battle. I…..even with Edward I just don’t really communicate with people a lot personally.”
“That’s okay. Thank you for listening to me and understanding.”
“Of course. But Nina I need to be clear about something,” he has to take a deep breath to organize his thoughts before he lets out, “I don’t know what kind of losers you dated before but you are a prize to me. No, that doesn’t sound right.” He frowns, trying to figure out the right words to express how she makes him feel. How she made him feel tonight, when he met her at the wedding.
“Nina, you’re so special. The flowers I got you, I chose them because outside of their obvious beauty they seemed strong despite the fragility of being a plant. They’re expensive as fuck which I had to learn upon paying.”
Nina laughs, it’s pure and musical to his ears and he smiles, happy to break the tension for once.
“But I will pay to get them for you whenever you want, because you’re worth it and if I can pay something that captures a fraction of who you are, I will. Flowers are expensive but they're just things; you’re priceless. You are…you’re such a rare kind of human to come across. I don’t fucking care that you’re a ballerina or that you’re half black. I just like you. I like that you're beautiful, and witty, and funny, caring, and that you see me. I know I can make it hard but you're willing to try.
I don’t need a prize. I’m not trying to win something to put on a shelf or hang on a wall. I want a partner. I want a companion. Someone who can sit in the dark and laugh in the light. If if I’m lucky, if I don’t fuck this up, hopefully you’ll do me the honor of being that for me. Because fuck do I want to be that for you.”
David wants to be sure that she understands, that it's articulated and clear to her. She’s quiet, he’s back to hearing classical music and the road and he’s worried he’s said too much too soon.
It’s a minute later that he hears her say,
“You know, for someone who doesn’t speak much you are very good with words.”
He can tell that she’s doing that thing she does when he gives her a compliment, face scrunching up even though she’d be beaming, shyness tinging her words. He smiles because he likes that he makes her feel special, seen.
“Consider you my muse.”
“Mon dieu, you’re so corny. But I like it.”
They speak for the remainder of her car ride, until he’s sure she’s safe in her apartment. He likes the way he feels after, that warm feeling that always comes when he thinks about her ever present.
He wanted to feel this way forever.
-✦-
Edward is still in disbelief when David drives up and parks in his driveway on a bright and crisp Saturday afternoon. David has actively come to visit Edward probably five times in their adult life. They mainly met at restaurants, it usually was late at night or early in the morning, and it typically was always for an hour.
David’s only been to Edward’s house once.
When David had called him to say that he was making the commute to Pittsburgh to visit, and if he wanted lunch Edward was sure David was kidding with him.
Except now David has a case of Edwards favorite beer in tow, along with sandwiches he’s picked up, and Edward doesn’t know what to make of it, feels slightly worried. He’s even more worried when he drinks in his friend's attire as he welcomes him into his home. David’s wearing a grey sweater, jeans, no badge or holster.
“You’re off?”
Edward doesn’t mean to sound incredulous, but it was Loki. Since he had known him, he kept himself busy. At Huntington it was school, applying to college, for a short while the small gang they were in. He went to West Point, then the academy, then he became a cop, a detective.
Loki actively worked to stay busy.
Except the man sitting across from him on his couch, handing out sandwiches and accepting a beer was not that. In fact, he felt quite the complete opposite.
“What the fuck happened with you?”
Edward tries to sound teasing, light hearted, but he’s worried. Was David losing it? Has work finally broken him?
David flickers his eyes over to Edward who is watching him, deep concern setting in his brow, fear shadowing his eyes. He’s known his friend long enough to know when he worried about him, and he chuckles as he sits back in his chair and moves to unwrap his sandwich.
“I started taking my weekends off. This weekend happened to fall on the traditional Saturday and Sunday.”
“And you’re okay with that?"
“Fuck no,” David huffs as he looks up at Edward, “Its either take time off or get therapy so I choose the lesser of two evils.”
Edwards nods his head slowly, grabbing his sandwich and unwrapping it. Then he opts to grab his beer instead,
“Okay that's a lot. Why do you need to have therapy?”
David scoffs,
“Beyond the obvious shit we both fight to ignore on a daily basis?,” Edward chuckles and nods as David continues, “I work too many hours and solve too many cases and my boss is worried about burnout.”
“I mean, you do work a lot,” David rolls his eyes as Edward shrugs, “and I do think that it's good to have time off, but I’m the lazy one out of the two of us.”
David rolls his eyes even deeper because Edward had gone to college, law school, and needed to fill up his schedule as much as he did. Edward continues,
“How are you feeling about it?”
“Antsy. Useless. Bored.”
“You working out?”
“I can only work out so much.”
“You….picking up a hobby?”
“I started reading again.”
Edwards raises a brow. David stopped reading for pleasure once he had started pursuing becoming a detective. What has changed?
David answers his question with a shrug,
“Nina suggested it.”
There it was. Bianca had been probing him about David since the ghosting incident, but David and him didn’t really talk in the ways she wanted answers. He was curious too, David hadn’t really had a serious relationship……ever, at least as far as Edward knew. He dated occasionally, rarely, but he usually dated women he knew he didn’t have to commit to.
Edward had never seen him the way he was with Nina.
“How are you and Nina?”
Edward knows David was like a cat, the wrong question would cause him to shut down and run off and so he tries to tread lightly.
“We’re good. I think. We had our first fight. I think.”
“You mean about you ghosting her?”
David shoots his eyes over to Edward who raises a hand,
“You’re dating my wife's best friend. Of course I know.”
David gives an annoyed sigh and murmurs,
“That doesn’t feel great.”
“If it makes it any better, Nina’s a great voice of reason.”
David considers this, considers the conversation they had a few nights back and gives a small smile,
“I can actually see that. We had a good conversation about my communication.”
Edward can’t help the laugh that barrels out of him and David grabs his beer, taking a sip. He figured Edward would find that amusing. When Edward calms down he lets out,
“You’re lacking thereof I assume.”
“You assumed correctly.”
“It go well?”
“Yes. We talked, found compromise and it feels good. And fair. For both of us.”
“Look at you. You guys officially dating yet?”
David frowns, shaking his head,
“No. I think we need a few more dates before I can ask her that.”
Edwards pauses a beat, trying to figure out the best way to frame what he wants to ask next,
“You open to being in a serious relationship? Nina isn’t the type of woman you take on a few dates and move on from. She’s the real deal.”
David knows what Edward is really trying to ask. Edward has known him his whole life, he used to make it very clear he wanted to stay single. He wasn’t sure how much Edward believed that had changed, but he could understand his skepticism now.
“I would be open to being in a serious relationship with Nina. If she wanted to be in one with me.”
“Nina would be a nice partner for you. She’s levelheaded, reasonable. Kind, patient. She enjoys alone time just as much as you so you’d be able to breathe now and then. Also, she has her own life. And she’s blowing up so she’ll probably be with a job for a while.”
David ingests this information and then says,
“Speaking of, can I ask a favor of you?”
“Anything for you Loki.”
“I want to do something nice for her, Nina. I have an idea but I was wondering if I could learn more about her likes based on what she posts on her Instagram. She mentioned how she posts and shares personal things on it so I was hoping to learn a thing or two. The problem is I’d have to sign up to see more of her account and…..I’d rather not.”
Edward smiles, liking where this was going. He liked playing detective, especially because it meant he could support his brother in falling in love.
He knew for David, even asking Edward for help was a big deal.
“David, you came to the right place.”
______________________________________
All content was written originally by me; please do not repost, use, or market as your own work.
