the devil within
Who’s the real sinner here?
♦ Pairing: none
♦ Genre: psychological, horror, mystery
♦ Words: 3.6k
♦ Warnings: mentions of suicide, bullying, losing one’s mind, asylum
♦ Title inspired by: Digital Daggers - The Devil Within
♦ A/N: This is my part for the whispers in the dark Halloween collab. You can also check out the other stories in the collab.
I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it...
The words were repeated like a mantra, reverberated from the dirty, slightly wet walls of the tiny room. Similar to the sounds of a broken cassette player, the same sentence felt more like a long-forgotten pray, a silent scream of a shattered soul. There was only one young man in the middle of the room, sitting on the cold, hard ground, rocking his own body back and forth. His lips were dry and chapped, his eyes were dark and hollow, and his nails were brittle probably due to biting his own nails. His clothes were too big and too worn out for someone his age, he should have been out in the sunlight laughing with his friends, not worrying about the darkness in the world. He was once like that, an ordinary, carefree soul, a jokester within his circle of friends and a wholeheartedly adventurous young boy.
Now the darkness was within him, and he hadn't seen daylight for nearly two years. He hadn't left his room for weeks, and he hadn't looked at anyone for days. He merely sat on the ground in the middle of the room, repeating the same words, let it be night or day, winter or summer. No matter how silent the room was, it was always loud in his head, the voice never stopped. He swear he could hear the mocking sound of the ghost of the boy he once knew, he swear he could still see him every now and then, pointing at him with an accusing finger, laughing at his suffering.
Lee Dawon knew that the ghost was real, he knew that he was still there. It was unbelievable because no one else could see him. The ghost came back only for him; to haunt him, to get his revenge on him.
No matter what, the only answer anyone could get when it came to Lee Dawon and his obsessive words was always the same.
I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it…
Everything started with that trip to the nearby small town.
Lee Dawon, Kim Inseong, Baek Juho, Kim Rowoon and Park Jimin became close friends ever since they worked on a group project during their first semester. They hadn't known each other before, yet they've been best friends ever since. It was no surprise that all of them (except Jimin) decided to sign up for the Bonfire Weekend. The only one missing was Park Jimin, yet he had other things to care about and he stayed in the city for the weekend.
That so-called Bonfire Weekend was nothing more than three days spent in tiny tree houses, evenings around the bonfire and students away from their university duties. They didn't want anything else but to relax after their midterms, drinking and laughing away their possible failures.
The small town where the camp took place was so small that only two other establishments were close by; one was a grocery store where all bread was sold out after 9am, and the other one was an abandoned asylum. Rumour had it that the ghosts of all the people who had stayed there were already haunting the careless passerby even though the building closed its gates only three years prior. Juho even joked that they should take a trip to see for themselves if the core of the rumour was true, but he was immediately shushed by his friends.
They arrived at the camp on Friday the 13th in the afternoon, thus they had plenty of time to kill until the late-night activities ‒ such as the collective Avengers movie night, the karaoke and the board game hour ‒ would begin.
While waiting for the activities, the group of friends decided to play an innocent Truth or Dare, most questions answered rather than the dares completed.
"Come on! Someone do a dare! It's so boring if everyone chooses to answer questions," Inseong whined childishly, pouting at his mates. It's not like he had been brave enough to act rather than speak. He was no different.
"Then, you do it yourself," Juho suggested as a wide grin spread across his face. He gently pushed Inseong's shoulder who merely stuck his tongue out at him. They were undeniably childish even if they were on the verge on finishing their BAs.
"I'll do it the!" Dawon announced with a clap of his hands, smiling from ear to ear. "You cowards," he added jokingly, his trademark smile not faltering.
"Oh Lee Dawon!" Rowoon hollered and patted the said boy's head. "I knew you would do it!"
"Come on! Give me an interesting dare!" Dawon eyed everyone and tilted his head from one side to another as if he had been warming up for a fight. He never took anything seriously, and he was the real jokester in their group. He always tried to cover up his slight cowardice with wittiness.
It was Rowoon's turn to give him the choices, thus he was the only one who was deeply in thought. Everyone else was watching him with piercing eyes.
"If you are that brave, you aren't afraid of the abandoned asylum nearby, right?" The handsome boy elevated his eyebrow, orbs searching for the fear in Dawon's eyes.
The atmosphere that followed his question was definitely different from the one before, the air was suddenly filled with uneasy tension instead of cosy friendliness. Dawon's lips quivered, indicating that he didn't see such a turn coming.
However, a second later, he merely laughed it off and shook his head.
"Of course not!" he declared loudly, his newfound confidence suspicious to anyone but him. "I'll even take a picture as an evidence!" He added overly bravely, his suggestion drawing attention from a few other people nearby.
"Really?" Inseong inquired rather carefully, examining the boy's withering smile.
Dawon nodded like he feared nothing.
"Really."
"Okay."
"Okay," Dawon glanced back at Inseong who seemed the most worried about the jokester. He exchanged a look with Juho who merely shrugged his shoulders. If Dawon wanted to prove his point, they had no right to question his intentions.
Let's be honest, everyone knew Lee Dawon was the biggest scaredy-cat in the world, thus they doubted if he would even step a foot in the abandoned asylum, let alone take a picture in the actual building.
However, when the said guy rose from his seat and clapped his hands, announcing that he would be back as soon as possible, their uneasiness started to dissolve. What's the worst that could happen? Dawon would scream at the top of his lungs before he would even get inside, so that everyone in the camp would hear him? That was the worst yet most likely scenario anyway. It's not like they would punish him severely if he didn't complete his mission.
"Send us the picture when you get there!" Rowoon insisted and his friend gave him a thumbs-up in return.
"I will," he promised and left the camp site, left his friends and his sanity.
When Dawon arrived at the abandoned asylum, he immediately had a wrong feeling about the place. It radiated a certain eerie atmosphere, something that he particularly despised. The painting was coming off the walls in huge batches, the windows were inhabited by spider webs and the whole building lost its once shiny orange shade and turned into a colour similar to dirty grey. It was scary how devastating something could look if no one cared about its maintenance.
"It's not like ghosts exist anyway," Dawon mumbled to himself, his voice trembling a bit at the end of the sentence.
Even if he wanted to convince himself, he didn't do a good job. He was scared. He was scared to death.
"It's okay, it's just an abandoned asylum," he tried to reassure himself while he stood still like a stone, right in front of the main entrance of the building.
The thought that maybe he wouldn't even be able to let himself in crossed his mind too many times on his way to the asylum. He wished it would be locked or a sign would indicate that it was dangerous territory, yet no one seemed to care about the building. Not anymore.
"Okay, let's do this!" He decided, clearing his throat. His words resonated against the walls, being mingled in with the tales of the starless night.
He took a step closer to the door. Then another. And another. His hands were trembling by his side the whole time even though his legs kept on moving. Words died on the tip of his tongue when he reached for the doorknob that was covered by spiderwebs and moist, the realization that the door opened at the first try made his jaw drop. He was a scaredy-cat, but he was also a terrible liar; when he started telling a fib, his friends immediately knew that he wasn't being honest, so there's no way he could leave without an evidence. He had to send his friends a picture.
He took a shaky breath and opened the door. It was screeching as expected of a door that hadn't been opened for years. Yet, being accompanied by the starless sky and the dead silence around the asylum made it even scarier. Not to mention the fact that the screen of his phone was the only source of light for miles.
"I'll just go in, take a picture and leave right away," Dawon declared, trying to fill the silence with his own words and the sound of his own voice. He wasn't surprised that no one was lurking at such a place at an hour like this, but the surroundings didn't help the state of his crazily beating heart.
However, when Dawon let himself in, he froze for a moment. With the dim light of his phone, he could see only the outlines of the furniture inside; the reception desk, the notice board, the chairs, the posters... Everything was covered in dust and dirt, revealing the true nature of the asylum. Uneasiness settled in his stomach, a mysterious and dark feeling taking hold of him. An unpleasant chill ran down his spine.
Then, as he was struck by lightning, he shook his head and came back to his senses. He wanted to be over the whole thing as soon as possible, so he turned around, held up his phone and took a picture of himself right next to the first set of chairs. He made sure to include some spooky details of the place that would prove that he completed his mission.
As soon as he was finished with the picture, he started walking back to the door while he checked the outcome of his photo. He stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed it.
A shadow.
A shadow beside the reception desk, a shadow that wasn't his own.
Even though everything in him told him not to turn around, he didn't listen to his inner voice. He snapped his head back, shone the light of his phone on the reception desk and that's when he saw it; the owner of the shadow. It was a young boy; an awfully familiar boy. A boy who shouldn't have been there that particular day. A boy who shouldn't even have been there at all.
Because that boy was supposed to be dead.
"This can't be..." Dawon whispered in awe, his legs stern as steel.
"You're wrong, Dawon," the boy said in a terribly low voice, his devilish smirk not promising anything good. "I can be here today. Thanks to you," he bowed theatrically, earning a forced laughter from the older guy.
"It seems that I've had too much soju. I'm starting hallucinating things," he chuckled in a much higher tone than it was expected of him, than it was ever heard by him. He was uncharacteristically nervous, yet it was no surprise under the circumstances.
"I don't think so," the boy shook his head. "You can see me, that's only natural. Only those can see me whom I want." He took a step closer to the frightened Dawon who still very much doubted that the boy in front of him was real.
He couldn't be; Dawon saw the pictures of his dead body, he saw the picture of him being hanged with a rope. He read all the articles, he was informed by everything revolving the boy's case. Kang Chani was dead, and everyone knew that.
"Today, I'm just here to talk. Or should I say that we are just playing a childish game? An innocent, little, childish game?" Chani's lips were raised into a wide grin, one that made Dawon sick to the core. The younger boy had never smiled like that; in fact, he hadn't even smiled at all. That's why he was an easy target to anyone.
The familiar words and Chani's eerie grin were finally enough to prompt him to move; he quickly turned on his heel and started running towards the door.
However, it was chastely closed by an unseen force the moment he turned around. On top of that, Chani also appeared right in front of the door, forcing Dawon to face him again.
"There's no need to leave so fast. I'm not gonna hurt you." Chani casually leaned back, putting his hands into his pants' pockets. He looked deathly pale, his face hollow and his cheekbones prominently outstanding. He wore a white, long-sleeved shirt and white pants. No socks, no shoes. Only a number printed on his shirt. 160405.
"Does that ring a bell?" Chani elevated an eyebrow in question, eyes fixed on Dawon's dumbfounded expression. The latter was so startled by the whole situation that he found it hard to say anything coherent. He was already running around the outer edges of his sanity.
"You should be dead," he changed the topic but Chani seemed completely unfazed by his behaviour. He knew the cards were in his hands.
"I am." He nodded, his confession sending another shiver down Dawon's spine. "But I knew that this day would come. You and me in the place I died with a little bit of a twist; the roles have changed. I'm going to be the one to play with you and not vice versa."
The boldness in his voice was more than scary. The Kang Chani he knew was nothing like this intimidating boy. That Kang Chani was quiet, reserved and easy to mess with. He was always alone, sitting at a different table in the canteen, sitting by himself in the library, and only speaking up when a teacher asked him. He was awfully quiet for someone his age, and a lot of people took advantage of that. Including Dawon and his friends.
"You died here?" Dawon raised his eyebrows in question, the realization hitting him hard. Of course, it was stated that Chani committed suicide in an asylum, yet he had never searched for the exact place. Though it was sensible to send him to somewhere nearby.
"I didn't do anything. That was just a little prank," he tried to defend himself, earning a way too loud laughter from Chani. He never laughed like that. He never laughed. Why did he change so much?
"Oh really?" The younger one pushed himself off the wall, taking one step closer to him each time he told another sin of Lee Dawon's. "By turning me into the enemy, by getting me expelled, by spreading rumours around my family and by sending me to this place was all part of your little prank?" He demanded almost frantically while his voice stayed steady yet alarming. He had never used such a tone, especially not when he was talking to someone older. It freaked Dawon out for real.
"What an excellent job, Dawon," Chani snorted, irony dripping off his words. Dawon’s eyes widened in fear as he caught the predator-like glance of the younger boy.
Small wonder his voice wavered when he spoke up next.
"I didn't send you here."
"Oh no, you didn't. You're right,” Chani corrected himself, eyes not leaving Dawon’s for a second. The way he carried himself was truly otherworldly; the amount of sneaky evilness and smooth insanity he had in himself showing more and more. The more he spoke, the more frightened Dawon was. It wasn’t the innocent little kid who couldn’t protect himself from others. It wasn’t the pure-hearted boy who wouldn’t protest when he was accused of something he didn’t do. It wasn’t the one who let Dawon and his friends make fun of him and being ridiculed by the whole school.
He was someone complete different now; he was almost like the devil Dawon had never wanted to see.
“You just turned me into a monster. A monster with a sick mind and a heart full of hatred. You made every people doubt me, my family, the teachers and the whole class. You made me lose the only chance I could get to attend school. You made me lose every possibility of having a peaceful, happy life. You turned me against myself, you got me here, you made me lose my sanity and…” He stopped, letting out a long breath. Then, he looked up at Dawon again, his eyes burning of madness. “You made me kill myself."
Dawon had enough; he was fed up by what he had heard; by what he was accused of and by what tricks his mind must have played on him. It was true that he bullied the said guy because he was younger than him, he was more vulnerable, and he was the easiest target out of them all. It was true that he used to say the same words, making Chani trust him, just to get stabbed in the back in the end. It was true that Dawon was convinced it was merely him teasing Chani and nothing serious. Not until the day he first lied to get his little brother – Hwiyoung – out of trouble, did he actually play this game seriously. Youngkyun broke into the teachers’ office to get the results for their end-of-the-year exam, yet Chani was caught instead of him because Dawon started spreading the rumours and everyone believed him. Chani was also at the school during the time the incident happened (because he was probably studying until late in the evening), so he could easily be cornered.
Though it wasn’t Dawon’s fault that he didn’t stand up for himself. It was Chani’s fault alone. It wasn’t his fault that Chani lost his mind and was admitted to an asylum for mental problems after he was expelled from his school, being through multiple trials just to catch the wrong suspect. It wasn’t his fault that Chani couldn’t take it and decided to end his own life. He may have started the domino effect, but he wasn’t the one to push it all to the ground.
"I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it,” he defended himself as quickly as possible, infuriating Chani even more. Though his features didn’t give him off, the fire in his pitch-black orbs was searing and threatening to burn himself to ashes with only a few fatal flames.
"Tell that to yourself until the day you die and see if it works."
"I didn't do anything," Dawon repeated again, trying to convince not only the ghost of the boy he used to bully but himself too.
"I hope you'll say the same thing about me after this conversation," he said solemnly, his pale features looking more than ghostly in the dim light.
And then he was gone. Completely. No trace and no remains of Kang Chani's abrupt visit could ever be found.
Dawon dragged himself back to the camp like he was possessed by something, and the only thing he could say when he met his friends was the one he repeated for years after that.
"I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it."
I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it...
Lee Dawon was sitting on the cold, hard ground, rocking back and forth in his dirty room, repeating the same words again and again.
Inseong, Rowoon and Juho exchanged a glance when they looked at the boy in the same position, in the same miserable condition and in the same wicked mindset he had ever since that cursed night two years ago.
"It doesn't get better, does it?" Inseong whispered in a raspy voice, his eyes showcasing all those sleepless nights, muffled sobs and stinging tears that their friend's downfall had triggered in all of them.
"Let's hope for a bit more," Rowoon forced a somewhat hopeful expression onto his usually pale features. Even though no one would believe that the situation gets any better, they didn't have the heart to protest. "At least the doctors say he eats his meals well," he mumbled absent-mindedly, his eyes setting on Dawon who looked like he was possessed by something. Maybe he was, Rowoon started thinking, seeing how serious his friend's case was.
As they were standing by their friend's side, he kept on repeating the lie of his life, the sin of his heart and the cause of his downfall. Just like he always did, just like he would always do as if he was waiting for someone to finally believe him.
Yet, the only one who would be able to set him free was buried deep down into the ground in a muddy graveyard and would never come back to save him from his own mind.
And so it went on.
I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it…