#day 7a

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I wonder how much of this is about managing other people’s expectations.

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Day 7a

Okay, I’m going to write about it.

I had planned, as I said, that yesterday evening I could have a drink. My Dad and I were going to my favourite restaurant for his birthday. I planned that I would have two small glasses of red wine and a martini. I didn’t get my martini and I did drink more than that.

It was a relief. A massive relief. To stop fighting for a sec. I don’t know yet if that means the fight is going to get harder or be harder than it would otherwise have been. Mostly I’m not ashamed. There is one thing I’m a little bit ashamed of but I don’t want to write it.

I didn’t go crazy, I didn’t drink enough to stop me sleeping well and I feel normal this morning, but I know that if I was to go for a run, I wouldn’t run as well. I hadn’t planned to, but usually I do, on a Saturday. I haven’t yet had a no-alcohol Friday. I’m not sure I’ve had a no-alcohol Friday since I was 17, but maybe I have. I’m confident I haven’t since I was 21.

I do want to stop drinking completely in the end. I do want to be free. I’m not sure I’m ready. But I definitely want to be going down the right path in the right direction.

So things to remember:

I’d rather run well or enjoy a yoga class the next day than drink.

I’d rather have a shiny pink liver than drink. I’m looking forward to doing two solid weeks.

I’d rather be confident I was good company than drink.

I’m looking forward to having more energy at work next week.