Wisdom of Words From A Princess Introvert
As a new reality sets in, for some this new reality sucks. Understanding that hugs, kisses, and close encounters are now measured by a rule of six feet apart, is not the vision we picture for 2020. With a new year, came new hope, dreams, and chances, but were all put to a halt due to the virus. I bet 2019 is looking way better now. With half of the population yearning, running, and ready to jump out the door we got a bit of a glimpse, but it became too greedy. With that their are people ready to take the plunge, others not so quite. Those are the utterly quiet but fabulous introverts. The dictionary defines introverts as a “shy, reticent person” but I like to think we are more like cats. They are okay with going outside but don’t see it as the end of the world if we don’t. Anyways, with the whole pandemic it was the perfect excuse for staying at home, in non-business casual clothing and if you’re not working, binge-watching the millions and millions of shows that are available on the never-ending applications that we have. For those who are “working” (emphasis on the quotations) the same goes for you (wink, wink). Well, since staying at home was the new rule and it was like heaven had opened up. The constant fear and anxiety of wondering what craziness or idiotic scenarios we dreaded to face at work suddenly became invisible. I even had a reason why I didn’t have to wash my hair on a daily basis (Not sure if I was supposed to tell you that but it's out). The number of reasons for staying at home grew by the day and in some sense, I felt relieved. Don’t get me wrong I love going out. Planning Disney Dates, Movie Nights, and even Game nights were worth putting on sucking-tight jeans and fixing that frizzy hair, that no matter what still would not stay put, but in all honesty, I couldn’t help but jump for joy. I know that sounds heartless and mean. Did it make me a monster, for not wanting to go out and just stay home? Did I not really care or love the people that I possibly wouldn’t be able to see for an indefinite time? Was I that cruel? For days I would be filled with guilt and remorse as I yearned for the stay at home order to be extended. Still that anxiety, nervousness, and fear would magically disappear. I didn’t have to worry about dealing with people from the outside world or the dangers that could catch up. I was protected by the four corners of my bedroom. Protected and shield. I also felt protected because I had an excuse for why I can’t go after my dream. I could shield myself in my daily naps combined with countless moments of daydreaming. If you haven’t noticed I’m not much of a doer. I can’t tell you the number of times that instead of facing a problem or going after what I yearned for; I instead lean into daydreaming as my safety net. I hate it but then again it’s that feeling of safety and protection of my own mind that keeps in the corner of the bedroom. Plus disappointment and rejection aren’t the best feelings in the world. It sucks, it hurts, and let’s be honest, I am a bit of a baby. There I said it! The pandemic is long from being gone, cases of infection are on the rise, death continues to take the lives of many, many people. And somehow we are acting like nothing is happening?! For us introverts that panic and uneasiness begins to climb up to the mind and heart. Even as my parents and health authorities state that new measures are being taken for the safety of people, I can’t help but want to crawl up like a little baby. I’m not saying it’s my parents or sister's fault but I was a bit protected (Since I work as a fulltime, stay at home princess) but of course exposed to the realities of the world. Even then my brain can’t help but go to the darkness of the “What If’s”. Those what if’s are the worst and they can drive you crazy but they can also serve as a push. For introverts, it serves as the annoying, irritating pimple that is visibly on your face and no matter how much you try to cover it, PEOPLE CAN STILL SEE IT!
Well, as everyone prepares to go back to the normal life those what if’s are popping up like crazy and it’s scary. How do they go away? How do I put the fear, distress, and mistrust behind me? Is it even possible? For an introvert, these questions are crucial in deciding when and how we are going to go out in the world. I can’t tell you the tiredness and indecisiveness that I faced on a daily basis. Before the pandemic it would be a battle of wanting to hang out with friends and loved ones to just wanting to stay home, curled up in my bed, watching reruns of the Golden Girls. For a moment I didn’t have to worry or think about these battles, but now, it was time. We need to grow up! How can we? Well, that answer is simple. The answer is that there is no correct answer. Being at home has taught me that the fear, uneasiness, and multi-million questions will always be there. Sadly, there is no cure yet for the virus and as humans we are going to have to learn how to live with new rules, distancing, and adapting to a life that we never imagine we would have to go through. So, what do us introvert’s do? For one, please shower! Do not go without showering. It is not good hygiene and plus it makes your hair itchy. Trust me on that. Second, protect yourself with the people you love. I know that sounds weird and contradicting since we tend to enjoy solitude, but trust me, in moments like these curling up, texting, and calling those who shower you with love is one of the best remedies. There have been many, many, many moments in which the corner of my room wasn’t enough to guard me against those terrible thoughts, but just when I believed that those terrible what if’s were going to get me, the superheroes of my life would come and fight them off. Third, take those thoughts one day at a time. Trying to push all those thoughts down beneath the surface won’t do any good so when they show up, listen to them, break them down, and show them who's boss. YOU ARE THE BOSS! YOU! Don’t ever let them know that they have the power over you because they don’t. The fourth and most important one is to continue to daydream but also keep yourself in check with the realities of the world. What does that mean you may ask?
Well, dear introvert’s it means that when the superheroes and sidekicks can’t come to the rescue, clasp your hands together, take deep breaths, and daydream of the world you want to walk onto. This also means that when you’re not daydreaming check out the issues of the world and ask, where, why, when. It’s important for us introverts to know that there are bad events and people but it shouldn't take place in our corner for the rest of our lives. Be careful, be informed, and live. I know it’s tough to say but, introverts were going to have to step outside. Into the real world. I know, I know, it’s not exactly what we want. Just thinking about it, my chest is pounding and wanting to run to my mommy so she can magically rub the bad away, but I am a big girl. A big, womanly adult. I must face it. We must face it. The truth is I don’t know if I will ever get rid of the fear but one thing I know is that I can’t keep hiding, and neither should you. No matter how scary and tough the world is.
Did this letter help? I hope it did because if it didn’t I completely wasted an entire thirty-minute rerun of the Golden Girls episode. Just kidding! This will never be a waste.
One last thing, introvert to introvert, I can only hope that you are showering because if you’re not…we definitely have a problem. Now I will leave with the wise words of my mother, “Where is my boba? I love you. Don’t worry. Be happy!”. Remember, her words not mine. I’ll tell you the little old lady is a genius!