#daynightmare

[tgirl-tamag0tchi]

I don’t regret transitioning.

But just as I used to wonder what life would have been like as a girl… I now wonder what life I would have lived if I continued being who I was raised to be.

I don’t ever wanna be him.

In any way.

But yet… my mind wanders.

[lge793]

One day

Me: * in messenger with the person l like*

Me: * hoe you can do it. Just say something*

Me: ...

Me: ...

Person l like: *left messenger*

Me: oh my god

[lge793]

One day

There’s nothing but black. A sensation of floating, a feeling of anxiety, I couldn’t open my eyes, I don’t think l even have a body. Time doesn’t exist at all. I’ve been there for longest time I can remember. I think this is how soul feels when it leaves the body.

l couldn’t remember my room or myself for 5 seconds. There was something that’s missing, keeping me from the end. I noticed that as l felt my hands got tired from clenching. l have nothing but finger marks in them.

.

I desire freedom even in my subconscious. l realized that l’ve been leaving myself out from the people l care about at some point. A good distance so that when lm gone, they cant be sad for long. lm having plans and saving so at least l won’t cause financial trouble to my family for my funeral. One day l can go and lie down in a forest, having the snow to bury me. l will climb to that cliff and finally know the feeling of falling, of thousands of needles stabbing my skin as l return to the ocean, to finally encounter my biggest fear which will be the cause of my death.

The freedom to be greedy and selfish.

tbc

[lge793]

One day

I’ve grown cold, like nothing matters, even about you. it was horrible and relaxed at the same time.

took me a while to realize there’s no different if l talk and don’t talk to you. l’d be extremely happy, but eventually we’d be in a fight again. l actually heard my heart cracked. Then l thought, it’s time to stop.

I think its easy to love you now. l’d come to the point where l can put down the need for you to love me back.

.

Everything was distroyed. Air filled with ashes and buildings burned down with fire. I didnt know where you were or if you were safe or not. I cried and cried, in the back of my mind somehow l knew. My heart felt like it was being tear down, I couldn’t tell whether it was my tear or blood. I’d rather jump out of the car and be at the land where you are.

tbc

[therealdirtychai]

Ugh

I just had the worst daydream. It was more like a daynightmare. XP Fuck you, vague person. Fuck you.

[kevinblainharrison]

Daynightmare by Kevin Blain Harrison

I want to go to sleep, But my daydreams are keeping me awake, And are turning to ‘daynightmares’ Because of these daynightmares, I have become afraid to think, Because each thought dawns an inception That crystalizes to become the catalyst to torture me awake And fulfill a perpetual process. They are daynightmares, not because I fear them, But because they keep me as a prisoner of my thoughts, The voices in my head screaming at me to document my feelings for you. The way I loathe you. The way I love you. The way I pity you. The way I will forever be there to protect you, Even if you won’t be there to allow me to catch you if you fall. The way that you’d done effectively NOTHING productive for me, But be my muse, and use your perfectly constructed destruction To inspire the art that I don’t merely DO, but breathe. and with that, Your exclusion has become a part of me. Your elusion has become the only thing I could grasp. I wish I could sleep, so I could dream about you, But the fact that I’m dreaming about you right now Keeps me awake. This poem © Kevin Blain Harrison. Published Aug 13, 2011