"The only way out is up! A leap of faith!"
99 working days and counting. I need to get out of this place.
I'm working towards something...else. Teaching, most likely. I don't like this idea, but I see no other option. I'm in a rut, and it MUST work.
I'm a problem solver, and I need to find something I can teach that will be useful, engaging, life changing...I have ideas. Lots of them. I can teach, I can do so many things.
I'm afraid I'll fail. I'm afraid I'll put so much into something and it will fall apart. That I'll teach someone incorrectly and be known as the one who led them astray.
I'm scared to get out of my comfort zone. I'd sooner suffer than try something new.
But I have to change. I have to do something else or I won't get anywhere.
I need to follow the wise words from my last show. It will hurt to change, like I'm breaking myself apart, but it has to happen.
Nothing will change unless I change.
I need to prove to myself and my Florizel that I have courage. I can't be afraid. I have to at least try, try until I can no more.
This on top of all the theatre drama has made for a rough day.
Work is the least of my worries for once.
I'm falling apart one day at a time. I need a new job, new theatre situation, new everything.
I just need change. Yet, I fear it.
I need better, yet I'm afraid to grab it.
To quote my husband's least favorite musical: "The only way out is up! A leap of faith!".
A leap of faith...faith in what? Everyone has faith but me. Why do I lack faith?
And where can I find it? It feels so close, but I can't touch. Or I'm afraid to.
It's time. The Day of Days is coming and Inam not ready. I need to be ready.
If faith won't come, I'll make my own.
A leap of faith. God be with me.
