Discover Top Posts Tagged with #daythirtyeight

281/365 Had to pick up manga when I was downstate of course. #fallphotochallenge #daythirtyeight https://www.instagram.com/p/CYK0enjlWBB/?utm_medium=tumblr

#fallphotochallenge #daythirtyeight

97/365 She is so cute sometimes. #springphotochallenge #daythirtyeight https://www.instagram.com/p/COMXG8aF0-6/?igshid=1cw8d6nixyu8z

#springphotochallenge #daythirtyeight

7/365 I love everything about this photo. 💖 #winterphotochallenge #daythirtyeight https://www.instagram.com/p/CKfVV3dl9-o/?igshid=6npa76w7p8q3

#winterphotochallenge #daythirtyeight

281/365 Seagulls! #fallphotochallenge #daythirtyeight https://www.instagram.com/p/CGG2dNKl97W/?igshid=eminyew3wmc3

#fallphotochallenge #daythirtyeight

219/365 Working my way through this one. #summerphotochallenge #daythirtyeight https://www.instagram.com/p/CDsPo1SldtK/?igshid=1awuf122otcor

#summerphotochallenge #daythirtyeight

The Break Up Blog - Day Thirty Eight

So...last night got weird.

When I mean ‘weird’, I’m talking about my emotions. I just got super sad and depressed thinking about X.

I guess it all stemmed from my meeting up with D and her friend AN for her birthday last night.

I was pretty exhausted after finishing work yesterday, but I summed up enough energy to go to the mall to meet D and AN. She wanted a low-key celebration for her birthday and I wanted to oblige her since we’re becoming good friends.

D told me that she told AN a few weeks ago about my break-up with X given that both X and AN are Filipinos. She assured me that he would be discreet and not mention it at dinner and I tried my best not to worry too much about it.

True to her word, AN didn’t mention X or my relationship during the evening. I brought up the Philippines a few times because again, AN is Filipino. But I was very careful with skirting around the reason I visited the Philippines for my previous holidays.

We ended up having a nice eating Korean barbeque and then going to Starbucks afterwards for coffee and cake. AN seems really nice and I had fun listening to him and D talk one of their troublesome colleagues at work (they’re both teachers too). At the end of the night, AN said it was nice to meet me and he hopes we can hang out again, especially when his new bride moves to China to be with him next month.

After all those good feelings, it felt strange getting into a cab and thinking about X on a gangranous loop. As it turns out, any mention of the Philippines or meeting other Filipinos is a major emotional trigger too.

Terrific.

As if I don’t have enough emotional and psychological triggers to date...

Anyway, I just felt really sad about X and the dissolution of our relationship. I invested so much time, energy and love on her, on us. And it was all for nothing in the end.

I think what I’ve been avoiding for 5 weeks is how much I actually miss X and being with her.

There, I said it.

I miss X.

I miss her her laugh, I miss her smile. I even miss her tone-deaf singing.

I miss our movie dates, the ones that were online and in person.

I miss hugging her, I miss kissing her.

I’ve been clouding these feelings with anger, sarcasm and resentment for weeks now. But last night, it felt so raw, like we’d just broken up all over again. I wanted to get out of that taxi, walk upstairs to my apartment and have a good, long cry over X and everything I’ve lost in recent times.

I didn’t end up doing that. I was so exhausted from the day that I fell onto my bed and slept for most of the night.

I woke up this morning feeling ok-ish. I think the Benadryll I ordered might actually have done the trick with my sinuses. I’m still sneezing every few hours, but it’s not as frequent as before. I still want to visit a local clinic this weekend to get myself checked out just to play it safe.

My teaching day was chilled, but my students were being so extra and noisy, it drove me nuts. So I made my third, fourth and fifth graders stand up, lift up their hands and hold them straight for a minute. I reset the clock a few times for some of my more obstinate and playful students to show them I was being serious. I’m glad my parents were firm with me when it came to me misbehaving in public or private, I think I turned out alright as far as being polite and having good manners come. I’m starting to think that some Asian parents are firm on all the wrong things, like getting straight A’s and pressuring their children about what job to do or who to marry. But when it comes to basic stuff like respecting your elders and being more politically correct, especially with foreigners, some parents missed the boat big time on that.

But when I think about some more it, that might be just modern parents who missed the boat on that.

I feel like such an old fart, but I really wish some values were still being upheld in society. As technology gets better and people become more liberal, I feel like we’re losing a lot of our morality and even humanity. Maybe I’m just overthinking it all.

I joked around a lot at work, especially after my fifth graders made my voice hoarse from telling them incessantly to be quiet and listen when I’m talking. I took out some store-bought puff pastry from the freezer and left it to defrost all day. I’m going to bake some coconut tarts, just like me and my mom used to make when I was a young child. I even started making them like my grandmother used to, with a dollop of apricot jam spread on the pastry cut into circles and the coconut, sugar and egg mixture decorating the top. My grandmother weren’t that close while she was alive, but this is the one memory I have of her that always puts a smile on my face. Coconut tarts cheer me up and make me think of home.

So I’m going to make a big batch and take some to work for my colleagues. I didn’t take many opportunities to bake my favourite delicacies a year ago, I’m not sure why. I guess I was too wrapped up in X back then. But now, I want to do more for other people and show them my affection, even in small ways. And since I won’t be around at my school next year, I want to take the opportunities I have to show my appreciation for the people who have helped me grow as a teacher in the last two years.

Once I’m done baking 3 batches, I’ll pop over to C’s and give her some of the tarts. She hasn’t been eating well lately and had a lack of appetite on top of it, so maybe the tarts might be something light for her to eat so she doesn’t pass out.

I’m getting super into season 2 of ‘Elite’ on Netflix these days. The plot is so gripping, sometimes I forget that I’m watching a drama series. It feels like I’m in the midst of what the characters are going through. It’s exactly what I need these days.

I’m gonna heat up some leftover lamb and pumpkin stew and get balls deep into that in a few minutes.

#breakupblog #daythirtyeight

189/365 Starting my rewatch of Stranger Things with Cody & Mom. #summerphotochallenge #daythirtyeight #ahighlightfrommyday https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzt0wevlwz_/?igshid=182z2nwqioiso

#summerphotochallenge #daythirtyeight #ahighlightfrommyday